Our Sponsor Sideshow Collectibles Send us News
Lord of the Rings Tolkien
Search Tolkien
Lord of The RingsTheOneRing.net - Forged By And For Fans Of JRR Tolkien
Lord of The Rings Serving Middle-Earth Since The First Age

Lord of the Rings Movie News - J.R.R. Tolkien
Do you enjoy the 100% volunteer, not for profit services of TheOneRing.net?
Consider a donation!

  Main Index   Search Posts   Who's Online   Log in
The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Fan Art:
Wednesday Thorin and Thranduil ART

Avandel
Half-elven


May 25 2016, 8:03pm

Post #1 of 24 (2108 views)
Shortcut
Wednesday Thorin and Thranduil ART Can't Post

Because.Angelic



Artist unknown



Original: http://thranduilized.tumblr.com/image/107073905619




Original: http://www.deviantart.com/...d-Armitage-555464930


H , a s g fur minn
H , a s g mur mna, og H, a s g brur mnir og systur mnar
H , a s g mitt flk aftur byrjun
H, gera eir kalla til mn, og bja mr a taka minn sta meal eirra slum Valhallar
Hvar hugrakkir mun lifa a eilfu






Elarie
Grey Havens

May 26 2016, 12:06am

Post #2 of 24 (2012 views)
Shortcut
Very nice! [In reply to] Can't Post

Smile The third one in particular really captures RA's Thorin. What a great expression on his face.

__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Avandel
Half-elven


May 26 2016, 5:53pm

Post #3 of 24 (2003 views)
Shortcut
Amazing artists.... [In reply to] Can't Post








(From DeviantArt)




Of course, this art of Thorin - who adopted some habits of the Haradrim while vacationing in the Orocarni mountains after BOFA - is a true classic, and finally gave the Fang-gir-iells a chance to see what dwarves look like under those layers. (Pretty much what everyone suspectedEvil). In any case Thorin was completely unimpressed with Daenery's dragons, and told the exiled queen she ought to pay a visit to Middle Earth, if she wanted to see some REAL fire.Angelic

Daenerys smiled coyly and was about to make a joke along those lines, but noticing that Thorin's weird contingent of leather-clad, studded Fang-gir-iells had fallen ominously silentCool, hastily told Thorin "perhaps one day, but at the moment she had a kingdom to reclaim..."

Of course Thorin was totally onboard with that, and offered up an army of Iron Hills dwarves. After all, until Erebor was repopulated with his own people from Ered Luin, Thorin really didn't need his cousin's army lounging around Erebor and Dale. Checking things out. Maybe quietly pocketing a jewel or two.

Keeping track of Nori was hard enough. Yes, a busy army is a HAPPY army, and no point in wasting those whirly things that Dain had dragged all that way.

(And who can say? The fiery Dain may finally be the ONE Daenerys had waited for...Laugh)

And so Thorin, now known as the Black Lion of the Desert in the Orocarni mountains, left the brave Daenerys, and lo! his eyes burned as bright as gems in fire, and his sable hair was the wind of night, and his shining blade stain'd with the crimson honey of his enemies. And the Fang-gir-iells followed, maddened with love and crazed with powerful drink, and all were swept before their path.

Across miles of dusty plains, and tirelessly through the battle-scarr'd lands of the South they rode. Until reaching near where the great Anduin reached for the sea, where the Partei-Barge was docked, and a faithful halfling waited. Bilbo's eyes narrowed in disapproval as he took in the Mountain King's free-flowing hair, tanned skin, and new tattoos.

"WHERE have you BEEN?" Bilbo glared up at Thorin, who had graciously stayed on his horse to allow the Fang-gir-iells to capture some *epic* photos of his hair streaming against the late afternoon light. ("It's the golden hour!!!!" the photographers had begged. "Please please please, just a few shots!!!!")

Bilbo was unimpressed with the warm light that gilded the noble brow of the King. "You get down here RIGHT NOW and do some KINGING! And put a shirt on! This is just about the ONLY series left where people keep their clothes on! I'm not having it, I'm just NOT."

"And do you know what your NEPHEWS did while you were CAVORTING? There's an entire city council that wants to talk to you - something about a tavern and "the fire" and "wrecking a fishing boat" and a herd of pigs and damage compensation..."

"Oh, never mind, just get on the barge, because we need to leave RIGHT NOW..."Angelic


Elarie
Grey Havens

May 27 2016, 1:38am

Post #4 of 24 (1983 views)
Shortcut
Great art and more epic fluff [In reply to] Can't Post

So many talented artists out there, but your stories top them all. Laugh What a day brightener, and always good to know the faithful hobbit waits patiently for the Mountain King to return from his adventurous wanderings. Well, maybe not THAT patiently...and what exactly were those naughty nephews doing? Tavern, fire, fishing boat, pigs... I'm guessing either moonlight pig roast on deck or shark fishing with bacon bait...

In any case, isn't it fortuante that Uncle Thorin showed up just in time to jump on board the Partei Barge and skip town? Hopefully the town paid them to go. Wink

__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Avandel
Half-elven


May 27 2016, 3:22am

Post #5 of 24 (1977 views)
Shortcut
Deep bow! [In reply to] Can't Post

My great thanks to a MASTER of the craft, a bard storyteller for the AGES, one of the few I've ever had to stop reading from laughing...CoolCoolCool


Quote
..and what exactly were those naughty nephews doing? Tavern, fire, fishing boat, pigs... I'm guessing either moonlight pig roast on deck or shark fishing with bacon bait...


Only the goat who has settled down on top what's left of the tavern roof knows allAngelic, and as the Partei-barge sailed into the setting sun, the frustrated townsfolk were still trying to persuade the indifferent animal to come down.

Meanwhile, to Bilbo's disgust, a lot of Thorin's wardrobe had inexplicably vanished, except for the boots. Still in an unusually superb frame of mind after his hiatus in the Red Mountains, Thorin only chuckled over "his little minxes" when Bilbo accuse the Fang-gir-iells of theft. Thorin said it wasn't as though he weren't wearing leather #Majestically. Here and there, anyway. And it WAS full-grain cowhide, none of the cheap split stuff. What did Bilbo think of his new uber-cool multi-strap vambraces?

In the depths of the barge, Minty is informing the stallion that Thorin rode on the way of things. That she'll take it from here, thanks so much, if he wanted to REMAIN a fiery breath of desert wind. The purebred Andalusian stallion is hopelessly in love already.

Fili and Kili, being stout dwarves of royal lineage, and good hearted as well, overcame their massive headaches long enough to help the Partei-girls. The Partei-girls, feeling rather guilty about all those chickens that were long gone (along with the herd of pigs), were floating barrels of what they called "treats" and "some particularly special fruit juices" to the furious, mud-spattered town council members on the dock. Their curses could be faintly heard on the breeze "that was MY girlfriend!" "you need to fill that crater you left in the middle of the main road!" and "*&^%$#!"

Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on your viewpoint, the Partei-girls got the barrels mixed up again, and His #Majesty's hidden clothes went over the side as well. Later, Fili and Kili thought this was hilarious. But the Fang-gir-iells, some of whom could also be termed "crafty Ringers" (albeit not sane), swiftly fashioned his Majesty elegant robes out of the bed linens. They said they knew all that cosplay experience would come in handy, and used Bilbo's coffee to dye the new robes a becoming chocolate brown that enhanced the blue of Thorin's eyes.Angelic



Elarie
Grey Havens

May 27 2016, 12:35pm

Post #6 of 24 (1961 views)
Shortcut
Too kind [In reply to] Can't Post

Smile And thank you for another great morning laugh, which once again almost made me spit out my tea.

But wait! A black Andalusian stallion? OMG - Thorin stole Zorro's horse! And now that that poor, lovelorn embodiment of unquenchable courage, free spirit and torrid midnights in Spain has gotten a look at Minty he will NEVER return to his rightful owner.

The Big Z is NOT going to like this. He is out for Thorin's blood - on foot, unfortunately. LaughLaughLaugh

__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Avandel
Half-elven


May 27 2016, 9:40pm

Post #7 of 24 (1941 views)
Shortcut
The best laid plans tho... [In reply to] Can't Post

Often come to naught...

Consider what happened when the [former] Curse of the Capistrano set out on foot, to reclaim his *noble steed*. I understand that the [former] masked Defender of the People is recovering nicely. After all, the monastery is known for its peacefulness and many gardens of healing herbs. Alas, tho, the monks often quietly snicker over the injuries that resulted when the irate "big Z" charged off, forgetting about the inexplicable (and large) hole left in the main road by the dwarf Princes and the Partei-girls.

And it's always unwise to disturb any animal with young, particularly, say, a very large sow who had cuddled in the hole for the night with her 9 piglets. It's a classic example of "pride goeth before a fall" the monks nodded wisely, as they carefully disposed of the "big Z's" tattered clothes in a very large fire. Along with burning a lot of incense and their most strongly fragrant beeswax candles.

Meanwhile, since nature abhors a vacuum....




The Fang-gir-iells are ECSTATIC...Tongue



And it's truly impressiveHeart that His Majesty has pushed beyond the dwarven desire to HOARD ("what's mine is mine, and stays mine...")
and steal from the rich and give to the poor.

He worries about it tho, at timesFrown. A good thing there's a hobbit around to nag him...

WinkAngelic

(Original painting from https://www.pinterest.com/...asy-characters-male/)

(This post was edited by Avandel on May 27 2016, 9:49pm)


Elarie
Grey Havens

May 28 2016, 12:32am

Post #8 of 24 (1924 views)
Shortcut
Alas... [In reply to] Can't Post

after the monks burned his clothes, Zorro had to piece together a new outfit from choir robes, curtain trim and the silk flowers that the monks were selling to pay for their beeswax.

Sadly, the effect was not quite what he had hoped for.



__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Avandel
Half-elven


May 28 2016, 6:39pm

Post #9 of 24 (1908 views)
Shortcut
Indeed [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
after the monks burned his clothes, Zorro had to piece together a new outfit from choir robes, curtain trim and the silk flowers that the monks were selling to pay for their beeswax.

Sadly, the effect was not quite what he had hoped for.


And as it would happen, the *furor* caused by Zorro's new, and most colorful outfit would divide the townShocked. Some said it was an insult to the "First Lady of Brazil"....



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHJLm6WNEv4


Others would sigh in longing as Zorro limped through the streets, the wind playing with his silk flowerTongue...




And for others in the dusty ranches that surrounded the town, they stared at the latest offering that had finally
reached them in the mail...



Gandalf's words ate into their minds...the world is not in your books and maps...

Thorin's eyes looked back at theirs from the pages...it was whispered that a mysterious vessel traveled the waterways. There would be...HAIR. THE Hair...Tongue



Angelic Chica chica boom!







Elarie
Grey Havens

May 29 2016, 2:02am

Post #10 of 24 (1896 views)
Shortcut
Too much [In reply to] Can't Post

Your pictures are hilarious and I'm at a loss for words. All I can think of is poor lonely Smiguel lurking sadly in the waters beside the Partei Barge as the Fang Giriells and Partei Girls introduce Thorin and the nephews to a strange, yet oddly irresistible, holiday known as "Cinco de Mayo", complete with a new Chica Chica Ka-BOOM drink and an Azog piata. Naturally no self-respecting dwarf would use a mere stick on a piata and so the royal trio were somewhat disappointed at the quick disintegration of said piata as three perfectly aimed throwing axes struck it simultaneously. A joking reference to replacing the now defunct party toy with a hobbit caused the loyal but wise-in-the-way-of-partying-dwarves halfling to quietly disappear in that mysterious way he had and to find refuge for the rest of the evening snuggled up to Minty and listening to the lovelorn sighs of the Andalusian Romeo in the next stall.

Since Thorin had returned from his southern adventures with a fairly decent supply of that strange elixir known as "Tequila" (obviously named long ago in the mists of the First Age after the great dwarven smith Telchar) the celebration continued long into the night and when Bilbo awoke early the next morn he could only sigh at the sight of piata chips on the deck, sticky cheesy strings mingled in glorious dwarven hair (that's going to take forever to get out, thought Bilbo) and a glimpse of a strange, scrawny little creature diving overboard with a cold chimichanga clutched tightly in each hand.

Bilbo stretched, yawned, ran his fingers through his curly hobbit hair and began sweeping up broken glass as the sun climbed slowly over the horizon.

He smiled. Another perfect day on the Partei Barge. Smile

__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Avandel
Half-elven


May 29 2016, 6:22pm

Post #11 of 24 (1879 views)
Shortcut
ROFLOL!!!! [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
...the Fang Giriells and Partei Girls introduce Thorin and the nephews to a strange, yet oddly irresistible, holiday known as "Cinco de Mayo", complete with a new Chica Chica Ka-BOOM drink and an Azog piata. Naturally no self-respecting dwarf would use a mere stick on a piata and so the royal trio were somewhat disappointed at the quick disintegration of said piata as three perfectly aimed throwing axes struck it simultaneously.


Oh, gawds. *Wipes eyes* THANK YOU for the morning coffee laughLaughLaughLaugh. There's something incredibly endearing about the dwarf way of whacking a
piata *cough* Appendices *cough cough*Evil.

And, in the end, it WAS a perfect day for Bilbo on the Partei Barge. Thanks to the tequila the night before, it had been unusually quiet. When the King and his court finally did manage to rouse themselves, if they spoke at all, it was in whispers. All were moving in slow motion through the day so as to not make any unneeded movements with their aching heads. Bilbo is a gentle soul but appreciated the sight after the hints of a "hobbit
piata" the night before. (It's not like there are any wise monks from the ancient monastery aboard with all those herbs...)

Bilbo graciously assisted all three Durins in picking the now-fossilized cheese bits from the royal locks. Thorin and Fili have so much hair volume, it wasn't noticeable when an amused Bilbo finally resorted to tin snips, but Kili had to be held down by the Fang-gir-iells. Ultimately all was well when Kili decided having his hair trimmed was a GOOD thing after allAngelic.

And with the inherent sturdy constitution of dwarves, Thorin managed to recover by evening. The mountain king took pity on his new horse and gave him a break from Minty for a while. They stood watching the sunset together as the Fang-gir-iells snapped photos and Thorin mused over the next stop for the Partei Barge. Thorin had never known being king could be so much fun.Cool



Cool


Silverlode
Forum Admin / Moderator


May 30 2016, 1:08am

Post #12 of 24 (1856 views)
Shortcut
*blinks* [In reply to] Can't Post

What sort of story have I fallen into, I wonder?

LaughLaughLaughLaughLaughLaugh

You are hilarious.

Silverlode

Roads go ever ever on
Under cloud and under star
Yet feet that wandering have gone
Turn at last to home afar.
Eyes that fire and sword have seen
And horror in the halls of stone
Look at last on meadows green
And trees and hills they long have known.




Avandel
Half-elven


May 30 2016, 4:29pm

Post #13 of 24 (1827 views)
Shortcut
Ultimately I see LUV - lots and lots of LUV... [In reply to] Can't Post

TORn member Elarie was the first to eloquently document the many interesting and varied roads our #Majesty & co. would travel - this was a mere field report from south Middle Earth, where the King Under the Mountain would avail himself of good ol' Southern HospitalityCool.

(As we know, the good Professor Tolkien was very busy and unable to finish everything he would have wanted to work on, but we are certain he would appreciate the torch being carried forward.Angelic)

I'm happy to say too, that Thorin Oakenshield remembered his friends while sojourning in the Red Mountains. Among other souvenirs, he sent the fashion-forward Thranduil some interesting studded white leather stuff, and sent the most noble healers of Middle Earth bottles of tequila. Thorin mentioned to Radagast, Gandalf, Elrond, and Galadriel that this stuff would heal faster than all those smelly poultices, and advised Galadriel to add some to her 'wee flask, along with the worm.



Angelic


Elarie
Grey Havens

May 31 2016, 2:15pm

Post #14 of 24 (1786 views)
Shortcut
Or perhaps something less than indifference... [In reply to] Can't Post

Although Thranduil strongly suspected that the boots were Thorin's idea of a joke, he saw no reason why Legolas shouldn't enjoy them and set them aside for Leggie's next birthday.



The belt, on the other hand, was just the thing to dress up his old silver lame robe...



and he was absolutely thrilled that Thorin had thoughtfully remembered to send Bubba a gift.



Of course, that meant remembering to send Minty a little something one of these days. Thranduil sighed. Social obligations had never been his strong point. Fortunately, that's what butlers were for.



__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Kilidoescartwheels
Tol Eressea


Jun 1 2016, 12:28am

Post #15 of 24 (1763 views)
Shortcut
Azog Pinata!! [In reply to] Can't Post

I want one - goes great with Pina Colada!!!

Proud member of the BOFA Denial Association


Kilidoescartwheels
Tol Eressea


Jun 1 2016, 12:57am

Post #16 of 24 (1767 views)
Shortcut
Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! [In reply to] Can't Post

The Quest Continues ... and just wait until Dwalin catches up with that Par-tei Barge. Oh, heads are gonna roll! You think the Durins are good with throwing axes, you ain't seen nothing yet!


After all, Balin had already heard rumors about this mysterious Par-tei Barge, with three Dwarves that sounded suspiciously like the Durins! And now this new report of a town destroyed during a night of righteous drinking by a could of young Dwarves and a few dozen Par-tei girls - they better get that barge going, or they'll be heck to pay! Problem is, after the Azog Pinata, Tequilia and Pina Colada, his #Majesty slept in, and was barely awake at noon.


And poor Kili was in such a state, having to get his hair cut so short, oh, just think how much the Hobbit haters will go on about it - why, they've never gotten over his 5-o'clock shadow. The Par-tei girls felt SO BAD about cutting his hair so short, that they offered to give him a full body massage, which he gratefully accepted.


Fili had a slight hangover, and decided a full body massage would probably help a great deal.


It would really be a shame, if Dwalin caught the Durins with their pants down!SlyShockedBlush

Proud member of the BOFA Denial Association


Elarie
Grey Havens

Jun 1 2016, 1:52am

Post #17 of 24 (1765 views)
Shortcut
Gloriosky! [In reply to] Can't Post

Shocked We're going to have to replace the deck chairs on the Partei Barge with fainting couches!



Of course, this explains why dwarves wear three layers of clothes even in the middle of summer - so they don't have to keep picking up all those swooning ladies. After all, one does get SO tired of having to drop one's ax every few minutes in order to catch yet another wobbly female overcome by too much #Majesty.



Wink Sly Cool

__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Kilidoescartwheels
Tol Eressea


Jun 1 2016, 1:12pm

Post #18 of 24 (1747 views)
Shortcut
The BEST Kind!! [In reply to] Can't Post

Hey, I have my tag line for a reason!Wink

Proud member of the BOFA Denial Association


Avandel
Half-elven


Jun 2 2016, 1:05am

Post #19 of 24 (1722 views)
Shortcut
the courtesy of the Elven King [In reply to] Can't Post

A warm glow of amber light gleamed off the crystal globe that the Elven King set carefully over the rare, lushly blooming violet and cream orchid. Thranduil caught the sight of his own reflection in the polished glass and smiled. One can live thousands of years and STILL have ones breath taken away by perfection.


The Elven King sighed and walked smoothly to his elegantly crafted chair to continue his response message to the, the, well, the OTHER king. The impudent, amazingly un-dead, and sadly hirsute neighbor who, admittedly, DID seem to have both powerful friends (meddling wizards and GALADRIEL, of all beings!) and a veritable army of these pilosity-crazed fruitcakes Fang-gir-iells


...and Bubba also sends his gratitude for the blinding saddlery. So excited was he, that additional staff had to be assigned to stall cleaning duty. I know dwarf and elvish relations are much improved, but from one king to another, I confess I respectfully declined your cousins offer to temporarily board the overly-excited Bubba with the battle pigs at Erebor. While I am sure Bubba would have enjoyed the company, I fear he would have proved too tempting a target for an idle, often hungry, army. It was most good of Dain to send over two of his finest war boars, which have provided me no end of amusement as Elros struggles to cope.


The belt is truly spectacular and I am having a new portrait commissioned no, please dont trouble yourself to ask! Of course a superb, life-sized framed copy will also be rendered and sent to Erebor think nothing of it!



Please find enclosed a few modest offerings, as I worry for you, mellon. After all - and forgive the impertinence of the observation - during a recent visit to Erebor I witnessed a heavily armored dwarf lean over a silver fountain, apparently to splash water on himself or herself (forgive me, even my elf-eyes have trouble on that score) and alas, overbalanced and sank. It took the efforts of six of your cousin's finest warriors to retrieve him/her, and the unfortunate victim spent the rest of the evening drinking copious amounts of ale to "warm up".



Well do I know that those madwomen drooling lunatics sickos impassioned female (mostly) warriors would cheerfully give their lives for you, but please indulge the whim of your friendly neighbor and keep this close in your travels.

And knowing certain of your *propensities* - now, don't scowl, surely you know that your quirks simply add to your appeal, like the setting of a fine gemstone!

(Here the faintest of ripples crossed the smooth brow of the Elven King. He considered if that was too EXCESSIVE. Then Thranduil thought - no. Everything I do is perfect, and in any case by all accounts Thorin is too busy "PARTYING" to raise a hairy eyebrow. Perhaps, though, I should keep to one-syllable words. Keep it simple, that is the KEY in dealing with dwarves...Thranduil picked up his wonderfully crafted pen again.)


Please also find enclosed a TOOL that you may strap to your new multi-strap southern-style vambraces; may it be as a STAR so that you may always find your PATH home. Accurately. It's even waterproof.






And finally, I enclose a gift of HEARTY SUSTENANCE. I have been assured by the citizens of Dale that this food is universally popular, and will keep well into the next age.





Regards,
Thranduil,
Most Fabulous Elven King Lord of the Forest
PS.
Am enclosing some of Beorn's honey for Minty.




PS2. Please send more of this "tequila", which has become all the rage in the North.

(This post was edited by Avandel on Jun 2 2016, 1:09am)


Elarie
Grey Havens

Jun 3 2016, 3:29am

Post #20 of 24 (1678 views)
Shortcut
Thorin opens his presents [In reply to] Can't Post

Thorin carefully unwrapped Thranduils gifts, ready to avoid any elvish booby traps in true warrior fashion, and gazed thoughtfully at the strange assortment before him. Apparently news of this new holiday known as Cinco de Mayo had reached Mirkwood and already dragon shaped piatas were being produced by the skilled elvish craftsmen from some strange new fabric which was even worse than the woodland sprite's glittery robes. He glanced again at the letter and sighed. In typical elvish fashion the reference to fountains and armor made no sense at all in relation to the gift and so Thorin simply ignored it as the usual elf jibber jabber and carefully set the party toy aside for Kili and Fili.

Then he gazed at the unusual combination of foodstuffs, opened a can and took a careful sniff. The aroma was definitely not that of dwarvish roasted meats, twirling merrily over a roaring fire as the fat dripped into the flames in a mouthwatering combination of sights, sounds and smells. In fact, it reminded him vaguely of something he had once found along the road and the thought of booby traps flickered across his mind once again. He carefully set the can down, making sure not to jar it suddenly just in case and turned to the honey. Knowing Beorn's fondness for animals, that, at least, seemed safe and he offered it to Minty, as per the letter, but he had trained her too well. Minty had no objection to honey but the faint lingering aroma of elvish hands on the honey jar was completely unacceptable to the loyal Queen of All Ponies and she rejected it rudely and emphatically. Thorin chuckled and fondly scratched her ears while tossing the honey jar over his shoulder. Good pony.




The Partei Girls, however, were not so picky, and always being in an experimental frame of mind, within a very short time had concocted from the rejected honey and canned meat stuff a brand new form of mead that they named Spam Wham Thank You Thran and which was sure to be a big hit as soon as the first batch stopped bubbling and emitting that odd odor of alcohol infused pigs feet. They set the vaporous cauldron at the rear of the boat where it could be quickly tipped overboard, just in case. Even Partei Girls eventually learn from experience.




Meanwhile, Thorin was regarding the final strange object in some puzzlement. It appeared to be a weapon of some sort made to be attached to a vambrace, but its purpose baffled even the experienced war hardened mountain king. It was too small to replace his lost and much missed oakenshield, not sharp enough to stab someone with, and without even a single jewel attached was obviously not decorative, at least not by dwarven standards. He pursed his lips and considered all the possibilities but came up with nothing and might have tossed it overboard had not Kili and a couple of the Fang-gir-iells caught sight of it and begun to chatter excitedly and explain it's purpose. At last he understood - it was a magic elvish map, containing all the knowledge of the pathways of Middle-earth which could be revealed to anyone who knew the secret commands. Thorin wavered. On the one hand, it could be viewed as a valuable gift, on the other hand he was just a tad sensitive about any reference to dwarf lords who frequently get lost, even in the middle of the Shire. Fortunately there was no real dilemma here. The Fang-gir-iells, with some help from Kili, had long ago solved the problem of their heros sad lack of any sense of direction, and Thorin happily gave the ugly device to the youngsters to play with and remained committed to finding his way around Middle-earth the old fashioned way with an old fashioned map.

He was nothing if not a traditionalist.






__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Kilidoescartwheels
Tol Eressea


Jun 5 2016, 8:19pm

Post #21 of 24 (1574 views)
Shortcut
Spam Wham Thank You Thran??? [In reply to] Can't Post

ROFL!!!SlySlySly I give up, who could BEGIN to top THAT one???

Now, where do I find a dress like that?

Proud member of the BOFA Denial Association


Avandel
Half-elven


Jun 5 2016, 9:08pm

Post #22 of 24 (1569 views)
Shortcut
LOL [In reply to] Can't Post

I can't top that SPAM floating in a drink. I'm speechless. It's an image that will haunt me a long time.....



ROFLOLLaughLaughLaugh


Elarie
Grey Havens

Jun 5 2016, 9:43pm

Post #23 of 24 (1565 views)
Shortcut
Ah yes... [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
Now, where do I find a dress like that?


The ever magical internet, source of many things Middle-earthy that the Good Professor never thought of. Even the Land of Am-a-zon has a version of Thorin's new map for less than seven pieces of silver plus eagle delivery, and a customer review of five elven stars from a boy who loves the way it looks on his girlfriend, which, as we all know, is practically the Good Hobbit Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

Guaranteed to be hand woven by the elvish maidens of Lorien in between harp lessons and flower arranging classes.

One size fits all: elves - miniskirt; humans - knee length; hobbits - evening gown; trolls - leg warmer; balrogs - wristband.

Shipments to Gundabad are expressly forbidden on the grounds that the fewer maps orcs have the better it is for everyone else.

SmileWinkLaugh

__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.



Avandel
Half-elven


Jun 6 2016, 4:38pm

Post #24 of 24 (1535 views)
Shortcut
Meanwhile... [In reply to] Can't Post

That afternoon, Thorin was pleased to receive a message via a passing seagull, who was doing a favor for a raven friend (the relationship between the birds was based on their diets - which are pretty indiscriminate and often involved eyeballs. The seagull was therefore delighted when offered an entire chunk of fermented spam by way of thanks).

It seems that the improved relationship between elves and dwarves continued in the North, and Thranduil had sent an entire case of large towels to the great fortress.



The message noted that the battle pigs were completely delighted with their new lightweight summer "binkies", while the battle goats had made a delightful snack of theirs.

Only one small incident had marred brunch, and that had been when Thorin caught sight of Kili in the newly-forged "summer armor". Fili had seen his uncle's expression and hastily pulled Kili aside, and suggested that Kili QUICKLY explain to Thorin that he was just "modeling" the gift they had made for the Elven King by way of thanks.




Even so, it took much dedicated ministrations of the Partei-Girls (over the course of an hour) before Thorin's face lost its grim look. (Bilbo had needed a serious pick-me-up after seeing the utterly terrifying vision of Kili's chest hair straining through the tight mesh.)


But finally nephew and uncle were smiling at each other again, and Thorin sent Fili and Kili off to embellish the gift with rhinestones as a finishing touch. Remember who this is for, Thorin grinned at his nephews. Gotta have those white gems, but no point in wasting the good stuff. And use a metallic mesh for the shirt.




Angelic

 
 

Search for (options) Powered by Gossamer Forum v.1.2.3

home | advertising | contact us | back to top | search news | join list | Content Rating

This site is maintained and updated by fans of The Lord of the Rings, and is in no way affiliated with Tolkien Enterprises or the Tolkien Estate. We in no way claim the artwork displayed to be our own. Copyrights and trademarks for the books, films, articles, and other promotional materials are held by their respective owners and their use is allowed under the fair use clause of the Copyright Law. Design and original photography however are copyright © 1999-2012 TheOneRing.net. Binary hosting provided by Nexcess.net

Do not follow this link, or your host will be blocked from this site. This is a spider trap.