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Tolkienia Times Special Mayor's Report


Apr 1 2015, 12:02pm

Post #1 of 15 (2106 views)
Tolkienia Times Special Mayor's Report Can't Post

The following is a live transcript of a broadcast by the mayor this morning on all our local T.V. and radio stations. A press conference to further discuss these matters will be scheduled within the next few days.

Mayors Report

Citizens of Tolkienia, I am here to report an exciting new development in the history of our country, and really, in the history of the entire world.

Recently there has been a discovery that the legendary Straight Road mentioned in the writings of our Beloved Founder not only still exists, but once had an entrance right here in our own land, in an area which is now a small sheep pasture just east of the Rohan House.

The owner of this land parcel, who wishes to remain anonymous, reported that his sheep foreman, a local Hobbit known affectionately to the locals as "Farmer M.", reported in alarm that one of his prize ewes was hovering 3 or 4 feet above the ground, and refused to descend, even when offered her favorite sprigs of red clover. Farmer M. also ascertained that flies and midges in the area seemed unaware of the ewes presence, although the other sheep in the pasture were being greatly annoyed by clouds of these insects, due to our rainy spring, and surmised that this was the reason this sheep refused to "come down to earth."

The befuddled foreman sent the following cell phone picture to his employer just after arriving at the scene:

As a last resort, Mr. M attempted to reach up and "snag the wool" as it were. In so doing, he found his foot resting on a solid, yet invisible object. As he put his full weight and both feet on this surface, he discovered it was a series of steps, leading to a sloping ramp just above the sheeps head.

To his alarm, as he cautiously proceeded upwards, the sheep turned, and ran past him up the hidden slope. He was able to catch the beast around the middle just as its front hooves slipped off the apparent upward end of the "ramp."

Needless to say, the sheep were hastily relocated, and within half an hour the entire pasture was cordoned off with yellow crime tape.

All available scientists, irrespective of their particular disciplines, were recruited to examine the phenomenon, and also to research the national archives for any historical documents that might shed light on the matter.

Eventually, both a painting and a document were found that shed a great deal of light on the matter.

The painting dates from the late 16th century, and depicts the empty countryside where Eastfarthing now exists. While the steps leading to the ramp are invisible to the naked eye, the actual Straight Road is clearly depicted at the top. Under microscopic examination, a series of steps and the beginning of a feeder road can be seen in the shadows where the earthbound road meets the horizon. How the artist was able to produce this rendering is at present unknown.

Local Branch of the Straight Road, c. 1582

The document found is far older, and is so fragile that carbon 14 dating has not yet been attempted, although material appears to be parchment. Written in a form of Ancient Westron, scholars say it describes a previously unknown access point provided to Hobbits by the unnamed head of the last remaining Sindar clan in this area, at the very end of the 4rth age. These local Hobbits had seen most of their lands co-opted by the "Big People," in defiance of the apparently long-forgotten edict by King Elessar.

(^ Actual antique reproduction ^)

In the days following these discoveries, meeting after meeting has taken place, including citizen comment gatherings, and scientific presentations for government officials.

After much debate, a referendum was proposed and voted in by 871/3% of the population. The referendum provides for the building and eventual linkage to the original Road, and the hope is that by 2025 at the latest, Elvenhome will be within the reach of every citizen of Tolkienia, and possibly all the peoples of the earth (provided they can obtain the proper documentation, and can demonstrate a working knowledge of either Quenya or Sindarin).

Rumors of earthquakes, high waves upon the shoreline of both branches of the Baranduin, and the apparent sinkage of the entire eastern half of Southfarthing by over 3 feet in the past month are obviously greatly exaggerated.

Let us all proceed together on this great adventure, knowing it is our right and duty to restore our access to the Realms of the Eldar, and indeed, perhaps to the Valar themselves!

Your forever humble leader, May-Ar Pharazethel

I mean, ahem,

Mayor Ethel D.

******End of Bulletin******

(This post was edited by dernwyn on Apr 1 2015, 2:14pm)


Apr 1 2015, 2:58pm

Post #2 of 15 (2050 views)
*mods up* [In reply to] Can't Post

'Tis brilliant! Well done! Laugh

Tol Eressea

Apr 1 2015, 4:04pm

Post #3 of 15 (2041 views)
bwaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaa [In reply to] Can't Post

especially the levitating sheep..........

wait... I have seen this... wait...



Na 'Aear, na 'Aear! Ml 'lain nallol, I sl ribiel a i falf 'loss reviol...
To the sea, to the sea, the white gulls are crying, the wind is blowing and the white foam is flying...


Apr 1 2015, 4:08pm

Post #4 of 15 (2037 views)
Thankee, Foxy One. 'Tis the Mayor's fine work, I just swab the deck... [In reply to] Can't Post



Apr 1 2015, 4:11pm

Post #5 of 15 (2034 views)
Oh my... [In reply to] Can't Post

That avatar... LaughLaughLaugh


Apr 1 2015, 6:49pm

Post #6 of 15 (2017 views)
No worries! Just find a levitating sheep and you've got it. // [In reply to] Can't Post

In Reply To


Tol Eressea

Apr 1 2015, 9:14pm

Post #7 of 15 (2010 views)
wait, wait... [In reply to] Can't Post

my dogs maybe onto something....

(my feet are in the air like I just do not care...)

Na 'Aear, na 'Aear! Ml 'lain nallol, I sl ribiel a i falf 'loss reviol...
To the sea, to the sea, the white gulls are crying, the wind is blowing and the white foam is flying...

Ethel Duath

Apr 1 2015, 9:59pm

Post #8 of 15 (2004 views)
Ah! You found the linkup [In reply to] Can't Post

for Tolkienia's railway access to the Straight Track! http://newboards.theonering.net/...i?post=719447#719447

This makes you eligible for a free pass on the first train to Valinor! (Somebody needs to write a song . . .)

Tol Eressea

Apr 2 2015, 12:27am

Post #9 of 15 (1999 views)
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa [In reply to] Can't Post


Na 'Aear, na 'Aear! Ml 'lain nallol, I sl ribiel a i falf 'loss reviol...
To the sea, to the sea, the white gulls are crying, the wind is blowing and the white foam is flying...


Apr 2 2015, 1:13am

Post #10 of 15 (1993 views)
So the Road really DOES go on and on!? [In reply to] Can't Post

Bwahahahahahaa... I mean..... Bahhhhaaahhhbahhhahaaaa....


Thank you for that report Oh Mighty Mayor!

Hobbit: BotFA Geeky Observation List draft #5 1/30/15

6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observations List - November 28, 2013
4th draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observations List - May 15, 2014


"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."

I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!

TIME Google Calendar
TORn's Geeky Observations Lists for LotR and The Hobbit

Forum Admin / Moderator

Apr 2 2015, 3:00am

Post #11 of 15 (1986 views)
The Stairway to Heav... er, Valinor? [In reply to] Can't Post

Now you wouldn't be "fleecing" us, would you, Madam May-Ar? Wink

(Perfect! Laugh)


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"

Ethel Duath

Apr 2 2015, 3:32am

Post #12 of 15 (1978 views)
Woolen you like to know! :D // [In reply to] Can't Post


Ethel Duath

Apr 2 2015, 3:34am

Post #13 of 15 (1978 views)
Your Welcome! Now if I could just get rid of [In reply to] Can't Post

this sinking feeling . . .



Apr 2 2015, 3:40am

Post #14 of 15 (1975 views)
Keeping us ruminating on it, Mayor? [In reply to] Can't Post



Apr 2 2015, 3:59pm

Post #15 of 15 (1953 views)
Makes you wonder what other secrets The Mayor is holding onto...// [In reply to] Can't Post



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