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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Movie Discussion: The Hobbit:
If the Hobbit were Directed By...
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Kangi Ska
Half-elven


Jan 23 2013, 2:11pm

Post #51 of 57 (182 views)
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Bilbo's Big Adventure [In reply to] Can't Post

The Quest would end at The Alamo in San Antonio Texas.

Kangi Ska Resident Trickster & Wicked White Crebain
Life is an adventure, not a contest.

At night you can not tell if crows are black or white.
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Oin's parasite
Rivendell


Jan 23 2013, 3:36pm

Post #52 of 57 (229 views)
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Wes Anderson [In reply to] Can't Post

All the actors would be new faces save Gandalf who would be played by Bill Murray and Bilbo who would be Jason Swartzman.The main color templant for the entire movie would be oranges, browns, and reds. It would all be shot in a small town in Washington, and there would be all sorts of quirky dialog throughout

"Good Morning"
"Bilbo , want to go kill a dragon?"
-akward silence-
-Bilbo takes puff from pipe-
"Why not."
-Aucostic guitar plays quirky tune and we cut to the title which is on a consruction paper backdrop-

"I've got parasites as big as my arm!"


AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Jan 23 2013, 3:42pm

Post #53 of 57 (164 views)
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Aha-ha-ha! [In reply to] Can't Post

"my breath death!" Too funny! LaughLaughLaugh



I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG!
My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears!
The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death!


AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Jan 23 2013, 4:01pm

Post #54 of 57 (196 views)
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John Hughes [In reply to] Can't Post

Thorin, popular high school senior, fakes a bout of dragon-sickness and skips school. He drags along his reluctant homebody friend, Bilbo, and his girlfriend, AlassŽa Eruvande, on one last epic quest before they head off to college. However, the school's principal, Azog, believes Thorin's dragon-sickness is an excuse for truancy, and pursues the trio. Along the way, the heroes stop to visit an art museum in Rivendell, where Bilbo has an existential moment with his forehead pressed up against the moon crystal table. As they leave Rivendell, they are almost spotted by Thorin's dad, Gandalf, as he looks out the window at his office, where he is engaged in yet another mind numbing White Council.
Thorin, Bilbo, and AlassŽa join in an ethnic pride Von Goblin Day parade, which gets slightly out of hand, and they are chased to the tune of "Twist and Shout", dodging orcs and running down impossibly steep paths. They narrowly miss being crushed by The Great Goblin as he falls into the arms of the girls at the end of the song.

...to be continued in films 2 & 3.
Tongue



I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG!
My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears!
The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death!


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Jan 23 2013, 6:02pm

Post #55 of 57 (183 views)
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Cue music for the chase by Orcs scene: [In reply to] Can't Post

....that song that goes "[computerized] (bom bom) [basso:] OOOOOOOH YEAHHH.....! [Whispered:] chick-a-chick-ahhh!"

That is great stuff AE! Laugh Laughx5!!!!

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;


Elenorflower
Gondor


Jan 23 2013, 6:47pm

Post #56 of 57 (160 views)
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If John Yates directed [In reply to] Can't Post

 the magical atmosphere would have been destroyed to be replaced by mundane dark mirky lighting.


Brethil
Half-elven


Jan 26 2013, 1:03am

Post #57 of 57 (164 views)
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David Lynch ala Dune [In reply to] Can't Post

Magnificently painted cloth backdrop landscapes fluttering in the breeze.

There's already a fat sweaty bad guy, so theres a spot for the Great Goblin. Easy.

The mysteries of magic would be expressed clearly by everyone magical zapping each other with enormous blasty ray guns.

On the plus side maybe Thorin could step out of the spa in the teeny loincloth...?

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.

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