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Ataahua
Forum Admin
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Oct 13 2014, 2:44am
Post #1 of 26
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A TORNiversary mathom
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Somewhere around this time in 2001 I stopped lurking and joined TORN's discussion boards, and boy have things not been the same since! I've met board members in NZ and overseas, exulted over the LOTR films, enjoyed The Hobbit movies and discussed issues from the nature of evil to the likely eye-colour of Silvan elves.
As Hobbits are fond of regifting on their birthdays, I'll regift a mathom I wrote in September 2010 - back when Guillermo del Toro was the director of The Hobbit, we were pondering how they would make two films out of the book, and the final 'go' had still to be given by the studios. In the midst of that frustrating limbo I took a Bonnie Tyler song and had a bit of fun with it. So here's an echo of the time before filming started on The Hobbit - enjoy!
I Need a Greenlight
(Based on ‘I Need a Hero’ by Bonnie Tyler)
Where have all the hobbits gone and where are all the dwarves?
Where’s the cryptic map of old to find the dragon’s hoard?
Isn’t there a wizard to help them on their feet?
When I’m online I fret at the news and I dream of what we need!
We need greenlight!
We’re holding out for a greenlight so the filming starts now!
We’re holding our breaths, we’re all turning blue
And we need to see a light shining out.
We need a greenlight!
We’re holding out for a greenlight so the filming starts now!
The seasons are turning, we need to get moving,
So the Shire isn’t covered in snow.
(Covered in snow.)
Doo doo doo doooo,
doo doo doo doooo,
doo doo doo doooo
Aaahhh, aaahhh
Somewhere after midnight, in my wildest fantasy
Somewhere just beyond my reach
There's a Hobbit ticket waiting for me.
Racing on the thunder of a fandom’s racing hearts
Will it take a miracle to get this film to start?
We need greenlight!
We’re holding out for a greenlight so the filming starts now!
We’re holding our breaths, we’re all turning blue
And we need to see a light shining out.
We need a greenlight!
We’re holding out for a greenlight so the filming starts now!
The fandom is ageing, the anticipation
Is hastening the stress lines and groans.
(Stress lines and groans.)
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear that Potter’s fandom is laughing at me.
As they tick off all the days ‘til they see
Their two films on the screen
I can feel our waiting like a chill in the blood.
We need greenlight!
We’re holding out for a greenlight so the filming starts now!
We’re holding our breaths, we’re all turning blue
And we need to see a light shining out.
We need a greenlight!
We’re holding out for a greenlight so the filming starts now!
We’re drowning in vampires, and kids’ animation,
But the dragon and the dwarves are our own.
We need greenlight!
We’re holding out for a greenlight so the filming starts now!
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Oct 13 2014, 3:40am
Post #2 of 26
(530 views)
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We're kind of TORn twins: I delurked in November of 2001 :-)
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
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"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
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Altaira
Superuser
Oct 13 2014, 3:49am
Post #3 of 26
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I delurked just a few months before you. Good times, indeed, and I LOVE your redux mathom. Definitely a classic. 
Here's to many, many more!
Koru: Maori symbol representing a fern frond as it opens. The koru reaches towards the light, striving for perfection, encouraging new, positive beginnings.
"Life can't be all work and no TORn" -- jflower
"I take a moment to fervently hope that the camaradarie and just plain old fun I found at TORn will never end" -- LOTR_nutcase
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cats16
Half-elven
Oct 13 2014, 3:53am
Post #4 of 26
(528 views)
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As an occasional lurker in '10, I remember this kind of stuff well.
Here's to many more years!
Join us every weekend in the Hobbit movie forum for this week's CHOW (Chapter of the Week) discussion!
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SirDennisC
Half-elven
Oct 13 2014, 4:24am
Post #5 of 26
(540 views)
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"I could swear Potter's fandom is laughing at [us]."
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But where are they now? At least we're still looking toward one more film 
Happy TORniversary and thanks for regifting... just a niggle though - hadn't Guillermo already bowed out by September 2010?
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Kim
Valinor
Oct 13 2014, 4:59am
Post #6 of 26
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Happy TORniversary! Fun parody :-) //
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Join us every weekend for The Hobbit Chapter of the Week discussions!
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Oct 13 2014, 5:11am
Post #7 of 26
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I thought the Guillermo bombshell dropped shortly after I posted this parody but I could easily be mixing up the dates.
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
(This post was edited by Ataahua on Oct 13 2014, 5:12am)
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BlackFox
Half-elven
Oct 13 2014, 8:44am
Post #8 of 26
(516 views)
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And thanks for the fun mathom!
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Oct 13 2014, 1:00pm
Post #10 of 26
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*applauds* Many happy returns of your TORniversary, Attahua!
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I remember when you first posted that - it was sooo perfect!
And it's still a great parody. 
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"I desired dragons with a profound desire"
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
Oct 13 2014, 2:01pm
Post #11 of 26
(510 views)
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Not at all meant as a back-handed compliment! It is funny, clever, and it even scans; that's more than many song parodies manage to accomplish.
'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring
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entmaiden
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Oct 13 2014, 3:00pm
Post #12 of 26
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Wow - 13 years. I remember when five-year anniversaries were a big deal :). Here's to many, many more!
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Riven Delve
Tol Eressea
Oct 13 2014, 6:51pm
Post #14 of 26
(495 views)
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and thanks for the mathom! In 2010, I had decided that rather than torture myself I would completely abandon hope that a Hobbit film of any kind (much less three!!!) would ever be made--so you were doing much better than I was in those days! (How wrong I was, to my joy! )
“Tollers,” Lewis said to Tolkien, “there is too little of what we really like in stories. I am afraid we shall have to try and write some ourselves.”
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NottaSackville
Valinor
Oct 13 2014, 7:37pm
Post #15 of 26
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Happy torniversary, Ataahua! //
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 Happiness: money matters, but less than we think and not in the way that we think. Family is important and so are friends, while envy is toxic -- and so is excessive thinking. Beaches are optional. Trust is not. Neither is gratitude. - The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner as summarized by Lily Fairbairn. And a bit of the Hobbit reading thrown in never hurts. - NottaSackville
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The Grey Elf
Grey Havens
Oct 13 2014, 10:31pm
Post #16 of 26
(493 views)
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And thanks for the great mathom! I hope you have a fun anniversary (and write more parodies -- you've got the knack )
"If not us, who? If not now, when?" HeforShe
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Earl
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Oct 14 2014, 2:16am
Post #17 of 26
(490 views)
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You managed to rhyme "now" with "snow"
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Heheheh! You are awesome. How did I miss this back in the day?
Congratulations on 13 years Ataahua. You rock
The Hobbit Soundtracks - Being an online archive of information concerning Howard Shore's score for The Hobbit films.
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silneldor
Half-elven
Oct 14 2014, 2:23am
Post #18 of 26
(484 views)
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" 'Fair lady Goldberry!' said Frodo at last, feeling his heart move with a joy that he did not understand. He stood as he had at times stood enchanted by fair elven-voices; but the spell that was now laid upon him was different: less keen and lofty was the delight, but deeper and nearer to mortal heart; marvellous and yet not strange."
Chapter VII: In the House of Tom Bombadil; FOTR's
Faerie contains many things besides elves and fays and besides dwarfs, witches, trolls, giants or dragons; it holds the seas, the sun, the moon, the sky; and the earth, and all things that are one in it: tree and bird, water and stone, wine and bread, and ourselves, mortal men, when we are enchanted."
— J.R.R. Tolkien
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Oct 14 2014, 2:36am
Post #19 of 26
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No, I rhymed 'snow' with 'groans' and 'own'
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which I freely admit is still pretty weak. 
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
(This post was edited by Ataahua on Oct 14 2014, 2:37am)
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Eledhwen
Forum Admin
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Oct 14 2014, 6:44am
Post #20 of 26
(483 views)
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I totally missed mine this year - must post a belated mathom ...
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Darkstone
Immortal
Oct 14 2014, 1:52pm
Post #21 of 26
(485 views)
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Always riding herd on us wild-eyed mavericks! Thank you and the rest of the Admin Rangers for doing a thankless job!
******************************************
"Hola! Gorbag! What are you doing up here? Had enough of war already?"
"Orders, you lubber. And what are you doing, Shagrat? Tired of lurking up there? Thinking of coming down to fight?"
"Orders to you. I'm in command of this pass. So speak civil. What's your report?"
"Everything's really great in Cirith Ungol,
All the way from here to down below.
We haven’t seen old Shelob though she’s seven ranga tall,
About as high as a spider oughta grow!
"There’s one thing that we found in Cirith Ungol,
We found it just a little while ago.
There’s a slime trail going all the way to Shelob’s dark abode.
We followed it and found a giant midget elf-lord in the road,
We fought him and prevailed and boy we really knocked him cold!
He’s out about as far as he can go!
He’s out about as far as he can go!"
-Rodgers and Hammerstein, The Lord of the Rings
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Silverlode
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Oct 14 2014, 11:45pm
Post #22 of 26
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It's been a delight to share the journey with you all these years.
Silverlode
Want a LOTR Anniversary footer of your own? Get one here!
"Dark is the water of Kheled-zâram, and cold are the springs of Kibil-nâla, and fair were the many-pillared halls of Khazad-dűm in Elder Days before the fall of mighty kings beneath the stone."
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DanielLB
Immortal
Oct 15 2014, 10:00am
Post #23 of 26
(465 views)
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Happy TORNiversary, Ataahua! Here's to many more. :-) /
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Starling
Half-elven
Oct 17 2014, 3:52am
Post #25 of 26
(465 views)
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Happy TORNiversary!
I remember that excellent greenlight song. I'm holding out for the music video.
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