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***Birthday song parodies
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noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 10:30am

Post #1 of 26 (6354 views)
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***Birthday song parodies Can't Post

I was remembering that an earlier round of Birthday dabbles sort of morphed into writing Middle-earth parodies of songs and poems (see http://newboards.theonering.net/...i?post=927949#927949 ) It was a lot of fun, so I suggest we do that again as a seprate game!

I'll start:

Sweet Ring of Mine (Gollum, after Guns N Roses)

It’s got a shine that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where we went fishing
Under a bright blue sky
Now and then when I see his face
It takes me away to a special place
But if we thinks too long
We'd probably break down and cry
Oh, oh, oh
Sweet Ring o' mine
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Sweet love of mine
-
Where did it go?
Where did it go now?
Where did it go?
(Thief! Baggins!)

Where does we go?
I, we, I, we, I, we -
Where does we go now?
-
Sweet Ring,
Sweet Ring of mine!

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 12:14pm

Post #2 of 26 (6284 views)
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Elwing in the Sky with Silmarils [In reply to] Can't Post

Thanks for starting this, Wiz! I thought of this classic Beatles song, taking poetic license since it was never a literal song to begin with:

Picture yourself in a boat on Ulmo's river
With talking Ent trees and Varda's blue skies
Sweet Elwing calls you, you answer quite slowly
An Elf with enchanted jewel eyes
Elanor flowers of yellow and green
Towering over your head
Look for the Elf with the Sun in her eyes
And she's gone
Elwing in the sky with Silmarils
Elwing in the sky with Silmarils
Elwing in the sky with Silmarils
Ah
Follow her down to Two Trees of the Valar
Where Noldorin Elves eat lembas and wine
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers
That grow so incredibly high
A Great Eagle taxi appears on the shore
Waiting to take you away
Climb on his back with your head in the clouds
And you're gone
Elwing in the sky with Silmarils
Elwing in the sky with Silmarils
Elwing in the sky with Silmarils
Ah


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 12:18pm

Post #3 of 26 (6278 views)
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Excellent- especially like the great eagle taxi! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 1:23pm

Post #4 of 26 (6279 views)
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Mandos goes to rehab (based on Amy Winehouse) [In reply to] Can't Post

[warning: my intent was to make this funny, but it is a fundamentally dark song, so I think it remains darker than I intended.]

Valar tried to make me go to rehab
I said, no, no, no
Yes, I am black
And when I come back, you'll know, know, know
I still got my pride
And Ungoliant is on my side.
Mandos tried to make me go to rehab
I won't go, go, go

I'd rather be at home with my grog
I ain't got seventy days
'Cause there's nothing, there's nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from my balrogs

I didn't get a lot from Manwe
But I know I'm not another Ghandi

Eru tried to make me go to rehab
I said, "no, no, no"
Yes, I been black
But when I come back, you'll know, know, know
I ain't got the time
And if Nienna thinks I'm fine
She's tried to make me go to rehab
I won't go, go, go

Mandos said, "why do you think you here?
I said, I got no fear.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill your Trees
So I always keep a spider near
He said, I just think you're depressed
This, me, yeah, baby, and the rest

Valar tried to make me go to rehab
But I said, no, no, no
Yes, I been black
But when I come back, you'll know, know, know

I don't ever want to sing for Eru again
I just, oh, I just need a friend
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
Have everyone think I'm on the mend
And it's not just my pride
It's just till the Noldor have died
[chorus]


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 1:51pm

Post #5 of 26 (6290 views)
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Wargs This Way [In reply to] Can't Post

I think Middle-earth, The Musical ought to have Gandalf describe his imprisonment in Orthanc in the style of Aerosmith/Run DMC
(After 'Walk This Way - see https://youtu.be/4B_UYYPb-Gk )

Backstabbin' wizard, looking shifty like a lizard,
He tricked me up to Orthanc and he say
He said "there's no overpowerin' a dude as bad as Sauron, So you ought to be a changin' your ways.

"Sauron thinks I'm his cheerleader, but I'll outwit that daft geezer
With the really awesome power of my voice
Ah, you think that I am barmy; well I'll show you round my army
I'm insisting and you've really no choice."

Trapped star-gazing on a really windy tower, with my beard flyin' up in the air
Singing hey ding-a-ling I'll miss the war of the Ring
It was too much for a wizard to bear.

So it might not be legal, but I summoned up an eagle
He said "I ain't gonna carry you all day
I'll set you down in Rohan, that's as far as I am goin', but you should outrun the wargs this way

Wargs this way, wargs this way..."

"He just give me a lift...like this..."

--

The video should obviously cut to Orthanc to include a long distorted guitar solo by Saruman, who has a mind of metal, they say....

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 1:53pm

Post #6 of 26 (6272 views)
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wow. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 2:05pm

Post #7 of 26 (6273 views)
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OMG, serously ROFL over this one!!! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 2:35pm

Post #8 of 26 (6274 views)
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Beren's Song (as performed by Imagine Baggins) [In reply to] Can't Post

Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa, oh, oh
Whoa

I'm walking out of ash and dust
I wipe my brow, clean my sword of rust
I'm breathing in the forest air

I'm breaking in, to Doriath, and checking out the hemlock bells
Is this it, the elf kingdom?
Whoa.

That singing now, I feel it in my bones
Enough to make my systems blow
Welcome to the first age, to the first age
Welcome to the first age, to the first age

Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, that elf's attractive, that elf's attractive!
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, oh, that elf's attractive, that elf's attractive...


Well, OK it's 'Radioactive' by Imagine Dragons really - see https://youtu.be/ktvTqknDobU

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


(This post was edited by noWizardme on Sep 23 2018, 2:36pm)


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 2:51pm

Post #9 of 26 (6271 views)
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Radioactive by Imagine Dragons is one of my favorites [In reply to] Can't Post

Even if it's a little nonsensical. The video they made with stuffed animals fighting is hilarious. Maybe Beren needed a stuffed rabbit on his side.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 3:15pm

Post #10 of 26 (6266 views)
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The Bee Gees meet The One Ring (Stayin' Alive) [In reply to] Can't Post

By special request, The One Ring asked this song to be sung at its funeral:

Well, you can tell by the way they use my thing
I'm a magic curse, no normal ring
Gollum proud and Bilbo warm, I've been passed around
Since I was born
And now I'm alright, you're pureed
Gandalf may look the other way
Boromir, try to understand
The Ring of Power's effect on man

Whether you're a Valar or whether you're a mallard
You're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Feel Mt Doom breakin' and sissy Elves shakin'
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive

Well now, I tempt low and never high
Betrayed Isildur; with Frodo, always try
Got the poem of Sauron inside of me
It's invisible, you just can't see
You know it's alright, it's okay
I'll live to see another day
Galadriel, don't freak out, queen
My nuclear effect on screen

Whether you're a fire or whether you're a pyre
I am stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Feel Gollum meltin' and my precious smeltin'
Dang! No more stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ow, ow ow, ow, burnin' alive, burnin' alive
Ow, ow, ow, ow, meltin' alive-----


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 3:30pm

Post #11 of 26 (6262 views)
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Stairway to Heaven [In reply to] Can't Post

There's a wizard who's sure
Moria glitters with gold
And he's buying Durin's Stair to heaven
When he gets there he knows
If the doors are all closed
With Mellon he can get what he came for

Oh oh oh oh and he's buying Durin's Stair to heaven
Narvi's sign's on the wall
Mithril clues should make you sure
But you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a hall past the door
There's a balrog with wings
Sometimes all of our spells are misgiving

Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the West
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen
Lothlorien through the trees
Galadriel's Mirror is watching

Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon,
By the next phase of Moon
Saruman will lead us to treason
But a new day will dawn
After Pelennor-fighting all day long
Minas Tirith will echo with laughter


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 3:58pm

Post #12 of 26 (6257 views)
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woah - if you read this backwards you find out exactly who Tom Bombadil is! :) // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 3:59pm

Post #13 of 26 (6254 views)
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If you've got Ring fever, Ring fever: you've got a right to show it... :) // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 4:32pm

Post #14 of 26 (6257 views)
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Wait, I thought that song in reverse was satanic [In reply to] Can't Post

which makes Bombadil into Satan. But then, he showed up just a little too soon at the Barrow, as if he were waiting outside all along to listen to the hobbits die horrible deaths, so I guess it all fits now.


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 4:37pm

Post #15 of 26 (6252 views)
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The Witch King's Lament (in the style of The Killers) [In reply to] Can't Post

I think the Witch King ought to soliloquise his frustrations about the failed attack on Weathertop, something like this (after Somebody Told Me, by The Killers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y5fBdpreJiU ):

Rippin' my cloak just to get the Ring
Your hard to track and I've had it with this thing
Rippin' my cloak just to get the Ring
But help ain't close in a place like this
Anything goes but don't blink, you might miss
'Cause Gandalf ain't close in a place like this
I said Gandalf ain't close in a place like this
Bring the Ring down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a Ranger ruin my moonlight

Well nobody told me that you were a elf-friend
With what looked like a wraith-blade
That carries a Nazgul curse, or so I hear
It's not confidential, that blade's got potential

Ready let's roll onto something new
Takin' it's toll that I'm leaving without you
'Cause Gandalf ain't close in a place like this
I said Gandalf ain't close in a place like this
Bring the Ring down, bring it back down tonight
Never thought I'd let a Ranger ruin my moonlight

Well nobody told me that you were a elf-friend
With what looked like a wraith-blade...

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 5:17pm

Post #16 of 26 (6251 views)
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That cloak had probably been in his family for years [In reply to] Can't Post

He was really just trying to get back Sauron's Ring, and after all, no one disputed it was his. So you try to recover your boss's rightful property, and nassty hobbitses go and slash your heirloom garments.

Then fast-forward to a battlefield where a girl who's there UNDER FALSE PRETENSES cuts off the head of your favorite steed. It's a hard life, being a Witch-king.


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 5:35pm

Post #17 of 26 (6247 views)
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Well nobody told me that you're a shieldmaiden /That I should be evadin'... // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 8:40pm

Post #18 of 26 (6243 views)
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Elves just wanna have fun (after Cyndi Lauper) [In reply to] Can't Post

Making jewels to include living light
Yavana says, "When you gonna live your life right?"
Yavana dear, we're not the fortunate ones
And elves- they wanna have fun
Oh, elves just wanna have fun
Palantir rings in the middle of the night
and Manwe yells, "What you gonna do with your life?"
Oh Manwe dear, you know you're still number one
But elves -they wanna have fun
Oh, elves just wanna have...
That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Oh, elves- they wanna have fun
Oh, elves just wanna have fun....

[Chorus]
Elves
They want
Wanna have fun
Elves
Wanna have...


The valar took those beautiful elves
And hid them away from the rest of the world
I wanna be the one to walk in the sun
Oh, Elves—they wanna have fun
Oh, Elves just wanna have...
That's all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Oh, Elves -they wanna have fun
Oh, Elves just wanna have fun...

[and so on...]

Cyndi Lauper, Girls Just Want To Have Fun, original version:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIb6AZdTr-A

Also worth hearing - Extraordinary minor key cover version by Chase Holfelder https://youtu.be/MCJh4a5iAqw It gives the song a whole new feel.

~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


(This post was edited by noWizardme on Sep 23 2018, 8:48pm)


noWizardme
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 9:44pm

Post #19 of 26 (6233 views)
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Moria door inscription anagram [In reply to] Can't Post

You reminded me of this bit of fun(I think the second anagram is better, myself):


Quote
Ennyn Durin Aran Moria. Pedo mellon a minno. Im Narvi hain echant. Celebrimbor o Eregion teithant i thiw hin.

= I'm main entrance into Dwarven hall. I'm iron; no enemy, human or hobbit, can enter. Thing in pool, I hear in air. Die.

= Hi, human idiot. I am main entrance into Dwarven hall. I'm iron; no enemy can enter, nor bribe. I hear thing in pool.

part of a collection of 'best-ever' anagrams, here
https://wordsmith.org/anagram/hof.html


~~~~~~
"Go down to the shovel store and take your pick." Traditional prank played on dwarves when they start down the mine.


CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 23 2018, 11:44pm

Post #20 of 26 (6226 views)
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Faramir's semi-stalkerish love song to Eowyn, or The Beatles' "Lovely Rita" [In reply to] Can't Post

 
Lovely Eo, shielded maid
Strider can't come between us
When Gondor gets dark I tow your heart away

Standing by a fallen king-o
When I caught a glimpse of Eo
Wiping off the orc blood from a little white Took
As Ms Dernhelm she looked much older
And the armor across her shoulder
Made her look a little like a military man

Lovely Eo, shielded maid
May I inquire discreetly
When are you free to kill some orcs with me?

Eo!

With athelas, I tried to win her
Healed us both, and over dinner
Told her I would really like to see her again

Got an orc and Eo flayed it
Took her home, I nearly made it
Sitting on the sofa with a Nazgul or two

Oh, lovely Eo, shielded maid
Let Strider get married without you
Then see a shrink who'll make you think of me!


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Sep 24 2018, 1:58am

Post #21 of 26 (6231 views)
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Old Time Orcs and Trolls [inspired by Old Time Rock and Roll] [In reply to] Can't Post

Short, but oh so sweet :)

[Still Like Those] Old Time Orcs and Trolls
Sung by an Orc Overseer
[from Bob Seger's Old Time Rock and Roll]

Just take those old shackles off the shelf
Ain't had 'em on the wall since fightin' elf
Today's torture ain't got the same soul
I miss those old time orcs and trolls

Still like those old time orcs and trolls
They're snorts and slathering just soothed my soul
I miss their glee at spearing maggoty holes
Could Sharkey bring back some orcs and trolls?

...He what?!?



sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


(This post was edited by grammaboodawg on Sep 24 2018, 2:01am)


sevilodorf
Tol Eressea


Sep 24 2018, 2:49am

Post #22 of 26 (6222 views)
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Serious Oldie.... Oscar Party with apologies to Ricky Nelson [In reply to] Can't Post

OSCAR PARTY
apologies to Rick Nelson
Sevilodorf 3/26/02

Went to an Oscar party,
To celebrate with many friends,
A chance to make some memories,
Talk the film again.

When I got to the Oscar party,
Was a list with my name,
Matched against my driver’s license
I didn’t look the same.

But it’s all right now,
I’ve learned my lesson well.
See you can’t wear high heels,
When you’ve got to stand for hours.

People came from miles around.
Everyone was there.
Richard brought his mother,
PJ combed his hair.

Over in the corner,
Sat Ian and his friend,
Many folks surrounded him,
But “You SHALL NOT win.”

But it’s all right now,
I’ve learned my lesson well.
See you can’t wear high heels,
When you’ve got to stand for hours.







Watched the whole awards show.
Cheered loudly at the wins.
Vowed that we’d do better,
We’ll be back again.

I said “Hello” to many folks.
They think a lot like me.
Then I saw it was 2 AM
It was time to leave.

But it’s all right now,
I’ve learned my lesson well.
See you can’t wear high heels,
When you’ve got to stand for hours.

I went back in the daylight.
The famous stars to see.
Walking in their footsteps,
Would be all right with me.

Now if you’ve got to see the Oscars,
I offer this advice.
Buy your tickets early,
And dress up really nice

Fourth Age Adventures at the Inn of the Burping Troll http://burpingtroll.com
Home of TheOneRing.net Best FanFic stories of 2005 and 2006 "The Last Grey Ship" and "Ashes, East Wind, Hope That Rises" by Erin Rua

(Found in Mathoms, LOTR Tales Untold)




CuriousG
Half-elven


Sep 24 2018, 12:39pm

Post #23 of 26 (6200 views)
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"Today's torture ain't got the same soul" -- classic! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


Sep 25 2018, 2:34am

Post #24 of 26 (6184 views)
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Don't try to ask me riddles in the dark/ I'd rather kill some Dwarves or filthy old tarks./ [In reply to] Can't Post



grammaboodawg
Immortal


Sep 25 2018, 10:33am

Post #25 of 26 (6166 views)
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I love to drive the armies to the fray / cuz where there is a whip there is a way... // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar

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