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silneldor
Half-elven
Sep 19 2014, 11:23pm
Post #26 of 51
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And it was close to not happening. My wife and i were so active in weekend motorcycle camping and then triathlons but the wife was approaching 40 and certain yearnings can to be. She worked on me until i acquiesced, working through the fear of birth defeats and the responsibility required along with doubts about being a good enough father. So after 18 years of marriage.... it actually happened really fast. I was surprized. What i want to convey next is very hard. It turned out to be the most positive life changing experience imaginable. I fell so very blessed.* As you can tell, because i yap constantly about him here on TORn. Thank you all for putting up with me in this regard. * When people ask me about our son, i tell them it's all my wife's fault. All i can say, i thank my lucky stars that i have her too.
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Elanor of Rohan
Lorien
Sep 20 2014, 6:18am
Post #27 of 51
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And two teenage nieces. I have thought a lot before having them but it was the best decision, especially to have the second one. Last year we took the three older ones to see Dos and it was one of the best evenings of my life.
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Elanor of Rohan
Lorien
Sep 20 2014, 6:23am
Post #28 of 51
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Having children for real, not in a far away idealized future, was the last thing on my mind. I have learnt that this is one of the ideas which can change most unexpectedly. Plenty of time ahead dear BlackFox
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zarabia
Tol Eressea
Sep 20 2014, 6:40am
Post #29 of 51
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That's fantastic news! Congratulations, Daniel and family! :) //
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zarabia
Tol Eressea
Sep 20 2014, 6:49am
Post #30 of 51
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No. And if that ship hasn't sailed yet, it's sure pulling up anchor. :D
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It was never my main goal in life to marry and have kids. I didn't want the kind of marriage my sister has, nor one like my parents'. My mom and her second husband had a beautiful marriage, and I decided early on that I wanted what they had or nothing. If I could have found someone I could have been as happy with, then I would have liked kids. But it was not to be. But I love being an aunt! Sometimes when I see a baby I get a little wistful though.
(This post was edited by zarabia on Sep 20 2014, 6:50am)
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DaughterofLaketown
Gondor
Sep 20 2014, 12:31pm
Post #31 of 51
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Well don't worry you'll find someone.
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No one could fail to see how awesome you are.
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Annael
Immortal
Sep 20 2014, 2:48pm
Post #32 of 51
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I wish my mother had that attitude!
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Her offspring range from 56 to 71 but we're all still "children" to her who have to be told how to live our lives. She's 95 now and very frail with lots of health issues, but she told me she can't die because "what would you all do without me?"
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Magpie
Immortal
Sep 20 2014, 2:53pm
Post #33 of 51
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not to call my sons 'the boys'.. or them and the daughter-in-law 'the kids'. It's almost like my pet name for them. But I have had a fairly strong hands off policy on their 'lives' since late high school. My Dad had one with me and I take his role modeling to heart.
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Elizabeth
Half-elven
Sep 20 2014, 11:51pm
Post #34 of 51
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...women were encouraged to live through their kids. Her whole self-worth is bound up in you, and in her day that was the "correct" attitude. Both my mother and grandmother resisted that theory. Both worked when their kids were little, and encouraged their daughters to have lives of their own. Even if they had a husband and kids, they had their own interests, skills, and activities. Happily, that's the predominant model in recent years.
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Sep 21 2014, 1:44am
Post #35 of 51
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"Once a mother, always a mother."
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That's what my mom used to say, especially when she herself was in her seventies and her mother, in her nineties, would worry about her. But my mom was never bossy once we grew up. I remember worrying what would happen to my grown kids if I died. Uncle Baggins told me, "If you died, we'd all be very sad, of course, but we'd be all right." And really, that was a great comfort to me. I've taken it to heart. My kids were slow to grow up, not moving out until age 25, but they're doing great on their own now. And they're best friends, so I know they'll take care of each other if needed.
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zarabia
Tol Eressea
Sep 21 2014, 2:51am
Post #36 of 51
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That's very sweet of you. Thank you, DoL :) //
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sador
Half-elven
Sep 21 2014, 3:05am
Post #37 of 51
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Annael
Immortal
Sep 21 2014, 3:09pm
Post #38 of 51
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my sister says "there's a lot of stretch in my apron strings"
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she's always encouraged her son & daughter to get out there and follow their hearts . . . and calls me to share her feelings when they do something scary for her, like her son leaving home for good at 17, or her daughter going off for two years to be a Peace Corps volunteer in the High Atlas mountains of Morocco, so that she can smile bravely at them and say "good for you!" They have done amazing things in their lives so far. Just got a photo of my nephew in the cockpit of a plane (he's a pilot among other things) with his 7-year-old oldest son, so I imagine that attitude is going to be passed on.
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Annael
Immortal
Sep 21 2014, 3:20pm
Post #39 of 51
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New England women had a different attitude even then. My oldest aunt, even though she had four children, never stopped working as an editor for McCall's magazine and then later as the proprietor of her own book agency. Second aunt never had kids, third aunt's husband developed MS early on so she had to work too. My mom married early but her first husband promptly went off to WWII, so she went to work as well, and after he came back & became an alcoholic (PTSD no doubt, but they didn't diagnose or treat it then), divorced him and kept working. She was actually quite unhappy being a stay-at-home mom and when we were all launched (at 18; no one ever went back), very happily embarked on a new career. I don't know why she thinks we can't function without her telling us what to do, because in reality, we were pretty much left to our own devices even as kids. She was orphaned at 18, so she had no experience of shifting to an adult relationship with her own parents; I figure that's part of the problem.
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Cirashala
Valinor
Sep 22 2014, 6:31am
Post #40 of 51
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Two beautiful and (mostly) sweet little girls, ages 5 and 2 They can definitely be a handful at times, and mommy never gets a break (all mommies need "recharge time" no matter how sweet their kids are). And with my husband's wonky work schedule (retail manager) date nights are few and far between, much to our chagrin Our days/evenings "off" often don't coincide with babysitters' availability. And sometimes they go through growth spurts- which make them cranky little snots, and eat all day like garbage disposals. On those days, it's constant whining, "I'm hungry..." every five minutes (like today) no matter how much they eat (sometimes my five year old out eats my husband!). Yet store bought clothes still fall off their skinny little rears.... But in the end, even if there are times when I really don't like them very much, and have to put "agape" love into practice (see Greek agape- it means a "commitment" love, not really emotional one, if that makes sense- choosing to love someone even if you don't feel it emotionally) like when chocolate syrup ends up all over my house, I still love them very much And don't worry about me- once the little stinkers apologize or do something really sweet or cute, or decide to be good rather than naughty, the warm fuzzies come back All in all, I wouldn't trade my sweet, smart, cute, loving little girls in for anything (however, and I'm sure every mom (and quite possibly some dads too) on these boards can testify to this- sometimes we all need a wee break now or then, even to just lock ourselves in the bathroom for a few minutes (or a closet) and hide from them to avoid going completely insane lol ). But I do most definitely look forward to being a grandparent (especially hearing, "I can't get her to stop whining!" or "She's constantly hungry!"- payback time ).
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Cirashala
Valinor
Sep 22 2014, 6:33am
Post #41 of 51
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Welcome to fatherhood- the best, worst, scariest, most wonderful, enjoyable, loving, terrifying, overwhelming, amazing time of your life! And if you haven't yet figured out what I meant above, don't worry- you will
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Annael
Immortal
Sep 22 2014, 5:49pm
Post #42 of 51
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there are times when I really don't like them very much Same with marriage: you don't always like the person, even if you love them!
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Cirashala
Valinor
Sep 22 2014, 5:52pm
Post #43 of 51
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That's when agape love is the most important- to keep up the commitment through thick and thin, regardless if you like the person or not (because no marriage is perfect, and one will dislike the other person from time to time!). It's inevitable.
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Theodora
The Shire
Sep 23 2014, 7:46pm
Post #44 of 51
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16 and 20 years old.
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Kilidoescartwheels
Valinor
Sep 25 2014, 3:23am
Post #45 of 51
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They are both wonderful and terrible pains in the @$$, but I wouldn't trade 'em for all the money in the world. Definitely not for everyone, though.
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Annael
Immortal
Sep 29 2014, 3:08pm
Post #46 of 51
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A few years ago my sister was talking to my younger brother, who is a diver, and told him to be sure to use cornstarch or rice flour, not talcum powder, on his wetsuit as talculm breaks down rubber. My mother muttered to herself, "That explains a lot." But the truth is both my mom & my sister could stand downwind of their husbands and get pregnant.
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The Grey Elf
Grey Havens
Sep 29 2014, 5:11pm
Post #47 of 51
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That's wonderful news, Daniel!
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Hope everyone is doing well. How long before you start reading The Hobbit to him? Welcome to Middle-earth, little one!
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cats16
Half-elven
Sep 30 2014, 2:04am
Post #48 of 51
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They've already made it through the Sil by now.
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Konrad S
Lorien
Feb 7 2015, 8:28am
Post #49 of 51
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Wait wait wait how old are you?
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U have kids than is 11 i am 11???? OKay im one of the youngest here
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