I truly dislike my older sister, she's a drug addict who has bled the family dry. I've pretty much broken off all contact with her - and honestly, I don't know if I still love her or not. I'm still too angry, I guess.
Sometimes I dislike my husband though, when he gets grumpy, but I can't imagine living without him. That's why I voted yes, and I still love him, "warts and all."
Then I thought about people I (kind of) dislike and wondered whetehr I still love them.
And I am not so sure anymore... may I just say so to myself and others because that is what "one is supposed to do and feel"? Especially when those people belong to your family?
A lot of it might be social expectation and socialization in general, to be honest.
(This post was edited by Arannir on Jun 11 2014, 8:11am)
A principle I apply to all relationships
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whether they be friends, family, or work associates:
Every relationship is a balance of distance and closeness. If things seem "rocky", I find it to be very easy to just increase "distance". Then when things seem more comfortable, I might try more "closeness" again. It's like a dance.
I don't know how useful it is to sit down and decide who goes in the "like" box and who goes in the "unlike" box. The world is not Facebook after all.
Also realize that people have limitations.
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Some folks can handle your worst of times and emotional side and others can't. Some people will bounce back from a heated argument and others will get deep wounds that they won't take well. Some people are more demanding about their image and whatnot in front of others while different people might not care so much or feel that what your appearance is reflects on their appearance - or they just might not care as much about appearances.
Some people are ready to be there through the hard times and others are just there for the fairest of weather.
You have your own limitations and there may be some passages that the loved ones go through in life where you just can't follow them for whatever reason.
Relationships have ups and they have downs. Emotions are fleeting. Likes and tastes are changeable and a little bit superficial compared to things like long-standing history together, deeper affection, something like family or a shared interest that is more enduring than whatever your feelings may be at any moment.
A down can be "distant" instead of "cutting off" or "rejecting". That can send a message and save a relationship overall while also respecting boundaries.
Sure! And they'll have times they dislike you ;)
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It's impossible not to be disappointed or frustrated with those you love and are around all the time. It's human nature and not the end of the world. That's how we arrive at understand, compromise and tolerance. If you stay open and cherish the individual and value your relationship... I find overcoming those times of "I don't like you right now" can make your friendship/marriage stronger.
The thing is to just be upset by an event and not the whole of your relationship. Those who carry every negative in a little (or big) black bag and haul it all out during a dispute are the hardest to reach a relationship milestones of growth with.
Choose your battles and be kind even during duress. Play nice ;) It's hard to take things back even if you're deeply sorry for things said or done. Words do wound.
It's all worth it to enjoy the trust and acceptance that comes from a good relationship, even if the relationship changes. Those you love are "worth the effort," and you are, too ;)
Since our divorce in 1982, I've had a 32-year friendship with my ex because we both work at it. It hasn't always been good (we're divorced for a reason ;), but it's always been worth it... especially for our kid's and grandkid's sake.