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DanielLB
Immortal


Jul 10 2014, 8:25am

Post #51 of 77 (1755 views)
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This won't end well ... [In reply to] Can't Post




Starling
Half-elven


Jul 10 2014, 8:50am

Post #52 of 77 (1743 views)
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Build me an army... [In reply to] Can't Post




DanielLB
Immortal


Jul 10 2014, 9:28am

Post #53 of 77 (1741 views)
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I've got the perfect disguise ... [In reply to] Can't Post



You'll never notice.


(This post was edited by DanielLB on Jul 10 2014, 9:35am)


Annael
Immortal


Jul 10 2014, 4:26pm

Post #54 of 77 (1706 views)
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Okay Daniel - [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Is religion wrong?
If taken literally, yes. If understood as a metaphor, no.

2. Should marijuana be legalised?
Yes - with huge taxes on it, like we do with alcohol

3. Does global climate change really exist?
Of course. You can't take a closed system and radically alter two of the main parameters by greatly increasing greenhouse emissions (CO2) while at the same time greatly decreasing the system's ability to ameliorate those emissions (by deforestation - trees turn CO2 back into oxygen) without changing the outcome.

4. Is abortion and euthanasia ethically acceptable?
In certain circumstances, yes. As far as abortion, it's a far better option to prevent the situation from arising at all through education (including parents - not schools - instilling certain values around sexual behavior) and readily available birth control.

5. Should the death penalty be brought back?
No. There's always the risk that the accused is in fact innocent, and also, it takes away the guilty person's chance for regret/atonement.

6. (More UK-orientated) Why would UKIP be better at running the country, rather than Con or Lab?
I know very little about UK politics, but from what I know, no.

7. Is it morally acceptable to use animals as test subjects, or to clone them?
Depends on whether pain is involved.

8. Is pornography healthy?
If it conveys the idea that sex can be a celebratory act between two consenting adults who esteem/cherish/love each other, yes. If it depersonalizes the act, no.

9. The world is too populated. Should we cleanse the Earth?
I think Mother Nature will do that for us through new plagues.

10. Why do the US think they saved Europe?
WWII

To be sane we must recognize our beliefs as fictions.

- James Hillman, Healing Fiction

* * * * * * * * * *

NARF and member of Deplorable Cultus since 1967


Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Jul 10 2014, 5:31pm

Post #55 of 77 (1710 views)
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I have to admit [In reply to] Can't Post

I've seen the use of "you people" on the boards, but never the whole "real fans" thing. I've seen it in the comments on the main TORn page, but not the message boards, except when we're having a good laugh about it. Of course that may be because I seem to have sixth sense about which threads are going to get controversial and avoid them at all costs and tell myself, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"Wink

Now if you'll excuse me, you people are distracting me from eating my lunch and we all know that real fans wouldn't do that! *flounces away, while munching on a carrot*Tongue

"Love woke me up this morning
With a memory
Love came and whispered a story
That awakened a dream,

I am a dreamer, take me higher
Open the sky up, start a fire
I believe even if it's just a dream"
~"Dreamer" by Bethany Dillon



Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Jul 10 2014, 6:37pm

Post #56 of 77 (1698 views)
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I'll take a whack at this...Mwahaha! [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Is The Lord of the Rings an allegory? No
2. Did J.R.R. Tolkien really write it? Yes
3. Did Balrogs have wings, shadow-wings, wings of shadow, jet turbines, or just some ambiguous self-image issues? Shadow-wings
4.Could Balrogs fly? YesEvil
5.Could J.R.R. Tolkien fly? Yes, if he got in an air plane. Did he have wings? No
6. What was the real cause of the enmity between Dwarves and Elves? The dwarves were secretly jealous of the elves' perfect hair and the elves secretly wished they could grow facial hair.
7. Was Morgoth really evil, or just a misunderstood artist? As my grandma would say, he was et-up with evil!
8. Why didn't the Eagles fly the Ring to Mordor? One does not simply fly into Mordor.
9. Where did the orcs come from? When a mommy and daddy orc love each other very much...
10. Is Glorifindel one Elf or two? One Did the Eagles have something to do with it? Probably
11. Why is Thranduil never named in The Hobbit? He's so fabulous that if anyone was to say his name out loud they would turn into a pile of glitter. Tolkien was doing us a favor. Does he have negative self-image issues? No, he thinks his face is Eru's gift to the elves. Can he fly? Yes. Why else would he have a cape, silly?
12. Why does every person who has special jewelry (Silmarils, Ring of Barahir, Mannish rings, Elven Rings, The Ring, Arkenstone, Nauglamir, etc...) end up in trouble? Because the incredible shininess hypnotizes them.
13. What did the Dwarven and Mannish rings do? Did they confer the ability to fly? Probably
14. If a wraith put on the Ring, what would happen? Would they become doubly invisible? Two negatives make a positive right? So doesn't that mean that they would become visible? Maybe? I think? Yeah, I'm sticking with that.
15. How did Bill the pony escape the Wargs at Moria's gate? He can fly! Did the Eagles have anything to do with it? Duh.
16. If Boromir had lived, how would he have responded to Frodo and Sam's feat of 'simply walking into Mordor?'
He'd snap his fingers in a sassy Z formation and say, "Oh no they didn't!"
17. Who was Legolas's mother? Mary Poppins Why did she disappear? Because Thranduil was even more practically perfect in every way than she was and she felt threatened by that. Did the Eagles have anything to do with it? Of course not. Mary Poppins flies with her umbrella. Why would she need the eagles?
18. Who was Gimli's mother? Mary Poppins. *gasp* Now we know where Leggy's mother disappeared to!
19. Was Turin bi-polar? No, but he was stubborn and self-centered.
20. Who is Gollum's love interest? Crazy I don't want to think about that...
21. Where was Gondor when the Westfold burned? Probably busy playing Dungeons and Dragons.
22. Who was the Mouth of Sauron? This guy after he let go of his dental hygiene. Where were the Ears? In the saddle bags on the horse. How was Sauron supposed to hear their answer? Well, it was muffled but functional.
23. Where were the Eyes? The horse acted as his eyes. How did he get there without seeing? Like I said...the horse.
24. On a scale of 1-10, how scary would you rank the Navel of Sauron? Infinity plus 1
25. Who is Tom Bombadil? I don't know. Why are you asking me? Is he the first Glorifindel?. No.
26. Is Shelob Sauron's love interest? Oh dear sweet mercy, no!
27. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Fell Beast? Uh?
28. If mithril is so strong and light, why didn't anyone make a sword out of it? They tried, but it didn't sharpen very well.
29. Was Beorn a legitimate skin-changer or a humbug? Legitimate skin-changer. How come no one ever saw him change? He's modest and doesn't like to change in front of people.
30. Why didn't the Elves sing Tra-la-la-la-la-lally in LotR? Their lead singer came down with laryngitis. Was Elvish Karaoke that bad? Yes, yes it was.


"Love woke me up this morning
With a memory
Love came and whispered a story
That awakened a dream,

I am a dreamer, take me higher
Open the sky up, start a fire
I believe even if it's just a dream"
~"Dreamer" by Bethany Dillon



Magpie
Immortal


Jul 10 2014, 7:06pm

Post #57 of 77 (1700 views)
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you must be good at avoiding [In reply to] Can't Post

I have seen it used PLENTY of times here... almost always (in the last decade) on The Hobbit board and especially during times when posting activity was high and 'contentious' discussions were high.

The wording fluctuates a little and sometimes they are referring to 'real fans' of the movies and sometimes to 'real fans/followers' of Tolkien.


LOTR soundtrack website ~ magpie avatar gallery
TORn History Mathom-house ~ Torn Image Posting Guide


Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Jul 10 2014, 7:48pm

Post #58 of 77 (1682 views)
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It's my special talent! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"Love woke me up this morning
With a memory
Love came and whispered a story
That awakened a dream,

I am a dreamer, take me higher
Open the sky up, start a fire
I believe even if it's just a dream"
~"Dreamer" by Bethany Dillon



Starling
Half-elven


Jul 10 2014, 7:51pm

Post #59 of 77 (1687 views)
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You cannot hide... [In reply to] Can't Post

We see you...
My great army of Cawdor has but one purpose: to destroy the world of cats...


CuriousG
Half-elven


Jul 10 2014, 8:16pm

Post #60 of 77 (1685 views)
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Tolkien, like Shakespeare and Homer, was not real [In reply to] Can't Post

Careful literary analysis by smart people and real fans (unlike you people) has proven conclusively that Tolkien's works were written by an anonymous committee over many generations, which accounts for all the different versions and discrepancies in style. The publication of his work was sheer conspiracy by unscrupulous book companies, who other would have used the paper in upside down toilet paper rolls.

In fact, people like you people weren't even involved. LOTR was written by dogs, but the (much inferior) Hobbit was clearly written by cats. Femine cats, even.


DanielLB
Immortal


Jul 10 2014, 8:34pm

Post #61 of 77 (1685 views)
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Let's put aside our differences ... [In reply to] Can't Post

You might always be wrong, but I still like you.



Angelic


Darkstone
Immortal


Jul 10 2014, 8:48pm

Post #62 of 77 (1722 views)
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I have way too much time on my hands... [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Is The Lord of the Rings an allegory?

More a crocodilly.


2. Did J.R.R. Tolkien really write it?

He left fried mushrooms next to his writing desk at night and by the next morning another chapter would have appeared.


3. Did Balrogs have wings, shadow-wings, wings of shadow, jet turbines, or just some ambiguous self-image issues?

Yes.


4.Could Balrogs fly?

Like a rock.


5.Could J.R.R. Tolkien fly?

Depends on what was in his pipe.


Did he have wings?

His Oxford shoes did.


6. What was the real cause of the enmity between Dwarves and Elves?

It’s the beards. She-elves were crazy for them.


7. Was Morgoth really evil, or just a misunderstood artist?

"Smells like Shire spirit."


8. Why didn't the Eagles fly the Ring to Mordor?

Too much pie.


9. Where did the orcs come from?

First a mommy orc and a daddy orc must love each other very much…


10. Is Glorfindel one Elf or two?

Personally I think he’s at least a barbershop quartet.


Did the Eagles have something to do with it?

Yes, The Glorfindels opened for The Eagles during their "Helcaraxë Freezes Over" concert tour, but then Glorfindel and Glorfindel got into a fight with Landroval and Meneldor over some chicks and the two Glorfindels ended up accidentally sending each other to Valinor. The surviving members, Glorfindel and Glorfindel, tried to carry on as best they could, but it just wasn’t the same and they were soon replaced by the group Billy the Balrog and His Meta-4-ic Wingmen.


11. Why is Thranduil never named in The Hobbit?

He threatened to sue.


Does he have negative self-image issues?

Actually he has an exclusive contract representing Nike.


Can he fly?

As much as a cgi-assisted Michael Jordon.


12. Why does every person who has special jewelry (Silmarils, Ring of Barahir, Mannish rings, Elven Rings, The Ring, Arkenstone, Nauglamir, etc...) end up in trouble?

If you think all that's bad you won't believe what happened when Estella Bolger and Diamond of Long Cleeve wore their "We Want Jelly Donuts" (WWJD) bracelets!


13. What did the Dwarven and Mannish rings do?

Generate speculation.


Did they confer the ability to fly?

The best you can hock them for is the price of a bus ticket.


14. If a wraith put on the Ring, what would happen?

Only if they shouted the magic word “Shazoom!”! (Which stood for: "Strength", "Health", "Aptitude", "Zeal", "Ox (power of)", "Ox (power of another)", and "Money".)


Would they become doubly invisible?

You couldn’t not see them!!


15. How did Bill the pony escape the Wargs at Moria's gate?

The real question is, did any of the Wargs escape *him*?


Did the Eagles have anything to do with it?

Bill had studied Kung Flew in the House of Gwaihir.


16. If Boromir had lived, how would he have responded to Frodo and Sam's feat of 'simply walking into Mordor?'

“Why didn’t you just use the eagles?” (He always was a bit of a jerk.)


17. Who was Legolas's mother?

Goldigger, sister of Goldberry.


Why did she disappear?

When the green ran out of the Greenwood, so did she.


Did the Eagles have anything to do with it?

They were just good friends. And Thorondor had left all his money in an unbreakable trust, so she thought it best to just move on.


18. Who was Gimli's mother?

A perfect Goddess specially made by Aule to bear The Dwarf. Like a short, bearded Virgin Mary.


19. Was Turin bi-polar?

His Elf name was “Two White Bears”.


20. Who is Gollum's love interest?

The Sun Kist mermaid. It did not end well.


21. Where was Gondor when the Westfold burned?

Breaking out the marshmallows.


22. Who was the Mouth of Sauron?

Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe.


Where were the Ears?

When E. L. F. Hutton speaks, people listen.


How was Sauron supposed to hear their answer?

Same way Theoden was supposed to hear about the horse and the rider.


23. Where were the Eyes?

Shouting down the Nays.


How did he get there without seeing?

A service fell beast. (Motto: "We can do no great things, only small things with great destruction." -Mother Shelob)


24. On a scale of 1-10, how scary would you rank the Navel of Sauron?

With or without three hundred lifetimes of lint?


25. Who is Tom Bombadil?

"The dread Elf Lord Glorfindel had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. 'I am not the dread Elf Lord Glorfindel' he said. 'My name is Ryan; I inherited the name from the previous dread Elf Lord Glorfindel, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real dread Elf Lord Glorfindel either. His name was Cummerbund. The real dread Elf Lord Glorfindel has been retired 15000 years and living like a king on the Withywindle.'"


26. Is Shelob Sauron's love interest?

Sauron is either Shelob’s Mary Jane or her Gwen Stacy. I vote the latter.


27. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen Fell Beast?

Fünf hundert fünf und fünfzig furlongs per fortnight. (Try saying that three times really fast!)


28. If mithril is so strong and light, why didn't anyone make a sword out of it?

Sword Arms Limitation Talks. As Manwë said at the signing ceremony, “Trust but…Morgoth, what on Arda are you doing behind me with that dagger?”


29. Was Beorn a legitimate skin-changer or a humbug?

Yes.


How come no one ever saw him change?

Would you admit to hiding in the bushes waiting to watch a man get bear-a**ed?


30. Why didn't the Elves sing Tra-la-la-la-la-lally in LotR?

Why do you think it was called The Hall of Fire? Every time Tra-lal-lallying broke out, Elrond yelled “Leithio i philinn!”


Was Elvish Karaoke that bad?

It went over like 99 Lead Balloons.

******************************************
"We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true."
-Robert Wilensky

(This post was edited by Darkstone on Jul 10 2014, 8:53pm)


Lily Fairbairn
Half-elven


Jul 10 2014, 9:45pm

Post #63 of 77 (1678 views)
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I love you people [In reply to] Can't Post

How do I love TORn? Let me count the ways. I love TORn to the depth and breadth and height the rings can reach....

Which brings us to another question: Would Elizabeth Barrett Browning have been a Real Fan?

Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?
Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?
Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow....


Darkstone
Immortal


Jul 10 2014, 9:58pm

Post #64 of 77 (1688 views)
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Amon Hen [In reply to] Can't Post

Go, sit upon the lofty hill,
And turn your eyes around,
Then as a flash
From some other point of power
There came to his mind another thought:
"Take it off! Take it off!
"Fool, take it off!
"Take off the Ring!"

******************************************
"We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true."
-Robert Wilensky


Ataahua
Forum Admin / Moderator


Jul 10 2014, 10:44pm

Post #65 of 77 (1655 views)
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*snort* / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Ataahua
Forum Admin / Moderator


Jul 10 2014, 10:50pm

Post #66 of 77 (1673 views)
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Please write this version of the story. [In reply to] Can't Post

Especially with this:


18. Who was Gimli's mother?

A perfect Goddess specially made by Aule to bear The Dwarf. Like a short, bearded Virgin Mary.



Cool

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Ethel Duath
Half-elven


Jul 10 2014, 11:50pm

Post #67 of 77 (1662 views)
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It's the eagle [In reply to] Can't Post

that is overconfident.



Ethel Duath
Half-elven


Jul 11 2014, 2:50am

Post #68 of 77 (1657 views)
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I want to "Mod Up" this entire thread [In reply to] Can't Post

but I'm buried under mounds of feathers and furballs.

(Can someone shovel me out . . . please? Pretty please?)



DanielLB
Immortal


Jul 11 2014, 7:08am

Post #69 of 77 (1647 views)
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A couple of lizards should sort that out Ethel Duath ... [In reply to] Can't Post




Arannir
Valinor


Jul 11 2014, 7:44am

Post #70 of 77 (1628 views)
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Shameful! [In reply to] Can't Post



"I am afraid it is only too likely to be true what you say about the critics and the public. I am dreading the publication for it will be impossible not to mind what is said. I have exposed my heart to be shot at." J.R.R. Tolkien

We all have our hearts and minds one way or another invested in these books and movies. So we all mind and should show the necessary respect.



Lissuin
Valinor


Jul 11 2014, 7:47am

Post #71 of 77 (1648 views)
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Where do I begin? [In reply to] Can't Post

Impossible. Can't.

Am saving this post for future Tolkien Trivia Nights.


Kelvarhin
Half-elven


Jul 11 2014, 1:03pm

Post #72 of 77 (1626 views)
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Ah birdie... I do love you [In reply to] Can't Post

Preferably with a side of fries LaughAngelicEvilLaugh

*slinks back into Lurkwood* Cool

Bag ENZ Home of the Hobbit *with thanks to cameragod ;D*


One by one they faded, and fell into shadow...

One book to rule them all
One book to find them
One book to bring them all
And in TORn bind them
In the land of TORnadoes...where the brilliant play




Lily Fairbairn
Half-elven


Jul 11 2014, 1:56pm

Post #73 of 77 (1609 views)
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Poetry in e-motion! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Where now the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing?
Where is the helm and the hauberk, and the bright hair flowing?
Where is the hand on the harpstring, and the red fire glowing?
Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow....


Ethel Duath
Half-elven


Jul 11 2014, 3:25pm

Post #74 of 77 (1613 views)
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Lurkwood! Is that where you've been? [In reply to] Can't Post

I spent many years there. You may use my treehouse (but you must feed the cat).



Ethel Duath
Half-elven


Jul 11 2014, 3:44pm

Post #75 of 77 (1611 views)
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Why thank you! I am fine now, plus our cricket problem [In reply to] Can't Post

has almost disappeared.

And 'Wizard on the bridge! Wizard on the bridge!"

(How did you do that, by the way?!)


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