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Scenes From the Hat


May 29, 8:45pm

Post #1 of 12 (4861 views)
Scenes From the Hat Can't Post

The Reading Room is discussing the second chapter of The Hobbit.

"Thorin and Company to Burglar Bilbo greeting!

"For your hospitality our sincerest thanks, and for your offer of professional assistance our grateful acceptance. Terms: cash on delivery, up to and not exceeding one fourteenth of total profits (if any); all traveling expenses guaranteed in any event; funeral expenses to be defrayed by us or our representatives, if occasion arises and the matter is not otherwise arranged for.

"Thinking it unnecessary to disturb your esteemed repose, we have proceeded in advance to make requisite preparations, and shall await your respected person at the Green Dragon Inn, Bywater, at II a.m. sharp. Trusting that you will be punctual.

“We have the honour to remain

"Yours deeply
“Thorin & Co.”

-Roast Mutton

What other terms were in the teeny tiny small print of Bilbo's contract?

“Did you say 'You Shall Not Pass' or 'You Shall Not Sass'?" asked the Balrog.

"I said 'You Shall Not Pass,'” replied Gandalf; "and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy."

"All right," said the Balrog; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of its wings, and ending with its shadow, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

'Well! I've often seen wings without a Balrog,' thought Gandalf; `but a Balrog without wings! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!’

-The Adventures of Gandalf in Middle-earth Land


May 29, 11:35pm

Post #2 of 12 (4804 views)
Yeah... [In reply to] Can't Post

...how about "Dragon bites, drowning while attempting to navigate in barrels, or ego-injuries due to Elven disdain not covered, or burns related to same." Pirate

We are the fighting Uruk-Hai! We slew the great warrior! Well, yeah, first he killed a bunch of us and another whole lot of Mauhúr's lads, and we had to shoot enough arrows into him to drop a Mûmak. But we got him!

(This post was edited by Attalus on May 29, 11:35pm)

L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens

May 30, 2:59am

Post #3 of 12 (4782 views)
'By signing, you indicate acceptance of our new Privacy Policy.'/ [In reply to] Can't Post


And Rose drew him in, and set him on the harpsichord bench, and put little Wilhelm Friedemann upon his lap.

He began composing a fugue. 'Well, I'm Bach,' he said.


May 30, 1:49pm

Post #4 of 12 (4752 views)
Sponsorship deal [In reply to] Can't Post

It was originally The Hobson’s Horse Tack and Pony Hire Quest Of Erebor (TM)
But after various misadventures with the ponies, the sponsor pulled out.

Where's that old read-through discussion?
A wonderful list of links to previous chapters in the 2014-2016 LOTR read-through (and to previous read-throughs) is curated by our very own 'squire' here http://users.bestweb.net/...-SixthDiscussion.htm

L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens

May 30, 7:05pm

Post #5 of 12 (4717 views)
Side effects may include incineration. Ask your doctor if your heart is strong enough for quests./ [In reply to] Can't Post


And Rose drew him in, and set him on the harpsichord bench, and put little Wilhelm Friedemann upon his lap.

He began composing a fugue. 'Well, I'm Bach,' he said.


May 30, 7:24pm

Post #6 of 12 (4718 views)
If your quest lasts longer than elevensies, [In reply to] Can't Post

consult your dietician.

They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters, these see the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep. -Psalm 107

Superuser / Moderator

May 31, 12:45am

Post #7 of 12 (4691 views)
Supplies of handkerchiefs are the responsibility of the questee. / [In reply to] Can't Post


Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.

Ataahua's stories


May 31, 2:11am

Post #8 of 12 (4684 views)
"Failure to comply will result in long-term occupancy of Bag End by said Dwarves" // [In reply to] Can't Post



We have been there and back again.

TIME Google Calendar

Tol Eressea

May 31, 2:39am

Post #9 of 12 (4684 views)
Substantial consideration having been received from M-e Productions (the Buyer) [In reply to] Can't Post

by Thorin & Company (the Seller) toward the financing of the Seller's expedition, the Buyer has been granted exclusive rights to the novelisation, live-stage, film, television, radio, holographic depiction, remakes, sequels and merchandising of the story of the Seller's expedition, this right to be held worldwide throughout the universe and for all time. All members of the Company consent unreservedly to being portrayed, the Buyer having been granted the right to embellish, fictionalise, dramatise and adapt the story and characters in any way the Buyer chooses.


Jun 1, 6:09am

Post #10 of 12 (4634 views)
By June 22nd of next year [In reply to] Can't Post

The buyer will be legally considered deceased, unless a certified document to the condradictory has been communicated to Messrs. Grubb, Grubb and Burrows, executors to Thorin and Co. Ltd. 

The buyer hearby appoints the aforementioned Messrs. G, G & B to dispose of his estate as they see fit, insofar as it does not infringe upon or prejudice in any way the interests of his/her rightful heirs. 

Messrs. G, G & B will receive for the execution of their part of this contract up to 2% of the worth of the estate, but not less than one hundred gold pieces.

(This post was edited by sador on Jun 1, 6:12am)

Ethel Duath

Jun 3, 4:02am

Post #11 of 12 (4587 views)
"The lally of the first part has no contractual relationship to the lolly of the second part." // [In reply to] Can't Post


Ethel Duath

Jun 3, 4:09am

Post #12 of 12 (4586 views)
"Finders Squeakers fee will be paid upon delivery of talking purses and/or tiny Goblins." [In reply to] Can't Post



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