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Henoluin Elsilim
Rivendell
May 24 2009, 7:23pm
Post #1 of 20
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Kirk and crew vs. Aragorn and gang
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Ok, so we have Kirk, Spock, and Dr. McCoy, vs. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. No weapons allowed (fazers, swords, bows, axes, none of them.) and Kirk can't have Scotty beam them abord the Enterprise if things get hairy. Spock is allowed to use his many Vulcan knock-out touch and such if he can get close enough to use it. Neither side is trying to kill, if it can be avoided.
Feel free to play it out and make it fun! 
~ Henoluin ~
TEAM McAVOY!!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
May 24 2009, 7:42pm
Post #2 of 20
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They approach Kirk and co from upwind and render the Enterprise gang dizzy from their unwashed sweaty 'manly scent', then tie them up to be declared the victors.
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
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Pansy
Bree
May 25 2009, 5:06pm
Post #3 of 20
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Gimli puts down Bones in a heart beat. (Damn it Jim, Im a doctor not a Wrestler!)
Spock trys to pinch Aragorn but it has no effect. King Aragorn is chewing athelas which boosts his healing powers to the max.
Aragorns Human/Maiar Dna makes him an even match to Spock's Human/Vulcan Dna so they Tie.
this leaves Kirk and Legolas ... Legolas reminds Kirk of Finnigan - Elvishness is close to Irishness, Like Finnigan, Legolas the eternally youthful teases Kirk. Legolas leads Kirk on a Merry chase until Kirk catches him and happily whales the tar out of him.
final overall score is a tie.
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SirDennisC
Half-elven
May 26 2009, 1:34am
Post #4 of 20
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send Arwen ahead to distract Jim and then they take the entire Starship crew unawares from behind.
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Henoluin Elsilim
Rivendell
May 26 2009, 6:59pm
Post #5 of 20
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All three of these are awesome! I cracked up reading them. 
~ Henoluin ~
TEAM McAVOY!!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup
(This post was edited by Henoluin Elsilim on May 26 2009, 7:00pm)
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Padster
Bree
May 27 2009, 7:48am
Post #6 of 20
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Star Trek wins, to my complete shame!
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Now I’m the biggest LOTR fan that exists currently across the Multiverse, but I am struggling to see the three hunters come out on top here.
ROUND ONE
Kirk vs. Aragorn
A tough fight. Kirk’s prayer-fist-hammer blows are Legend, but then Aragorn is of ancient and strong stock, first (for a long time) of the Dunedain to hark back in presence and physique to the potent Númenórean people.
Kirk is one of the best Star Fleet can produce, but he is a product of a society that has allowed weaknesses to breed within it, even as ours does. It’s not wrong to allow this, but I don’t think the BEST of the 23rd century could win against the best of the Third Age.
After a long brutal fight, Kirk goes down, but Aragorn is badly bruised and cut up.
Spock vs. Legolas
Well, I am assuming that Legolas is way too lithe to allow Spoke to get a neck-pinch, and so his main disabling attack can be ignored for now. So let’s assume a slugathon. In which case Legolas is gonna get beaten black and blue!
Did you SEE the Star Trek episode where him an Kirk fight and Spock chops at Kirk, who defends himself with some super-metal than only a God could bend. Spock’s attack bends it to a right angle! Now that may be unrealistic, but it’s in the Star Trek canon.
Spock pulverises poor Legolas, with limited exertions.
McCoy vs. Gimli
Poor McCoy just isn’t nasty enough to win a fight, especially against this dirty ball of bone, muscle and hair. Gimli triumphs fairly easily.
ROUND TWO
Spock vs. Aragorn (in bad shape) and Gimli (in much better shape)
Being still pretty much in top form Spock is circled by an exhausted Aragon and an eager Gimli. Recognising his state of being, Aragon feints, giving Gimli the opportunity to rush Spock. Sadly not even Gimli’s bull-strength and low centre of gravity is enough to beat Spock. Indeed his Vulcan strength is more than a match for the short runt. Gimli attempts to take out Spock’s legs and at the same time Aragorn attacks high, although somewhat gingerly, due to the significant blows James T managed to land.
As Aragorn and Gimli attack, Spock decides to ride with the blows. As Gmili takes out his legs, Spock is flipped over Gimili’s head, allowing him the opportunity for his hand to snake out and neck-pinch the over-enthusiastic dwarf. Gimli drops like a stone, while Spock and Aragorn role about in the aftermath of the hunters double tag.
Spock’s native Vulcan strength is now too much for the already battered Aragorn. Spock avoids the temptation for a neck-pinch, preferring to use is obvious superior strength to batter Aragorn some more. Aragorn does not last long.
So, sadly, on this occasion the Star Trek Universe wins. Maybe a few top Noldor would stand more of a chance?
Cheers
Padster
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Pansy
Bree
May 28 2009, 2:43am
Post #7 of 20
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Do you mean Rand & Uhura against Eowyn & Arwen ?? mmm catfight //
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Padster
Bree
May 28 2009, 11:07am
Post #8 of 20
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...Feanor, Thingol and Galadriel vs. Kirk, Spock and Scotty. No McCoy, he is to civilised, and that puts a dent in how nasty you're willing to be in a fight most of the time.
Maybe the Sons of Finwe (Feanor, Fingolfin, Finarfin) vs. Kirk, Spock and Scotty.
Maybe the eldest sons of the sons of Finwe (Maedhros, Fingon and Finrod) vs. Kirk, Spock and Scotty.
Maybe the three greatest Edain (Hurin, Turin and probably Beren One-hand) vs. Kirk, Spock and Scotty.
Cheers
Padster
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Dreamdeer
Valinor
May 28 2009, 4:08pm
Post #9 of 20
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And completely objective. Most logical!
Life is beautiful and dangerous! Beware! Enjoy!
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Dreamdeer
Valinor
May 28 2009, 4:13pm
Post #10 of 20
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Middle Earth wins a catfight, no contest. How fast it ends depends on modesty. If Uhuru and Rand worry excessively about keeping their miniskirts hiding what they were (poorly) designed to do, then Arwen and Eowyn could best them in a blink. If they're too mad to care about modesty or ripped pantyhose, then Uhuru would last longer than Rand (Uhuru's always had some spunk in her) but both would inevitably fall to the elf and the shieldmaiden. That's what comes of relying too much on phasers.
Life is beautiful and dangerous! Beware! Enjoy!
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Henoluin Elsilim
Rivendell
May 28 2009, 6:26pm
Post #11 of 20
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You played that out to the max. Awesome!
As much as I hate to admite it, I think you're pretty much right. Spock would beat all three of them. Maybe now someone should play it out with a bunch of the lords of the Noldor, like you suggested, and see how that fight would go down! To have Scotty replace McCoy would be fun. He'd be much more of a challange. Any guy who can deck a klingon deserves to be put up there with the best of them!
~ Henoluin ~
TEAM McAVOY!!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup
(This post was edited by Henoluin Elsilim on May 28 2009, 6:27pm)
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almas_sparks
Rohan
Jun 1 2009, 9:50pm
Post #12 of 20
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ST(the new movie) wins hands down. Why? Kirk will re-program the fight to win it and munch on an apple while doing so! 
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Henoluin Elsilim
Rivendell
Jun 2 2009, 6:01pm
Post #13 of 20
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Thats both hilarious and very likely to be true.
Loved the [new] movie. T'was awesome!
~ Henoluin ~
TEAM McAVOY!!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup
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ring master
The Shire
Jul 9 2009, 1:01am
Post #14 of 20
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I think Bones would hide out in a corner to watch the mayhem unfold. Then he remembers his doctor thing. He pulls out a vile of knock out stuff and sprays it everywhere. That worked on everyone but Bones, Jim(ran away then came back), and Aragorn who took no affect from the spray.
Aragorn quickly kills of McCoy with simple pulp making blows. He makes for Kirk and "kills" him. YAY! LOTR wins!
NOT !!!!!! Spock comes back from being knocked out and viciously walks toward Strider. He Vulcan mind-melds the dude and show him some scary things which paralyzing Aragorn with fear. Spock (who is very pissed at this point) picks up a basketball sized rock and shoves it into Aragorn's chest sending his foe up in a puff of smoke. So Spock went and killed off the knocked out LOTR guys and walks over to Jim finding that he is still alive (sort of). He takes him off to the Enterprise and heals him up some. But James Tiberius Kirk was maimed for life and later committed suicide to dispose of that jacked up body.
Later... Aragorn conscience appears into a random dying body and says, "I will have my vengeance!!" He is later known to become Professor Xavier.
Sadly, I believe Star Trek won...
OOPS!
Help to stop the dark lord!
Ring Master
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Henoluin Elsilim
Rivendell
Jul 9 2009, 6:13pm
Post #15 of 20
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That was great! I get the feeling that you're not much of a Kirk/Star Trek fan, am I wrong? Thanks for this! It made me laugh, whihc is always a good thing.
~ Henoluin ~
James McAvoy for Bilbo!
Gerard Butler for Bard!
Logan Bartholowmew for Thranduil!!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup
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FantasyFan
Rohan
Jul 10 2009, 2:06pm
Post #16 of 20
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Actually, I think they filmed this as a Star Trek episode
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Portions of this remind me of "Ponn Farr," a very classic TOS episode.
"That is one thing that Men call 'hope.' Amdir we call it, 'looking up.' But there is another which is founded deeper. Estel we call it, that is 'trust.' It is not defeated by the ways of the world, for it does not come from experience, but from our nature and First Being. If we are indeed the Eruhin, the Children of the One, then He will not suffer Himself to be deprived of His own, not by any enemy, not even by ourselves. This is the last foundation of estel, which we keep even when we contemplate the End. Of all His designs the issue must be for His children's joy."
Finrod, Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth, HoME X Morgoth's Ring
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ring master
The Shire
Jul 11 2009, 2:21am
Post #17 of 20
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LOL! Its funny that you would think that but some might even consider me to be a Star Trek nerd!
Help to stop the dark lord!
Ring Master
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Henoluin Elsilim
Rivendell
Jul 13 2009, 6:02pm
Post #18 of 20
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I just thought maybe cuz of the way you kinda poked some fun at Kirk there concerning him killing himself to get rid of his 'jacked up body' that maybe you weren't much of a Trekfan. Glad I was wrong! But Kirk is fun to make fun of sometimes isn't he?
Live long and Prosper, ring master! 
~ Henoluin ~
James McAvoy for Bilbo!
Gerard Butler for Bard!
Logan Bartholowmew for Thranduil!!
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy, and good with ketchup
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ring master
The Shire
Jul 20 2009, 8:40pm
Post #19 of 20
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Nope, that was just another element to the story. Finally, someone who understands me! Kirk is kind of the person that would get made fun of.
Peace and long life, Henoliun Elsilim.
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