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Cirashala
Valinor
Aug 8 2015, 11:19pm
Post #1 of 15
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Alternate endings/scenes to the trilogy
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Ok, this thread is purely for fun, to help dispel some of the anxiety that is circulating the boards right now about the BO5A EE rumors/runtimes/EE scenes/ratings, etc 
If you could write an alternate ending for the BO5A, how would it go? The only rules for this thread is that you have fun, humour and snark is most welcome, but keep it family friendly (as in safe for work) 
I'm curious to see who can come up with the funniest, most ludicrous ending for a character or characters from the trilogy. This is completely and totally a parody thread, so have fun and hit this board with your wildest, funniest scenarios 
(This post was edited by Cirashala on Aug 8 2015, 11:19pm)
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QuackingTroll
Valinor
Aug 8 2015, 11:58pm
Post #2 of 15
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I'd prefer if, after Legolas shows of with the troll, creating that make-shift bridge he does a few showy back-flips and Bolg is unimpressed. Bolg simply smacks Legolas in the face with his mace and watches him plummet to his death.
Meanwhile Thorin watches Azog drifting beneath the ice. Bolg sneaks up behind Thorin. Azog wakes up, stabs Thorin through the foot and the two orcs violently beat him down. They force him to look down at the chaotic battle raging below. Azog prepares for the final blow and says his first words in English "This is the end of your filthy bloodline!"
"Not the end!" says a familiar voice. Azog and Bolg turn to see Dain riding on Beorn's back. Dain shouts "You ****, **** and your mother's *****, **** with ****!" and Beorn charges Bolg who flies straight off the cliff. Dain jumps at Azog and axes him right in the face.
The rest of the film plays out pretty much the same except for the final shot. Rather than having the old Bilbo transition, we cut back to the cliff where Legolas fell. The camera slowly zooms down toward Legolas' body. The music begins to swell as we close in on his eyes. Suddenly BOOM Legolas' eyes open and we cut to black.
Credits.
(This post was edited by QuackingTroll on Aug 9 2015, 12:01am)
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Cirashala
Valinor
Aug 9 2015, 12:01am
Post #3 of 15
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Very creative
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Faleel
Rohan
Aug 9 2015, 12:02am
Post #4 of 15
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Wouldn't it be better for Bolg to hit Thorin upside the head instead of Azog stabbing his foot?
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QuackingTroll
Valinor
Aug 9 2015, 12:06am
Post #5 of 15
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I imagined both kinda happening...
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Like Bolg's sneaking...sneaking... then *STAB* *WHAK* *BOOM RAA SMAK SMAK SMAK* if you see what I mean?
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Morthoron
Gondor
Aug 9 2015, 12:47am
Post #6 of 15
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The best alternative ending....
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Would have been Peter Jackson appearing before the credits and offering an apology for the muddled mess he slopped together.
Please visit my blog...The Dark Elf File...a slighty skewed journal of music and literary comment, fan-fiction and interminable essays.
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AshNazg
Gondor
Aug 9 2015, 12:55am
Post #7 of 15
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Well, I actually know how the EE ends already...
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...And it's not a great deal different from the ending that we got. Except for a slightly tweaked soundtrack.
For example there's a slightly more comedic tone to the music during Thorin's fight with Azog, and a subtle comical *swoop* noise can just be heard when he falls under the ice, followed by a nuanced *Wah, wah, wah* trumpet to emphasise Azog's folly. When Thorin gets stabbed in the foot, his scream is a little different. Partly because his original scream was a bit weak and uncinematic and also due to all of the shouts and grunts in the movie being replaced with Wilhelm screams.
The eagle cries have also been updated a little, to mach their more cohesive appearance. So a few deep rumblings can be heard when they first swoop in (because it would be weird to see their engines and propellers going and not hear them). There's also a slightly Rambo-like theme added for when Radagast uses his staff as a machine-gun.
In fact they seemed to steal music from all over the place because I swear I could hear parts of the ET score shortly before Radagast's line "I must leave you now, my people need me".
Finally, most people won't like this, but the end credits song has been changed to Dude Looks Like a Lady, which probably sounds really dumb. But when you see how they've transitioned from the final scene of Alfrid dancing in his dress to a freeze-frame and fade to the credits it works really beautifully.
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Bumblingidiot
Rohan
Aug 9 2015, 2:51am
Post #8 of 15
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This is how I'd end it (seriously).
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At the funeral, Tauriel opens her mouth to launch into yet another tearful eulogy to Kili, when a giant shepherd's crook appears and yanks her offstage - er, off set, accompanied by much cheering from the dwarves, who realise they might finally get a chance to appear in the film. To this end, Bombur steps forward, opens his arms wide and begins to speak when FADE TO BLACK. END CREDITS.
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."
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Cirashala
Valinor
Aug 9 2015, 2:55am
Post #9 of 15
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thanks for that lovely mental image
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You gave me quite a chuckle lol! 
Though technically, according to the subtitles, Bombur spoke during the AUJ troll scene. He is credited with saying, "Untie me mister!" and the voice does NOT sound like any of the other dwarves.
But it would be nice to hear him say more than three words for a change 
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Bishop
Gondor
Aug 9 2015, 1:08pm
Post #10 of 15
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Just kidding. I think the biggest improvement would be to involve most of the main characters in some way at Ravenhill. Like this, perhaps:
Thorin stands over Azog as he drifts eerily beneath the ice. Then suddenly Azog BURSTS impossibly through the ice with some kind of supernatural momentum, lands on Thorin, and thrusts his swappable sword arm downward. A suspenseful battle of strength ensues as Thorin struggles to hold back Azog's sword arm from piercing his chest. We all wonder!; Will Azog win this epic fight that we all wanted to see more than anything else since way back in AUJ?
SUDDENLY another character bursts impossibly through the ice behind Azog! Thorin catches a glimpse of the figure, glistening with icey cold water in the permanent CGI sunset that has been setting constantly over the course of the three films. It's a woman? NO! It's....Alfrid! He lands with stunning precision in a seated position upon Azog's shoulders as gold coins fly from his corset in slow motion. The balance of power has shifted and the three now struggle to gain control of Azog's retractable fork arm. We are on the edge of our seat!; Who will win this epic battle?
SUDDENLY the ice begins to crack. A shadowy figure is moving beneath them in the icy cold water. The ice BURSTS and another character flies upwards through the ice! It's a dwarf? Yes! A Dwarf with an axe embedded in his head! He lands upon Alfrid's shoulders, forming a shocking totem. Thorin cries towards the heavens! "Who are you?!?". The mysterious Dwarf that we don't know anything about and has an axe embedded in his head replies swiftly "Arrf. Derf!! Irp de Derf Derp!!!".
SUDDENLY the ice bursts again! And another Dwarf rockets upwards. It's Bombur! He flies gracefully through the air in slow motion and over the the exciting and bizarre stack of heroes. He crashes down and back through the ice, disappearing once again into the icy cold water from whence he came.
The struggle continues, as our characters battle to maintain balance. Who will win this incredible showdown that matters more to us than any other plotline resolution?
As we die of anticipation, another larger and darker shadow passes beneath the epic stack fight. SUDDENLY the ice bursts, and a massive gelatinous shape flies upwards! What is it!? Thorin eyes grow wide as he realizes what now rises above them. It's Legolas, standing on Bombur's head! Legolas!!! Possibly the most important character in our story, second only to Thorin! Legolas is now running in place and firing arrows as Bombur spins rapidly beneath him as they both rise upwards. They fly through the air in slow motion! They CRASH into the Thorin, Azog, Alfrid, and mysterious Dwarf stack and it topples to the ice with a crashing thud. They all laugh.
The end.
(This post was edited by Bishop on Aug 9 2015, 1:10pm)
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Smaug the iron
Gondor
Aug 9 2015, 8:40pm
Post #11 of 15
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Thorin, Fili and Kili survives. After the battle Kili and Tauriel is married and they have two kids, a dwarf who is immortal and a elf who can grow a beard. Thorin become King under the mountain but gets Dragensicknes again so he moves to the shire and he now lives in his own hobbithole near Bilbo. Fili become king after Thorin and become the best Dwarf king in history. Radagast, the eagles and beorn is starting Middle earths first taxi company and you can choose between eagle, bear or rabbit sled. And Legolas is sent to the Dúnedain by Thranduil after trying to ruin Kili and Tauriels wedding.
(This post was edited by Smaug the iron on Aug 9 2015, 8:47pm)
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MyWeeLadGimli
Lorien
Aug 9 2015, 9:10pm
Post #12 of 15
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After witnessing so much death, the Elves and Bilbo decide to freeze themselves until the world begins to heal. Legolas unthaws first and falls in with pirates. Tauriel and Thranduil awaken in the 21st century. Tauriel winds up on a magic island, and after returning to the mainland falls for a tiny superhero. Thranduil opens a pie shop and discovers that he can raise the dead.
Meanwhile, Bilbo awakens to find that Smaug's mind survived and is now in a human body. They solve crimes together.
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dormouse
Half-elven
Aug 9 2015, 10:45pm
Post #13 of 15
(546 views)
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Old Bilbo is looking at his ring....
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...when he has a sudden flashback to the killing of the giant woodlouse-thingy. Horrified afresh at what the ring made him do, he throws it from the window of Bag End in digust and it is caught in mid-air by a.........
...raven. He's Dain's pet, Coac, son of Rarc, returning from his annual holiday in the west (not the West), and he thinks this would be a nice souvenir to take home. He flies on eastwards for some miles before roosting for a night just outside Bree. While he sleeps the ring slips from his grasp and falls intot he road, only to be found by......
.... Radagast, returning from a visit to the Prancing Pony for Gandalf's annual Dol Guldur reunion party. "That's nice" says Radagast and puts it on, to the horror of his sled bunnies who suddenly can't see him. The scent is all they have to go on (now you know the reason for the ***). Sniffing him out, the lead bunny wrestles him to the ground and insists that he take off the ring and put it for safe-keeping in that rather attractive purse he found. But as he tries to open it, the high pitched squeak "Ere! oo are you?" gives them such a shock that Radagast and the bunnies all run for cover. The ring rolls away down the road until it is found by......
...Daisy the white warg. Following the - er - untimely demise of her master, Daisy has started a new career as a sheep dog. It's almost convincing if she doesn't bare her teeth and if the farmer doesn't count his sheep too often. But it's a bit tame, and she sees the ring as her passport to a new life. Taking it carefully between her teeth she sets off at a run, heading north for Gundabad. Several days pass and her journey is going well when the sound of approaching hoof beats warns her she is not alone. She ducks behind a rock and watches as a blond elf with an empty quiver looms into view. It's Legolas, of course. "I'll take him," she thinks, "I could do with a snack", and as he passes the rock she leaps and pulls him from his horse. But not for nothing has Legolas spent all these years roaming the wilderness. He seizes the quiver and hurls it far into the distance shouting "Fetch!" Daisy, overwhelmed by memories of her puppyhood, scoots off after the stick, dropping the ring, which Legolas, with his elf-eyes.....
.... completely fails to spot. Whatever would he do without his horse, who delicately paws (hoofs?) the ground until he takes the hint, puts on the ring and vanishes (Stop cheering, please!) Leaping onto his slightly bewildered horse he takes off eastwards. After all these years hunting that Ranger chappy he's fed up with the idea, and thinks it's time to return to Mirkwood. With a nice gold ring, how can Tauriel resist him? He crosses the Misty Mountains, calls in on Beorn for some honey sandwiches (marvelling on the appearance of all those little Beornings - it's becoming like a teddy bear's picnic) - and at the eaves of Mirkwood he stops for a rest. Fast asleep he is and dreaming of - elves rather than fairies - when who should come along but.....
......
...... [Highlight below to see what follows...]
...Gollum! Poor Gollum has been wandering through all the lands for so long. He's tired, he's hungry, he's just about to help himself to some sleeping elf when he hears a strange, seductive and oh-so-familiar music. Surely not? It can't be.... He listens, scarcely able to believe it, and his senses lead him to the hidden ring. He takes it gently, without waking Legolas and runs to a safe distance where he dances for joy, puts it on, takes it off, smiles at nobody in particular, polishing the lovely, shiny gold and al the while chanting "Oh, my precious!" He rolls into a heap of leaves, scaring a thrush, and the last shot we see is of Gollum's eye, peering at us through the Ring. "Oh, my precious!"
The End
Cue titles.....
(This post was edited by dormouse on Aug 9 2015, 10:47pm)
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Cirashala
Valinor
Aug 9 2015, 11:01pm
Post #14 of 15
(537 views)
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But lest no one else be discouraged, there's still PLENTY of room for fun and humour if you think you can top this one!
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