** Bored of the Rings, Chapter 1** -- “Hot Puppies, grub!”

squire

squire

Half-elven
Welcome to the continuing saga of the Bored of the Rings Reading Room discussion. One clueless visitor to the Reading Room recently asked about this dubious property, and our pointy ears pricked up at the thought of fresh suckers, I mean, new participants in this, the ultimate Tolkien loser’s game. So grab your scrabble tiles and tie on your gravy-soaked bib, it’s time to talk about – Chapter One.

I. IT'S MY PARTY AND I'LL SNUB WHO I WANT TO

When Mr. Dildo Bugger of Bug End grudgingly announced his intention of throwing a free feed for all the boggies in his part of the Sty, the reaction in Boggietown was immediate--all through the messy little slum could be heard squeals of "Swell!" and "Hot puppies, grub!" Slavering with anticipation, several recipients of the invitations devoured their little engraved scrolls, temporarily deranged by transports of gluttony. After the initial hysteria, however, the boggies returned to their daily routines and, as is their wont, lapsed back into a coma.​

A. How do the authors parody the opening of The Lord of the Rings? What is the same? What is different?
B. What is the effect of the repetition of “little”?
C. How do constructions like “as is their wont” comment on Tolkien?

Nevertheless, jabbering rumors spread through the tatty lean-tos of recent shipments of whole, bewildered oxen, great barrels of foamy suds, fireworks, tons of potato greens, and gigantic hogsheads of hogs' heads. Even huge bales of freshly harvested stingwort, a popular and remarkably powerful emetic, were carted into town. News of the fête reached even unto the Gallowine, and the outlying residents of the Sty began to drift into town like peripatetic leeches, each intent on an orgy of freeloading that would make a lamprey look like a piker.​

D. Can you point out some Tolkien-like constructions in the midst of this foolishness? How do the authors achieve the parody they are going for?
E. Is stingwort a real herb? Why is the idea of a “popular” emetic funny?
F. Can you explain the Gallowine reference?
G. Why are “leeches” and “lampreys” funny words in this context?

No one in the Sty had a more bottomless gullet than that drooling and senile old gossip Haf Gangree. Haf had spent his life as the town's faithful beadle, and had long since retired on the proceeds of his thriving blackmail racket.
Tonight, Fatlip, as he was called, was holding forth at the Bag Eye, a sleazy dive more than once closed down by Mayor Fastbuck for the dubious behavior of the establishment's buxom "B-boggies," who were said to be able to roll a troll before you could say "Rumpelstiltskin." The usual collection of sodden oafs were there, including Fatlip's son, Spam Gangree, who was presently celebrating his suspended sentence for the performing of an unnatural act with an underage female dragon of the opposite sex.​

H. What rings true about this take-off on the Gaffer’s character? Why “Gangree” for a parodic name?
I. How does the quotation of “Rumpelstiltskin” interact with the idea of the “buxom ‘B-boggies’”?
J. A female dragon is naturally “of the opposite sex” in the context of this sentence. Why do the authors indulge in this redundancy?

"The whole thing smells pretty queer to me," said Fatlip, as he inhaled the acrid fumes of his nose-pipe. "I'm meaning the way Mr. Bugger is throwing this big bash when for years he's not so much as offered a piece o' moldy cheese to his neighbors." The listeners nodded silently, for this was certainly the case. Even before Dildo's "strange disappearance" he had kept his burrow at Bug End guarded by fierce wolverines, and in no one's memory had he ever contributed a farthing to the Boggietown Annual Mithril Drive for Homeless Banshees. The fact that no one else ever had either did not excuse Dildo's famed stinginess. He kept to himself, nurturing only his nephew and a mania for dirty Scrabble.​

K. Can you comment on how this comments on the equivalent passage from The Lord of the Rings?
L. Why “dirty Scrabble”?
 
The authors of BotR attempt to write something that sounds vaguely like Tolkien while inserting jokes that Tolkien would never touch, including jokes about sexual toys and practices, drinking to excess, and vomiting. But to their credit, some of their jokes are pretty clever. Furthermore they pick up on the fact that Tolkien's hobbits are gluttons and come to the party in large part as freeloaders, so their parody of them has some basis in Tolkien's own writing. The authors of BotR have obviously read the source material, and made some effort to make jokes based on the source material. I don't think anyone would appreciate this parody unless he or she had read LotR, and I don't think anyone would make the effort to read all of BotR unless he or she actually liked LotR.

How do the authors of BotR imitate the tone of LotR? They use some of the same formal phrases as Tolkien, some equally obscure vocabulary, proper names that sound as silly as Tolkien's while usually incorporating crude puns, characters who vaguely resemble Tolkien's characters, and a plot that roughly follows an outline of Tolkien's plot. They use a similar mixture of narration and dialogue. They draw a caricature of Tolkien's story in which we can recognize the original, except with all the odd parts exaggerated, and many crude and obscene parts shamelessly inserted.

To take a couple of examples from your list of questions, Dildo's mania for dirty Scrabble bears some resemblance to Bilbo's interest in poetry, so it has some basis in Tolkien's writing, but the humor is cruder and more topical. Similarly, Gallowine almost sounds like a Tolkien place name, except of course that it is also a topical pun. Indeed since the publication of BotR Gallo Winery has made many efforts to upgrade its image, so even today we may not instantly associate "Gallowine" with cheap fortified wines like Thunderbird and Night Train.
 
F. Can you explain the Gallowine reference
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I must be getting old. It's hard to think that a topical reference used in a parody has aged-out of contemporary use. Good God, does the current generation have no understanding of this reference to the ever-popular (if plonkish) "Gallo wine" of California??? What DO these college kids drink nowadays?

a.s. (a bit crotchety)
 
No, I didn't ask question F just so I could reply with that subject line. But I should have.

I'm not sure what kids today drink, since you asked. As for the Gallowine controversy, your choice term of "plonkish" captures some of the problem, but Curious I think is more on the money: Gallo has made huge strides towards changing its image since the 1960s. It still primarily makes cheapish wine for mass consumption, but the brand name is just not as strongly associated with Bowery bums anymore, I don't think - and that's the association the Lampoon was counting on with its riff on the Brandywine River.

As for your shock that "a topical reference used in a parody has aged-out of contemporary use", all I can say is, that's endemic to all of Bored of the Rings. I don't think nearly as many people find it to be as funny as, say, I did at the age of 13 when it was first published. The references have all aged. Structurally, for those who take the time to listen it still sings, albeit with a last twittering wail. One of the subtleties of the book is that their pop-culture references are not just from the 1960s but go back at times to several decades before, like the 1930s or 40s - younger people even in the 1960s might have missed a few, unless perhaps they read Mad or other humor written by older guys. Beard especially was a scholar of humorous style, and Perelman, Thurber, and Benchley are influences I've spotted at times in BotR. I believe the way they ring these decadal changes from kitsch to schmaltz to boffo is highly meaningful and can be coded to Tolkien's original in clever ways, but I haven't been able to work it all out due to this fine jug of Ripple I'm currently hefting.

I didn't say it. You did. But perhaps you're getting old and crotchety. Like Dernwyn and me.
 
Most of the flophouses have closed. Luxury condominiums have opened. Whole Foods Market has moved in. Bums can't afford to live there anymore.
 
Eh? What's this? Dolgarn it, if it ain't another one o' them dis-cusions 'bout Dildo Bugger an' that Ring of his!

Seems like only us oldsters would recall a popular song from back when this was published, "It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To", which leant itself to a fantastic parody of the "Long-expected Party" title of the first chapter of LotR. And, of course, set the tone.

A. This is a delightful near word-for-word twisting of the first paragraph. The idea of the boggies devouring their "little scrolls" is not only contrary to the treatment of Bilbo's exquisitely-written invitations, these guys are also eating their "meal tickets", and so will have to crash the party anyway.

B. Hopefully the use of "little" will impress upon the reader that everything about the Boggies is, fortunately, small and unimportant.

C. Archaic and obscure terminology provide the necessary linguistic tie-in to LotR.

D. This listing of items for the Party brings to mind Tolkien's own penchant for lists, and expands on his "every kind of provision, commodity, or luxury". The use of "Nevertheless", "hogshead", and "unto" continues the linguistic tie-in, with the extra pun thrown in. Makes me want to recite Tolkien's "The wind so whirled a weathercock...", heck, here it is, from the Punmaster himself:

The wind so whirled a weathercock
He could not hold his tail up;
The frost so nipped a throstlecock
He could not snap a snail up.
'My case is hard' the throstle cried,
And 'All is vane' the cock replied;
And so they set their wail up.

I like a philologist with a sense of humor!

E. Strangely, when I just googled "stingwort", your post here was the third item returned! Could not find evidence of any plant so named, but there is a "stinkwort", which can cause diarrhea if eaten.

F. Gallo wine - ah, the good ol' days! The name lends itself well to a parody on "Brandywine".

G. It may be that "leeches" and "lampreys" are reminders of the "sucker" who bought the book.

H. Half Gangrene, that's what I always half-read! His blackmail sideline implies a familiarity with Dildo, and his liking for some good gossip puts him right up there with the Gaffer.

I. I wonder if that little character Rumplestiltskin was a Boggie? He'd be clever enough for one, and good at blackmail also...

J. It's been over 30 years since I first read this, and I'm still trying to figure out what an opposite-sexed female dragon is! But whatever, anything done with a dragon is "unnatural". Notice how this also parallels the Hobbits' concern about Bilbo's seeming youth: "It isn't natural, and trouble will come of it!".

K. Bilbo's generosity receives a roasting here - as does human nature in general, where we're quick to fault someone for not doing something we don't do ourselves. Which somehow makes for a humorous situation. No wonder the Banshees are wailing.

L. "Dirty Scrabble": makes you wonder what was really in those "Translations from the Elvish"!

Nice introduction to the main text, squire! Now hopefully a few unwitting newbies will take the proffered bait, and realize that BotR is not nearly as painful as, say, Ezpeleta or the Hildebrandts...maybe...
 
You might be too young--you whippersnapper you--to remember the Bowery Boys, poor young thing!!

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I woulda liked to a hoid ("heard") Slip's voysion ("version") of da woid condominium, though!

Are you trying to imply my youth has flown? That I could remember when the Bowery featured drunks on every doorstep waiting for the flophouses to open? (I can. But that's not the point.)

LOL

a.s. (who was just feeling crotchety...but now I'm feeling ANCIENT and crotchety, thanks, Curious)
 
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