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Why I brought up the Bullying subject here
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Elizabeth
Valinor


Mar 23 2009, 9:45pm

Post #51 of 60 (280 views)
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Ok, you disagreed [In reply to] Can't Post

...with some of the others in that thread. Yes, you expressed yourself well. Yes, they did, too. No, no one changed their view as a result. But is this really "bullying"?

If we can't disagree (and, after discussion, agree to disagree), this will become a pretty dull board. There are valid differences of opinion on matters relating to Tolkien, other literature, politics, religion, and many other real-life issues. IMO all we can expect of people is that they express their disagreement as logically as possible and refrain from name-calling and personal insults (which, IMO, we usually do).





The Rohirrim, by Peter Xavier Price

Elizabeth is the TORnsib formerly known as 'erather'


Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven


Mar 24 2009, 12:11am

Post #52 of 60 (346 views)
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At the risk of piling on, I was thinking this same thing myself. [In reply to] Can't Post

It can be very painful to be in a group discussion and be alone or only one of a couple people who have one opinion, when everyone else has the opposite opinion, and not be able to convince anyone else. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have felt pretty bad, I'm sure. But not being able to convince others is not the same as being bullied by others.

And if I got to the point where a certain topic was particularly painful for me, and the rest of the forum members consistently disagreed with me, I would probably eventually avoid those threads. It's hard for me to say because that hasn't happened to me here. I'm just trying to figure out what I would do. On the other hand, I might just stay in and argue, if it was something important enough to me. But in that case I'd try to remain aware that it was the topic we were arguing about, and that my sibbies weren't attacking me personally.

One other thing I've had to remind myself of several times through the years is that with a handful of exceptions (which keeps growing through the years) the people on TORn are not really my friends. They are friendly acquaintances. And some aren't even really acquaintances, just strangers I've only met a time or two. But it's not the job of people on this forum to support me emotionally, though some of them have (in spades!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



(This post was edited by Aunt Dora Baggins on Mar 24 2009, 12:12am)


Annael
Half-elven


Mar 24 2009, 2:10pm

Post #53 of 60 (220 views)
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that's my reaction too [In reply to] Can't Post

Holding a minority opinion and feeling the need to defend it and repeat it (once again) indicates to me only that it is, in fact, a minority opinion - not that the holder of that opinion is being "bullied." I'm a graduate student who regularly receives criticism from professors, and I work with a counselor who does not hesitate to point out how I trip myself up. This is helpful criticism, although sometimes hard to take because it requires me to take responsibility and change something I am doing. But I can't recall the last time someone "hurt my feelings" - that is, I don't recall a time when someone who knew and loved me and that I knew and respected said something deliberately malicious. Thoughtless, perhaps, but thoughtless remarks bother me less and less as I age - especially as I know my own propensity to be thoughtless sometimes. Hence, one of my favorite quotes: "Never attribute to malice that which you can attribute to stupidity."

Plus, there's no one out there who is ever as hard on me as I am on myself!

What is the knocking?
What is the knocking at the door in the night?
It is somebody wants to do us harm.
No, no, it is the three strange angels.
Let them come in
- DH Lawrence
* * * * * * * * * *
NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967


simplyaven
Grey Havens


Mar 24 2009, 2:43pm

Post #54 of 60 (214 views)
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It also depends on one's sensitivity [In reply to] Can't Post

If one considers bullying only if there are broken noses and emergency visits, another one will consider bullying inappropriate tone. Being in the virtual world of Internet, I can't figure out how the first option will happen. I joined the thread then because another user was qualified homophobe or at least this was the term used in a number of posts. It sounded extremely inappropriate to me. not to mention it strongly contradicted with my understanding of good manners. It was the first discussion on TORN which made me feel disappointed namely because I didn't see the usual willingness to listen to what the other has to say. I have nothing more to say. I quit the discussion because it wasn't going anywhere and yes, I will also avoid such topics in the future as I'm not willing to spoil my day. However, what I argued in the post above was Annael's vision towards what makes one feel hurt which sounded like we were homophobes and because we felt this is a weak spot of ours, that's why we felt hurt. Simply not true.

Culinary journey through Middle Earth continues! Join us on the Main board!

I believe


orcbane
Gondor


Mar 24 2009, 4:10pm

Post #55 of 60 (253 views)
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(looks simplyaven in the virtual eye) [In reply to] Can't Post

Rob Stangroom - The Jedi Song http://www.youtube.com/...GB&v=nSztcxlQrjk

Wink

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A new name I take to myself. Njarro-Huan


simplyaven
Grey Havens


Mar 24 2009, 6:17pm

Post #56 of 60 (204 views)
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Bwa ha ha! Hillarious! :) // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Culinary journey through Middle Earth continues! Join us on the Main board!

I believe


Annael
Half-elven


Mar 24 2009, 8:06pm

Post #57 of 60 (204 views)
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A better interpretation of what I meant [In reply to] Can't Post

would be that someone else implying that you were homophobic triggered some kind of fear or pushed a button for you that might, in fact, have nothing at all to do with the specific words used. It could be something as simple as a fear of being judged by others. I find if I can get past the "hurt feelings" (or anger) of my initial reaction and look closer at why I am bothered, it often turns out to be something that simple (and reasonable). And then - for me, anyway - it's a lot easier when it happens again (and it will) not to feel hurt, but instead to think "Tsk. It's so annoying when people do that!"

In other words, to make it their problem, not mine, if they are so prone to being judgmental . . .

What is the knocking?
What is the knocking at the door in the night?
It is somebody wants to do us harm.
No, no, it is the three strange angels.
Let them come in
- DH Lawrence
* * * * * * * * * *
NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967


Aerin
Grey Havens


Mar 24 2009, 8:11pm

Post #58 of 60 (201 views)
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Right. [In reply to] Can't Post

Simple disagreement does not constitute bullying. I haven't followed every thread on every board over the years -- far from it -- but the only examples of "bullying" I've personally seen are

(1) people explicitly trying to drive out others with whom they disagree, by stating that people should not be allowed to express certain opinions or discuss certain topics, even when they are well within TORn guidelines (e.g., discussion of the movies). It has been years since I've seen this.

(2) people making explicit personal attacks on others (i.e., calling them names or criticizing their character) rather than responding to the content of their posts. This seems to be quite rare.

If we all agreed on everything, there wouldn't be much point in discussing!

Hobbit Family Histories


Annael
Half-elven


Mar 24 2009, 8:32pm

Post #59 of 60 (213 views)
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for example [In reply to] Can't Post

you could say "that Annael, she wants to make everything all about our subconscious."

And you'd be right!

Wink

What is the knocking?
What is the knocking at the door in the night?
It is somebody wants to do us harm.
No, no, it is the three strange angels.
Let them come in
- DH Lawrence
* * * * * * * * * *
NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967


Penthe
Gondor


Mar 28 2009, 8:44am

Post #60 of 60 (367 views)
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Yes, I agree with Finding Frodo [In reply to] Can't Post

I would say, Orcbane, that you are provocative from time to time, but I would never have thought you were disliked.

I hope you don't really think you are generally disliked around here.

Now?

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