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The Lord of the Socks parody?

The Shire

Jan 11 2013, 2:40am

Post #1 of 7 (173 views)
The Lord of the Socks parody? Can't Post

Sometime in the early 2000s, I read a delightfully silly kid-written parody of Galadriel's prologue to Peter Jackson's FOTR and I wondered if anyone else knows about it. It was called "The Lord of the Socks" and I would quite like to find it again if anyone knows where it might be. It involved Socks of Power and had a general laundry theme (Mt. Oxyclean was mentioned, I believe), but mostly I remember laughing my head off at Gollum's indignant response to Galadriel calling his dwelling-place a "cave." For some reason, his line -- "It's an apartment, precious!" has stuck with me most tenaciously over the years and springs to my mind whenever I find myself bleakly staring at the walls and unpacked boxes upon my acquisition of a new residence. Wink

I don't know how widely this piece circulated online, who wrote it, or whether it is still out there. Googling returned a few LOTR parodies involving socks, but I couldn't find this one (and the person who sent it to me no longer remembers the site on which she found it). If this story sounds familiar to you, I would be most appreciative if you would point me in the right direction!

Many thanks!


Jan 11 2013, 8:59am

Post #2 of 7 (132 views)
Googling ... [In reply to] Can't Post

Lord of the socks "oxiclean", comes up with this.

Is this it?

(This post was edited by DanielLB on Jan 11 2013, 9:00am)

The Shire

Jan 13 2013, 1:39am

Post #3 of 7 (109 views)
Hmmm [In reply to] Can't Post

It seems extremely similar to what I read, but is not exactly the same. It looks as though it was probably written by the same person, so perhaps the version I wanted got edited out of existence at some point (which would be a shame, since I think it was better). In any case, thank you very much!

Tol Eressea

Jan 13 2013, 5:45pm

Post #4 of 7 (85 views)
please pardon any copyright no-no's!! [In reply to] Can't Post

Three were given to the Elves; immortal, wisest and most fashionable of all beings. Seven, to the Dwarf Lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine socks were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else desire warm feet. For within these socks was bound the elastic and wool to govern over each race. But they were all of them deceived, for a new sock was made. In the land of Mordor, in the dryers of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron knitted in secret, a master sock, to control all others. And into this sock he poured all his cruelty, his lint and his will to dominate all life. One sock to rule them all.

One by one, the free peoples of Middle Earth fell to the power of the Sock. But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the very lint trap of Mount Doom, they fought for the freedom of Middle-Earth. Victory was near, but the power of the sock could not be unraveled. It was in this moment, when all bright colors had faded, that Isildur, son of the king, took up his father's shoe. And Sauron, enemy of the free peoples of Middle-Earth, was defeeted. The Sock passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the feet of men are easily warmed. And the sock of power has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur, to his death. And some things that should not have been woven were lost.

History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the sock passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, the sock ensnared another wearer. The sock came to the creature Gollum, who wore it deep into the tunnels under the Misty Mountains, and there it consumed him. The sock gave to Gollum unnaturally bald legs. For five hundred years it poisoned his mind; and in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the hampers of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a sockless foot, and the Sock of Power perceived. Its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum. But then something happened that the Sock did not intend. It was picked up by the most unshod creature imaginable. A hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, of the Shire. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the wardrobes of all...


Tol Eressea

Jan 13 2013, 5:59pm

Post #5 of 7 (109 views)
ah--here's where I first saw that parody... [In reply to] Can't Post


back in the fall of 2008!

(This post was edited by batik on Jan 13 2013, 6:00pm)

The Shire

Jan 13 2013, 11:39pm

Post #6 of 7 (85 views)
Socksses [In reply to] Can't Post

Thank you. I'm getting the impression that sock-themed parodies are more widespread than I had previously guessed!

Aragalen the Green

Jan 14 2013, 1:28am

Post #7 of 7 (107 views)
*Groans* [In reply to] Can't Post

I thought "Bored of the Rings" was bad enough :)

" Well well!", said a voice. "Just look! Bilbo the hobbit on a pony, my dear! Isn't it delicious!"
"Most astonishing wonderful!"


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