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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Movie Discussion: The Hobbit:
Yeah, Ro's been thinking again. First time for everything.

Roheryn
Grey Havens

Feb 24 2013, 9:39am

Post #1 of 24 (1067 views)
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Yeah, Ro's been thinking again. First time for everything. Can't Post

I nearly waltzed in here singing "Raindrops on rosesss and whissskers on kiittennns..." but decided I didn't need a surplus of spitballs.

Just have some questions for you. The kind that need answering. Feel free to give answers that need questioning, if you'd like.

1. Just how did Saruman get to Rivendell? And how did Galadriel leave Rivendell?
2. Why isn't Lindir playing a ukelele?
3. Why do Dwarves wear full-body long johns in the middle of summer?
4. Do Dwarf women also wear full-body long johns, or is there something along the lines of Dwarvish lingerie?
5. If Dwarf women have beards, do they also have hairy chests?
6. Mirkwood is dense with trees, right? Why doesn't Thranduil's Megaloceros get his humongous antlers inextricably stuck?
7. Just what *were* Fili and Kili up to when they should have been watching the ponies?
8. If even Fili and Kili managed to find Bilbo's house without getting lost, why is Thorin so apparently directionally-challenged? (No wonder he told Balin to lead after Rivendell.)
9. Thirteen Dwarves show up at *your* house. Do you sign the contract?
10. Nori's hair: love it or leave it? And are his eyebrows braided up into his hair, or his hair braided into his eyebrows?
11. What is it with sausages?

(This list goes up to eleven.)


Glorfindela
Valinor

Feb 24 2013, 11:21am

Post #2 of 24 (544 views)
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Megaloceros [In reply to] Can't Post

This deer – I believe it is the extinct Eurasian Elk – probably lived in much the same habitat as other species of deer. The ones living in the London park at the end of my road (Red and Fallow Deer) inhabit open areas mixed with wooded ones, so presumably Megaloceros lived in similar terrain. I believe it is only the stags that would have had gigantic antlers, which they shed every year.

(I'm not interested in your other questions, so am only answering the one about the Elk.)


elaen32
Gondor

Feb 24 2013, 11:54am

Post #3 of 24 (535 views)
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Well here's my reply to the first 6..... [In reply to] Can't Post

1) Scottie beamed them up of course!
2) He'd lent it to Pippin to play in the band at Bilbo's 111th birthday party... oh sorry, wrong movie!
3) and 4) don' t really want to go there!
5) How do we know that dwarf men even have hairy chests? They could be as smooth as babies below the neck. Evolution wise all the excessive underwear, armour etc has resulted in their follicles being obliterated elsewhere!
6) The antlers are collapsible like wing mirrors on a car....?
Will have to think on the rest...

"Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees unfold"


Angharad73
Rohan


Feb 24 2013, 12:09pm

Post #4 of 24 (508 views)
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Hmmm... interesting questions... [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Just how did Saruman get to Rivendell? And how did Galadriel leave Rivendell? --- Gwaihir's Taxis, now with moth dispatching service - send us a moth and we come.

2. Why isn't Lindir playing a ukelele? --- After an incident where he launched a rousing rendition of "Who let the Dwarves out" while being entertaining guest that included, well, several Dwarves, he isn't allowed to play in front of guests anymore. The diplomatic repercussions were too severe.

3. Why do Dwarves wear full-body long johns in the middle of summer? --- Clearly, that's their idea of smexy underwear.

4. Do Dwarf women also wear full-body long johns, or is there something along the lines of Dwarvish lingerie? --- Mithril shirts?

5. If Dwarf women have beards, do they also have hairy chests? --- Honestly, I don't want to know

6. Mirkwood is dense with trees, right? Why doesn't Thranduil's Megaloceros get his humongous antlers inextricably stuck? --- Don't you know, Thranduil rides the new Megaloceros 2001, which now has foldable antlers. Parking also has become a lot easier.

7. Just what *were* Fili and Kili up to when they should have been watching the ponies? --- Looking at the issue of 'Playdwarf' that they had brought along? Uncle Thorin most certainly disapproves of such things...

8. If even Fili and Kili managed to find Bilbo's house without getting lost, why is Thorin so apparently directionally-challenged? (No wonder he told Balin to lead after Rivendell.) --- The obvious answer would be that he is using a version of Apple maps, while Fili and Kili and the other Dwarves can't afford the latest iPhone, so they are relying on plain old paper maps and asking people for directions.

9. Thirteen Dwarves show up at *your* house. Do you sign the contract? --- Yes, I'll have to pay for the rise in home insurance premiums somehow... Not to mention the plumber's bill.

10. Nori's hair: love it or leave it? And are his eyebrows braided up into his hair, or his hair braided into his eyebrows? --- With his hair down, he wouldn't be bad, I think. I think the hair and eyebrows meet somwehre in the middle.

11. What is it with sausages? --- They are tasty?


Owain
Tol Eressea


Feb 24 2013, 1:54pm

Post #5 of 24 (438 views)
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Haha! That gave me a chuckle.// [In reply to] Can't Post

Laugh

Middle Earth is New Zealand!

"Question everything, embrace the bad, and hold on to the good."


glor
Rohan

Feb 24 2013, 3:45pm

Post #6 of 24 (402 views)
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well... [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
1. Just how did Saruman get to Rivendell? And how did Galadriel leave Rivendell?


They pick up the phone, if Agent Elrond lets them ( a bit of old skool LOTR humour there).


Quote

Why isn't Lindir playing a ukelele?


That's easy, awesome musical moments in TH are the exclusive property of one Richard Armitage, it's in his contractWink


Quote

Why do Dwarves wear full-body long johns in the middle of summer


It's a PG-13 film....Sly behave.


Quote

Do Dwarf women also wear full-body long johns, or is there something along the lines of Dwarvish lingerie


Well, there was but the last and only dwarvish branch of Victoria's Secret went out of business after all the stock was fire damaged (points at Smaug)


Quote
If Dwarf women have beards, do they also have hairy chests


Probably. Ask any middle aged human woman on hormonal treatment (stopping there)






Esmeralda
Bree


Feb 24 2013, 3:47pm

Post #7 of 24 (421 views)
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Oooh! Oooh! I know! [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Saruman - Turn right at Dunland? Galadriel - I actually wondered if she was physically there at all. She didn't sit down or touch anything except Gandalf at the end. I like the Mothra Taxi idea, though.

2. Lindir promised Thranduil he would only ever play the Megaloceros ukulele rap for him.

3. To contain all that body hair. Without the long-johns, they would look like koosh-balls. Bombur's diameter would increase two-fold.

4. Mithril bikinis, definitely. "Mithril - like you're wearing nothing, but would stop a pike wielded by a cave-troll. Feel the 'thril, because aren't you worth it?"

5. Two words - dwarf-scaping

6. The full-size megaloceros is only for promos. He has a compact version for short trips around home. Much more antler efficient.

7. Re-enacting the battle of Azanulbizar, only this time Kili had to be Azog, because Fili never gets to be Thorin.

8. Not only is Thorin majestic, but he's also dyslexic. He even got Fili and Kili mixed up during the battle of the stone giants.

9. I need a vacation so bad. A dwarf-sponsored tour across Middle-Earth sounds *perfect*. I've read good things about Rivendell on TripAdvisor...

10. *Love* Nori's eyebrows! It's like a device to keep his eyes open and sharp so he doesn't miss anything.

11. Sausages are more versatile than bacon. Especially if you like to play with your food.

(This list goes up to eleven.)

What's that in megathorins?


(This post was edited by Esmeralda on Feb 24 2013, 3:48pm)


BoromirOfWinterfell
Rohan


Feb 24 2013, 3:53pm

Post #8 of 24 (406 views)
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You need help, Ro. [In reply to] Can't Post

But so do all who lives to see such times. (That includes me...)

1. ....Eagles....
2. He's not exactly a virtuoso. His talents lie in randomly appearing in a scene while we were contemplating Frodo/Bilbo's greatness.
3. So that they can be hot.
4.Crazy
5. Crazy
6. Good point. I can just imagine that scene...
7. See Durincest slash. Or rather not.
8. He may have been up to something beforehand...
9. <Stares at desktop background of Fili, Kili and Thorin> Why wouldn't I?
10. Love it. Eyebrows into his hair. This is a Tolkien fan's version of glass-half-full-half-empty, isn't it?
11. Maybe they symbolise something...

"Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal often offends." - Terry Pratchett



Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 24 2013, 4:15pm

Post #9 of 24 (401 views)
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How I love seeing this title for a thread [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Saruman arrived via inky black Hoveround. With the old fashioned horn. Galadriel didn't leave, she hit the spa.
2. Nori pinched the uke. Check his pack. Lindir heartbroken, puts it's picture on almond milk cartons.
3. Boromir of Winterfell has this one: So they can be HOT baby!
4. Third level down the escalator, Durin's Secret, Erebeor's Foundations, Brazilian body wax
5. See "brazilian wax". Vats and vats and vats of it
6. An array of lacketys pull the branches back, and then as the royals go by they try to smack Legolas and see if they can screw up his hair.
7. They were up to "the scary dark foyer of death" in their Original Edition D and D module. Distracting.
8. It's that pantsing incident on the Road, my dear. Got Thorin all swapped around. You only have yourself to blame.
9. I sign it, in blood if necessary, and get it notarized.
10. They were out if ideas. Seriously.
11. Yeah, the sausages are a meaty Rorschach test. You see what you want....so let's keep it G here and nudge nudge *wink wink* say no more.

This thread is a hoot. I laughed out loud at every entry.

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.

(This post was edited by Brethil on Feb 24 2013, 4:17pm)


Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 24 2013, 4:27pm

Post #10 of 24 (382 views)
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Bwaaahaha! [In reply to] Can't Post

Koosh balls....OMG.........can picture Bombur rolling in a big red puff down a hill........!!!!!!!!!Smile

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.


Ham_Sammy
Tol Eressea

Feb 24 2013, 5:15pm

Post #11 of 24 (373 views)
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Of course! [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Saruman and Galdariel have a TARDIS
2. If you look closely, it's under the table Bombur is sitting on when Bofur throws him that sausage. It's smashed to smithereens. Lindir is not please.
3. Dwarves must always maintain their Hotness. Always.
4. There is currently a production of Project Dwarfway in production to come up with female dwarf attire hosted by Heidi Klumingol
5. No their chests have gold like all other dwarf chests.
6. Those antlers were really just shadows. The real ears look like Hobbit ears.
7. They were reading some really bad fanfiction and laughing hysterically and got distracted
8. Thorin's like all dwarves has his GPS set to food and drink. Since the other dwarves cleaned out the place prior to his arrival he had trouble locating it.
9. Yes. I sign it as soon as possible. That way maybe they will leave and quit eating all my food.
10. Nori's hair makes it more convenient when he gets a waxing. You can pull it all off at once.
11. Sometimes a sausage is just a sausage.


Old Toby
Gondor


Feb 24 2013, 5:24pm

Post #12 of 24 (358 views)
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Ah another fun thread by Ro! [In reply to] Can't Post

It's almost scary how your brain works Ro! LOL! Wink
Then again, there's mine....

Just how did Saruman get to Rivendell? And how did Galadriel leave Rivendell?
Saruman came by a sled pulled by his mutant Uruk-hai Rabbits. Galadriel simply teleported like she usually does.

Why isn't Lindir playing a ukelele?
He sold it in order to buy a banjo, and is starting a Rivendell River Boys band.

Why do Dwarves wear full-body long johns in the middle of summer?
Because nobody wants to even imagine a dwarf in Calvin Kleins! (oh well, okay, maybe Thorin)

Do Dwarf women also wear full-body long johns, or is there something along the lines of Dwarvish lingerie?
They wear lacy full-body long johns.

If Dwarf women have beards, do they also have hairy chests?
No, but they braid their armpit hair!

Mirkwood is dense with trees, right? Why doesn't Thranduil's Megaloceros get his humongous antlers inextricably stuck?
He leaves his Megaloceros in a special corral at the edge of Mirkwood and exchanges it for a Miniloceros for the rest of the way in.

Just what *were* Fili and Kili up to when they should have been watching the ponies?
Designing a Thorin Oakenshield action figure they want to present to him on his birthday.

If even Fili and Kili managed to find Bilbo's house without getting lost, why is Thorin so apparently directionally-challenged? (No wonder he told Balin to lead after Rivendell.)
Because he's at the age where it's a wonder he can remember where he put his socks in the morning.

Thirteen Dwarves show up at *your* house. Do you sign the contract?
That's a negative. Any bunch that messy can't be up to any good.

Nori's hair: love it or leave it? And are his eyebrows braided up into his hair, or his hair braided into his eyebrows?
Leave it. Too much upkeep involved. And he himself can't figure out what his hair is doing in his eyebrows or vice versa. Probably Fili and Kili did that while he was asleep.

What is it with sausages?
Sausages are a traditional symbolic food for dwarves. We won't even go there!

Smile

"Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good." Harry Dresden (Jim Butcher)

(This post was edited by Old Toby on Feb 24 2013, 5:26pm)


Mr. Arkenstone (isaac)
Grey Havens


Feb 24 2013, 5:42pm

Post #13 of 24 (349 views)
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The deer!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

Is hard for me to picture why Thranduil imprison the dwarves.
He didnt help them when Smaug took Erebor and I can´t understand if this is the case how Thranduil can be such a cruel being getting the dwarves into the cells after abandon them. And that Lego set with Legolas and Tauriel killing the spiders side by side with the dwarves. Here is a loca take:

Thorin kills Thranduil´s deer in the middle of the ver dark forest of Mirkwood, looking for a meal.Tongue

The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true!


swordwhale
Tol Eressea


Feb 24 2013, 8:15pm

Post #14 of 24 (345 views)
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ded...of... lol... [In reply to] Can't Post

OOK... I'm... fine... now......

bwaaa haaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I really really am sure I saw Mothra Tardis Service...

Koosh balls wins. It's a great game if....

Dyslexic Thorin, that explains everything: this worked well for me, Thorin, use directions related to physical movements: Thorin, turn left, no, I mean, shield side, shield side!

Does that make Thorin mysjeslic? Dyslexics untie, together we can trip up the universe....

I thought about that here...
http://www.swordwhale.com/smirkwood.html (not all who wander are lost...)

6. True Sciencey Fact: "The size of Irish Elk antlers is distinctive, and several theories have arisen as to their evolution. One theory was that their antlers, under constant and strong sexual selection, increased in size because males were using them in combat for access to females; it was also suggested that they eventually became so unwieldy that the Irish Elk could not carry on the normal business of life and so became extinct." They also lived in open areas, not the woods. Thranduil, are you speeding up the extinction process?????

...oh, and when did that battle take place? Was it during the couple of moments in autumn when those antlers are at full growth and minus the lovely ragged bloody velvet???? (now there's an image... Or Thrandy on a megaloceros in midsummer when it's just nubbins covered in velvet).

Brethil...branches..... bwa haaaa h aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Elf-scaping....

5. Let's just say my ancestors have more in common with Dwarves than Elves, and yes, hairy... 'nuff said.

3. ...and why is Bofur wearing a ushanka, and furry boots? Wait, aren't they Northern dwarves? If they're like Alaskans, then they should be running around in their underwear when everyone else is shivering in parkas... the entire film: Dwarves In Underwear!

nnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Maybe just spandex...

7. The only ships here have sails and cannons!!!

9. ... (stares at Fili, Kili, Thorin... notes Bofur's mischevious glint in eye)... what were you saying????

1. wait, don't they have to go over those orc-infested mountains???? Clearly they have a Tardis... and aren't sharing...

or....

"Spock! Prime Directive! Prime Directive! No interfering in primitive cultures, even if they are relatives!"

10... If Nori's involved in shady dealings.. shouldn't he be a little less, ah ... conspicuous?

11. My piggie friends also want to know what is it with sausages... they are not amoosed.

Wait, aren't some of those Dwarves riding giant boars in the battle....

Go outside and play...


swordwhale
Tol Eressea


Feb 24 2013, 8:42pm

Post #15 of 24 (303 views)
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... [In reply to] Can't Post

3. Those are Dwarven UnderArmour. Like that spandex superhero wicking layer stuff you get at sporting goods stores. It probably comes in several types: Deep Mine version, keeps you warm even in the darkest pits, may mask your scent from balrogs and cave trolls... Dragonfire version, useful when rescuing your hoard from furnaces with wings... Epic Quest version, keeps you warm or dry as needed, provides some flotation if travelling rivers by barrel...

There's a lot of fanart which has peeled off the UnderArmour, so to speak... mostly tastefully... mostly. (#sosorryitsPG13)

2. "Ukuleles are commonly associated with music from Hawaii where the name roughly translates as "jumping flea," perhaps because of the movement of the player's fingers. Legend attributes it to the nickname of the Englishman Edward William Purvis, one of King Kal&#257;kaua's officers, because of his small size, fidgety manner, and playing expertise."

Figwit surely should be playing a jumping flea in a fidgety manner...

Go outside and play...


Cirashala
Grey Havens

Feb 25 2013, 12:09am

Post #16 of 24 (261 views)
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link to smirkwood [In reply to] Can't Post

OH MY GOSH I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING AT THE "NOT ALL THOSE WHO WANDER ARE LOST" SERIES!!!!!!!

Seriously, my stomach hurts! Laugh

Did you do those????

Thanks for the highlight of my day! Smile

Half Elven Daughter of Celethian of the Woodland Realm


Cirashala
Grey Havens

Feb 25 2013, 12:15am

Post #17 of 24 (249 views)
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time period [In reply to] Can't Post

Also, since you asked, the attack by Smaug happened on Durin's day, because in the book, Thror and Thrain managed to be the only ones to actually escape the mountain through the very same door that Thorin and Co are trying to find (Book Thorin was an adventuring lad outside with a handful of people and witnessed the destruction from the outside)-which can only be opened on Durin's day, being when the last sun of Autumn and the first moon of Winter appear in the sky together-so yes you are correct it is the right season for the antlers to be present (although I have to admit, I am at a loss as well of how he doesn't get stuck in the forest!)

The only other possibility is that the door can be opened from the inside anytime using some kind of magic words or something, but only opened on Durin's day from the outside? But I see it as more likely that fate was with them and it was in fact Durin's day when the dragon attacked.

Half Elven Daughter of Celethian of the Woodland Realm


swordwhale
Tol Eressea


Feb 25 2013, 3:54am

Post #18 of 24 (228 views)
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not all who wander are lost... [In reply to] Can't Post

...yes, it's all my fault...

Some fangirl blogged that her boyfriend, upon leaving the Hobbit, began practicing his "backstory pose"...which led to Epic Backstory Pose (and Fronstory Pose, with Tweets). Then I had a perfectly good watercolor of Thorin the magnificent tweeting... and the sure knowledge of his topographical impairment (yes, I also have that affliction, and a GPS, and maps, and a phone, and more maps.. and I still get lost). From there it was easy to wonder whither he had wandered...

I was also amused by the good Doctor being Radagast... by the Narnian Dwarves... and by the fact that "Thorin" and Captain America had met before... (Richard A = hydra agent in Captain America: the First Avenger)(Hugo Weaving was the Red Skull, so i guess that puts a different spin on the moon rune reading...)

Go outside and play...


swordwhale
Tol Eressea


Feb 25 2013, 3:57am

Post #19 of 24 (219 views)
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oh wait... [In reply to] Can't Post

...that should have been Thorin The Majestic...

Go outside and play...


Rostron2
Gondor


Feb 25 2013, 4:50pm

Post #20 of 24 (163 views)
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Nice [In reply to] Can't Post

These are deep questions that must be pondered and analyzed carefully.

1. That was his hologram. See any of the Jedi Council scenes for SW for an explanation.

2. Lindir is very confused about his role anyway. Sometimes he's a butler, sometimes an advisor, sometimes he's the babysitter for Arwen, etc.

3. Well, if the little hairy women comment from TT was any indication, then this is self explanatory about the male dwarves.

4. Yes, they are the original fetishists for furry costumes

5. No, but they do have tattoos that read 'muddah'. Battleships went out of style.

6. My van has rear-view mirrors that fold, so do they.

7. Parcheesi, but they keep it quiet. It can be a misdemeanor offense in some regions.

8. He was looking for the giant hobbit statues in armor that Bilbo undoubtedly had at Bag End, and didn't find any.

9. Sure if I get to go to New Zealand with them and not pay the exorbitant air fare.

10. I just make sure he has gift certificates for hair care in the Emerald City

11. It's dare food.

8.


NottaSackville
Tol Eressea

Feb 25 2013, 8:15pm

Post #21 of 24 (152 views)
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Easier than a SAST! [In reply to] Can't Post

  

Quote
1. Just how did Saruman get to Rivendell? And how did Galadriel leave Rivendell?


Saruman: By Green Screen coaches
Galadrial: Like all mother-in-laws, on a broomstick


Quote
2. Why isn't Lindir playing a ukelele?

For the same reason he isn't singing tra-la-lally


Quote
3. Why do Dwarves wear full-body long johns in the middle of summer?


Because not even Dwarf women want to see what's under there. Under wear? Under there.


Quote
Do Dwarf women also wear full-body long johns, or is there something along the lines of Dwarvish lingerie?


Oh lord we hope so, and oh lord we hope not!


Quote
If Dwarf women have beards, do they also have hairy chests?


Everywhere except around the third nipple.


Quote
6. Mirkwood is dense with trees, right? Why doesn't Thranduil's Megaloceros get his humongous antlers inextricably stuck?


The real reason Thranduil refused to attack was because he knew how ridiculous he looked on that beast and refused PJ's commands to ride into battle on it. He'd never be caught dead on such a beast back in Mirkwood.


Quote
7. Just what *were* Fili and Kili up to when they should have been watching the ponies?


A little game called "Tig"


Quote
8. If even Fili and Kili managed to find Bilbo's house without getting lost, why is Thorin so apparently directionally-challenged? (No wonder he told Balin to lead after Rivendell.)


Thorin, like Bilbo, has a bit of faerie (elf) in him. Unfortunately for Thorin, it's Legolas.


Quote
9. Thirteen Dwarves show up at *your* house. Do you sign the contract?


Bleep, yes!


Quote
10. Nori's hair: love it or leave it? And are his eyebrows braided up into his hair, or his hair braided into his eyebrows?

Part A: Love it
Part B: Yes



Quote
11. What is it with sausages?


Is this another comment about the lack of a main female character?

Notta

Happiness: money matters, but less than we think and not in the way that we think. Family is important and so are friends, while envy is toxic -- and so is excessive thinking. Beaches are optional. Trust is not. Neither is gratitude. - The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner as summarized by Lily Fairbairn. And a bit of the Hobbit reading thrown in never hurts. - NottaSackville


ryouko
Lorien

Feb 26 2013, 1:30am

Post #22 of 24 (118 views)
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possible answers [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Saruman took a left at Albuquerque. And can you really prove that Galadriel wasn't a figment of your imagination?
2. Because Nori stole it. Along with his place setting from the table.
3. Because, despite what fangirls might think, no one really wants to see a naked Dwarf. Unimpressed
4. Who's the say they wear anything at all underneath.
5. Serious answer here, the clothing for women Dwarves is based on Elizabethan. So lots of cleavage. Didn't see any hair, from the brief glimpses that we got.
6. Back to silly, They fold back, like the side mirrors on most cars.
7. Go to fanfiction.net. Or look up Hobbit in DeviantArt. I'm sure you'll find the answer there. *shudder*
8. Fili and Kili were more willing to ask for directions.
9. Depends on if I can get the time off work.
10. Love it, gives him a more devious look. hair braided into the eyebrows, as best as I can tell.
11. What do you have against sausages? Tongue


Kimtc
Rohan


Feb 26 2013, 2:08am

Post #23 of 24 (116 views)
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Thorin doesn't need no stinkin' directions [In reply to] Can't Post

He gets others to do the dirty work of navigation for him. So it's either Gandalf's fault, for failing to explain it properly, or Fili and Kili's, for failing to accompany him and carry him in a litter.


Kimtc
Rohan


Feb 26 2013, 2:43am

Post #24 of 24 (111 views)
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Another unanswerable question: [In reply to] Can't Post

Why are those orcs running around in broad daylight? It is sunny out there just outside the hidden passage. I mean, really now.

 
 

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