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Tell us a Tolkien-based joke

noWizardme
Valinor


Aug 19, 3:42pm

Post #1 of 22 (2563 views)
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Tell us a Tolkien-based joke Can't Post

For example:

Q: Do Ents like Winter?
A: yes, they find it enticing.

Or:
Did you hear the one about the elf baby raised by goblins? It was a little awkward.

Or:
Aragorn, Boromir, Gandalf and Legolas walk into a bar. The rest of the Fellowship walks under the bar.

And: Having set the bar agreeably low, I'm sure someone else can do better Smile

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 19, 3:48pm

Post #2 of 22 (2498 views)
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Do Balrogs have wings? [In reply to] Can't Post

Yes, whenever they have barbecue. Why do you ask?


noWizardme
Valinor


Aug 19, 4:18pm

Post #3 of 22 (2492 views)
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What's elvish for 'My friend the Numenorean sailor'? [In reply to] Can't Post

Water-mellon man....

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


Mari D.
Rivendell


Aug 19, 5:22pm

Post #4 of 22 (2485 views)
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Here's some from my collection [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
Two guards of the Citadel are standing next to the White Tree in Minas Tirith. One of them lets his gaze wander over the war-torn land in front of them, the occupied city Osgiliath and the dark mountains on the horizon behind it, and sighs deeply: "I firmly believe that one day, in all lands of Middle-earth, there will be peace!"
The other, completely unmoved and drily: " ... you're living in a fantasy world, do you know that?"


Chicken Jokes (movie-inspired)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To rescue Gandalf from the tower.

Why did Gandalf cross the road?
Because he was riding on the chicken.

Why did the Black Rider cross the road?
To reattach all the pillow-feathers to the chickens.

Why did Elrond cross the road?
To cast the chicken into the fire, and destroy it!

Why did Galadriel cross the road?
If the chicken strayed but a little, it would fail.

Why did Gollum cross the road?
To eat the chicken.

Why did Pippin cross the road?
To beat Gollum to eating the chicken.

Why did Sam cross the road?
To make Pippin cook the chicken first.

Why did Frodo cross the road?
The chicken was his guide and he was bound to it and it to him.

Why did Boromir cross the road?
Because Frodo was bound to the chicken.

Why did Aragorn cross the road?
The chicken's fate was no longer in his hands.

Why did Faramir cross the road?
He and the chicken finally understood one another.

Why did Legolas cross the road?
Because he could not linger. Not even for chicken.

Why did Gimli cross the road?
He didn't. He was tossed.

--------------

What do you call an ensemble of Orcs?
An Orchestra

Who was Elronds favourite Rock Star ? Elvish Presley!

Why are hobbit doors round?
If you had 9 meals a day you need a round door too!


noWizardme
Valinor


Aug 19, 5:43pm

Post #5 of 22 (2480 views)
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Bravo! And... does the chicken have wings? [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


noWizardme
Valinor


Aug 19, 5:44pm

Post #6 of 22 (2481 views)
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Yikes :) [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Aug 20, 3:26am

Post #7 of 22 (2457 views)
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Why don't Balrogs fly? [In reply to] Can't Post

Because their fiery whips don't fit in the overhead compartment.

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Aug 20, 1:58pm

Post #8 of 22 (2400 views)
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Q: How many veggies can a Hobbit carry? [In reply to] Can't Post

A: With or without pockets?


Q: How do Hobbits share their veggies?
A: They cut them in halfling.


Q: Why does Sam carry salt on his journey?
A: He wants to be a seasoned traveller.


(have mercy! I just made these up ;)

This is GREAT noWizardme :D THANKS!


sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


(This post was edited by grammaboodawg on Aug 20, 2:04pm)


Solicitr
Rohan

Aug 20, 4:58pm

Post #9 of 22 (2397 views)
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Subject [In reply to] Can't Post

Legolas walks into a bar.



Gimli laughs at him and walks under it.


Lissuin
Valinor


Aug 20, 6:58pm

Post #10 of 22 (2381 views)
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Q. What's it called when the Ringwraiths play a 9-hole round? [In reply to] Can't Post

A. Nazgôlf.

Q. If Frodo became a wraith like them, what would they let him play?
A. Mini-gôlf.

Cool


CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 20, 7:50pm

Post #11 of 22 (2364 views)
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ROFL!! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


CuriousG
Half-elven


Aug 20, 7:56pm

Post #12 of 22 (2370 views)
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Three Dwarves walk into a bar [In reply to] Can't Post

But they get no service. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve miners."


N.E. Brigand
Half-elven


Aug 20, 10:50pm

Post #13 of 22 (2351 views)
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Eleven days' wonder. [In reply to] Can't Post

Not a Tolkien joke but what I thought was a funny Tolkien reference today. Because of TORN's (quite reasonable) policies, I can't get into the specifics, but a commentator who co-hosts a public radio podcast on, shall we say, national legal affairs, shared a "DM" (direct message) exchange he'd had using Twitter with, um, someone who's been in the news over the past few days.

Public figure: "How happy are you now that you get 1000 retweets. Hopeless took"

Public figure: "Tool"

Commentator: "actually I'm a brandybuck"


Treachery, treachery I fear; treachery of that miserable creature.

But so it must be. Let us remember that a traitor may betray himself and do good that he does not intend.


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noWizardme
Valinor


Aug 21, 9:37am

Post #14 of 22 (2348 views)
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"You amaze me Holmes, how did you guess Durin's password so quickly?" [In reply to] Can't Post

"Mellon entry, my dear Watson."

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


noWizardme
Valinor


Aug 21, 11:56am

Post #15 of 22 (2326 views)
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Why can't balrogs write computer code? [In reply to] Can't Post

because Gandalf has cursed them - 'you shall not parse!'

And perhaps also because they melt the keyboard....

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


noWizardme
Valinor


Aug 21, 3:20pm

Post #16 of 22 (2311 views)
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How did 'Daddy Twofoot' get his name? [In reply to] Can't Post

Because at the time he appears talking to the Gamgees in the Ivy Bush, he was the eldest male member of the Twofoot clan, of course!

Oh? You were expecting a different answer? Evil

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


Lissuin
Valinor


Aug 21, 6:50pm

Post #17 of 22 (2285 views)
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Pfffffffffffff! Tea accident! / [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Aug 21, 8:20pm

Post #18 of 22 (2276 views)
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*slow clap* :D / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Ethel Duath
Half-elven


Aug 29, 9:24pm

Post #19 of 22 (2056 views)
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Mods. Up. !!!! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



SirDennisC
Half-elven


Sep 5, 4:56am

Post #20 of 22 (1877 views)
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A little condescending though it may be - [In reply to] Can't Post

there’s the one about the dwarf criminal escaping by climbing down the prison wall...


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 5, 1:21pm

Post #21 of 22 (1832 views)
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That one took me a minute. *applause* // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Greenwood Hobbit
Grey Havens


Sep 24, 9:41pm

Post #22 of 22 (785 views)
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Hah - neat! [In reply to] Can't Post

 

 
 

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