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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Main:
Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories
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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 10 2013, 2:14pm

Post #26 of 45 (420 views)
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They can't agree on whether Richard Armitage was better as an Elf // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 10 2013, 2:32pm

Post #27 of 45 (420 views)
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It all boils down to this question: who is better at forging metal weapons and objects? [In reply to] Can't Post

DWARVES: You've got to be joking. Dwarves are the best at forging ... anything!

ELVES: Ah, ahem, how many Rings of Power did the Dwarves make? And how many famous, accomplished swords with names? *cough Thorin wielded Orcrist cough*

DWARVES: He picked it up out of a Troll hoard out of convenience. So basically he didn't have anything else handy and he obtained it by dumpster-diving. Who wants a sword that GLOWS when foes are near, alerting them to your presence? And Orcrist's glow didn't even WORK. If Thorin had a Dwarf-made axe handy, he would have chosen that instead, and you know it.

ELVES: Why didn't he bring such an axe with him then? Yep, Dwarven metal weapons are so good that he chose to keep an ACTUAL TREE BRANCH FOR HIS PERSONAL SHIELD, very impressive endorsement of Dwarven metalworks there.

DWARVES: Oh yeah? Two words for you: Got mithril?

ELVES: Two more words for you: Durin's Bane?

It only got uglier and ugler after that.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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The Prancing Pony
Rivendell

Feb 10 2013, 6:07pm

Post #28 of 45 (405 views)
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It's all about the hair. [In reply to] Can't Post

To braid or not to braid? And who can do it prettier. Tongue

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Feb 10 2013, 7:01pm

Post #29 of 45 (407 views)
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Oh no. [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
"That would be me WIFE."



And then the fight began.

Laugh

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 10 2013, 7:18pm

Post #30 of 45 (399 views)
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It's all about their disagreement over who is more closely related to a particular celebrity. [In reply to] Can't Post

 
"He hired US to be his helpers (our distant cousins actually, smaller and more kid-friendly. Elves nonetheless.)"

"He is quite clearly Dwarf! Just look at his kinsman and spitting image: Balin."

"Well, the beasts he chose to pull his sleigh were inspired by the traditional mount ridden by the Elvenking of the woodland realm in Mirkwood."

"Oh really. Well, the whole idea of using a sleigh came from us."

"How??? Dwarves don't ride sleighs."

"No we don't, that was the Brown wizard Radagast. But Radagast appeared in OUR story and the idea was passed on because of OUR stories."

"That's a bit of a stretch. Have you read the Clemens poem? It says in black and white: a jolly old ELF."

"Have you seen the Ferrell movie? ANYBODY could be mistaken for an Elf!"

Et cetera.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 10 2013, 7:47pm

Post #31 of 45 (475 views)
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Started with the Elves' cultural misapprehension re: traditional Dwarven dancing styles [In reply to] Can't Post

The Elves made an error in encouraging the Dwarves to demonstrate what the Elves mistook for a traditional Dwarf dance. The Dwarves got upset when they had to explain:

"No, we do NOT traditionally dance in pairs by having one Dwarf perch on another Dwarf's shoulders and then have the top Dwarf wear a long trench coat and hat so that they look like one tall dancing man!"

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ziggy Stardust
Gondor


Feb 11 2013, 12:00am

Post #32 of 45 (374 views)
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That's it [In reply to] Can't Post

The Elves preferred the Beatles, and the Dwarves preferred the Rolling Stones. (As for me, I like both.) Wink


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2013, 7:24am

Post #33 of 45 (372 views)
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:D All very funny, but... [In reply to] Can't Post

I must admit that if I had been drinking something while reading, "That would be my wife", there would have been an embarrassing snarf situation. Laugh Give a person some warning next time Laugh

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2013, 7:28am

Post #34 of 45 (357 views)
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And wasn't there something... [In reply to] Can't Post

about buttering toast on top vs. buttering toast on the bottom?

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2013, 7:33am

Post #35 of 45 (362 views)
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Me too :) [In reply to] Can't Post

Most people I know like them both, but when pressed to choose just one, things seem to get heated pretty quickly.Cool

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


NottaSackville
Tol Eressea

Feb 11 2013, 1:06pm

Post #36 of 45 (354 views)
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Camp Viggo vs Camp Stuart // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Happiness: money matters, but less than we think and not in the way that we think. Family is important and so are friends, while envy is toxic -- and so is excessive thinking. Beaches are optional. Trust is not. Neither is gratitude. - The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner as summarized by Lily Fairbairn. And a bit of the Hobbit reading thrown in never hurts. - NottaSackville


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 12 2013, 4:00am

Post #37 of 45 (347 views)
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I think I have a solution [In reply to] Can't Post

Here's an idea. Everybody on these Middle Earth Conspiracy and other game threads should get special monitor and keyboard protectors: the TOLKBLOCKER (TM). It would be a special clear polymer membrane sheet that blocks spit-takes. It could be customized with translucent Tolkien-themed laser graphics. That might discourage game participants from spitting coffee all over, say, a close-up glamour portrait of Thorin for example if that's what floats your boat.

Thanks zarabia, and I'm glad you didn't ruin your computer peripherals this time! LaughSmile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 13 2013, 6:41am

Post #38 of 45 (329 views)
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That's actually kinda sad [In reply to] Can't Post

Camp Viggo = tens of millions / Camp Stuart = his immediate family?

I've liked Stuart Townsend in some things, but what was PJ thinking to even consider him for Aragorn?! Shocked

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Tol Eressea


Feb 13 2013, 6:45am

Post #39 of 45 (325 views)
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Good idea :) [In reply to] Can't Post

But my dignity that was more in danger than my keyboard. I'm afraid there's no product out there to keep me from looking uncool. TongueLaugh

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 13 2013, 2:02pm

Post #40 of 45 (351 views)
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If you ever figure out a product or idea [In reply to] Can't Post

that works for you, would you kindly share with me, cuz I sure could use it! CrazyLaughSmile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 14 2013, 5:01pm

Post #41 of 45 (312 views)
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*****APPLAUSE **** [In reply to] Can't Post

That is priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smile Weaponsmithing for Dummies...please please publish it.

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 14 2013, 10:55pm

Post #42 of 45 (304 views)
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*Bow* :-) [In reply to] Can't Post

Hehe thanks!

Publish which, though?† (Probably you meant the jokes, as opposed to an instruction manual of weaponsmithing for the "remedial learner", so:): any suggestions on how one might go about publishing something like that? Is there a magazine or something that features that kind of thing? If so, I imagine many of us here might try to publish in it.

Somebody more knowledgeable than me might be able to write a how-to book for the "metallurgically limited" on the art of metalshaping, in a well-meaning but blatantly condescending tone as addressed by an Elf to a Dwarf. That would be pretty funny! Laugh

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 15 2013, 3:11am

Post #43 of 45 (333 views)
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Heck I want the book [In reply to] Can't Post

what a great project. Will need one of those screen-protector doodads though or lots of spewed fluid will be sloshing about in my laptop. Consider writing it! It would be brilliant!

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.

(This post was edited by Brethil on Feb 15 2013, 3:14am)


Draupne
Forum Admin / Moderator

Feb 17 2013, 3:30pm

Post #44 of 45 (285 views)
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And which end of the egg you should break first. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Feb 17 2013, 4:37pm

Post #45 of 45 (392 views)
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And also: which came first, the chicken... [In reply to] Can't Post

or the Elves?

Smile

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;

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