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Starling
Half-elven
Apr 2 2011, 9:30am
Post #1 of 54
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Another letter from Christchurch
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Hello everyone,
Thank you all for your kind wishes and encouraging messages. Here is an update, sorry if it is a bit rambling. Here in Christchurch it is known as 'quake-brain'. 
Once I went back to work, that became my main focus. We are lucky that our school has come through unscathed. Although the surrounding streets were badly affected by liquefaction, there is none in our school. So when the children came back everything looked normal.
It is hard to explain how tired we all feel. Our principal has put us all on a 4pm hometime curfew. Initially we thought it would only be necessary for a week or so, but it looks set to carry on until the end of the term in two weeks. I am lucky that I live near to the school, as the traffic problems are very bad, and journeys that previously took around 15 minutes now can take at least an hour or more. I am only working about 40 hours a week at the moment, but that feels like enough. Two of our students and their families have left Christchurch due to their individual earthquake experiences. It was a very sad way to lose them, and unfortunately it will affect our funding down the track.
I am being kept very busy trying to look after the children, their families, and 18 staff, all of whom have their own earthquake story.
If you are interested in the science of it all there are some good articles about the unusual combination of factors which worked together to create such a high level of destruction. The vertical ground shaking, which had its epicentre under a school, is some of the strongest ever recorded. That combined with the geography of rocky hills 'bouncing' the shaking, severe shaking in the areas most prone to liquefaction, and something called the trampoline effect, made for a powerful mix. If you have ever been bouncing on a trampoline and ended up out of time with the bounce, so that the trampoline seems to bounce up and hit you, you will understand what they mean by this term.
The CBD is still cordoned off, and will be for a long time. The Council released a list of buildings to be demolished, and it makes for sobering reading. It is still very difficult for a lot of us to get a sense of what has actually happened, because we can't see it in reality.
The infrastructure of the city is incredibly fragile. Electricity has been restored to most areas, but it is questionable whether it will be able to take the pressure of winter, which is fast approaching. There is the possibility that the sewerage system will completely fail. Sewerage services have not been restored in quite a few areas and probably won't be for at least a year. After enjoying the most pure and beautiful water in the world, we now have heavily chlorinated water which must be boiled.
Things are looking very grim for a lot of people who have lost their jobs, and the number of damaged homes is massive.
So now the horrible grind is beginning, and it had been a bit like waking up and realising that it wasn't a dream, this really happened and our city is changed forever. I do feel despondent sometimes.
In the initial time period after the earthquake, you didn't have to look far to find signs of hope and there were countless stories of heroism and simple, meaningful acts of kindness.
Those signs are still there, you just have to pay attention. Today I was in The Warehouse, which is a chain store with lots of high shelves. There was a hefty aftershock as I was taking my Cleopatra (in honour of Liz) dvd to the counter for purchase. As the building rocked and everything rattled, it went on long enough for me to make a quick plan to turn away from the shelves and turtle. I didn't need to in the end as it stopped. I looked at the woman in front of me and we exchanged a look that said it all. There is something about that shared experience that helps you keep going.
Not long after the earthquake, I was relieved to discover that I could still take Midgey for our usual walk, with a few alterations near the river bank in order to avoid sinkholes. One day I saw a red flower which had bloomed triumphantly in the middle of the remains of the wall it had been behind. Red and black are our Canterbury colours. I mentioned it in a message to Sil sometime ago, and just remembered I had a photo of it:
On a street near the park I take Midgey to, a family decorated the entirety of their wooden fence, and the footpath in front of it, with chalk messages and drawings. It was beautiful, bright, and very moving. The rain washed away what was on the footpath, but a lot of what is on the fence remains. There is one sentence that really touched me, and encourages me when I walk past. I read this message every day. You can see part of it in this photo:
Along the fence these words are written:
Don't be scared. Look around, you have friends beside you.
You may be far away geographically, but we know you are also beside us.
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Apr 2 2011, 9:51am
Post #2 of 54
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with colleagues who have come back from helping out in Christchurch. More than one mentioned how they felt guilty leaving; and one said that while he was thanked a lot while he was there, he was acutely aware that he could fly in and fly out while the residents had to face this every day.
I know it must be draining to have to be strong and resilient every single day, because there is no other choice. Just know that the rest of the country hasn't pushed Christchurch to the back of its mind: We're always thinking of what you're going through, always fundraising, and always wishing we could do more.
Don't be scared. Look around, you have friends beside you.
That is really beautiful.
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
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grammaboodawg
Immortal
Apr 2 2011, 1:22pm
Post #4 of 54
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*mods up* Thank you Starling...
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I can hear your fatigue and sadness... but I also hear your resolve and pride. That look you gave your fellow shopper, the fences, all these signs of committed support are so inspiring... but the flower has me in tears. It so represents what I envision is going on there. The ptsd has to be a heavy burden as you all try to make, or remake, a life routine. But you're still broken... and the winter is coming. I know Christchurch and the whole area will overcome and thrive, but the pain of this injury isn't going to fade soon... especially with on-going shocks.
I am so grateful to you for sharing this with us. You all are constantly on my mind and I wish I could take away all the pain and destruction. It humbles me, and it draws all of you closer to my heart.
Please... YOU stay safe. YOU rest any way you can, even if it's for 5 minutes each day of just being still, or chuckling at videos of laughing babies, or as you've been doing... walking with sweet Midgey. Although, being able to spend the 5 minutes away from the reminders would be good.
*lingering hug* You are a treasure :)
 
I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.
TORn's Observations Lists
Unused Scenes
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GAndyalf
Valinor
Apr 2 2011, 1:29pm
Post #5 of 54
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Your courage makes me proud...
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But what you describe brings back an old 'wound' as well. I've applied to job postings some five or six times to Christchurch and am now the more sorry I did not get any of them.
Despite my struggles with employment these past seven months what you're enduring is far greater and cannot be comprehended by those who have not been through a major quake themselves. I'm looking to move to the San Francisco Bay Area as soon as I can manage and that, as you may know is in the U.S.'s main quake zone.
There's naught I can offer that hasn't already been offered here, but add my voice, thought, and hopes for you and everyone who's either directly been affected or for your families who also are affected by this. May you all rise from this stronger than you were before it.
GAndyalf
"Be good, be careful, have fun, don't get arrested!"
---Marcia Michelle Alexander Hamilton, 7 Nov 1955 - 19 Nov 2009
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Apr 2 2011, 4:08pm
Post #6 of 54
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Thank you for the update, dear Starling.
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Just a couple of days ago, I was visiting with my father, and he asked me "How are your friends in Christchurch?" I told him I hadn't heard in a while. So you are not forgotten here halfway around the world, even by people who are not TORnsibs.
It sounds like a very long, very hard slog. One foot in front of the other, like Frodo, I guess. But it sounds like you're making the trek successfully. I love the photo of the fence with the messages of encouragement. Sometimes humanity gets me down, and other times my faith is renewed by people like you and your neighbors.
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
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"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
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silneldor
Half-elven
Apr 2 2011, 5:57pm
Post #7 of 54
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Dear Starling and all our other sibs
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I sit here reading the out-pouring of your feelings and i feel your loss and your pain. I have wept. But it not just from your circumstance from day to day and the long sojourn of rebirth that you all have to soberly face, it is the fact that you are there, there! in breath and word along with our other sibs. There is not passing, for you all are with us still, full of live, that you live to see the light of day and ever growing beauty of the world that is, and always will be.
Along with this you have each other to embrace, to revel upon, to infuse and dilute the grief and hardship of each day, that may haunt even the night hours. But with dawn comes the vibrant hues that bring the ever lifting resolve to join the birds in song and flight as they delight in the new day.
Joy will grow, just as the first flower springs from the earth. One day the city will be a infusion of color, everywhere! and the water will run clear and pure again. The thing of it, is to have this goal and see it in your mind's eye. To see it, smell it and hear it, as in the laughter of children playing with abandon and delight.
Momentum will grow from that first step, and it will come to have a life and power of its own, The more it grows the harder it will be to stop.
As in that movie 'Hook' as those kids rallied around Peter as he struggled to realize his forgotten power as the Pan, they voiced, "I believe in you Peter. I believe in you Peter. I believe in you Peter!" And with that, along with holding close 'his happy thought' Peter came fully to life AGAIN as the Pan, immersed in the experience of being totally and vibrantly alive.
I believe in you Starling. I believe in all my sibs. I believe in the people of Christ Church. I believe in you all:)
''Sam put his ragged orc-cloak under his master's head, and covered them both with the grey robe of Lorien; and as he did so his thoughts went out to that fair land, and to the Elves, and he hoped that the cloth woven by their hands might have some virtue to keep them hidden beyond all hope in this wilderness of fear...But their luck held, and for the rest of that day they met no living or moving thing; and when night fell they vanished into the darkess of Mordor.'' - - -rotk, chapter III
May the grace of Manwë let us soar with eagle's wings!
In the air, among the clouds in the sky
Here is where the birds of Manwe fly
Looking at the land, and the water that flows
The true beauty of earth shows
With the stars of Varda lighting my way
In all the realms this is where I stay
In the realm of Manwë Súlimo
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Apr 2 2011, 6:13pm
Post #8 of 54
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Seconded, thirded, fourth-t, and fifth-t!
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You said it all--just right!
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Lily Fairbairn
Half-elven
Apr 2 2011, 6:17pm
Post #9 of 54
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It makes me very sad to hear of your worries and difficulties, and yet it makes me very proud of you and your friends and others, who have such good spirits. As the others have said, please take care of yourself and remember that you have friends beside you here, too.
* * * * * * *
Do we walk in legends or on the green earth in the daylight?
A man may do both. For not we but those who come after will make the legends of our time. The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day!
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Kimi
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Apr 2 2011, 8:15pm
Post #10 of 54
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Of course we hear and read careful accounts of facts and figures, but a letter like yours gives a glimpse of what it's like to *be* there.
The Passing of Mistress Rose
My historical novels
Do we find happiness so often that we should turn it off the box when it happens to sit there?
- A Room With a View
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
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Apr 2 2011, 9:52pm
Post #11 of 54
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Thank you for the update, Starling.
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"Quake-brain", what a term, but a very understandable one! It's good for you to tell us about your experiences; and it's good for us to hear about them, and keep your home fresh in our minds.
It's good to know that your school has been able to continue, and you know that the principal understands the stress well and is doing what he can to take good care of all his staff as well as the students.
But the loss of buildings and homes and jobs...that is a deep grief, and we can only hope and pray that those in charge will do their best to organize and restore as soon as can be. What are your winters typically like?
And did you say, that the red flower was once behind that wall? Out of ruin, a symbol of renewal for all to see!
And you all have one another. Stay safe - and keep your courage up. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915
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Starling
Half-elven
Apr 3 2011, 8:59am
Post #12 of 54
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I went into the city centre today
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It had been niggling away at me that I needed to go and see for myself. The cordon is still very tight around Cathedral Square and the streets immediately around it, but some of the other cordon areas have been reduced.
The bus now stops at Hagley Park, so I got off there and decided to walk through the park and Botanic Gardens first. I came across two lovely ladies from Texas who were determined to still have their holiday in Christchurch. I gave them directions and we walked together for a while. They were such kind, genuine people.
It was incredibly reassuring to walk through the park and the gardens. The paths are cracked in places and there are gaps where trees fell or have been felled, but it's all still there, reassuringly alive and gorgeous.
I walked through the gardens to look at the Museum (intact) and the Arts Centre (pretty wrecked). It was hard to see the Arts Centre looking so sad. There were lots of people walking around looking, some taking photos. I started to take a few and then found I didn't have the heart to. It was better for me just to look. It was very, very quiet. People were just quietly walking and looking.
I looked down Worcester Boulevard through the cordon fence, bracing myself for the view of the Cathedral. There is an unnatural gap where the spire should be, and I couldn't look for long.
I walked along the river bank for a short distance and saw the sight that finally broke me: the marble statue of Robert Falcon Scott, which was sculpted by his wife Kathleen, broken and face down on the grass. For the first time since the first earthquake on September the 4th last year, I sat down and cried for my broken city.
I continued my walk, past the streets where buildings collapsed and still lie. It was haunting to look at these places and think of those who were there on the day - the terrified who survived, those who survived but with dreadful injuries, and those who lost their lives.
I ended up at my favourite supermarket, which has now reopened. It looks rather munted, but it was reassuring to get my basket and pick up a few treats. I bumped into a young man who works there who is an old buddy of mine. He has Asberger's Syndrome and I was his teacher aide when he was a little boy. We exchanged earthquake stories and had a catchup. It was great to see him again.
I walked back the way I had come, and decided to take the long way back to the bus - back through the gardens and park.
When I first got into the city I planned to take lots of photos and post them here, but found I couldn't stomach it when it came to the reality of what I saw. I really do feel like I went to a funeral today. Now I feel much more at peace.
I want to thank you all for your replies to my first post, and I hope that you will forgive me for not replying individually, as I have just about run out of steam.
Your words of kindness and encouragement really do help, and I would like to leave you with one photo: our beloved Christchurch Botanic Gardens, still going strong.
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silneldor
Half-elven
Apr 3 2011, 11:38am
Post #13 of 54
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[[[[[[[[[[[[[[GROUP HUG]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
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We are all there Starling.
''Sam put his ragged orc-cloak under his master's head, and covered them both with the grey robe of Lorien; and as he did so his thoughts went out to that fair land, and to the Elves, and he hoped that the cloth woven by their hands might have some virtue to keep them hidden beyond all hope in this wilderness of fear...But their luck held, and for the rest of that day they met no living or moving thing; and when night fell they vanished into the darkess of Mordor.'' - - -rotk, chapter III
May the grace of Manwë let us soar with eagle's wings!
In the air, among the clouds in the sky
Here is where the birds of Manwe fly
Looking at the land, and the water that flows
The true beauty of earth shows
With the stars of Varda lighting my way
In all the realms this is where I stay
In the realm of Manwë Súlimo
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grammaboodawg
Immortal
Apr 3 2011, 12:10pm
Post #14 of 54
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But if Legolas was with the Company, he would not interpret the songs for them, saying that he had not the skill, and that for him the grief was still too near, a matter for tears and not yet for song.
I was walking there with you. And I cried to see the statue fallen... the broken buildings... the missing spire... the silence and reverence...
Please don't feel you have to respond. You're already sharing so much at a cost to yourself. The city is in pain, and that's not something to feel like you're putting on display. The mourning is private. The injury personal. The loss of life, health, peace, home is too close.
*warm hug... tears* Thank you... and bless you... the garden is a promise that the beauty is there and will return to the entire region.
I really need these new films to take me back to, and not re-introduce me to, that magical world.
TORn's Observations Lists
Unused Scenes
(This post was edited by grammaboodawg on Apr 3 2011, 12:15pm)
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Eledhwen
Forum Admin
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Apr 3 2011, 12:27pm
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I'm glad you've found some catharsis
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I think that's the word I'm looking for, anyway - it sounds like perhaps you're beginning to come to terms a little with what's happened?
And hurrah for the lovely ladies from Texas putting their tourism dollars into Chch. 
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Lily Fairbairn
Half-elven
Apr 3 2011, 3:10pm
Post #16 of 54
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Speaking as a lady from Texas...
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...lovely or otherwise...I'm delighted to hear that my compatriots are making a good impression there in Christchurch. I hope the Gaffer's and my cruise this December still puts into Christchurch, even though I'm sure we'll grieve to have never seen it in its original beauty.
A friend of mine (definitely a lovely and full-of-character Texas lady, named Billie!) says Christchurch was the most beautiful city she'd ever seen. And she sends her regards to you and everyone there.
What a beautiful and encouraging photo from the Botanic Gardens.
* * * * * * *
Do we walk in legends or on the green earth in the daylight?
A man may do both. For not we but those who come after will make the legends of our time. The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day!
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Annael
Elvenhome
Apr 3 2011, 3:57pm
Post #17 of 54
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because now every time you go again, it will be better and better.
I remember when Mount St. Helens blew up. I actually heard the big explosion when it blew out half the mountainside, in Seattle, 100 miles away. I had climbed it and hiked around the area many times and it was devastating to see all the trees blown down for miles around and Spirit Lake completely choked by ash and dead trees.
A few years later a road was cleared to the north of the mountain and we drove it to see for ourselves. Although the fallen trees were still the major thing we saw, there were bright pink penstamens and fireweed flowering between them, and the logs in the lake had blown to one side and the water was blue again.
30 years later there are even tall trees again.
Things don't stay down, and nor do people. Christchurch will be rebuilt.
The way we imagine our lives is the way we are going to go on living our lives.
- James Hillman, Healing Fiction
* * * * * * * * * *
NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967
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Jazmine
Tol Eressea
Apr 3 2011, 4:29pm
Post #18 of 54
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Thanks for the updates. It is almost a year to the day since we came and stayed with you in beautiful Christchurch, which turned out to be one of the highlights of our trip. We felt so at home, it's a wonderful city, and I look forward to seeing it bounce back from this. Stay strong xx
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Magpie
Immortal
Apr 3 2011, 4:58pm
Post #19 of 54
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I haven't responded much to your posts recently. I think I ran out of things to say that seemed worthy. But hearing about your 'breakdown' broke my heart. And my first thought was... I bet that was healing. So I was heartened to hear you say that you feel more at peace (although I'm sure that's due to the entire experience and not just the lowest moment of the day).
I so wanted to send you my ceramic tile I have sitting on my shelf here that has a picture of a Starling painted on it along with the word "Starling". I looked into the cost to mail to NZ and it's pretty high. Perhaps if I put out there that I want you to have this, someone from the US who is planning to visit NZ will see this and let me mail it to them so they can carry it over. But for now, it sits on my shelf and I think of you every time I see it.
We got to discussing music in the Fiesta Friday thread and one thing led to another and ... in listing names of singers and songs and looking up videos... I came to Stan Rogers and his song "The Mary Ellen Carter". I wrote there:
I was thinking recently of Stan's song "Mary Ellen Carter" Wikipedia writes: The Mary Ellen Carter is a song written and recorded by Stan Rogers, intended as an inspirational hymn about triumphing over great odds. It tells the story of a heroic effort to salvage a sunken ship, the Mary Ellen Carter, by members of her former crew. It is one of the most popular songs written by Rogers.
The chorus is:
Rise again, rise again—though your heart it be broken
Or life about to end.
No matter what you've lost, be it a home, a love, a friend,
Like the Mary Ellen Carter, rise again.
A friend who attended our sings and regularly visited Cornwall said this song became important to the people there after the country had been hit hard by flooding. It spoke to their perseverance to not give up and to 'rise again'. I thought of this as I read what our friends write about the NZ earthquake. I wondered what rallied them. Was it a song? I hope so. At least... I hope that's one of many things. Singing is such a healing activity and singing together creates bonds in unique ways.
There is lots of tragedy and hardship in this world in large scales and in small ones (Fiesta Friday often touches on the small ones). It can seem overwhelming and it's hard to take in and hard to know how to respond on a personal and individual level to it all. I don't know that we can... or even need to. But I feel that when tragedy and hardship brushes up against our personal existence we can and do respond to it.. and that helps us tap into some of the rest of those tragedies in ways that seem manageable.
I suspect that your 'journaling' here about the earthquakes have helped you tremendously but I feel like it's been a gift to me. You gave to us. You helped us tap into what people in Christchurch are going through which helped us connect with other events... small and large. That feeling of connectedness speaks to me on a deep and profound level and is, I believe, the thing that makes us human and will keep this world a place we love to be in.
A friend who is enduring one of those smaller, personal hardships said, a few days ago, that she channeled the image of Legolas with his hand on Aragorn's shoulder. She thought of my hand on her shoulder and it helped. So, in the hopes it doesn't seem too trite to use a movie image like this:
Your friends are with you.
LOTR soundtrack website
magpie avatar gallery ~ Torn Image Posting Guide
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Patty
Immortal
Apr 3 2011, 7:17pm
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I continue to keep you in prayer. Have the aftershocks finally stopped?
Permanent address: Into the West
Must. Have. The Precious! Give us the LotR EE Blu-ray Ultimate Box Set!
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
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Apr 3 2011, 7:29pm
Post #21 of 54
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Things don't stay down, and nor do people. Christchurch will be rebuilt.
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
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Apr 3 2011, 10:48pm
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It was good for you to take that journey, to be able to see for yourself that although there is much that was ruined, life is still going on - and there is beauty that was untouched.
I went looking online, and found photos of Scott's statue - both as it was for decades, and as you found it, and read the inscription of Scott's words regarding facing hardships and death with fortitude. No wonder that scene made everything hit home with you!
Statues can be mended; steeples can be rebuilt; buildings can be reconstructed. And the people will hold together and take care of each other. Peace, dear Starling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
"It struck me last night that you might write a fearfully good romantic drama, with as much of the 'supernatural' as you cared to introduce. Have you ever thought of it?"
-Geoffrey B. Smith, letter to JRR Tolkien, 1915
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Kimi
Forum Admin
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Apr 4 2011, 3:04am
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A place where we've spent several delightful hours over the years. They're a living expression of hope.
Well done for making this pilgrimage, painful though it was.
The Passing of Mistress Rose
My historical novels
Do we find happiness so often that we should turn it off the box when it happens to sit there?
- A Room With a View
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Apr 4 2011, 4:04am
Post #25 of 54
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"So now the horrible grind is beginning." This is my biggest concern for you all,
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and why I hope we can continue to be here for you. I hope anyone affected by the quake feels free to stop in and share struggles, especially when it simply becomes too much at any point. And you inspire us every time we hear from you! That flower looks almost like a rocket, shooting up right where the ruin is. Amazing. And as battered as you and the others are feeling right now, it looks to us like you're all rockets--or at least flowers, pushing up and past the bricks and dust as if it was the richest garden soil.
As Sir Dennis quoted in a post in another thread, " hold on; hold fast; hold out."
Ethel D.
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