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From the Depths of my Hard Drive: The Blair Bombadil Project

Inferno
Superuser / Moderator


Aug 1 2013, 4:45am

Post #1 of 8 (324 views)
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From the Depths of my Hard Drive: The Blair Bombadil Project Can't Post

"There are stranger and sillier things than pants threads in the depths of my hard drive."

I occasionally dredge up some things that I saved or had been given over the early years of the tOR.N boards and post them out here for fresh perusal. So, this time I present:


THE BLAIR BOMBADIL PROJECT

by Gaffer


A year ago, four Hobbits went into the Old Forest in search of the legendary Blair Bombadil.
They never returned.
A year later, footage of their terrifying adventure was found...

(Scene: down at the Green Dragon. Gaffer Gamgee is holding out with the regulars)
Frodo: (mugging for the camera, and shoving a microphone in the Gaffer's face) So you've heard of the Blair Bombadil?
Gaffer: I tell 'ee, several years back, afore ye was born, a group of Hobbits went under the High Hedge. Said somethin' about findin' a missing character from some movie or other. Nobody never saw hide nor hair of 'em ever again.
Frodo: Does anybody know what happened to them?
Gaffer: Weeeell. There's them what says they just got lost in the woods. But there's them what says the Blair Bombadil got 'em.
Ted Sandyman: (Snort!!) I don't see no call in goin' and believin in things what ain't there. They was just lost, if'n they ever existed at all.
Gaffer: If'n they ever existed!? You go ask young Baldo Stinkweed ifn' his ole dad what disappeared never existed.
Ted Sandyman: Young Baldo's a bastard ifn' I ever seen one. Like as not, his ole dad disappeared over the hill and across the water afore he was ever born.
Gaffer: Eh? Perhaps. But there's them what claims they seen a freakishly hyper apparition in a blue jacket and yellow boots prancin' around like a madman and singin' heathen gibberish, right before they went in. They was never seen again.
Ted Sandyman: Aye. But there's them what claims they seen Elvis workin' behind the counter down at the Bywater too. That don't make it so.
Gaffer: (Getting up to go) Aww @#$% you Ted. And yer mammy too.

(Scene: The High Hedge, just outside the gate.)
Sam: You got the map, right Frodo?
Frodo: Don't worry I've got the $%&@ing map. The %*$&ing map is right here in my &$%&ing pocket okay. Just @#%$ing relax okay.
Sam: Alright all right. I just don't want to get lost on this stupid $#%&ing adventure of yours okay.
Frodo: Well just &$@& off okay. We aren't going to get @#$%ing lost, all right.
Sam: Whatever. I don't give a $#%&. Where the #$%# are our ponies Pippin?
Pippin: They're right over... well, wait a minute. They WERE right over there. Where the &%$# did our ponies go?! Frodo weren't you watching the #@&#ing ponies!!
Frodo: Hey! Merry was supposed to be watching the $%#&ing ponies. What the #%@! is the matter with you Merry, you @#@&!! Why weren't you watching the @$#&ing ponies!!
Merry: Let's just get the #@$% out of here. I'm @^%#ing hungry and I just want to get home and get a warm @*$&ing bath okay. Where's the #&$@ing gate?
Pippin: It's right the #@#$ over that way. Well @#$%. It WAS over that way. Frodo! Where's the #&^$ing GATE man!?
Sam: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! We're #@&$ing lost!! Frodo, I thought you were reading the *$&#ing map!!
Frodo: (lip trembling) It's okay...we're not...lost...it's just...OH #@!@!! We're &$#%ing lost!!! And where the @&$# are our Ponies!!
Merry: (running off into the woods) Ahhhhhhhh. HEEEEEELP!! Somebody $&#&$ing HELP US!!
Pippin: (Throwing his hat down) $%#%^! #^#%&! #%^@%! @%^#&*! #%@^#!
Blair Bombadil: Hey Blair Bombadil. Is a merry fellow, bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow...
(camera falls to the ground and malfunctions)



Inferno.

======================
Good night, tOR.Nados. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely delete you in the morning.
======================


(This post was edited by Inferno on Aug 1 2013, 4:45am)


Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Aug 1 2013, 5:27pm

Post #2 of 8 (87 views)
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Ha ha ha ha ha! :-DDD [In reply to] Can't Post

I especially love the way you've captured the voices of Gaffer and Ted.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Brethil
Half-elven


Aug 1 2013, 5:55pm

Post #3 of 8 (92 views)
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Great. My favorite line - [In reply to] Can't Post

Gaffer: (Getting up to go) Aww @#$% you Ted. And yer mammy too. SmileSmileCool

Is there a Tolkien topic that you have wanted to look into more deeply, and write about your thoughts on it? If so, we'd like to here from you for the next TORn Amateur Symposium- coming in November. Happy writing!








Elwen
Lorien


Aug 1 2013, 6:29pm

Post #4 of 8 (88 views)
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Excellent! I especially like how you captured... [In reply to] Can't Post

the rich and diverse vocabulary of the film. Wink

Before kids, exercising with LOTR meant listening to the soundtrack while I ran.

After kids, exercising with LOTR means having an all out dance party with the little ones to the "Break the Dam Release the River" disco mix form the Lego game.


Inferno
Superuser / Moderator


Aug 1 2013, 7:52pm

Post #5 of 8 (83 views)
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Not I. [In reply to] Can't Post

This was written by an old poster by the name of Gaffer (as stated with the 'By Gaffer' line). I just managed to wind up with a copy, and am posting it for re-enjoyment. But I can't claim credit for writing it.

Just to be clear. =)

Inferno.

======================
Good night, tOR.Nados. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely delete you in the morning.
======================


Elwen
Lorien


Aug 1 2013, 7:59pm

Post #6 of 8 (75 views)
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Sorry. That's what happens.... [In reply to] Can't Post

when you stealth-TORn at work...you skim past the details.

Well thank you for sharing at least, and for the gentle correction. (And apologies to Gaffer)

Before kids, exercising with LOTR meant listening to the soundtrack while I ran.

After kids, exercising with LOTR means having an all out dance party with the little ones to the "Break the Dam Release the River" disco mix form the Lego game.


Soundchaser
The Shire

Aug 1 2013, 10:04pm

Post #7 of 8 (88 views)
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Very funny stuff! [In reply to] Can't Post

I never saw that Blair Witch movie (I despise almost all horror movies) but this was very clever satire. Thanks for sharing.

I'm chasing sound. Has anyone seen any?


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Aug 2 2013, 9:49am

Post #8 of 8 (70 views)
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Help us!!! Bwahahahaa!! [In reply to] Can't Post

I love it when you dust the hard drive!! *applause* THANK YOU!


4th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observation List - May 1, 2013



sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."

I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!



TIME Google Calendar
TORn's Geeky Observations Lists (updated soon)

 
 

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