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The One Ring Forums: Off Topic: Off Topic:
Punctuation and grammar jokes--all in the same bar

CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 3, 12:54am

Post #1 of 22 (474 views)
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Punctuation and grammar jokes--all in the same bar Can't Post

I've never seen so many together as in this list, and I learned what a chiasmus is.

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
• A question mark walks into a bar?
• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
• A synonym strolls into a tavern.
• At the end of the day, a clichι walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
• Falling slowly, slowly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
• A dyslexic walks into a bra.
• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.



N.E. Brigand
Half-elven


Aug 3, 5:41am

Post #2 of 22 (394 views)
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Tolkien c. 1929-30: "But classics did not invent chiasmus!--it is perfectly natural." [In reply to] Can't Post

See The Lays of Beleriand, p. 327, where Tolkien is responding to C. S. Lewis's comments on line 775 of The Lay of Leithian.

Lines 774-75 read as follows:

"Where art thou gone? The day is bare,
the sunlight dark, and cold the air!"

Lewis, who framed his commentary as if it incorporated imagined earlier critics of the lay (usually identified by their initials), had written:

"The chiasmus is suspiciously classical. H gives Dark is the sun, cold is the air."


Treachery, treachery I fear; treachery of that miserable creature.

But so it must be. Let us remember that a traitor may betray himself and do good that he does not intend.


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CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 3, 11:05am

Post #3 of 22 (374 views)
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Can chiasmus be both classical and natural? [In reply to] Can't Post

The examples given when I looked it up are remarkably catchy. Anyone remember JFK? "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."

And the examples go all the way back to Homer and the Bible, apparently because it renders a phrase or passage easier to remember, or memorably less difficult to recite.


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Aug 3, 12:02pm

Post #4 of 22 (371 views)
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Ah, poor Papyrus and Comic Sans. [In reply to] Can't Post

A lot of people don't like their type - and find the latter vastly overused.

Thanks, Curious! I've heard only two of these previously, where have the rest been hiding? I'm adding them to my "arsenal" (meaning: they're getting taped to the wall in the library Laugh)!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 3, 8:10pm

Post #5 of 22 (363 views)
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Just don't use Comic Sans to post them, or you may incite riots! [In reply to] Can't Post

I had to google why people don't like them. I must admit that there aren't too many fonts I either like or don't like, so I guess they're similar to food--put food in front of me, and I'll probably eat it. Put a font in front of me, and I'll probably use it. Then I'll be surprised by all the hate mail.


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Aug 3, 11:50pm

Post #6 of 22 (359 views)
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Or Papyrus. [In reply to] Can't Post

But don't you think it sort of resembles Tengwar?

(No, please, no jokes about Tolkien rolling over in his grave! Shocked)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


Ethel Duath
Half-elven


Aug 4, 2:27am

Post #7 of 22 (357 views)
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My brother is an editor [In reply to] Can't Post

I have just found his birthday present. Laugh



CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 4, 2:14pm

Post #8 of 22 (325 views)
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Middle-earth conspiracy theory: why were Eregion and Moria really destroyed? [In reply to] Can't Post

Riots and invasions over the offensive fonts they used. Poor Celebrimbor: it had nothing to do with Rings of Power and was all about his horrible taste in fonts.




Annael
Immortal


Aug 4, 2:38pm

Post #9 of 22 (320 views)
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Mark Forsyth waxes eloquent about chiasmus [In reply to] Can't Post

talking about the song

Tea for two and two for tea
Me for you and you for me


Quote
There's something lovely about the symmetry here, not because it's visual like a palindrome, but because the thoughts replicate each other. 'Me for you ' is mirrored, requited and answered by 'you for me'. ... Requited love is only a pleasing symmetry, and symmetry is a kind of justice. The Three Musketeers had a cry of 'All for one and one for all'. The symmetry makes it memorable but also reflects the reciprocity. It is that great human symmetry: the deal.


The Elements of Eloquence

I am a dreamer of words, of written words.
-- Gaston Bachelard

* * * * * * * * * *

NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967

My Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/...id=1590637780&sr=8-1



Starling
Half-elven


Aug 5, 8:45am

Post #10 of 22 (281 views)
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There is not a font that can rival [In reply to] Can't Post






CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 5, 2:23pm

Post #11 of 22 (260 views)
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OK, Mistral is one I can agree is riot-worthy. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Greenwood Hobbit
Tol Eressea


Aug 5, 9:12pm

Post #12 of 22 (252 views)
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These are wonderful! Thanks for posting them. [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Lissuin
Valinor


Aug 5, 11:17pm

Post #13 of 22 (253 views)
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Re fonts: [In reply to] Can't Post

I, too, had to google what was up with the font hate. We can all get worked up about something, it seems. This clip from Saturday Night Live only caused more consternation, as it relates to films now being made in Wellington. Laugh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVhlJNJopOQ "They're making more?!"


(This post was edited by Lissuin on Aug 5, 11:18pm)


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Aug 5, 11:26pm

Post #14 of 22 (247 views)
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At first I read that as [In reply to] Can't Post

"Mithril"! Laugh

How about a nice Tremor ITC TT?




Probably created after a night of drinking...Angelic


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Aug 5, 11:35pm

Post #15 of 22 (248 views)
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Ooh, I'd forgotten that! [In reply to] Can't Post

Apparently fontophobia is a real thing: https://phobia.wikia.org/...of%20the%20internet.


Angelic


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


sevilodorf
Tol Eressea


Aug 6, 1:45am

Post #16 of 22 (229 views)
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Font Wars --- sounds like a topic for the Arena.... [In reply to] Can't Post

But I do recall a long ranging battle in the Burping Troll writing group. Most of us initially just typed in Times New Roman, but one person declared we needed to use a font that looked like handwriting and she would go and change everything every time a story got passed around the group.

Meanwhile the "executive" editor (the one with the keys so to say to the website) preferred Arial with size 14 and particular margins.

The two combatants would send documents back and forth, back and forth and the rest of us would just step back and watch like we were at a tennis match. Oh the things people choose to get picky about. (punctuation....the fact that so many people were unable to grasp exactly how quotation marks are to be used was a constant source of minor kerfuffles.)

Fourth Age Adventures at the Inn of the Burping Troll http://burpingtroll.com
Home of TheOneRing.net Best FanFic stories of 2005 and 2006 "The Last Grey Ship" and "Ashes, East Wind, Hope That Rises" by Erin Rua

(Found in Mathoms, LOTR Tales Untold)




Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Aug 6, 3:38am

Post #17 of 22 (215 views)
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Quote marks used for emphasis is both annoying and, occasionally, snort-worthy [In reply to] Can't Post

https://www.buzzfeed.com/...unnecessary-emphasis

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Fantasy novel - The Arcanist's Tattoo

My LOTR fan-fiction


CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 6, 2:52pm

Post #18 of 22 (184 views)
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"Hot" "Food" really does scare me. What in the world are they serving? // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 6, 3:12pm

Post #19 of 22 (187 views)
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LOTR, punctuation/translation, and dying at Moria's doorstep [In reply to] Can't Post

I put the Doors of Durin above just for fun, but looking back on it, think how pivotal a moment that was in the Quest: the Fellowship would have died at the tentacles of the Watcher if Gandalf hadn't fixed his original translation and punctuation with some input from Merry--truly a life or death situation!

  • Speak, friend, and enter. (commas)
  • Say "Friend" and enter. (quotes)
I guess that's what happens when a silly Oxford linguist professor writes an epic.

Though if he were writing today, I think Tolkien would have said, "Say 'Password123' and enter.'" OMG, Moria had the worst security measures ever!


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Aug 6, 5:13pm

Post #20 of 22 (184 views)
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Aah! I saw Comic Sans in there! [In reply to] Can't Post

Laugh

Reminds me of reading about two newspaper editors at a dinner discussing the proper use of italics and quote marks. One (let's name him Jones) said he would only use quote marks.

The other replied: So instead of "Mr. Jones and his wife attended the dinner" I should print "Mr. Jones and his 'wife' attended the dinner"?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


Annael
Immortal


Aug 8, 5:49pm

Post #21 of 22 (131 views)
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LOL [In reply to] Can't Post

Does have the opposite effect, dunnit?

I once worked for a church minister who really, really wanted us to get certain points in her weekly newsletter, so would use bold AND italics AND underline. And exclamation points. I told her over and over that less is more, but after I left the job, clearly her new assistant did not hold her to that standard!!!

I am a dreamer of words, of written words.
-- Gaston Bachelard

* * * * * * * * * *

NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967

My Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/...id=1590637780&sr=8-1



(This post was edited by Annael on Aug 8, 5:49pm)


Annael
Immortal


Aug 8, 5:51pm

Post #22 of 22 (129 views)
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One thing I'm very glad about [In reply to] Can't Post

we're past the fad of using a different font for every line in the ad.

I am a dreamer of words, of written words.
-- Gaston Bachelard

* * * * * * * * * *

NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967

My Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/...id=1590637780&sr=8-1


 
 

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