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The One Ring Forums: Off Topic: The Pollantir:
Apologia - Can you help me settle a difference of opinion?
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Poll: Apologia - Can you help me settle a difference of opinion?
Yes, you need to apologize / Iím female
Yes, you need to apologize / Iím male
No, no need to apologize/ Iím female
No, no need to apologize/ Iím male
Iím confused
Other
View Results (43 votes)
 

Annael
Half-elven


Sep 30 2017, 1:13am

Post #26 of 31 (1174 views)
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good point [In reply to] Can't Post

I try to follow the adage "don't accuse others of feelings" - "don't argue with feelings" sounds like a good corollary.

Last weekend I went to an editing conference and the keynote speaker talked about how editors could help shift the current style of social discourse to, at the very least, not make things WORSE. Avoiding any kind of epithet or slur was top on the list. But I was caught by her advice to, when someone does something you don't like, instead of accusing them, say "I noticed that you did X. I'm not sure how to interpret that. Can you explain more?" I would surely love it if my easily-triggered relations adopted that approach, and I'm going to try to use it myself when the occasion arises.


imin
Valinor


Sep 30 2017, 4:54am

Post #27 of 31 (1151 views)
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For me it depends [In reply to] Can't Post

If its a friend, then i will tell them i dont mean it that way and ultimately dont really care if it offended them - my friends would say it offended them in an ironic way, it takes a lot to offend my friends or myself.

If its offence of a random member of the public, i can't be bothered with any drama so i would say i apologise i dont mean it that way, if still offended etc then its their problem. I say this as i dont go about trying to intentionally offend anyone and i also dont really think i say anything which is offensive, at least not to a majority of people.


To answer the original question - in this instance i would apologise as it is the right thing to do and i would possibly go further than an apology depending on exact circumstances. I would expect an apology back as well - for where i live in England, to not get an apology in this situation is pretty much unthinkable and the height of bad manners.


Kilidoescartwheels
Tol Eressea


Oct 2 2017, 6:19pm

Post #28 of 31 (980 views)
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Reminds me of one of my most embarrassing childhood memories [In reply to] Can't Post

I was about 10 years old, at that awkward, clumsy age. My mother and older sister were very critical of how I walked, and were telling me how clumsy I was. I got real angry and announced, "Well I don't want to change, I WANT to be clumsy!" I turned to storm off, and tripped over a statute my older sister made for her art class, and broke it. I don't think I apologized, I was way too embarrassed - I just went to my room.Blush But I think I should have apologized - then again, maybe the statute shouldn't have been on the floor?Crazy


Kilidoescartwheels
Tol Eressea


Oct 2 2017, 6:26pm

Post #29 of 31 (978 views)
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Here, here! [In reply to] Can't Post

Nothing annoys me more than someone who's more interested in being the victim than being reasonable. Accidents happen, people!


Kilidoescartwheels
Tol Eressea


Oct 2 2017, 6:32pm

Post #30 of 31 (975 views)
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I started to go there [In reply to] Can't Post

Yes, there is a certain eye-rolling, annoying amount of "offensive-ness" going on in the U.S. media right now - gee, maybe we can find something ELSE to talk about, like Puerto Rico - something a little more IMPORTANT???


Patty
Immortal


Oct 21 2017, 4:25am

Post #31 of 31 (895 views)
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Silverlode, as usual you express my opinions. [In reply to] Can't Post

 I always used to wonder if you were inside my head.

A good friendís sister died just a couple days ago. I told her I was sorry. What I meant was condolences . Iím sorry it happened. Definitely not admitting guilt.
I think thatís pretty much the case with the Ming vase. You are sorry it happened. Although I really must agree the person shouldnít have had it out where it was in such a vulnerable position. Hypothetically, of course.

And if he wasnít insured, heíd be out of luck.

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