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CuriousG
Gondolin
Aug 3 2020, 12:54am
Post #1 of 22
(1277 views)
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Punctuation and grammar jokes--all in the same bar
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I've never seen so many together as in this list, and I learned what a chiasmus is.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars.
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
Two quotation marks walk into a bar.
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
A question mark walks into a bar?
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a clichι walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
Falling slowly, slowly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
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N.E. Brigand
Gondolin
Aug 3 2020, 5:41am
Post #2 of 22
(1198 views)
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Tolkien c. 1929-30: "But classics did not invent chiasmus!--it is perfectly natural."
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See The Lays of Beleriand, p. 327, where Tolkien is responding to C. S. Lewis's comments on line 775 of The Lay of Leithian.
Lines 774-75 read as follows:
"Where art thou gone? The day is bare,
the sunlight dark, and cold the air!"
Lewis, who framed his commentary as if it incorporated imagined earlier critics of the lay (usually identified by their initials), had written:
"The chiasmus is suspiciously classical. H gives Dark is the sun, cold is the air."
Treachery, treachery I fear; treachery of that miserable creature.
But so it must be. Let us remember that a traitor may betray himself and do good that he does not intend.
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<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Discuss Tolkien's life and works in the Reading Room!
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=
How to find old Reading Room discussions.
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CuriousG
Gondolin
Aug 3 2020, 11:05am
Post #3 of 22
(1177 views)
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Can chiasmus be both classical and natural?
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The examples given when I looked it up are remarkably catchy. Anyone remember JFK? "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."
And the examples go all the way back to Homer and the Bible, apparently because it renders a phrase or passage easier to remember, or memorably less difficult to recite.
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Aug 3 2020, 12:02pm
Post #4 of 22
(1174 views)
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Ah, poor Papyrus and Comic Sans.
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A lot of people don't like their type - and find the latter vastly overused.
Thanks, Curious! I've heard only two of these previously, where have the rest been hiding? I'm adding them to my "arsenal" (meaning: they're getting taped to the wall in the library  )!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
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CuriousG
Gondolin
Aug 3 2020, 8:10pm
Post #5 of 22
(1166 views)
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Just don't use Comic Sans to post them, or you may incite riots!
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I had to google why people don't like them. I must admit that there aren't too many fonts I either like or don't like, so I guess they're similar to food--put food in front of me, and I'll probably eat it. Put a font in front of me, and I'll probably use it. Then I'll be surprised by all the hate mail.
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Aug 3 2020, 11:50pm
Post #6 of 22
(1162 views)
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But don't you think it sort of resembles Tengwar?
(No, please, no jokes about Tolkien rolling over in his grave!  )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
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Ethel Duath
Gondolin
Aug 4 2020, 2:27am
Post #7 of 22
(1160 views)
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I have just found his birthday present.
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CuriousG
Gondolin
Aug 4 2020, 2:14pm
Post #8 of 22
(1128 views)
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Middle-earth conspiracy theory: why were Eregion and Moria really destroyed?
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Riots and invasions over the offensive fonts they used. Poor Celebrimbor: it had nothing to do with Rings of Power and was all about his horrible taste in fonts.
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Annael
Elvenhome
Aug 4 2020, 2:38pm
Post #9 of 22
(1123 views)
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Mark Forsyth waxes eloquent about chiasmus
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talking about the song
Tea for two and two for tea
Me for you and you for me
There's something lovely about the symmetry here, not because it's visual like a palindrome, but because the thoughts replicate each other. 'Me for you ' is mirrored, requited and answered by 'you for me'. ... Requited love is only a pleasing symmetry, and symmetry is a kind of justice. The Three Musketeers had a cry of 'All for one and one for all'. The symmetry makes it memorable but also reflects the reciprocity. It is that great human symmetry: the deal.
The Elements of Eloquence
I am a dreamer of words, of written words.
-- Gaston Bachelard
* * * * * * * * * *
NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967
My Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/...id=1590637780&sr=8-1
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CuriousG
Gondolin
Aug 5 2020, 2:23pm
Post #11 of 22
(1063 views)
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OK, Mistral is one I can agree is riot-worthy. //
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Lissuin
Doriath
Aug 5 2020, 11:17pm
Post #13 of 22
(1056 views)
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I, too, had to google what was up with the font hate. We can all get worked up about something, it seems. This clip from Saturday Night Live only caused more consternation, as it relates to films now being made in Wellington.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVhlJNJopOQ "They're making more?!"
(This post was edited by Lissuin on Aug 5 2020, 11:18pm)
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Aug 5 2020, 11:26pm
Post #14 of 22
(1050 views)
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"Mithril"!
How about a nice Tremor ITC TT?
Probably created after a night of drinking...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
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sevilodorf
Dor-Lomin
Aug 6 2020, 1:45am
Post #16 of 22
(1032 views)
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Font Wars --- sounds like a topic for the Arena....
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But I do recall a long ranging battle in the Burping Troll writing group. Most of us initially just typed in Times New Roman, but one person declared we needed to use a font that looked like handwriting and she would go and change everything every time a story got passed around the group.
Meanwhile the "executive" editor (the one with the keys so to say to the website) preferred Arial with size 14 and particular margins.
The two combatants would send documents back and forth, back and forth and the rest of us would just step back and watch like we were at a tennis match. Oh the things people choose to get picky about. (punctuation....the fact that so many people were unable to grasp exactly how quotation marks are to be used was a constant source of minor kerfuffles.)
Fourth Age Adventures at the Inn of the Burping Troll http://burpingtroll.com
Home of TheOneRing.net Best FanFic stories of 2005 and 2006 "The Last Grey Ship" and "Ashes, East Wind, Hope That Rises" by Erin Rua
(Found in Mathoms, LOTR Tales Untold)
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CuriousG
Gondolin
Aug 6 2020, 2:52pm
Post #18 of 22
(987 views)
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"Hot" "Food" really does scare me. What in the world are they serving? //
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CuriousG
Gondolin
Aug 6 2020, 3:12pm
Post #19 of 22
(990 views)
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LOTR, punctuation/translation, and dying at Moria's doorstep
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I put the Doors of Durin above just for fun, but looking back on it, think how pivotal a moment that was in the Quest: the Fellowship would have died at the tentacles of the Watcher if Gandalf hadn't fixed his original translation and punctuation with some input from Merry--truly a life or death situation!
- Speak, friend, and enter. (commas)
- Say "Friend" and enter. (quotes)
I guess that's what happens when a silly Oxford linguist professor writes an epic.
Though if he were writing today, I think Tolkien would have said, "Say 'Password123' and enter.'" OMG, Moria had the worst security measures ever!
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Aug 6 2020, 5:13pm
Post #20 of 22
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Aah! I saw Comic Sans in there!
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Reminds me of reading about two newspaper editors at a dinner discussing the proper use of italics and quote marks. One (let's name him Jones) said he would only use quote marks.
The other replied: So instead of "Mr. Jones and his wife attended the dinner" I should print "Mr. Jones and his 'wife' attended the dinner"?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
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Annael
Elvenhome
Aug 8 2020, 5:49pm
Post #21 of 22
(934 views)
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Does have the opposite effect, dunnit?
I once worked for a church minister who really, really wanted us to get certain points in her weekly newsletter, so would use bold AND italics AND underline. And exclamation points. I told her over and over that less is more, but after I left the job, clearly her new assistant did not hold her to that standard!!!
I am a dreamer of words, of written words.
-- Gaston Bachelard
* * * * * * * * * *
NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967
My Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/...id=1590637780&sr=8-1
(This post was edited by Annael on Aug 8 2020, 5:49pm)
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Annael
Elvenhome
Aug 8 2020, 5:51pm
Post #22 of 22
(932 views)
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we're past the fad of using a different font for every line in the ad.
I am a dreamer of words, of written words.
-- Gaston Bachelard
* * * * * * * * * *
NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967
My Amazon author page: https://www.amazon.com/...id=1590637780&sr=8-1
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