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The One Ring Forums: Off Topic: Off Topic:
Not exactly a tribute, but...

Grey Havens

Oct 15 2018, 5:02pm

Post #1 of 18 (1048 views)
Not exactly a tribute, but... Can't Post

... my mom died yesterday at around 5:30 am. She was admitted into hospital four weeks ago, not with Alzheimer's, but with stage-four liver cancer, which we were unaware had returned because her blood tests came back clean every month or so.

Maybe it was the Alzheimer's that was messing with the tests... the hospital itself had a hard time finding out what was wrong with her (she was admitted because had been getting more and more unresponsive to us) and only a scan determined the truth.

I said good-bye to her on Friday and it was hard letting go. I was fine when they told me the news of her passing but I lost it when I had to tell my father. Even though he was expecting it one day, he was still in shock and devastated. He never thought that he would be the first to go (he is six years older than my mother) and in his nineties.

She was a hard woman to have a relationship with, and I thought I would feel nothing when she passed, so it was surprising to me that I found it so hard to let her go. I guess the little girl in me still wished for a final mother/daughter moment... one that I prayed for all my life but never got.

But for some reason that I have yet to fathom, I will miss her. God bless. God keep.

Blessed are the cracked,
For they are the ones who let in the light!

Tol Eressea

Oct 15 2018, 6:26pm

Post #2 of 18 (979 views)
To you from me, diedye. [In reply to] Can't Post


Superuser / Moderator

Oct 15 2018, 7:18pm

Post #3 of 18 (973 views)
*warm hug* [In reply to] Can't Post

You're in my thoughts today, diedye; and in the weeks ahead. No one grieves in the same way as someone else and what you're feeling is right for you, even if it's confusing. Be sure to take time to look after you, and we're here for you whether you need a shoulder to lean on or a distraction from your day.


Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauronís master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.

Ataahua's stories

Forum Admin / Moderator

Oct 15 2018, 8:01pm

Post #4 of 18 (969 views)
So sorry, diedye [In reply to] Can't Post

It's hard to lose a parent, regardless of the relationship. Parents have a lot of influence in our lives, for good or bad, and losing them creates a gap. All the best to you and your family.


Oct 15 2018, 11:27pm

Post #5 of 18 (945 views)
Oh dieye... oh no... *warm hug* [In reply to] Can't Post

I know you struggled for so many years, but you have always been a good daughter. I can't imagine how hard all of this has has been on you... especially to have to tell your Dad and help him through this aftermath while you're lost in your own. You must be so exhausted, which makes it all so much harder.

Thank you for letting us know. I'm glad you knew you could come here and we'd care about you and what you're facing. And... in a way... you have had your mother/daughter moment now... in your heartbreak and tears, your deep love for your Mom is there. The feeling are so hard, but so genuine.

Words seem so weak right now, but all my thoughts are care are with you. *hugs*


We have been there and back again.

TIME Google Calendar


Oct 15 2018, 11:53pm

Post #6 of 18 (940 views)
Oh diedye, I'm so sorry! {HUGS} [In reply to] Can't Post

I lost my Mom in June, 4 years after my Dad passed away. She'd had a seizure, and was in the hospital for two weeks before passing.

It doesn't seem like it can ever happen that your own folks pass on but they do. It's so very hard, and I feel for you.

God bless you diedye, I send you love and hugs. Unsure

Forum Admin / Moderator

Oct 16 2018, 1:36am

Post #7 of 18 (929 views)
Oh no, diedye...! [In reply to] Can't Post

I'm so, so sorry for your loss of your mom, sending prayers and *hugs* for you and your father! Heart


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

Grey Havens

Oct 16 2018, 10:49am

Post #8 of 18 (912 views)
May the moments you did have comfort you [In reply to] Can't Post

So sorry to hear of your loss. Be especially close to your father as he adjusts to the shock. I'll pray for your healing and strength.

"I shall not wholly fail if anything can still grow fair in days to come."


Oct 16 2018, 2:18pm

Post #9 of 18 (905 views)
I understand [In reply to] Can't Post

My mom was a difficult person too. She lived to 95 complaining all the way, and died of cancer, so her death was a relief all around. I never brought it up on TORn when she died because I did not want condolences.

And yet I grieved for her. I was lucky in that we did manage to have a beautiful conversation during her last year in which she said the things I always wanted her to say, so I did get the resolution you longed for. My sister did not, and she's had a harder time moving on.

But pay attention to your dreams. You may hear from her yet.

The silver lining is that you are now free to remember only the good stuff. I hope that, as happened with me, you will find that you do in fact have good memories. I've also become more aware of how she influenced me to be the person I am - sometimes, yes, by making me determined not to be like her in some aspects, but that's turned out to be a gift as well.

I am a dreamer of words, of written words. I think I am reading; a word stops me. I leave the page. The syllables of the words begin to move around Ö The words take on other meanings as if they had the right to be young.

-- Gaston Bachelard

* * * * * * * * * *

NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967

(This post was edited by Annael on Oct 16 2018, 2:19pm)

Tol Eressea

Oct 17 2018, 11:51am

Post #10 of 18 (875 views)
I am so sorry, diedye [In reply to] Can't Post

For the loss of your mother, but more so for the moments you never got to have with her.

Hopefully there's some peace in all this somewhere for you.


Happiness: money matters, but less than we think and not in the way that we think. Family is important and so are friends, while envy is toxic -- and so is excessive thinking. Beaches are optional. Trust is not. Neither is gratitude. - The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner as summarized by Lily Fairbairn. And a bit of the Hobbit reading thrown in never hurts. - NottaSackville


Oct 17 2018, 4:58pm

Post #11 of 18 (866 views)
I am sorry for your loss [In reply to] Can't Post

I hope memories bring you some comfort. And remember there are tornsibs thinking of you and wishing you peace.

Ethel Duath

Oct 19 2018, 2:44pm

Post #12 of 18 (823 views)
I'm so sorry, diedye. I think this *is* a tribute, [In reply to] Can't Post

to you and to the strength of a family that stayed linked in many ways, much of it maybe hidden even from you and other family members, but are coming to light now. I wish you peace with this new light on things, for you and your dad and everyone who knew her.

And God bless and keep you and your dad, too.


Oct 19 2018, 2:58pm

Post #13 of 18 (818 views)
My condolences to you and your family. [In reply to] Can't Post

We lost my own father a few years back. Like you and your mother, I never felt as close to him as I might have been (for similar reasons). However, I still miss him. My spouse was much closer to her own father who also passed away a few years ago.

"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison

Grey Havens

Oct 19 2018, 3:13pm

Post #14 of 18 (817 views)
Thank you all... [In reply to] Can't Post

... your kind words have helped a lot, and to see a lot of familiar names makes me all fuzzy inside.

We're leaving for Europe tomorrow to bury her in her homeland. I'm not looking forward to it, but one little sliver of light shines through in the thought of seeing my favorite uncle whom I have not seen in twenty years. He and his wife were more parents to me than my own and I've been avoiding going back because it breaks my heart to see him without his wife... they adored one another and made the cutest couple. But I think after the first five minutes of sadness, I will be okay and being around him will make it... not easier... but better.

Thank you again for your kind words and I hope you'll raise a glass to my mom today at Fiesta (even though she wasn't much of a drinker herself). Cheers! Smile

Blessed are the cracked,
For they are the ones who let in the light!

Forum Admin / Moderator

Oct 19 2018, 8:59pm

Post #15 of 18 (802 views)
My condolences, Diedye. [In reply to] Can't Post

A loss like yours strikes at the roots, whatever the state of our relationship was.

It's wonderful that you'll get to see your uncle again after so long.

The Passing of Mistress Rose
My historical novels

Do we find happiness so often that we should turn it off the box when it happens to sit there?

- A Room With a View


Oct 19 2018, 9:14pm

Post #16 of 18 (803 views)
Your Uncle will be so happy to see you! [In reply to] Can't Post

Especially because you know he's missed you as much as you've missed him! This trip will help a lot in many ways. Just shift your heart and head gears into neutral and coast along :)

*warm hug* You're a joy!



We have been there and back again.

TIME Google Calendar

Forum Admin / Moderator

Oct 20 2018, 1:26am

Post #17 of 18 (794 views)
Safe travels, diedye! [In reply to] Can't Post

And have a nice reunion with your uncle. I think you'll find you both benefitting from it. Heart


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

The Shire

Oct 24 2018, 5:40pm

Post #18 of 18 (667 views)
i'm so sorry [In reply to] Can't Post

Heart that is so sad, my heart goes out to you and your family


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