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Lady Brynna
Lindon
May 29 2011, 1:53pm
Post #1 of 14
(2794 views)
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Chuck Norris VS. Sauron
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What would happen? I keep hearing these jokes about Chuck Norris walking right into Mordor. Well, can he beat up Sauron?
God Bless,
Lady Brynna
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Wraith Buster
Mithlond
May 29 2011, 9:34pm
Post #2 of 14
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I think Chuck would be toast!//
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Pedich Edhellen? Lau? Hria cuilë.
End of line.
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taekotemple
Hithlum
May 29 2011, 11:55pm
Post #3 of 14
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Let's see. Chuck Norris can: Fly a plane backward, he doesn't go hunting - he goes killing, he can defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis, he's the reason why Waldo is hiding, Voldemort refers to him as "You know who"...
and Sauron can't even materialize properly until he has a little golden ring.
I'm sorry, but Chuck Norris, all the way. I love this site, by the way: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
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Maiarmike
Hithlum
May 30 2011, 12:06am
Post #4 of 14
(1977 views)
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The Most Interesting Man in the World would school them both.
"I don't always crush Dark Lord's with my bare fists, but when I do, I prefer it to be Sauron".
"I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge"
--J.R.R. Tolkien
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Eruonen
Gondolin
Jun 6 2011, 6:34pm
Post #5 of 14
(1932 views)
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I am afraid Chuck would wear himself out striking air....
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then Sauron, laughing at his feeble efforts would have him seized and placed on a contraption with an inclined board and bands attached to his arms and legs and forced to work it until his heart gives out....unless rescued by an elven - former supermodel - maiden.
Here are secret Palantir viewing records of his imprisonment...oh my! what he is force to do!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5vZPm8Kpxk&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5vZPm8Kpxk&feature=related
(This post was edited by Eruonen on Jun 6 2011, 6:42pm)
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Idril Celebrindal
Dor-Lomin
Jun 7 2011, 6:40pm
Post #6 of 14
(1854 views)
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Chuck Norris was originally cast as Frodo ...
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Five minutes into the movie, he roundhouse-kicks Sauron into the fires of Mt. Doom.
With caffeine, all things are possible.
The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.
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Gollum the Great
Nargothrond
Jun 7 2011, 6:53pm
Post #7 of 14
(1799 views)
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After all, he doesn't do push-ups, he pushes the world down. Sauron doesn't stand a chance. 
Lord Sméagol? Gollum the Great? The Gollum! Eat fish every day, three times a day; fresh from the sea. Most Precious Gollum!
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Darkstone
Elvenhome
Jun 7 2011, 8:58pm
Post #8 of 14
(1868 views)
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Some of us can see through a brick wall in time, but Chuck Norris can see through it instantly. With a roundhouse kick.
All we have to decide is what to do with the time Chuck Norris has given us.
Never laugh at live dragons. And live dragons never laugh at Chuck Norris.
Where will wants not (or where Chuck Norris gives a roundhouse kick), a way opens.
It’s an ill wind as blows nobody no good except Chuck Norris.
Out of the frying pan into the fire, then out of the fire into Chuck Norris.
Oft evil will shall evil mar. And always Chuck Norris will shall evil mar.
The cause of Bent Seas, Bent Skies, and The World Made Round was just one single roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris.
You know what really happened to all the horses at the Morannon? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris could destroy The One Ring with just his beard.
Anyway, back to "Chuck Norris versus Sauron":
Chuck Norris simply walks into Mordor and punches it into the 35th Age. Then he cuts down Barad-dur with just his beard. Then he quenches his thirst with the lava of Oroduin. Finally he stares down the Eye of Sauron until Sauron blinks, then he roundhouse kicks his keister into the Void.
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From IMDB trivia:
"A scene was cut from the finished film that showed Eowyn (Miranda Otto) stripping away her regular clothes and then dressing herself in the armor of a Rohan warrior."
*Darkstone bangs head against wall*
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Eruonen
Gondolin
Jun 7 2011, 9:46pm
Post #9 of 14
(1862 views)
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Well, we do know that Chuck has a large secret weapon should
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all else fail!
Also, as Chuck said in an interview, Bruce Lee would beat him, so that makes Bruce Lee on the order of a Valar like Tulkas.
(This post was edited by Eruonen on Jun 7 2011, 9:47pm)
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taekotemple
Hithlum
Jun 8 2011, 8:01am
Post #10 of 14
(1907 views)
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Ah, so what you're saying is...
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One does not simply walk into Mordor... unless one is Chuck Norris. 
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Darkstone
Elvenhome
Jun 9 2011, 6:10pm
Post #11 of 14
(2111 views)
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******************************************
From IMDB trivia:
"A scene was cut from the finished film that showed Eowyn (Miranda Otto) stripping away her regular clothes and then dressing herself in the armor of a Rohan warrior."
*Darkstone bangs head against wall*
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Donry
Dor-Lomin
Aug 10 2011, 3:12am
Post #12 of 14
(1823 views)
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that third fist under his beard will come in really, really handy.
What's the matter, James? No glib remark? No pithy comeback?"
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ByThorinsBeard
Nargothrond
Aug 11 2011, 11:44pm
Post #13 of 14
(2197 views)
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If Chuck were in Middle Earth the Necromancer would have never become Sauron ;)
"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere." - Albert Einstein.
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