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Words of Wisdom: Never lick a steak knife
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Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Feb 1 2008, 7:01pm

Post #26 of 41 (67 views)
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"A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead." [In reply to] Can't Post

And some generic funnies:

* Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
* I am in shape! Round's a shape...
* Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
* Youíre just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
* When life gives you lemons, squirt them in your enemyís eyes.

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Eowyn of Penns Woods
Valinor


Feb 1 2008, 7:15pm

Post #27 of 41 (50 views)
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*heh* [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
Youíre just jealous because the voices only talk to me.


Got the T-shirt!


************************************


Lily Fairbairn
Half-elven


Feb 1 2008, 7:26pm

Post #28 of 41 (55 views)
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This is very similar to others [In reply to] Can't Post

but I have a button of this in my office:

Like is too important to be taken seriously.

The Gaffer has one in his office that reads:

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Hang in there, a.s.!

* * * * * * *
Do we walk in legends or on the green earth in the daylight?

A man may do both. For not we but those who come after will make the legends of our time. The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day!"


Lossefalme
Gondor


Feb 1 2008, 7:32pm

Post #29 of 41 (56 views)
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Sounds like you could use a lift! [In reply to] Can't Post

These are from this site. Enjoy. Funny Words of Wisdom
  1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

  2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

  3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

  4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

  6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

  8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

  9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

  10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

  11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

  12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

  13. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

  14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

  15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

  16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

  17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

  18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

  19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

  21. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

  22. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

  23. When you eat a candy bar or have a wonderful dessert, have a diet drink. The calories are cancelled out by the diet drink.

  24. I love deadlines...especially the 'whooshing' sound they make as they fly by.

  25. When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

  26. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

  27. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

  28. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

  29. How can there be self-help "groups"?

  30. Is there another word for 'synonym'?

  31. The speed of time is one-second per second.

  32. Is it possible to be totally partial?

  33. What is another word for 'thesaurus'?

  34. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

  35. It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

  36. Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Want more?
Funny Words of Wisdom: Page 2


Ode to My Computer


I asked the Lord to tell me why my house is such a mess?
He asked if I'd been 'puting, and I had to answer "yes."

He told me to get off my rear and tidy up the house.
And so I started cleaning up the smudges off my mouse.

I wiped and shined the top side and that really did the trick...
I was just admiring my work I really didn't mean to 'click.'
But click, I did, and LOL I found A real absorbing site.
That I got SO way into it I was into it all night.
Nothing's changed except my mouse, it's very, very shiny
I guess my house will stay a mess while I sit here on my hiney.


Wisdom of the Ages


  • Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
  • Keep skunks at a distance.
  • Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.
  • Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.
  • Words that soak into your heart are whispered, not yelled.
  • Meanness doesn't happen overnight.
  • Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.
  • Don't corner something meaner than you.
  • You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.
  • It doesn't take a very big person to carry a grudge.
  • You can't un-say cruel words.
  • Every path has some puddles.
  • Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Join us every Thursday in the Movie Discussion Forum for GOLD Nuggets, an exploration of the Geeky Observation Lists maintained by our very own grammaboodawg.



deej
Tol Eressea


Feb 1 2008, 8:29pm

Post #30 of 41 (46 views)
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"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity." // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Dragoncon 2008: August 29th - September 1st in Atlanta, Georgia

http://www.dragoncon.org





(This post was edited by deej on Feb 1 2008, 8:29pm)


Idril Celebrindal
Tol Eressea


Feb 1 2008, 8:51pm

Post #31 of 41 (39 views)
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Artificial intelligence: When you just can't get the real thing // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

With caffeine, all things are possible.

The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


RosieLass
Valinor


Feb 1 2008, 9:34pm

Post #32 of 41 (53 views)
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If anything is worth doing... [In reply to] Can't Post

...it would have been done already. Laugh

Oh Moon, lovely moon, with thy beautiful face,
Careering throughout the boundaries of space,
Whenever I see thee, I think in my mind,
Shall I ever, oh ever, behold thy behind.


--Edmund Gosse's house maid

http://mallika.vox.com/


Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Feb 1 2008, 10:22pm

Post #33 of 41 (35 views)
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For some reason I'm reminded [In reply to] Can't Post

of the Soldier With the Green Whiskers

Great photo!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



a.s.
Valinor


Feb 1 2008, 10:36pm

Post #34 of 41 (41 views)
Shortcut
heh heh. Sort of like [In reply to] Can't Post

"Never put off until tomorrow what can be done the day after".

Wink

a.s.

"an seileachan"

"And we must all bring Provisions."
"Bring what ?"
"Things to eat."
"Oh!" said Pooh happily. "I thought you said Provisions.
I'll go and tell them." And he stumped off.


Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Feb 1 2008, 11:19pm

Post #35 of 41 (35 views)
Shortcut
Reminds me of one we say in my family: [In reply to] Can't Post

"If you can't find it, you don't have it." We have way too much stuff, and often can't find the thing we're looking for. We might know "within ten feet" where it is, but that doesn't always help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Draupne
Forum Admin / Moderator

Feb 2 2008, 1:37am

Post #36 of 41 (35 views)
Shortcut
His appendix [In reply to] Can't Post

finally got the better of him *sniff* They did an autopsy on him and the appendix was rotten, and horses need appendices. A bit like Tolkien fans ;-)


Tim
Tol Eressea


Feb 2 2008, 2:09am

Post #37 of 41 (33 views)
Shortcut
Nuff said ;-) [In reply to] Can't Post

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

"Sir are you classified as human?"
"Negative! I am a meat popsicle!"


luinfalathiel
Lorien


Feb 2 2008, 5:32am

Post #38 of 41 (24 views)
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If you can't be all that you can be, pose as an art piece. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Follow my Korean adventures!
http://simulflow.vox.com

Grishnakh: Letís put a larva-puncture in its belly.
http://pounce.skew.org/lotr/meetingtreebeard

the eye of luinfalathiel

the eye of luinfalathiel


Kyriel
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 3 2008, 12:04am

Post #39 of 41 (24 views)
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In that case, you'd better not read my advice ;-) [In reply to] Can't Post

Never sneeze when you're peeing.

Sorry, Altaira. Delete it if you have to. Sly

Those left standing will make millions writing books on the way it should have been. --Incubus


hobbitlove
Gondor


Feb 3 2008, 1:53pm

Post #40 of 41 (23 views)
Shortcut
Reminds me of my motto: If you can't set a good example, be a terrible warning... [In reply to] Can't Post

 



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hob
(former nick: "HobbitLoveR*M-e" among several others, briefly)



hobbitlove
Gondor


Feb 3 2008, 1:56pm

Post #41 of 41 (63 views)
Shortcut
This made my week! Thanks, a.s., & thanks to all sibs with great conrtibutions to the thread. LMHO [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Check out
QTNA
Movie Discussions



hob
(former nick: "HobbitLoveR*M-e" among several others, briefly)


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