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lionoferebor
Rohan
Oct 20 2016, 1:06am
Post #1 of 24
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Gentle or blunt?
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Let's be real, there are times we find ourselves in a position where we may have to talk about something unpleasant...something that may ruffle some feathers. Some of us are blessed with the uncanny ability to approach such topics with style and grace. Our words are gentle and, despite the topic, make all parties involved at ease. Then there are those of us - like me - who tend to be more blunt. That style and grace, those gentle words that set others at ease don't always come as easily to us. This isn't to say we don't try to approach certain topics in a gentle manner, we just have to put forth a bit - a lot - more effort.
So, by nature are you gentle in expressing yourself or do you tend to be more blunt?
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Kilidoescartwheels
Valinor
Oct 20 2016, 3:58am
Post #2 of 24
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I have a bad habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time - I'm constantly upsetting my oldest daughter, as if I'd ever want to! Maybe she's just too sensitive, I dunno. But I would prefer gentle, diplomatic language in tense situations. I just don't seem to do it well. However, I think there are some occasional situations where blunt is the only way to go, like "sorry, you've had too much to drink, hand over the keys."
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DainPig
Gondor
Oct 20 2016, 4:03am
Post #3 of 24
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I must say.
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Elizabeth
Half-elven
Oct 20 2016, 7:27am
Post #4 of 24
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...but it doesn't always work out that way. 
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Silverlode
Forum Admin
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Oct 20 2016, 8:36am
Post #5 of 24
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I have to work hard at being tactful, because it doesn't come naturally. I don't enjoy arguments and conflict and want to set people at ease, but I've learned that I can be easily misunderstood unless I'm careful in my phrasing. I try to think before I speak and be aware of who I'm talking to and how they'll hear what I say, and when I write, I edit, edit, edit.
*Finally decides to hit submit after multiple changes and much rephrasing of one short paragraph* 
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Bracegirdle
Valinor
Oct 20 2016, 2:01pm
Post #6 of 24
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But I wonder why I’m often misunderstood?
Could it be ME? Naw! Must be everyone else.
*Hey, even God has a sense of humor. Spend a half-hour at a Walmart, you’ll see…   *
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Elarie
Grey Havens
Oct 20 2016, 2:35pm
Post #7 of 24
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I try to be tactful, and no one has ever socked me in the jaw, so maybe I'm usually successful, but I do have those out-of-patience, "Oh my goodness, did I say that out loud" very blunt moments.
Sometimes though, there are people that you just can't get through to with delicate hints.
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lionoferebor
Rohan
Oct 20 2016, 3:07pm
Post #8 of 24
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But I wonder why I’m often misunderstood?
Could it be ME? Naw! Must be everyone else.
Reminds me of this quote: It is my job to explain it to you, not to understand it for you. This is quickly becoming my mantra.
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Annael
Immortal
Oct 20 2016, 3:31pm
Post #9 of 24
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Family trait - of the women anyway - we're New England stock, think Kate Hepburn. I've had to learn tact as an adult, especially with clients. Doesn't help that most of my career, I've been told to be as terse and direct as possible in my writing.
Oddly though, when I offend someone it's usually because they misconstrued my meaning. So maybe I'm not as direct as I think.
(This post was edited by Annael on Oct 20 2016, 3:33pm)
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cats16
Half-elven
Oct 20 2016, 9:38pm
Post #10 of 24
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Eruvandi
Tol Eressea
Oct 21 2016, 7:58pm
Post #11 of 24
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To paraphrase Gandalf, there are certain topics that, if one is to be successful in discussing with others, need to be handled with tact, and respect, and no small degree of charm. ;) Sometimes this means simply knowing when to keep my mouth shut.
When it is necessary for me to speak up, I always do my best to be diplomatic, and I've been told that I'm good at expressing myself clearly, especially in writing. I'm quick to read situations and the people involved, and I've learned by experience and observation how best to talk to others in a way that makes them feel respected and keeps them at ease. If I'm misunderstood, I'm quick to apologize, admit my mistake, and try to clarify, rather than become defensive and make things worse. It's how I've always been.
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entmaiden
Forum Admin
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Oct 21 2016, 11:00pm
Post #12 of 24
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Different situations call for different approaches, but I always work hard to treat the other people involved with respect. Everyone has their own perspective, and it's important to take those all into account and make sure everyone's voice is heard.
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Ethel Duath
Half-elven
Oct 21 2016, 11:20pm
Post #13 of 24
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I find when I'm the recipient,
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that respect makes either approach at least swallow-able if not always palatable.
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Omnigeek
Lorien
Oct 22 2016, 2:26am
Post #14 of 24
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There are times when tact is called for and times when mollycoddling is useless.
"Life is tough. It's tougher when you're stupid."
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malickfan
Gondor
Oct 23 2016, 10:37am
Post #15 of 24
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I try to be tactful and gentle, but I have a terrible habit of speaking before I think things through, and although I've never been one to sugar coat things or dodge the truth, sometimes the situation calls for a different approach.
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OldestDaughter
Rohan
Oct 23 2016, 12:46pm
Post #16 of 24
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When I am trying to help out other people I am gentle, but when I get in a situation at home I am blunt. I have a big family, so being blunt can come out, but it makes me more gentle out in public.
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Ingwion
Lorien
Oct 23 2016, 1:26pm
Post #17 of 24
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But not always deliberately....
I'm always one for stating my beliefs even if people will disagree.
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Darkstone
Immortal
Oct 24 2016, 5:58pm
Post #18 of 24
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I try to be gentle. I like listening to differing experiences and points of view as I'm always hoping to learn and understand new things. I do admit, though, that certain opinions and attitudes tend to bring out the jerk in me.
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Cirashala
Valinor
Oct 24 2016, 10:33pm
Post #19 of 24
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If everyone were always respectful, whether polite or blunt, I think this would would be a very, very fine world indeed
(This post was edited by Cirashala on Oct 24 2016, 10:34pm)
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Ingwion
Lorien
Oct 24 2016, 10:44pm
Post #20 of 24
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If more of us valued other peoples opinions above our own, it would be a merrier world.
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entmaiden
Forum Admin
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Oct 25 2016, 2:41am
Post #21 of 24
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Oh, that never happens, Darkstone
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TheOnlyOneAroundWithAnySense
Rohan
Oct 25 2016, 6:38pm
Post #22 of 24
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I spend so much time around children and raising them that when it's time for those occasions to converse with other adults, I tend to drop the gentleness I more often than not have to saturate myself with. Just fed up by that point, I guess.
Understand, I'm very, very rarely mean, but I do think it would pertinent for more grown individuals to grow a spine and cut the sugarcoating and placating when having a conversation with another adult.
Don't waste time; be blunt yet kind. Could be my personal mantra.
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Misto
Lorien
Dec 17 2017, 8:20pm
Post #24 of 24
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Blunt even by German standards
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... and that's saing something
If you ask for my opinion then my opinion is what you get. Nevermind if you're my boss or not.
Also I tend to go to super-German mode when I need something. Most likely person to pick up the phone and go "Hi, it's me. I need this, this and that". Usually I remember that I probably should have asked how the other person's day was only after I put the receiver down again.
The good news is - usually I also know when to hold my tongue altogether.
(This post was edited by Misto on Dec 17 2017, 8:20pm)
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