Our Sponsor Sideshow Collectibles Send us News
Lord of the Rings Tolkien
Search Tolkien
Lord of The RingsTheOneRing.net - Forged By And For Fans Of JRR Tolkien
Lord of The Rings Serving Middle-Earth Since The First Age

Lord of the Rings Movie News - J.R.R. Tolkien
Do you enjoy the 100% volunteer, not for profit services of TheOneRing.net?
Consider a donation!

  Main Index   Search Posts   Who's Online   Log in
The One Ring Forums: Off Topic: The Pollantir:
Gentle or blunt?
Poll: Gentle or blunt?
Gentle, words set others at ease
Blunt, have to hold back
A bit of both
None of the above
Other...not sure what this would be, but it's an option
View Results (35 votes)


Oct 20 2016, 1:06am

Post #1 of 24 (5544 views)
Gentle or blunt? Can't Post

Let's be real, there are times we find ourselves in a position where we may have to talk about something unpleasant...something that may ruffle some feathers. Some of us are blessed with the uncanny ability to approach such topics with style and grace. Our words are gentle and, despite the topic, make all parties involved at ease. Then there are those of us - like me - who tend to be more blunt. That style and grace, those gentle words that set others at ease don't always come as easily to us. This isn't to say we don't try to approach certain topics in a gentle manner, we just have to put forth a bit - a lot - more effort.

So, by nature are you gentle in expressing yourself or do you tend to be more blunt?


Oct 20 2016, 3:58am

Post #2 of 24 (5458 views)
Uh, clumsy? [In reply to] Can't Post

I have a bad habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time - I'm constantly upsetting my oldest daughter, as if I'd ever want to! Maybe she's just too sensitive, I dunno. But I would prefer gentle, diplomatic language in tense situations. I just don't seem to do it well. However, I think there are some occasional situations where blunt is the only way to go, like "sorry, you've had too much to drink, hand over the keys."


Oct 20 2016, 4:03am

Post #3 of 24 (5453 views)
Bit of both [In reply to] Can't Post

I must say.


Oct 20 2016, 7:27am

Post #4 of 24 (5446 views)
I try to be tactful... [In reply to] Can't Post

...but it doesn't always work out that way. Blush

Forum Admin / Moderator

Oct 20 2016, 8:36am

Post #5 of 24 (5447 views)
Well.... [In reply to] Can't Post

I have to work hard at being tactful, because it doesn't come naturally. I don't enjoy arguments and conflict and want to set people at ease, but I've learned that I can be easily misunderstood unless I'm careful in my phrasing. I try to think before I speak and be aware of who I'm talking to and how they'll hear what I say, and when I write, I edit, edit, edit.

*Finally decides to hit submit after multiple changes and much rephrasing of one short paragraph* Tongue


Oct 20 2016, 2:01pm

Post #6 of 24 (5428 views)
Iím a tad of both I Ďspose [In reply to] Can't Post

But I wonder why Iím often misunderstood?
Could it be ME? Naw! Must be everyone else.

*Hey, even God has a sense of humor. Spend a half-hour at a Walmart, youíll seeÖ Wink Sly*

Grey Havens

Oct 20 2016, 2:35pm

Post #7 of 24 (5417 views)
Both, I think [In reply to] Can't Post

I try to be tactful, and no one has ever socked me in the jaw, so maybe I'm usually successful, but I do have those out-of-patience, "Oh my goodness, did I say that out loud" very blunt moments. Tongue

Sometimes though, there are people that you just can't get through to with delicate hints.


Oct 20 2016, 3:07pm

Post #8 of 24 (5417 views)
This is so me... [In reply to] Can't Post

In Reply To
But I wonder why Iím often misunderstood?
Could it be ME? Naw! Must be everyone else.

Reminds me of this quote: It is my job to explain it to you, not to understand it for you. This is quickly becoming my mantra.


Oct 20 2016, 3:31pm

Post #9 of 24 (5410 views)
blunt [In reply to] Can't Post

Family trait - of the women anyway - we're New England stock, think Kate Hepburn. I've had to learn tact as an adult, especially with clients. Doesn't help that most of my career, I've been told to be as terse and direct as possible in my writing.

Oddly though, when I offend someone it's usually because they misconstrued my meaning. So maybe I'm not as direct as I think.

(This post was edited by Annael on Oct 20 2016, 3:33pm)


Oct 20 2016, 9:38pm

Post #10 of 24 (5381 views)
Well said. // [In reply to] Can't Post


Tol Eressea

Oct 21 2016, 7:58pm

Post #11 of 24 (5313 views)
Gentle [In reply to] Can't Post

To paraphrase Gandalf, there are certain topics that, if one is to be successful in discussing with others, need to be handled with tact, and respect, and no small degree of charm. ;) Sometimes this means simply knowing when to keep my mouth shut.

When it is necessary for me to speak up, I always do my best to be diplomatic, and I've been told that I'm good at expressing myself clearly, especially in writing. I'm quick to read situations and the people involved, and I've learned by experience and observation how best to talk to others in a way that makes them feel respected and keeps them at ease. If I'm misunderstood, I'm quick to apologize, admit my mistake, and try to clarify, rather than become defensive and make things worse. It's how I've always been.

Forum Admin / Moderator

Oct 21 2016, 11:00pm

Post #12 of 24 (5302 views)
Respectful [In reply to] Can't Post

Different situations call for different approaches, but I always work hard to treat the other people involved with respect. Everyone has their own perspective, and it's important to take those all into account and make sure everyone's voice is heard.

Ethel Duath

Oct 21 2016, 11:20pm

Post #13 of 24 (5296 views)
I find when I'm the recipient, [In reply to] Can't Post

that respect makes either approach at least swallow-able if not always palatable.Smile


Oct 22 2016, 2:26am

Post #14 of 24 (5278 views)
It depends on the situation [In reply to] Can't Post

There are times when tact is called for and times when mollycoddling is useless.

"Life is tough. It's tougher when you're stupid."


Oct 23 2016, 10:37am

Post #15 of 24 (5235 views)
A bit of both [In reply to] Can't Post

I try to be tactful and gentle, but I have a terrible habit of speaking before I think things through, and although I've never been one to sugar coat things or dodge the truth, sometimes the situation calls for a different approach.


Oct 23 2016, 12:46pm

Post #16 of 24 (5226 views)
Both [In reply to] Can't Post

When I am trying to help out other people I am gentle, but when I get in a situation at home I am blunt. I have a big family, so being blunt can come out, but it makes me more gentle out in public.Wink


Oct 23 2016, 1:26pm

Post #17 of 24 (5220 views)
I'm too blunt [In reply to] Can't Post

But not always deliberately....
I'm always one for stating my beliefs even if people will disagree.


Oct 24 2016, 5:58pm

Post #18 of 24 (5174 views)
Depends [In reply to] Can't Post

I try to be gentle. I like listening to differing experiences and points of view as I'm always hoping to learn and understand new things. I do admit, though, that certain opinions and attitudes tend to bring out the jerk in me.

Tol Eressea

Oct 24 2016, 10:33pm

Post #19 of 24 (5149 views)
Mods up! [In reply to] Can't Post

If everyone were always respectful, whether polite or blunt, I think this would would be a very, very fine world indeed Smile

(This post was edited by Cirashala on Oct 24 2016, 10:34pm)


Oct 24 2016, 10:44pm

Post #20 of 24 (5144 views)
Hear hear [In reply to] Can't Post

If more of us valued other peoples opinions above our own, it would be a merrier world.

Forum Admin / Moderator

Oct 25 2016, 2:41am

Post #21 of 24 (5130 views)
Oh, that never happens, Darkstone [In reply to] Can't Post



Oct 25 2016, 6:38pm

Post #22 of 24 (5080 views)
Smack dab in the middle [In reply to] Can't Post

I spend so much time around children and raising them that when it's time for those occasions to converse with other adults, I tend to drop the gentleness I more often than not have to saturate myself with. Just fed up by that point, I guess.

Understand, I'm very, very rarely mean, but I do think it would pertinent for more grown individuals to grow a spine and cut the sugarcoating and placating when having a conversation with another adult.

Don't waste time; be blunt yet kind. Could be my personal mantra.


Nov 1 2016, 1:49am

Post #23 of 24 (4968 views)
It depends on the situation. [In reply to] Can't Post



Dec 17 2017, 8:20pm

Post #24 of 24 (4493 views)
Blunt even by German standards [In reply to] Can't Post

... and that's saing somethingTongue
If you ask for my opinion then my opinion is what you get. Nevermind if you're my boss or not.
Also I tend to go to super-German mode when I need something. Most likely person to pick up the phone and go "Hi, it's me. I need this, this and that". Usually I remember that I probably should have asked how the other person's day was only after I put the receiver down again.

The good news is - usually I also know when to hold my tongue altogether.

(This post was edited by Misto on Dec 17 2017, 8:20pm)


Search for (options) Powered by Gossamer Forum v.1.2.3

home | advertising | contact us | back to top | search news | join list | Content Rating

This site is maintained and updated by fans of The Lord of the Rings, and is in no way affiliated with Tolkien Enterprises or the Tolkien Estate. We in no way claim the artwork displayed to be our own. Copyrights and trademarks for the books, films, articles, and other promotional materials are held by their respective owners and their use is allowed under the fair use clause of the Copyright Law. Design and original photography however are copyright © 1999-2012 TheOneRing.net. Binary hosting provided by Nexcess.net

Do not follow this link, or your host will be blocked from this site. This is a spider trap.