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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jun 30 2018, 6:22am
Post #1 of 25
(11186 views)
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Wrote a new Middle Earth Story
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I wrote a new fan-fiction story set in the North of Middle earth. In the story Sam and his family ride off to meet Aragorn at the ancient capital of Arnor and some mysterious and dangerous events happen.
(This post was edited by Wainrider on Jun 30 2018, 6:24am)
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Attachments:
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HObbitSStory.docx
(35.2 KB)
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jun 30 2018, 11:07am
Post #2 of 25
(11145 views)
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Apparently I can't view the file for your Middle-earth story unless I have Office.
"I may be on the side of the angels, but do not think for one second that I am one of them." - Sherlock
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jun 30 2018, 11:08am)
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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jun 30 2018, 5:50pm
Post #3 of 25
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I can't save it as a text file, somehow that's bigger than office. I thought everyone on the planet had software that could read office files? There are free programs that are office compatible for PC and Linux, but you should be able to save it and then open it with word pad or something similar.
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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jul 2 2018, 11:44pm
Post #4 of 25
(11061 views)
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So did anyone like my story??
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 3 2018, 12:30am
Post #5 of 25
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I still can't see it to read it.
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
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Silverlode
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Jul 3 2018, 3:38am
Post #6 of 25
(11044 views)
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Maybe Wainrider or I can re-save it in another format that will upload. Can you read older Word files - .doc instead of .docx?
Silverlode
Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 3 2018, 12:11pm
Post #7 of 25
(11015 views)
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Maybe .doc files. These days I have many of my documents and manuscripts on Google Doc, not on my hard drive. The ones I do have on hard drive are mostly PDFs of gaming books and supplements and JPEGs for maps and character sheets.
My work on Google I can send as attachments in the following formats:
- PDF
- Microsoft Word (.docx)
- Rich Text (RTF)
- HTML
- Plain Text
- Open Document
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
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entmaiden
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Jul 3 2018, 1:45pm
Post #8 of 25
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I looked into saving as a PDF file
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but the file size was too large. Doc might work
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 3 2018, 3:06pm
Post #9 of 25
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I may have to break down and get the Microsoft Office app.
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I had actually saved a copy of my review of the Bree sourcebook for The One Ring RPG to my hard drive and it saved as a .docx file. So I can't look at that file unless I can figure out how to convert it to another format or I get the app (fortunately I don't need to since I already have it saved on Google Doc).
Actually, I can view my review using Word Pad, though that doesn't support all of the functions used for writing the article. Btw, I submitted that review for the TORN homepage ages ago and never heard back from anybody.
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 3 2018, 3:13pm)
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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jul 3 2018, 11:04pm
Post #10 of 25
(10977 views)
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I am splitting this into two files, since this site has the stupidest size limit in world history.
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Attachments:
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HObbitSStory.rtf
(43.0 KB)
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sevilodorf
Tol Eressea
Jul 15 2018, 9:45pm
Post #12 of 25
(10185 views)
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alternative to Microsoft office is Apache Open Office//
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Fourth Age Adventures at the Inn of the Burping Troll http://burpingtroll.com
Home of TheOneRing.net Best FanFic stories of 2005 and 2006 "The Last Grey Ship" and "Ashes, East Wind, Hope That Rises" by Erin Rua
(Found in Mathoms, LOTR Tales Untold)
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sevilodorf
Tol Eressea
Jul 15 2018, 9:46pm
Post #13 of 25
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Characterization of hobbit children is well done.
Do you have other stories housed online?
Fourth Age Adventures at the Inn of the Burping Troll http://burpingtroll.com
Home of TheOneRing.net Best FanFic stories of 2005 and 2006 "The Last Grey Ship" and "Ashes, East Wind, Hope That Rises" by Erin Rua
(Found in Mathoms, LOTR Tales Untold)
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 15 2018, 11:26pm
Post #14 of 25
(10166 views)
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Other than a few quibbles about inconsistent capitalization and other minor matters, your story reads very well. I do question the route taken by the hobbits to Annúminas as I am very doubtful that there would be any serviceable roads leading out of the Shire to Lake Evendim. It seems much more likely that they would have ridden the waggon along the East Road to Bree and then turned north on the Greenway. As you point out, King Elessar's people would have begun the restoration of the old capital of Arnor and that would have included laying down a new road between Annúminas and Deadman's Dike (Fornost Erain) and a new bridge crossing the Brandywine (though a ferry might have to serve for a while).
Is this supposes to replace the 1436 (S.R.) reunion between Aragorn and his hobbit friends at the Brandywine Bridge (Appendix B)? I'm having a hard time sussing out the year in which this takes place, but it seems earlier than that. Samwise and Rose had many children*, but Little Sam seems to be an invention of your own. More thoughts later.
* Elanor (1421), Frodo (1423), Rose(1425), Merry (1427), Pippin (1429), Goldilocks (1431), Hamfast (1432), Daisy (1433), Primrose (1435), Bilbo (1436), Ruby (1438), Robin (1440) and Tolman (Tom; 1442).
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 16 2018, 1:14am
Post #15 of 25
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It's disappointing that you give no reason for the absence of Master Mariadoc from your tale. Surely very little could have prevented him from joining this little group and it's unthinkable that he wouldn't have been invited. Likewise, young Rose was not Sam and Rosie's firstborn; that would be Elanor. Little Rose was their third child, after Frodo. And I'm still wondering where young Sam came from.
Other factual discrepencies:
- The King under the Mountain after Dain was his son Thorin III (Stonehelm).
- The Lossoth would not have been beast-men. They would probably have resembled the Sami people of Lapland, and Tolkien might have even reckoned the Snowmen as their ancestors.
- Rosie and Sam have been marries for years now. If you give her full name, it should be "Rose Gamgee', not 'Rose Cotton'.
- It really should be no surprise to Aragorn or his kinsmen that Hillmen still dwell in the Hills of Angmar or in the vicinity of Mount Gram.
- It bothers me that you never have Aragorn attempt to treat young Rose. These are Dúnedain lands and Athelas and other medicinal herbs should be at hand. "The hands of the King are the hands of a healer." This is a missed opportunity.
- We never learn what brought the dwarf Angmir to the region or how other Blue Mountain Dwarves were assembled so quickly. If he was simply traveling between the Ered Luin and the Lonely Mountain he ought to have been using the East Road, not wandering around so far north of Bree-land.
It's not a bad story at all; however, it could definitely use more research into Tolkien's legendarium and a good polish. And maybe less bouncing around from one set of characters to another. Maybe set such segments apart with some sort of divider (* * *). I hope you don't think my posts have been too critical. You went to so much trouble to put your story out here that I assume you want honest feedback.
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 16 2018, 1:25am)
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 16 2018, 4:46pm
Post #16 of 25
(10091 views)
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I realize that you might be working more off the Peter Jackson films than on Tolkien's The Lord of the Rins, so I took another look at the end of Jackson's Return of the King.
- The final scenes take place four years after Frodo was wounded on Weathertop, instead of three years after as in the book. But in the legendarium the Ring-bearers left in the year 1421 (Shire Reckoning); in the film it is probably S.R. 1405,
- Elanor (Alexandra Astin) is still Sam and Rosie's oldest but she is older, not an infant. Baby Gamgee (Maisie McLeod-Riera) isn't identified by name, but could be meant to be either young Frodo or young Rose as their second-born (though neither should have been born yet according to the genealogies).
- Celeborn seems to have boarded the ship to Valinor with the Ring-bearers, though since this is said in the film to be the 'Last Ship' it's not that big of a difference.
Rough Timeline of Peter Jackson's War of the Ring:
Year -- Event
3000 -- September 22: Bilbo's farewell party.
3001 -- Frodo and Sam set out for Rivendell in the autumn. October 25: The Council of Elrond.
3002 -- January: Gandalf falls in Moria. February: The Fellowship is broken. March: The Battle of the Hornburg; the Battle of the Pelennor Fields; the Ring is destroyed in Mount Doom. May: The crowning of King Elessar; the wedding of Elessar and Arwen. The Hobbits arrive home in the autumn, a year to the day after setting out.
3003 -- May 1: Samwise Gamgee marries Rose Cotton.
3004 -- March 25: Birth of Elanor the Fair, daughter of Samwise.
3005 -- Birth of Sam's second child. Bilbo and Frodo depart over the Sea with the Three Keepers and Celeborn.
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 16 2018, 4:48pm)
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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jul 16 2018, 11:22pm
Post #17 of 25
(10052 views)
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Yes I wrote one about the East of MIddle Earth 3 or 4 years ago. It isn't really written like a novel because it was a text game first, but has a lot of interesting stuff in it.
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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jul 16 2018, 11:26pm
Post #18 of 25
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I'm pretty sure I said that they THOUGHT the Lossoth may be beast men. The idea is that they wear lots of skins and maybe facepaint or masks and other stuff that makes it hard to tell what they look like.
As for other discrepancies, I am now half a century old so give me a break! i just tried to write a story about Eriador because I've always been fascinated by it. Probably because it's a lot like Washington where i'm from.
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sevilodorf
Tol Eressea
Jul 17 2018, 3:03pm
Post #20 of 25
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The Burping Troll began as a role playing free for all
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And with the talents of a few very good writers and the obsessive compulsions of others we achieved our own version of Middle Earth and wrote thousands and thousands of words that kept us entertained for over a decade. Though the group is no longer cohesive we still occasionally visit.
One thing we found really useful was to decide how true to canon we would be and what extra spins we could accept when we veered off the "true" path. The battles/brawls that raged over things like the redeemability of orcs, the lifestyle s of elves and exactly how much were the "lower level" maiar present and involved in the lives of the people were epic and insightful.
Another point that raised our writing level was proofreading. We found that as the author you know what it says so often you read it that way even when there's errors in spelling or grammar or punctuation. Fresh eyes are always good.
Are you focused on hobbits or do you explore the other peoples of Middle Earth? Keep writing, it's a great brain workout.
Fourth Age Adventures at the Inn of the Burping Troll http://burpingtroll.com
Home of TheOneRing.net Best FanFic stories of 2005 and 2006 "The Last Grey Ship" and "Ashes, East Wind, Hope That Rises" by Erin Rua
(Found in Mathoms, LOTR Tales Untold)
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 17 2018, 3:20pm
Post #21 of 25
(9938 views)
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I wouldn't want Wainrider to stop writing stories (Middle-earth or otherwise) because of my picky comments. I would just hope for more thought-out and better researched writing. Though I make no claim to be an expert, I am available for consultation on research matters if Wainrider or others wish to p.m. me.
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 17 2018, 3:21pm)
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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jul 18 2018, 12:49am
Post #22 of 25
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This is fan fiction, not US history.
I find it hard to fathom such criticism when the story takes place in a time that isn't really covered in the writings, in a place that was never well described.
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 18 2018, 1:11am
Post #23 of 25
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But a story could be brilliant, sublime and worthy of multiple awards as a stand-alone tale and still be a terrible Middle-earth story. You went out of your way to make the story accessible after I explained that I couldn't readily download it, so I felt I owed you honest feedback.
By the way, you never clarified whether your tale was supposed to be set in Tolkien's M-e or in the continuity of Peter Jackson's films, or what year in which it takes place?
"For a brief time I was here; and for a brief time I mattered." - Harlan Ellison
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 18 2018, 1:19am)
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Wainrider
Rivendell
Jul 22 2018, 1:01am
Post #24 of 25
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Here is the link for my other Middle-Earth story. It was written as a game originally, do the character has no name and hardly any backstory, but there's a lot of interesting stuff in here.
http://newboards.theonering.net/forum/gforum/perl/gforum.cgi?post=855208;#855208
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Asger
Rivendell
Jul 22 2018, 5:59pm
Post #25 of 25
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And I must admit that Otaku is right. I would advise you to go through it once again with his critics in mind, change what you think should be changed and leave the rest as is. I have written on a fanfic-story for more Than 30 years, Way before it was called fanfic, and would love to get that kind of critic, even if it would make me feel bad for weeks. Well, nobody wants to beta a story of +400 pages in the obscure language of Danish (Aint that something you eat?) 
"Don't take life seriously, it ain't nohow permanent!" Pogo
www.willy-centret.dk
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If anyone is going to write a story set in Middle-earth, it behooves them to at least do minimal research as appropriate. If the tale uses Peter Jackson's films as its background, re-watch any relevant scenes and/or check the cast credits for information. Living in western New York, I can relate to comparing the state of Washington to Eriador (or to parts of Rhovanion). 