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Ataahua
Forum Admin
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Sep 25 2014, 11:51pm
Post #1 of 13
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Top 10 ways LOTR would be different if written by James Cameron
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10. The Elves would be blue-skinned.
9. Gandalf to Frodo: "Sauron can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until the One Ring is his."
8. Rosie to Sam on his return to the Shire: "Draw me like one of your Elf girls."
7. Shelob would have a second set of jaws that thrust out of her mouth.
6. Hama to Eowyn Shieldmaiden: "Have you ever been mistaken for a man?" Eowyn. "No. Have you?"
5. Drogo Baggins drowned after Primula said there wasn't enough room on the overturned boat for them both to fit.
4. The One Ring is lowered willingly into the Cracks of Doom so that its evil will be removed from Middle-earth. Frodo sheds a tear for the object it considered a father-figure.
3. Merry and Pippin listen to the Ent Moot by plugging into Treebeard's mind through his root system, and are promptly bored to tears.
2. Aragorn to Frodo in The Prancing Pony: "Come with me if you want to live."
And the NUMBER ONE way LOTR would be different if written by James Cameron...
1. Gandalf before he falls into the abyss at the Bridge of Khazad-dum: "I'll be back."
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
(This post was edited by Ataahua on Sep 25 2014, 11:52pm)
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CuriousG
Half-elven
Sep 26 2014, 12:52am
Post #2 of 13
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How about: while the Fellowship assembles in Rivendell, Gimli nudges Legolas and asks who Frodo is. Answer: "Some kind of consultant. He says he saw a magic ring once."
I love your Shelob comment!
If Cameron had done the Shelob's Lair sequence when Frodo has fallen to the spider bite and Sam comes to the rescue, Sam would have backed into the tunnel, conveniently found some oversized, superpowered orc armor, and taunted Shelob with, "Get away from him, you *****!"
(This post was edited by Ataahua on Sep 26 2014, 8:29pm)
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Aragorn the Elfstone
Tol Eressea
Sep 26 2014, 1:00am
Post #3 of 13
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LOL, I didn't even have to look...
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...to know what #1 was going to be. 
"The danger with any movie that does as well as this one does is that the amount of money it's making and the number of awards that it's got becomes almost more important than the movie itself in people's minds. I look at that as, in a sense, being very much like the Ring, and its effect on people. You know, you can kind of forget what we were doing, if you get too wrapped up in that."
- Viggo Mortensen
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Holly Hobbit
Bree
Sep 26 2014, 4:47am
Post #4 of 13
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James Horner might have done the soundtrack instead of Howard Shore. I know that he composed the soundtracks for two other James Cameron movies, Titanic and Avatar. (Although honestly, I'm pleased with the Middle-Earth soundtracks just the way they are. I cannot imagine anyone but Howard Shore composing them, as they are simply wonderful!)
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Aragorn the Elfstone
Tol Eressea
Sep 26 2014, 5:02am
Post #5 of 13
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...are just on an entirely different level from most contemporary film music. They're so grand and operatic. You just don't hear anything else like it in modern times.
That said, I would have been curious to hear what Horner would have come up with - or at least the James Horner of the 80s and 90s. He began getting extremely derivative of his own material in the '00s and never really recovered. But I would have loved to hear Middle-earth music from the man who composed The Wrath of Khan, Willow, The Rocketeer, Braveheart, Titanic, etc.
But, yeah, I wouldn't trade Shore for anything in the world. 
"The danger with any movie that does as well as this one does is that the amount of money it's making and the number of awards that it's got becomes almost more important than the movie itself in people's minds. I look at that as, in a sense, being very much like the Ring, and its effect on people. You know, you can kind of forget what we were doing, if you get too wrapped up in that."
- Viggo Mortensen
(This post was edited by Aragorn the Elfstone on Sep 26 2014, 5:03am)
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Glassary
Rivendell
Sep 26 2014, 5:31am
Post #6 of 13
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8. Rosie to Sam on his return to the Shire: "Draw me like one of your elf girls".
Thanks Ataahua now every time Sam strolls down the path toward Rosie this line will be lurking in the back of my mind!!!
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Loresilme
Valinor
Sep 26 2014, 12:44pm
Post #7 of 13
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Ha! These are great! And how about: Instead of Gollum falling into the lava with the Ring,
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a bloodied but defiant Frodo would crawl to the edge, throw it in and snarl, "You're terminated, ****er".
 
(This post was edited by Ataahua on Sep 26 2014, 8:30pm)
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CuriousG
Half-elven
Sep 26 2014, 1:44pm
Post #8 of 13
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What about a George Lucas version of this game?
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I'm trying to figure out which baddie would tell which goodie, "I am really your father."
Sauron to Frodo?
Chief Nazgul to Aragorn?
Saruman to Gandalf?
Bill Ferny to Bill the Pony?
Then we would see in FOTR that the Ring is magic and confers magic upon its bearer according to their ability. By ROTK, we would learn that the Ring is made from an obscure ore, sauronite, which interacts with latent bacteria in its bearers to produce radiation which will simulate things like turning invisible and other tricks, explaining Nuclear Galadriel.
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Sep 26 2014, 8:29pm
Post #9 of 13
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Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Sep 26 2014, 8:30pm
Post #10 of 13
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of the Shelob scene. 
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
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BoromirOfWinterfell
Rohan
Sep 27 2014, 11:14am
Post #11 of 13
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At least one of the movies would end with a Celine Dion song
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And have a very dramatic music video.
"Eala Earendel engla beorhtast
ofer middangeard monnum sended."
"There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it." - Cicero
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DaughterofLaketown
Gondor
Sep 28 2014, 8:46pm
Post #13 of 13
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Oh definitely Frodo and Sauron!
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"And so they stood on the walls of the city of Gondor, and a great wind rose and blew, and their hair, raven and golden, streamed out mingling in the air."
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