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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories

Darkstone
Immortal


May 22, 5:52pm

Post #1 of 15 (7310 views)
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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories Can't Post

The Reading Room is discussing the first chapter of The Hobbit.

"You seem to remember my fireworks kindly, at any rate, and that is not without hope. Indeed for your old grand-father Took’s sake, and for the sake of poor Belladonna, I will give you what you asked for.”
“I beg your pardon, I haven’t asked for anything!”
"Yes, you have! Twice now. My pardon. I give it you. In fact I will go so far as to send you on this adventure. Very amusing for me, very good for you and profitable too, very likely, if you ever get over it.”


What was the *real* reason Gandalf sent Bilbo off on an adventure?

******************************************
“Did you say 'You Shall Not Pass' or 'You Shall Not Sass'?" asked the Balrog.

"I said 'You Shall Not Pass,'” replied Gandalf; "and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy."

"All right," said the Balrog; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of its wings, and ending with its shadow, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

'Well! I've often seen wings without a Balrog,' thought Gandalf; `but a Balrog without wings! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!’

-The Adventures of Gandalf in Middle-earth Land




Attalus
Lorien


May 22, 6:22pm

Post #2 of 15 (7262 views)
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He was in their pay! Gandalf wanted... [In reply to] Can't Post

...to get Bilbo out of the way so that the S-B's could loot Bag End.

We are the fighting Uruk-Hai! We slew the great warrior! Well, yeah, first he killed a bunch of us and another whole lot of Mauhúr's lads, and we had to shoot enough arrows into him to drop a Mûmak. But we got him!


Greenwood Hobbit
Grey Havens


May 22, 6:49pm

Post #3 of 15 (7255 views)
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There was only so much of Bilbo's whittering that Gandalf could take... [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Lissuin
Tol Eressea


May 22, 8:20pm

Post #4 of 15 (7239 views)
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Reality TV: an origin story. [In reply to] Can't Post

Candid Camera, The Dating Game, Survivor, Big Brother, The Amazing Race, My Kitchen Rules, and the Unreal Housewives of Everywhere have all been loosely based on

QUEST: Thirteen Dwarves and a Hobbit - The Real-Life Adventures of Real Heroes.

The Truman Show was a more faithful-to-the-concept, but very pallid, later adaptation of a show wherein millions were allowed to secretly follow the ups and downs of the life of an unwitting, non-consenting protagonist for 24 hours a day while a powerful, egomaniacal executive producer called the shots. With well-targeted advertising, these millions were coaxed to buy lots of stuff they didn't need, which paid for the show, of course. T-shirts, bobbleheads, pencil cases and lunch boxes flew off the shelves.

"Very amusing for me, very good for you and profitable too, very likely, if you ever get over it.”
Indeed. Gandalf could be called the original show runner.

In the interest of complete disclosure, at the age of 18 I auditioned for The Dating Game but was not hired. My career languished for 42 years following that disappointment.


CuriousG
Half-elven


May 22, 9:03pm

Post #5 of 15 (7233 views)
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It wasn’t Gandalf [In reply to] Can't Post

It was Saruman disguised as Gandalf, and he wanted him to find the Ring. Which he did. But he thought it would be safe in the Shire until he was ready to collect it, and you must admit, Gandalf dithered about it for decades while doing nothing, so it was a sound strategy for Saruman, the true hero of LOTR.


grammaboodawg
Immortal


May 23, 12:39am

Post #6 of 15 (7205 views)
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He was a shiny object to keep the Dwarves distracted // [In reply to] Can't Post

 




sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


May 23, 5:47pm

Post #7 of 15 (7134 views)
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The Blue Wizards turned up unexpectedly and he had to find them a vacant place to crash./ [In reply to] Can't Post

 

And Rose drew him in, and set him on the harpsichord bench, and put little Wilhelm Friedemann upon his lap.

He began composing a fugue. 'Well, I'm Bach,' he said.


hanne
Lorien

May 23, 7:54pm

Post #8 of 15 (7105 views)
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hee hee! :) // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


CuriousG
Half-elven


May 23, 7:56pm

Post #9 of 15 (7089 views)
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ROFL! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Darkstone
Immortal


May 23, 8:24pm

Post #10 of 15 (7062 views)
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So he turned Bag End into an Airdnd. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
“Did you say 'You Shall Not Pass' or 'You Shall Not Sass'?" asked the Balrog.

"I said 'You Shall Not Pass,'” replied Gandalf; "and I wish you wouldn't keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy."

"All right," said the Balrog; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of its wings, and ending with its shadow, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

'Well! I've often seen wings without a Balrog,' thought Gandalf; `but a Balrog without wings! It's the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!’

-The Adventures of Gandalf in Middle-earth Land




Attalus
Lorien


May 23, 8:40pm

Post #11 of 15 (7066 views)
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Hehe [In reply to] Can't Post

Pirate

We are the fighting Uruk-Hai! We slew the great warrior! Well, yeah, first he killed a bunch of us and another whole lot of Mauhúr's lads, and we had to shoot enough arrows into him to drop a Mûmak. But we got him!


Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


May 23, 8:45pm

Post #12 of 15 (7055 views)
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*slow clap* :) / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Otaku-sempai
Immortal


May 24, 12:59am

Post #13 of 15 (7026 views)
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Alternately: Ad&d [In reply to] Can't Post

With complementary dice?

"I may be on the side of the angels, but do not think for one second that I am one of them." - Sherlock

(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on May 24, 1:01am)


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


May 24, 1:09am

Post #14 of 15 (7016 views)
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Or an AirBB./ [In reply to] Can't Post

 

And Rose drew him in, and set him on the harpsichord bench, and put little Wilhelm Friedemann upon his lap.

He began composing a fugue. 'Well, I'm Bach,' he said.


grammaboodawg
Immortal


May 24, 11:09am

Post #15 of 15 (6984 views)
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or a LairBB // [In reply to] Can't Post

 




sample

We have been there and back again.


TIME Google Calendar

 
 

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