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DainPig
Gondor
Jul 13 2015, 6:17pm
Post #1 of 6
(1892 views)
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[Fanfic] Darkness Above Erebor - Chapter 1
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Ten years has passed since the Battle of the Five Armies. Thorin is now know as The King Under the Moutain, and his name is acclameid in all the wilderlands and beyond. The land nearly of the Lonely Moutain is now beautiful and green and Dale, erstwhile a city, is now a great kingdom ruled by Bard, who killed Smaug the Dragon ten years ago. The relationship with the elves of Mirkwood is now very strong, and Thranduil is a great friend of Thorin. None orc has challenged the magnificence of Erebor since the death of Azog and his dirty son, Bolg, because Erebor’s army is the strongest of these parts of Middle earth.
But the life is not just bliss. Thorin’s nephew, Kili, was killed by Bolg ten years ago. Thorin, in his memory, built a great tomb inside Erebor, and that is the saddest place in the entire mountain.
The only heir of Thorin is Fili, brother of Kili, and he is supposed to inheriting the crown.
Although the song which exalt the eclat of Erebor, the mind of Thorin was full of darkness. Dís, Thorin’s sister and mother of Fili and Kili, has realized it.
- Since he is king, he never demonstrated his real personality. I never heard Thorin singing any song. He is a dark king – she said.
- He remember me his grandphater – said Balin, one of royal advisers and the oldest Thorin’s friend – Thrór also had fell into the shadows. It’s the gold sickness.
And it was true. In those times, Thorin spoke with gloomy words. Despite being friend of Thranduil, Thorin never trusted so much in the Elvenking.
- He is a mighty king – said Thrandul – but he have a dark mind, and I am afraid of his actions. It is happening the same happened to Thrór, his love for the gold is more than anything.
In the course of the time, Thorin was getting worse. He was bulting new temples inside the mountain. Not temples for Aulë or Durin, but for “new gods”.
- We have our own deities, but we need to trust more in the Lords of the north – said Thorin.
And suddenly the mountain had houses to laud gods like “Laab” and “Mithrozar”. These was evil and false deities, praised by many men in the north.
And, then, the days were getting dark. The wises from Dale said: These are dreadful days. Spirits of ancient days are earning power in Middle earth.
Even Bard, king of Dale, was afraid of Thorin, and turned away from him.
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Meanwhile, in another corner of the world, there is a place that no dark can panatrate: The Shire.
Land of a peaceful people called hobbits, the Shire is probably the most halcyon place of Middle earth.
The hobbits are not know as great warriors, heroes or adventurers. But there is a hobbit who is an exception: Bilbo Baggins.
Ten years ago, Bilbo entered in a great adventure, an adventure that changed his life forever. His journey as a burgler to stole the Arkesntone from Smaug is now written in a book called Red Book. Of course it is not an official name, but it is a name. Ten years ago, Bilbo was just a peaceful hobbit. But in a morning, Gandalf, the Grey, knocked in his door asking him to share in a journey with 13 dwarves. There are many songs about Bilbo’s journey, but the greatest of them talk about the Battle of the Five Armies. This fight involved five great armies: men, dwarves, elves, orcs and eagles. At the end of the battle, the orcs, leaded by Azog and Bolg, were defeated and Thorin was crowned as King Under the Moutain, although his nephew Killi died.
Bilbo never forgot this adventure, and wrote a book.
But the life for Bilbo now is very peaceful, and no other dwarf knocked his door. Not at this point...
In a beautiful day in 2952, Bilbo was drinking tea when suddenly someone knocked his door.
- Who would be? – he though.
He opened the door and there were two dwarves.
- Nár, at your service – said the first
- And Vár, at your service – said the other
Bilbo got surprise. He did not see dwarves since Balin, son of Fundin, visited the Bag End 12 years ago. But now there were two more dwarves, and by the accent, they were from Erebor.
- Good morning, master dwarves. How can I help you? – Bilbo said politely
- We think you could help us, Mister Baggins – said Nár – can we enter in your house?
- Of course, my gentlemen
Bilbo is a hobbit, so, like the other of his people, he extremely polite. Twenty years ago, he opened the door of his house to 13 dwarves, and then his journey began.
Shortly, there were two dwarves chating in Bilbo’s dining table, and Bilbo came bringing tea and a small seed cake.
- Well, as you must know, Mister Baggins – said Nár – we are dwarves.
- This is not a surprise – said Bilbo
- My name is Nár, and this is my younger brother, Vár. We are dwarves from Erebor…
When Nár said the word “Erebor”, Bilbo automatically looked up. There were a long time he did not hear this word.
- We came in the name of Fili, prince of Erebor – kept talking Nár – he is inviting you to Erebor. – I would love to return to the mountain – said Bilbo – but there is a good reason?
- In two months will be celebrate the tenth anniversary of Erebor’s reconquest. And since you was part of the company that claimed the Moutain, Fili, our lord, thought you would be a good invited.
- Well – Bilbo said – when we leave?
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In the next moring, Bilbo, Nár and Vár leaved the Shire towards Erebor. They took a route further north and did not passed though Rivendell, and it was a sorrow for Bilbo.
But, in less than a month, they were finally at the south corner of Mirkwood. And there were Erebor, the Lonaly Moutain, now ten years after the death of Smaug, it was a great and beautiful king. The sky above the Moutain was blue like the western oceans, and the woodlands near Moutain was green and full of birdsongs. The grandeur of Erebor was like cities of Minas Tirith or the ancient Gondolin, which Bilbo just has heard about.
The first thing Bilbo saw was the city of Dale.
During Bilbo’s adventure, Dale was just a ruined city destroyed by Smaug. Now, the men of Long Lake reconstructed it and Dale became the largest city in the north of Middle earth. Full of merchants from faraway lands, mostly from the east, where the peoples had a yellow skin and spoke with a weird language which Bilbo had never heard.
The king was Bard, a descendent of Girion. Ten years ago, he used a black arrow, heritage of his family, to kill Smaug. Now, he is one of the mightiest men of north.
And then, finally, Bilbo arrived in Erebor.
Before the entered the frontgate, someone called his name.
- Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins!
Was Fili, son of Dís and Thorin’s naphew. Now, he was very different from before. He was older, of couse, but his beard was bigger. Fili dressed a royal red mantle, long and elegant.
- Bilbo Baggins, is good to see you again. Welcome to Erebor again. I was waiting for you.
And then he hugged Bilbo.
- Nár and Vár, welcome back, thanks for everything. Here is the payment – said Fili, giving five golden coins for each dwarf.
- We thank, my lord – said Nár and Vár, and they left.
- Ah, these dwarves. Come on, Bilbo, you are our invited. Lets know our kingdom.
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Fili took Bilbo for several corridors inside the Moutain. Showing Bilbo the magnificence of Erebor. The kingdom was full of dwarves, all the kind of naugrim. Even some dwarves with strange clothes and black skin, probably came from the south.
- In the last years, our population had increased – said Fili – all the dwarves of Middle Earth come to our kingdom, because the songs about the King Under the Moutain are the most beautiful of the west.
- The king – said Bilbo – where is Thorin?
- Lord Thorin! – corrected Fili – I know you are closer friends, but you must call him just as Lord.
- Sorry – said Bilbo lowering the head.
- You must now, Master Baggins, Thorin is not the regular kind of king. He is gloomy, scary and sometimes cruel with his enemies.
After some time walking, they entered in a high level of the city. They were at the king’s hall.
Bilbo walked in a long black bridge, and far he could see a giant throne with Thorin sat on it.
There were several dwarves singing ancient songs, but Bilbo did not undertand none, because they were singing in dwarvish.
Thorin now was a real dwarf lord. His beard was so great as Durin’s beard, and he had a mighty look. He was dressed with a larg mantle and a new golden crown.
Thorin lifted the face.
- - Stop the music! – said the king - what do you want, Fili?
- My lord – Fili bowed – sorry for interrunpting. I bring and old friend.
And Bilbo bowed.
- Well, Master Baggins, is not? Good to see you again. And you are not dead, this is good. What bring you here? – said Thorin looking at Bilbo
- I was informed – said Bilbo – Golden rivers are flowing from the mountain for a decade. And I left my confortable hole in the west to give you my congratulations, My Lord.
Thorin smiled darkly.
- - It is good to see you have now some respect for the kings, Master Baggins – as I can see, you are not no longer a thief.
- No my lord – Bilbo was really afraid. Thorin’s image at the throne was very threateing, as a dark lord in his dark throne.
- Can we be alone, Master Hobbit?e of t.
Bilbo had never heard.
.
ng.
And then Thorin took Bilbo to a small and empty room.
- This is a great kingdom – said Thorin – and my crown’s weight is too great. I do not know if I really can continue ruling this mountain.
- What? – said Bilbo – but, my lord, you demonstrated all this time that you is the real heir of Durin. And you deserves the crown. Your kin is happy with the King Under the Moutain.
- Yes, but theres something I love more then anything.
- What?
- The gold.
At this point, Bilbo remembered from the ancient sickness of Thorin’s grandphater. The remembered how it caused problems in the past and how, ten years ago, Thorin almost killed Bilbo.
- The gold is priceless – kept talking Thorin – he can enter in our soul and can not be removed. Is because that, Bilbo, I love my gods.
- What gods? – said Bilbo confused and scared.
- The Lord of the New World. Gorthaur…
When Thorin said this name, a chill passed though Bilbo’s spine. An old and dark name that can not be pronounced.
- Gorthaur? What is that, my lord?
- He is great, he is mighty and he is beautiful. Only Gorthaur can save us from the end of times and make a new world for all of us.
- But, my lord – said Bilbo – what about Durin?
- Durin can not save us. My nephew Kili was killed. Durin did not save him. He is not so powerful as Gorthaur.
And Bilbo realized. These are really dark days.
How aaaaaaaaaaaaaare you all???
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 13 2015, 7:37pm
Post #2 of 6
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This is an interesting start; it seems to riff off of the movie continuity, but an alternate version of it.
- Do you plan on explaining how Thorin and Fili survived the Battle of Five Armies?
- In the film canon, the ten-year anniversary of the re-establishing of Erebor would have been in the winter of TA 2950. In Tolkien's legendarium, the Battle of Five Armies was fought in winter of 2941 and that ten-year anniversary would have been in 2951.
- The Free Peoples of Middle-earth didn't have much formal religion. Durin was not quite seen as a god; I doubt that the Dwarves had temples even for Aulë (whom they named Mahal). I have a very hard time believing that even a corrupted Thorin would fall for any Mannish cults (although I have my suspicions regarding those cults).
- What are wises? Do you mean wise men?
- By grandphater, do you mean grandfather?
Technical problems: Mostly spelling and grammer. You might want to use an English dictionary and Spellcheck more often.
Stylistic quirks: Your notations for dialogue are strange.- He remember me his grandphater – said Balin, one of royal advisers and the oldest Thorin’s friend – Thrór also had fell into the shadows. It’s the gold sickness.
Might be more properly written: "He reminds me of his grandfather," said Balin, one of royal advisers and Thorin’s oldest friend. "Thrór also had fell into the shadows. It’s the gold sickness."
"At the end of the journey, all men think that their youth was Arcadia..." - Phantom F. Harlock
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 13 2015, 7:44pm)
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Kilidoescartwheels
Valinor
Jul 13 2015, 10:04pm
Post #3 of 6
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The only problem I see is that most of the time you mention the 10-year anniversary, but in one paragraph it becomes 20 years:
"Bilbo is a hobbit, so, like the other of his people, he extremely polite. Twenty years ago, he opened the door of his house to 13 dwarves, and then his journey began.
Shortly, there were two dwarves chating in Bilbo’s dining table, and Bilbo came bringing tea and a small seed cake."
Just need to fix that. I would love to read a re-telling of the Battle, to explain how Thorin & Fili survived, but Kili didn't. I know you read my fanfic about Kili surviving, and I based that on the movie, figuring it was more likely that he could survive a stab wound than Fili surviving both a stab wound and a (not sure, maybe 100?) foot drop. I think Thorin could easily survive if Azog just drowns and never jumps back out through the ice, which is what I think should have happened in the movie, just my opinion there. But it's your story, and it will be fun to read that part!
Proud member of the BOFA Denial Association
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DainPig
Gondor
Jul 13 2015, 10:31pm
Post #4 of 6
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Yea, it's an alternate version of the story.
- Well, in my version of the story, the Dragon sickness never was cured. Dain just came with a bigger army and destroyed the orcs. Kili died because he wanted to go at the battle and then he runned away from the moutain and was killed by Bolg.
- Yep, I know there's no a formal religion. But I made this a important point of my story. And the dwarves prised Durin as a great ancestor.
SORRY FOR THE BAD ENGLISH, I WILL TRY TO BE A BIT BETTER  
How aaaaaaaaaaaaaare you all???
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DainPig
Gondor
Jul 13 2015, 10:33pm
Post #5 of 6
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10 or 20? hahahahhahahaha
In my story, Kili (and probaly other dwarves) escaped to the battle, but was killed there.
How aaaaaaaaaaaaaare you all???
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Jul 13 2015, 11:51pm
Post #6 of 6
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Yes. I knew you had veered off on a different reality. I was hoping that the story actually spells out how some of the differences took place. Your dates are all over the place, although I actually overlooked the reference to twenty years. In the film trilogy the Unexpected Party through the Battle of Five Armies all would have taken place in TA 2940. Bilbo and Gandalf likely spent the winter with Beorn as in the book (although they might have stayed with Thranduil and the Wood-elves instead). They would have crossed the Misty Mountains and returned to the Shire the following year (2941) after the snows melted. I hope that this helps.
Yep, I know there's no a formal religion. But I made this a important point of my story. And the dwarves prised Durin as a great ancestor.
I meant to note that the lack of formal worship through much of Middle-earth would have made Thorin's temples stand out even more. The Morgoth cults of the Black Numenoreans and others would have been the first formal religions with rigid practices. Although, to be honest, Tolkien reveals little about such practices among the Dwarves. I don't expect you to confirm this directly, but I expect that Thorin's foreign gods (Gorthaur, Laab and Mithrozar) are disguised versions of Sauron, the Witch-king and the Black Lieutenant (Khamul the Easterling). I will note that (at least in Tolkien's legendarium) Sauron was unable to assume a fair-looking form after the destruction of Numenor. If my guess is right then you have created a contradiction.
I do not see this ending well for Thorin. I do wonder if he has somehow reclaimed (or been given) Thrain's Great Ring.
"At the end of the journey, all men think that their youth was Arcadia..." - Phantom F. Harlock
(This post was edited by Otaku-sempai on Jul 13 2015, 11:55pm)
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