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The Unofficial Bored of the Rings Discussion: Chapter IX, Minas Troney In the Soup, Part 6: If He Says That One More Time...

dernwyn
Guardian of the Galaxy / Moderator


Feb 16, 8:17pm

Post #1 of 7 (1186 views)
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The Unofficial Bored of the Rings Discussion: Chapter IX, Minas Troney In the Soup, Part 6: If He Says That One More Time... Can't Post

Finally...the end is near!

The glorious army that drew up before the Black Gate numbered somewhat less than the original thousands. It numbered seven, to be exact, and might have been less had not seven merinos finally bolted for freedom out from under their riders. Cautiously, Arrowroot looked upon the Black Gate to Fordor. It was many times a man in height and painted a flashy red. Both halves were labeled OUT.


1. It's been a while; can you remember the names of the seven who would be sheep-less-ly standing here?

2. The Black Gate is painted...red? Flashy red?

3. If these are the "OUT" doors, where are the "IN" doors? Or would Fordor expect any of its minions going Out to come back In?


"They will issue from here," Arrowroot explained. "Let us unfurl our battle standard."

Dutifully Goodgulf fitted together his cue and attached the white cloth.

"But that is not our standard," said Arrowroot.

"Bets?" said Gimlet.

"Better Sorhed than no head," said Goodgulf as he bent his sword into a plowshare. ]



4. Arrowroot wins the "Captain Obvious" award...unless, of course, Fordor has other "OUT" doors.

5. Note that Goodgulf carries a pool cue, not a staff. Although doubtless he has engaged in many magical moments with that cue (he just needs the balls for it Tongue).

6. Not an easy thing to do, bending a typical sword into a plowshare! But considering what kind of sword the wizard would carry, though, that might be easy to do.


Suddenly Arrowroot's eyes bugged.

"Lo!" he cried.

Black flags were raised in the black towers and the gate opened like an angry maw to upchuck its evil spew. Out poured an army the likes of which was never seen. Forth from the gate burst a hundred thousand rabid narcs swinging bicycle chains and tire irons, followed by drooling divisions of pop-eyed changelings, deranged zombies, and distempered werewolves. At their shoulders marched eight score heavily armored griffins, three thousand goose-stepping mummies, and a column of abominable snowmen on motorized bobsleds; at their flanks tramped six companies of slavering ghouls, eighty parched vampires in white tie, and the Phantom of the Opera. Above them the sky was blackened by the dark shapes of vicious pelicans, houseflies the size of two-car garages, and Rodan the Flying Monster. Through the portals streamed more foes of various forms and descriptions, including a six-legged diplodocus, the Loch Ness Monster, King Kong, Godzilla, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, the Beast with 1,000,000 Eyes, the Brain from Planet Arous, three different subphyla of giant insects, the Thing, It, She, Them, and the Blob. The great tumult of their charge could have waked the dead, were they not already bringing up the rear.

"Lo," warned Stomper, "the enemy approaches."



7. Well, this is certainly overkill, literally! An amazing menagerie is being vomited from the gut of Fordor. We have:
- 100,000 of BotR's specialized biker narcs
- Changelings (of the fairy-tale variety), zombies, werewolves (can a werewolf NOT be distempered?)
- 160 griffins
- 3,000 Nazi mummies (no doubt perturbed at the way Hitler treated the daddies)
- Abominable snowmen on bobsleds - this is an adorable image, very Disney-esque!
- 1,200 ghouls
- 80 elegant vampires
- Pelicans, houseflies from Texas, the Dead (probably not Grateful)
- Individuals: the Phantom of the Opera, Rodan, Loch Ness Monster, King Kong, Godzilla, Creature, Beast, the Brain, the Thing, It, She, Them, the Blob. Oh, also a mutant diplodocus, which could benefit from an extra pair of legs.



What a great mingling of 50's B movies monsters! Did the authors leave anyone out? Any thoughts on how long it would take this mob to actually exit through the gates?



Goodgulf gripped his cue with an iron hand as the others huddled around him in a last, shivering tableau before the fiendish onslaught.

"Vell, ve going bye-bye," Eorache said as she crushed Arrowroot in a sweet, final embrace.

"Farewell," squeaked Arrowroot. "We will die heroes."

"Perhaps," sobbed Moxie, "we shall meet in better lands than this."

"Wouldn't be difficult," agreed Pepsi as he made out his will.

"So long, shrimp," Legolam said to Gimlet.

"Be seein' ya, creep," replied the dwarf.



8. Legolam and Gimlet: now that is true friendship!



"Lo!" exclaimed Arrowroot, rising from his knees.

"If he says that once more," said Gimlet, "I'll croak him myself."

But all eyes followed the Ranger-King's shaking pinkie. The sky was filling with a bright puce smog, and there came in a great wind a blatting noise similar to that made by certain Rings when they give up the ghost. The black ranks wavered in their march, stopped, and began to fidget. Suddenly, cries of anguish were heard from above and black pelicans fell from the sky, their Black Riders desperately struggling with ripcords. The narc hordes shrieked, threw down their tire irons, and hotfooted it toward the open gate. But as the narcs and their scaly allies turned back to safety, they were changed as if by magic into pillars of garlic. The terrible army had vanished and all that remained were a few white mice and a soggy pumpkin.

"Sorhed's army is no more!" cried Arrowroot, catching the drift.



9. What, if any, significance is there to the fog being "puce", other than the color's very similar sound to "puke"? The "blat" from a "great wind" is rather obvious.

10. Parachutes! Now why didn't Sauron arm his Nazgul with those?

11. Pillars of garlic: did you catch the Biblical reference here?

12. Thoughts on which creatures could have been the white mice and pumpkin?



Then a dark shadow raced along the plain. Looking up, they saw a large pink eagle circle the battleground, correct for windage, and skid to a creditable three-point landing in front of them, bearing the two haggard, yet familiar, passengers.

"Frito! Spam!" cried the seven.

"Goodgulf! Arrowroot! Moxie! Pepsi! Legolam! Gimlet! Eorache!" cried the boggies.

"Stow it," growled Gwahno the Windlord. "I'm already behind schedule."



13. What a fun use of the Eagle rescue! But notice its placement in the story: what is the difference between this scene, and that in LotR?


Gleefully, the rest of the company and Eorache clambered aboard the eagle's broad back, eager for the sight of Minas Troney. The great bird taxied along the plain, and, shaking some ice from his tailfeathers, bounded gracelessly into the air.

"Fasten your seatbelts," cautioned Gwahno, looking over his wing at Arrowroot, "and use those paper bags. That's what they're there for, mac."

The reunited wayfarers soared high into the sky and caught a convenient westbound jet stream that brought them over the fair city of Minas Troney in a few short words.

"Nice tail wind today," grunted Gwahno.

The overloaded eagle dipped its wings and crash-landed before the very gates of the seven-ringed city.



14. I get such a chuckle from this passage! The eagle shaking ice from its tailfeathers (indicating how high it had been flying), a "nice tail wind", and dipping its wings to crash-land. (And, in the next line, "debirded".)


Wearily, yet happily, the company debirded and accepted the cheering adulation of the huge throngs, who tearfully pelted them with cigar bands and Rice Krispies. Arrowroot gave no thought to their praise, however; he was still using his bag. Nevertheless, a bevy of comely elf-maidens drew nigh the preoccupied Ranger bearing a rich crown of all aluminum and set with many a sparkling aggie.

"It's the crown!" cried Frito, "the Crown of Lafresser!"

Then the elfin honeys placed the Royal Porkpie over Stomper's eyes and robed him in the shimmering tinsel of Twodor's True King. Arrowroot opened his mouth, but the Crown slipped down around his neck and gagged his acceptance speech. The gay throngs took this as a good omen and went home. Arrowroot turned to Frito and beamed mutely. Frito bowed low at this silent thanks, but his brows were knitted with another matter.


15. Rice is traditionally thrown at some weddings to signify "prosperity, fertility, and good fortune", so it's not unusual to see it thrown here. Would tossing Rice Krispies cereal be "softer" than tossing uncooked rice?

16. Until an efficient process for separating aluminum from other ores was developed in the late 1880's, the metal was considered more valuable than gold! It is said that King Christian of Denmark had a crown made of aluminum. So considering the technology of the world of BotR, a crown of this metal would indeed be fit for a king. But by the '60s, aluminum foil was so commonplace, that the average person had no idea of its scarcity just a hundred years prior.


17. How many of you know what an "aggie" is? What, you've never played marbles?

18. Okay, I need some help with locating the origin of "Lafresser"! Other than "fresser" being the French for "to spank", my searching has provided no results. What was "Lafresser" during the '60s, when this was written?

19. A porkpie hat was so-called due to its resemblance to a porkpie:


So the description is in error, since the crown must not have had a closed top, else slipping "down around his neck" would have completely covered Arrowroot's face and muffled, rather than gagged, his speech.

20. Frito knitting his brows again! Do you remember when he last knitted them - but dropped a stich?


"You have destroyed the Great Ring, and the gratitude of all Lower Middle Earth is yours," spoke Goodgulf, clapping an approving hand on Frito's wallet. "I now grant you one wish in payment for your heroism. All you have to do is ask."

Frito stood on tiptoe and whispered in the kindly old Wizard's ear.

"Down the street to the left," nodded Goodgulf. "You can't miss it."



21. Does it every bother you that characters in various stories never mention having to "visit the necessary"?


So it was that the Great Ring was unmade and Sorhed's power destroyed forever. Arrowroot of Arrowshirt and Eorache soon were wedded, and the old Wizard prophesied that eight monocled and helmeted offspring would soon be smashing the palace furniture. Pleased by this, the King made Goodgulf Wizard Without Portfolio to the newly conquered Fordorian lands and gave him a fat expense account, to be voided only if he ever decided to set foot back in Twodor. To Gimlet the dwarf, Arrowroot granted a scrap-metal franchise on Sorhed's surplus war engines; to Legolam, he granted the right to rename Chikken Noodul "Ringland" and run the souvenir concession at the Zazu Pits. Lastly, to the four boggies he gave the Royal Handshake, and one-way tickets aboard Gwahno back to the Sty. Of Sorhed, little was heard again, though if he returned, Arrowroot promised him full amnesty and an executive position in Twodor's defense labs. Of the ballhog and Schlob, little was heard either, but local gossips reported that wedding bells were only centuries away.


22. A Minister Without Portfolio is one with no specific responsibilities. Except, in this case, to stay put. An unusually wise decision on the part of Arrowroot.

23. Weren't the Zazu Pits destroyed when Fordor fell apart at the tossing of the Ring? Or did that feature escape the mayhem?

24. Who in their right mind would give a dictator an executive position in a defense lab for a country he had recently tried to overcome?

25. Ah, what a sweet ending! Happiness for two Ancient Terrors. One can only imagine what the offspring would look like.


But wait...this is not the Very End of the story...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


squire
Asgardian


Feb 17, 3:59am

Post #2 of 7 (1162 views)
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Lo! [In reply to] Can't Post

The glorious army that drew up before the Black Gate numbered somewhat less than the original thousands. It numbered seven, to be exact, and might have been less had not seven merinos finally bolted for freedom out from under their riders. Cautiously, Arrowroot looked upon the Black Gate to Fordor. It was many times a man in height and painted a flashy red. Both halves were labeled OUT.

1. It's been a while; can you remember the names of the seven who would be sheep-less-ly standing here?
Um… Goodgulf, Arrowroot, Eorache, Legolam, Gimlet, Moxie, Pepsie? Basically the Fellowship without Frito and Spam, and with Eorache clinging to Arrowroot’s lobe.

2. The Black Gate is painted...red? Flashy red?
Oh, good catch. I never noticed that. Frankly at this point in the chapter I’m usually half-asleep. This is the part of the book that feels a bit mailed-in, frankly. Some of the gags are okay, but… but.. zzzzzzzz.

3. If these are the "OUT" doors, where are the "IN" doors? Or would Fordor expect any of its minions going Out to come back In?
This feels like a gag along the lines of Up the Down Staircase, a sixties book that mocked (among other things) the officious but ridiculous bureaucracy of the NY City public schools. It also sounds a bit like a spoof of No Exit, the existentialist Sartre play that had become a buzzword in this period.

"They will issue from here," Arrowroot explained. "Let us unfurl our battle standard."
Dutifully Goodgulf fitted together his cue and attached the white cloth.
"But that is not our standard," said Arrowroot.
"Bets?" said Gimlet.
"Better Sorhed than no head," said Goodgulf as he bent his sword into a plowshare.

4. Arrowroot wins the "Captain Obvious" award...unless, of course, Fordor has other "OUT" doors.
No, Captain Obvious is the Lampoon’s commander in chief for this book.

5. Note that Goodgulf carries a pool cue, not a staff. Although doubtless he has engaged in many magical moments with that cue (he just needs the balls for it ).
Still waiting for the Pinball Wizard reference in this tome of magical pop culture.

6. Not an easy thing to do, bending a typical sword into a plowshare! But considering what kind of sword the wizard would carry, though, that might be easy to do.


Not too hard to do for the New Soviet Man! This sculpture was a Soviet gift to the United Nations in 1959 and was an iconic image in 60s culture.

Suddenly Arrowroot's eyes bugged.
"Lo!" he cried.
Black flags were raised in the black towers and the gate opened like an angry maw to upchuck its evil spew. Out poured an army the likes of which was never seen. Forth from the gate burst a hundred thousand rabid narcs swinging bicycle chains and tire irons, followed by drooling divisions of pop-eyed changelings, deranged zombies, and distempered werewolves. At their shoulders marched eight score heavily armored griffins, three thousand goose-stepping mummies, and a column of abominable snowmen on motorized bobsleds; at their flanks tramped six companies of slavering ghouls, eighty parched vampires in white tie, and the Phantom of the Opera. Above them the sky was blackened by the dark shapes of vicious pelicans, houseflies the size of two-car garages, and Rodan the Flying Monster. Through the portals streamed more foes of various forms and descriptions, including a six-legged diplodocus, the Loch Ness Monster, King Kong, Godzilla, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, the Beast with 1,000,000 Eyes, the Brain from Planet Arous, three different subphyla of giant insects, the Thing, It, She, Them, and the Blob. The great tumult of their charge could have waked the dead, were they not already bringing up the rear.
"Lo," warned Stomper, "the enemy approaches."


7. Well, this is certainly overkill, literally! An amazing menagerie is being vomited from the gut of Fordor. We have:
- 100,000 of BotR's specialized biker narcs
- Changelings (of the fairy-tale variety), zombies, werewolves (can a werewolf NOT be distempered?)
- 160 griffins
- 3,000 Nazi mummies (no doubt perturbed at the way Hitler treated the daddies)
- Abominable snowmen on bobsleds - this is an adorable image, very Disney-esque!
- 1,200 ghouls
- 80 elegant vampires
- Pelicans, houseflies from Texas, the Dead (probably not Grateful)
- Individuals: the Phantom of the Opera, Rodan, Loch Ness Monster, King Kong, Godzilla, Creature, Beast, the Brain, the Thing, It, She, Them, the Blob. Oh, also a mutant diplodocus, which could benefit from an extra pair of legs.

What a great mingling of 50's B movies monsters! Did the authors leave anyone out? Any thoughts on how long it would take this mob to actually exit through the gates?

About as long as the similarly undifferentiated hordes that emerge from the Gates in the climactic scene from the New Line film of RotK.
My favorite part is the bit about the Dead not needing to be wakened. It’s also nice to see them make a cameo here, since they were left out of the raising of the Siege of Minas Troney.

Goodgulf gripped his cue with an iron hand as the others huddled around him in a last, shivering tableau before the fiendish onslaught.
"Vell, ve going bye-bye," Eorache said as she crushed Arrowroot in a sweet, final embrace.
"Farewell," squeaked Arrowroot. "We will die heroes."
"Perhaps," sobbed Moxie, "we shall meet in better lands than this."
"Wouldn't be difficult," agreed Pepsi as he made out his will.
"So long, shrimp," Legolam said to Gimlet.
"Be seein' ya, creep," replied the dwarf.


8. Legolam and Gimlet: now that is true friendship!
Love the Elf calling the Dwarf “shrimp”. That was standard slang for a short person back then, remembers this shorter than average boy at the time.

"Lo!" exclaimed Arrowroot, rising from his knees.
"If he says that once more," said Gimlet, "I'll croak him myself."

Another favorite line of mine! Often cited when debating misguided criticism that asserts that Tolkien overuses mock-archaism from Ivanhoe and the like.

But all eyes followed the Ranger-King's shaking pinkie. The sky was filling with a bright puce smog, and there came in a great wind a blatting noise similar to that made by certain Rings when they give up the ghost. The black ranks wavered in their march, stopped, and began to fidget. Suddenly, cries of anguish were heard from above and black pelicans fell from the sky, their Black Riders desperately struggling with ripcords. The narc hordes shrieked, threw down their tire irons, and hotfooted it toward the open gate. But as the narcs and their scaly allies turned back to safety, they were changed as if by magic into pillars of garlic. The terrible army had vanished and all that remained were a few white mice and a soggy pumpkin.
"Sorhed's army is no more!" cried Arrowroot, catching the drift.

Another favorite usage of mine – Dave Barry was the last to deftly wield the phrase “get my drift”, as far as I know, back in the 90s. It’s gone now, alas.

9. What, if any, significance is there to the fog being "puce", other than the color's very similar sound to "puke"? The "blat" from a "great wind" is rather obvious.
I never got the puke connection, but you may have something. On the other hand, puce is a kind of greyed-out pink and a perfect color for magical smoke. I’ve always loved the idea that “certain Rings” make a certain noise when ‘giving up the ghost’, and never before caught the fart reference. Here I’m sure you’re right. Oog.

10. Parachutes! Now why didn't Sauron arm his Nazgul with those?
Who says he didn’t? It was traveling fast, and not with the wind, if you get my drift.

11. Pillars of garlic: did you catch the Biblical reference here?
Yes. Only sort of funny. Garlic was a suspiciously smelly herb in mainstream American culture at the time.

12. Thoughts on which creatures could have been the white mice and pumpkin?
No, the image stands by itself, alone and nameless as it were. I love the pumpkin being soggy – I don’t get it, but I love it.

Then a dark shadow raced along the plain. Looking up, they saw a large pink eagle circle the battleground, correct for windage, and skid to a creditable three-point landing in front of them, bearing the two haggard, yet familiar, passengers.
"Frito! Spam!" cried the seven.
"Goodgulf! Arrowroot! Moxie! Pepsi! Legolam! Gimlet! Eorache!" cried the boggies.
"Stow it," growled Gwahno the Windlord. "I'm already behind schedule."

No one ever asks how Frito and Spam know who Eorache is, when this scene is discussed on the BotR fan sites.

13. What a fun use of the Eagle rescue! But notice its placement in the story: what is the difference between this scene, and that in LotR?
Well, at this point in the book Gandalf actually recruits Gwaihir and his crew to fly into Mordor to save Frodo and Sam, while Aragorn and the boys start their long walk (or ride? Did the horses survive?) back through Ithilien to the field of Cormallen. Frodo and Sam are reunited with their friends some days later after a desperate time in near fatal comas.
Here of course we must cut to the chase – BotR does not believe in long drawn-out journeys and realistic injuries when there are jokes to be told and hands to be quickly squeezed under armpits.

Gleefully, the rest of the company and Eorache clambered aboard the eagle's broad back, eager for the sight of Minas Troney. The great bird taxied along the plain, and, shaking some ice from his tailfeathers, bounded gracelessly into the air.
"Fasten your seatbelts," cautioned Gwahno, looking over his wing at Arrowroot, "and use those paper bags. That's what they're there for, mac."
The reunited wayfarers soared high into the sky and caught a convenient westbound jet stream that brought them over the fair city of Minas Troney in a few short words.
"Nice tail wind today," grunted Gwahno.
The overloaded eagle dipped its wings and crash-landed before the very gates of the seven-ringed city.


14. I get such a chuckle from this passage! The eagle shaking ice from its tailfeathers (indicating how high it had been flying), a "nice tail wind", and dipping its wings to crash-land. (And, in the next line, "debirded".)
Not to mention the fact that it can carry nine passengers on its back: an anticipatory answer to the vital question of whether an Eagle could have carried both Gandalf and Frodo out of the Fire – and what the coconut load-bearing capacity of such a great bird would be, compared to a … wait for it … African sparrow.

Wearily, yet happily, the company debirded and accepted the cheering adulation of the huge throngs, who tearfully pelted them with cigar bands and Rice Krispies. Arrowroot gave no thought to their praise, however; he was still using his bag. Nevertheless, a bevy of comely elf-maidens drew nigh the preoccupied Ranger bearing a rich crown of all aluminum and set with many a sparkling aggie.
"It's the crown!" cried Frito, "the Crown of Lafresser!"
Then the elfin honeys placed the Royal Porkpie over Stomper's eyes and robed him in the shimmering tinsel of Twodor's True King. Arrowroot opened his mouth, but the Crown slipped down around his neck and gagged his acceptance speech. The gay throngs took this as a good omen and went home. Arrowroot turned to Frito and beamed mutely. Frito bowed low at this silent thanks, but his brows were knitted with another matter.

15. Rice is traditionally thrown at some weddings to signify "prosperity, fertility, and good fortune", so it's not unusual to see it thrown here. Would tossing Rice Krispies cereal be "softer" than tossing uncooked rice?
This is beneath you. The real question is whether the Elfin honeys were named Snap, Crackle and Pop.

16. Until an efficient process for separating aluminum from other ores was developed in the late 1880's, the metal was considered more valuable than gold! It is said that King Christian of Denmark had a crown made of aluminum. So considering the technology of the world of BotR, a crown of this metal would indeed be fit for a king. But by the '60s, aluminum foil was so commonplace, that the average person had no idea of its scarcity just a hundred years prior.
Tut, tut. In the world of the Sheet Metal Age, aluminum is a cheap, easily scratched metal with a cheesy silver finish. None of this unnecessary historical irony stuff. If you want that, I’ll tell you the Wright Brothers paid a pretty penny to cast their aircraft engine block in expensive aluminum, to save a few precious pounds in weight for the fragile plane.

17. How many of you know what an "aggie" is? What, you've never played marbles?
I know! And not because I ever played marbles. I know because I read and re-read to the point of memorization the Sol Weinstein “Israel Bond” spoofs, starring Agent Oy-Oy-7. In one of them he defeats a fearsome female enemy agent at a killing game of … marbles. His secret weapon is his precious Aggie, hoarded from his Brooklyn boyhood for just such contingencies. And so I learned what an Aggie was.

18. Okay, I need some help with locating the origin of "Lafresser"! Other than "fresser" being the French for "to spank", my searching has provided no results. What was "Lafresser" during the '60s, when this was written?
Ooh, ooh. Call on me, call on me! As it happens, one of the most famous dives in Harvard Square when this was written was Elsie’s Diner, open at all hours and serving, among other delicacies, the “Fresser”, a slobberingly overloaded sandwich of, I think, corned beef, pastrami, swiss, and cole slaw.

19. A porkpie hat was so-called due to its resemblance to a porkpie:
* pie vs. hat image *
So the description is in error, since the crown must not have had a closed top, else slipping "down around his neck" would have completely covered Arrowroot's face and muffled, rather than gagged, his speech.
Didn’t Jughead wear a porkpie hat? And Elvis Costello? Not my style, but I’ve heard of them all my life. What I want to know is, where do you get a pork pie these days? It looks fatal, but I’ve a weakness for meat pies. More hot pies! If you get my drift.

20. Frito knitting his brows again! Do you remember when he last knitted them - but dropped a stich?
Oh! No, good catch. When was that?

"You have destroyed the Great Ring, and the gratitude of all Lower Middle Earth is yours," spoke Goodgulf, clapping an approving hand on Frito's wallet. "I now grant you one wish in payment for your heroism. All you have to do is ask."
Frito stood on tiptoe and whispered in the kindly old Wizard's ear.
"Down the street to the left," nodded Goodgulf. "You can't miss it."

21. Does it every bother you that characters in various stories never mention having to "visit the necessary"?
No. But I remember that the National Lampoon, in the early 70s, edited by you know who, once published a spoof “excerpt” from a political thriller ostensibly written by the disgraced ex-VP Spiro Agnew. In the introductory interview, he boasts that he’s written a more ‘realistic’ portrayal of life in official Washington because, he notes, he doesn’t leave out the necessary, as it were. And sure enough, as one reads of one dire senatorial meeting and another subtle plot to undermine the president, the passages absurdly end with, “And then they all went to the bathroom,” or “Wait a minute, guys. I have to use the toilet.”

So it was that the Great Ring was unmade and Sorhed's power destroyed forever. Arrowroot of Arrowshirt and Eorache soon were wedded, and the old Wizard prophesied that eight monocled and helmeted offspring would soon be smashing the palace furniture. Pleased by this, the King made Goodgulf Wizard Without Portfolio to the newly conquered Fordorian lands and gave him a fat expense account, to be voided only if he ever decided to set foot back in Twodor. To Gimlet the dwarf, Arrowroot granted a scrap-metal franchise on Sorhed's surplus war engines; to Legolam, he granted the right to rename Chikken Noodul "Ringland" and run the souvenir concession at the Zazu Pits. Lastly, to the four boggies he gave the Royal Handshake, and one-way tickets aboard Gwahno back to the Sty. Of Sorhed, little was heard again, though if he returned, Arrowroot promised him full amnesty and an executive position in Twodor's defense labs. Of the ballhog and Schlob, little was heard either, but local gossips reported that wedding bells were only centuries away.



22. A Minister Without Portfolio is one with no specific responsibilities. Except, in this case, to stay put. An unusually wise decision on the part of Arrowroot.
Yes, Arrowroot’s character is kind of a blank slate for gags to be chalked onto, erased, and chalked on again. His scene in the Goode Eates is the highlight, I’d say. Like I still remember practically wetting myself while reading it under the covers by flashlight.

23. Weren't the Zazu Pits destroyed when Fordor fell apart at the tossing of the Ring? Or did that feature escape the mayhem?
Clearly she escaped to perform again. After all, it was the tar pit as did the fatal deed, or prat fall.

24. Who in their right mind would give a dictator an executive position in a defense lab for a country he had recently tried to overcome?
Ask Werner Von Braun!

25. Ah, what a sweet ending! Happiness for two Ancient Terrors. One can only imagine what the offspring would look like.
Nine Strapping Wraiths (2nd gen.)

But wait...this is not the Very End of the story...
No. I said I’d do it and I will… someday. All good things must come to an end. And then there’s this discussion series.



squire online:
RR Discussions: The Valaquenta, A Shortcut to Mushrooms, and Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit
Lights! Action! Discuss on the Movie board!: 'A Journey in the Dark'. and 'Designing The Two Towers'.
Archive: All the TORn Reading Room Book Discussions (including the 1st BotR Discussion!) and Footerama: "Tolkien would have LOVED it!"
Dr. Squire introduces the J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia: A Reader's Diary


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noWizardme
Asgardian


Feb 17, 11:30am

Post #3 of 7 (1131 views)
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You aren't going to finish this are you? Then what shall we do?// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"You were exceedingly clever once, but unfortunately none of your friends noticed as they were too busy being attacked by an octopus."
-from How To Tell If You Are In A J.R.R. Tolkien Book, by Austin Gilkeson, in 'The Toast', 2016 https://the-toast.net/...-a-jrr-tolkien-book/


squire
Asgardian


Feb 20, 8:04pm

Post #4 of 7 (996 views)
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A little more on the Crown of Lafresser [In reply to] Can't Post

It occurred to me that this connection makes sense on more than just the name. It's as likely as not that Elsie's used aluminum foil take-out pans to send Fresser's Dream sandwiches out on delivery to a certain comical Flemish brick castle a few blocks west on Mount Auburn Street.

I also found a nostalgia blog that more accurately describes the Fresser. I did not remember the exact ingredients, only the incredible sense of excess.

So here is the full connection between mid-60s Cantabrigian source, Frito's awed exclamation, and even the crown's dismaying ability to slide down Arrowroot's head and act as a calming gag on his coronation speech.



The pan also bears a slight resemblance to a porkpie hat, no? Leaving its exact configuration as a crown to the reader's imagination, lame though it may be.



squire online:
RR Discussions: The Valaquenta, A Shortcut to Mushrooms, and Of Herbs and Stewed Rabbit
Lights! Action! Discuss on the Movie board!: 'A Journey in the Dark'. and 'Designing The Two Towers'.
Archive: All the TORn Reading Room Book Discussions (including the 1st BotR Discussion!) and Footerama: "Tolkien would have LOVED it!"
Dr. Squire introduces the J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia: A Reader's Diary


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dernwyn
Guardian of the Galaxy / Moderator


Feb 23, 2:12am

Post #5 of 7 (824 views)
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*bows low* [In reply to] Can't Post

This is the most wonderful bit of sleuthing, squire!

Undoubtedly Beard and Kenney were avid consumers of Fressers. And now I am imagining them wearing the take-out pans as hats, and in drunken fits of creativity, crafting crowns from them.

It's too bad that Elsie's is but a memory now.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


dernwyn
Guardian of the Galaxy / Moderator


Feb 23, 3:10am

Post #6 of 7 (818 views)
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And Behold! [In reply to] Can't Post

"If he says that once more," said Gimlet, "I'll croak him myself." Yes, one of the best lines ever written!

3. I remember reading Up the Down Staircase, and finding it hard to believe that a school like that existed - ah, the innocence of suburban education.

5. BotR may have been written too close to the release ot Tommy for a reference to Pinball Wizard to have made it into the text. What a shame, the guys could have had such fun with that!

6. That statue popped up all over the place when I was looking for "swords into plowshare" background! (Wanted a video of someone doing the transformation, but was unable to locate one.)

8. Omigosh, do people really not use "catch my drift" much anymore?

10. Now we have one more theory as to what that strange star-darkening shadow in Eregion was: a Rider bailing out from an early-model Nazgûl (pelicans were no good at long distances).

12. You're right, I should have asked for theories as to how Frito and Spam recognize Eorache. Maybe they had seen her travelling fast, and not with the wind.

13. It had hit me that this eagle rescue was reverse of that in LotR: instead of getting to Gandalf first then clutching him and heading into Mordor, Gwahno starts by picking up Frito and Spam, and then heading to where Goodgulf is to pick him up.
What did happen to those horses?

15. Oh good grief, I can't believe I totally forgot about Snap, Crackle, and Pop!

16. And I had forgotten it was the Third, or Sheet Metal Age. Aluminum reigns!

17. Israel Bond! I'd never learned about "aggies" until my college crossword puzzle days - at least, not that kind of aggie. My older brother went to SMU in Dallas, and brought home a couple of Aggie joke books.

18. Thanks for the re-fresser!

19. "A pork pie is a traditional English meat pie, served either at room temperature or cold. It consists of a filling of roughly chopped pork and pork fat, surrounded by a layer of jellied pork stock in a hot water crust pastry. It is normally eaten as a snack." With enough calories to keep a traveller on his feet for a day of long labour.

20. I'll wait a bit to see if anyone can remember where that happened.

24. Ah, good, you caught the reference!

Yes, sadly, so little left to this book...and it's taken us only...14 years to come to this point!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


dernwyn
Guardian of the Galaxy / Moderator


Feb 23, 3:11am

Post #7 of 7 (820 views)
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No, no. [In reply to] Can't Post

Squire is going to finish this! Angelic


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

 
 

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