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song of the janitor of Rivendell

Alveric
Lorien


Mar 23 2015, 5:54pm

Post #1 of 16 (1012 views)
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song of the janitor of Rivendell Can't Post

Song of the Janitor of Rivendell


After dwarves leave Rivendell,
the bathrooms need a magic spell.
They ruined the decorative towels
embroidered with owls.

A basin of Gondolin’s chipped now,
and the hair, the hair of the dwarves now!
The drains are clotted with hair!
What do they care?

Do they ever take off their boots?
Lo! of Vairë’s loom, one of the fruits,
woven by starlight after a vow,
look at it now!

But they took my broken buckle
and welded it with a chuckle
using firewood and bare hand.
That was grand.

They gathered as wine was poured
and bantered with Elrond (our Lord)
whom I think they were trying to rile.
Made me smile.

So will I cover the smell of pee,
haul the drunken debris
of the hob-nailed dwarven mob?
That’s my job.


BlackFox
Half-elven


Mar 23 2015, 8:25pm

Post #2 of 16 (962 views)
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Poor guy! [In reply to] Can't Post

This is great. Thanks for the laugh! Laugh



Greenwood Hobbit
Valinor


Mar 23 2015, 8:40pm

Post #3 of 16 (961 views)
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Heh heh - [In reply to] Can't Post

however, I find myself strangely attracted to the idea of towels with owls on them, now...


Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal


Mar 23 2015, 10:39pm

Post #4 of 16 (954 views)
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Wonderful! [In reply to] Can't Post

Uncle Baggins was a janitor for many years, so I can feel this guy's pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GNU Terry Pratchett
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Bracegirdle
Valinor


Mar 23 2015, 10:51pm

Post #5 of 16 (958 views)
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A Dwarven retort [In reply to] Can't Post

DWARVEN RETORT

Invited in we cleaned up.
Our beautiful locks too we preened up.
- We thinks your complaints
- Are but janitor’s feints,
And our boots too were nicely sheened up.

If your chosen vocation is too
Odoriferous for you and your crew,
-The query does fall to us
- As to why you so squall to us-
Don’t Elves also wash, pee, and poo? EvilEvil




BlackFox
Half-elven


Mar 24 2015, 8:47am

Post #6 of 16 (917 views)
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*applauds wildly* // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Brethil
Half-elven


Mar 24 2015, 11:16am

Post #7 of 16 (908 views)
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Clever verse about a rather ... unexplored subject! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 








Elarie
Grey Havens

Mar 24 2015, 12:56pm

Post #8 of 16 (906 views)
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The Elves [In reply to] Can't Post

Don't elves also wash, pee, and poo?
Yes, I confess, they do.
But with magical powers
It's as fragrant as flowers
Inside of the Rivendell loo.

__________________

Gold is the strife of kinsmen,
and fire of the flood-tide,
and the path of the serpent.

(Old Icelandic Fe rune poem)


Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal


Mar 24 2015, 1:08pm

Post #9 of 16 (897 views)
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All three of you are so clever :-D // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GNU Terry Pratchett
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Alveric
Lorien


Mar 24 2015, 1:25pm

Post #10 of 16 (904 views)
Shortcut
bathroom graffiti of Rivendell [In reply to] Can't Post

The topic of elven poo
is sadly no longer taboo.
It stretches the boundary of taste
to speak of such waste.

The alimentary system of elves
we normally keep to ourselves,
but just to be honest and fair,
I'll clear the air.

The movements of elves are quite rare.
Our noble Elron I swear
since the burning of Dale has done
just the one.

I remember the last time he went
like incense or thyme was the scent.
It pervaded the whole wooded dell
with a sandalwood smell.

We hardly need water closets
for such enchanted deposits.
They sparkle and turn to mist
and cease to exist.

But I've never seen anything sorrier
than the public rest rooms of Moria,
and in Erebor (not to mention the Shire)
the plumbing is dire.


BlackFox
Half-elven


Mar 24 2015, 2:46pm

Post #11 of 16 (893 views)
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Stop it, all of you! [In reply to] Can't Post

This is getting out of hand. Laugh



Bracegirdle
Valinor


Mar 24 2015, 3:50pm

Post #12 of 16 (884 views)
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Ah! Potty humor. . . [In reply to] Can't Post

Is nothing sacred? SmileSmileSmile

 photo CRACK OF DOOM - ANDY.jpg




BlackFox
Half-elven


Mar 24 2015, 6:26pm

Post #13 of 16 (867 views)
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My eyes! My eyes! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Greenwood Hobbit
Valinor


Mar 24 2015, 7:36pm

Post #14 of 16 (858 views)
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Oh my, it'll be limericks next... [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Bracegirdle
Valinor


Mar 24 2015, 9:59pm

Post #15 of 16 (849 views)
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There once was a man from... [In reply to] Can't Post

Ooops! Can you say "Banned"? CoolCool




Alveric
Lorien


Mar 31 2015, 12:13am

Post #16 of 16 (696 views)
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What Puck said [In reply to] Can't Post

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon we will mend.
Else the Puck a liar call.

 
 

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