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DaughterofLaketown
Gondor
Mar 29 2014, 4:08pm
Post #1 of 16
(472 views)
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Does true love exist?
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In your opinion does the kind the of romance writers write about actually exist? Why or why not?
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Annael
Immortal
Mar 29 2014, 4:40pm
Post #2 of 16
(313 views)
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I believe our souls are eternal & our "lives" are temporary interruptions where we take physical form to learn lessons we can't learn on the other side. Like how to deal with pain, be brave, endure, stay loyal to others in hard times . . . all the lessons in LOTR! We grow our souls each lifetime.
Physical bodies need protection from the things that threaten life. (Souls don't care about pain; pain is just interesting to them, but bodies mind!) So we have egos that warn us of danger. But egos are over-protective mothers and tend to be overly defensive.
On the other side, love is pure and unforced, it's our natural way of relating. I think we do have soul mates - more than one, in fact. When we meet one of these in physical life, it's amazing, because we remember the love on the other side.
But then the egos step in. Depending on what that life's been like up until then, there can be some BIG fears that come in, and that messes up the pure feeling. Ever feel like you KNEW a person the moment you met, and then later they act in ways that confuse you? Ego at work.
Also, I think some of us actually plan not to meet a soul mate in a particular life, just because we want to learn lessons that might not be possible if we've got that cushion. But they may still communicate with us in dreams.
Finally, I think we can see the true soul of a person we've never met before, and love that. So yeah, true love exists . . . but that doesn't mean it will be easy!
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Escapist
Gondor
Mar 29 2014, 5:05pm
Post #3 of 16
(298 views)
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I think it gets confused for other things quite often. I also think it is very central to what it means to be human.
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Meneldor
Valinor
Mar 30 2014, 1:31am
Post #4 of 16
(290 views)
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but it takes a lot of dedication to make it last.
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Azimuth
The Shire
Mar 30 2014, 10:30pm
Post #5 of 16
(249 views)
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But both sides have to put much effort to make it work for a long time. It doesn't just come to you and you can sit and enjoy it. Well, in the beginning you can  but later there is much work to be done, because love, as the result of action of our hormones, changes all the time. It's all in our brains. That is why true love can happen to people who now each other for years, it doesn't have to be "love at first sight".
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Mar 31 2014, 10:04pm
Post #6 of 16
(227 views)
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I've been married to Uncle Baggins for 35 years, and we still embarrass our (grown) kids by being all smootchy-face. But it takes work on both sides, and imagination too. We have a rule: no harm in looking. We've both had crushes on fictional characters and/or movie stars, and we've used those to fire our imaginations. We make up wild fantasies and tell them to each other, and that brings excitement to lovemaking that never gets old after all these decades. And I know many, many people my age who could tell a similar story. We call each other "dear", and that's a good description of how we feel. But sometimes I call him "stud muffin" even though he looks like Santa Claus, because sometimes that's how I see him :-D And he calls me "trophy wife" even though I look like a regular somewhat dumpy 57-year-old.
Actually, I think the kind of "love" the romance writers describe is a pale shadow of what I see in my life and the lives of many of my friends. All that drama and misunderstanding and "slap slap kiss kiss" as tvtropes calls it. We've had plenty of drama in our decades together, but though I enjoy romance novels, I do get exasperated at how silly the arguments are in them.
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Rembrethil
Tol Eressea
Apr 1 2014, 3:09am
Post #7 of 16
(228 views)
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Yes, but not in teh way many think of it.
[In reply to]
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Love is mostly choice, I think, not feeling or emotion. It can bring the feelings of happiness when we are fulfilled by that choice to love someone else, but it is not a prerequisite. This is why love can thrive in circumstances that would never engender feelings of happiness by themselves. Joy (True happiness that doesn't rely on 'happenings') comes from passing through those hardships together, and knowing that, no matter what, the other person will, and has stayed by you. It doesn't have to be romantic, but it has to be true, honorable, and self-less. It is the reward of sacrifice.
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Apr 1 2014, 3:26am
Post #8 of 16
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That reminds me of a photo taken of my parents shortly after they narrowly escaped with their lives in the Big Thompson Flood of 1976. They're both grinning with the joy of being alive, and looking not at each other but forward into the future. When my mom was dying in 2009, my dad was her caregiver, and was definitely "true, honorable, and self-less".
(This post was edited by Aunt Dora Baggins on Apr 1 2014, 3:27am)
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silneldor
Half-elven
Apr 2 2014, 11:54pm
Post #9 of 16
(213 views)
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I can say that. Like the old coots over in the Rockies (which they have played on for a long time) we have also been hitched for 35 years.
I was a school bus driver and she was burger flipper at Wetson's when we met. What I can remember on first sight was she was definitely interesting. Interesting in the sense I did not have the usual passing attention, but rather a narrow focus with a deep curiosity. The 3rd time I came I brought flowers and gave them to her through the window. From then I always got double fish in my buns.
Our first date was on a motorcycle and hit the road to see the scenery. But first I arrived at her house soaked from encountering a wild squall. Her mother put my stuff in the dryer for me. But she would not put my sneakers in and could not figure it because my mom always did. But I did hit it off really well with her folks. I ended up working for her father as a hydraulic jack pickup & deliverer for a time when things got slow for me.
[Zip ahead] We got married in their back yard at dawn beneath the ancient apple trees with the large cornfield beyond, had a breakfast reception right there and then (with the motorcycle already packed to a T), headed out for ten weeks to hit the west camping.
She is my best friend, my lover, the one I trust without question, the one to 'ride the river with' no matter what the situation. We were always together with her or my friends. We did everything together which was mc camping, mc rallies, watching balloon flights, Torn moots;you name it. We then got into triathlons and we trained together when we could and raced in many races over the years, even got a 1st place husband&wife trophy once.
I guess we are inseparable. We were such that, we did not even think about kids until the wife was 39, 18 years after getting married. But a righteous thing happened, we had a son and we ended up with a 3rd playmate if you can gather that:) . We all got to track meets, triathlons together and other stuff as we can. But that is another story.
I consider myself a very lucky man. The one thing I wanted in this life was wonderful woman in my life* and that happened. For "thy sweet love remembered, I scorn to change my state with kings".
*and a motorcycle, but then again, that is another story
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DaughterofLaketown
Gondor
Apr 3 2014, 12:39pm
Post #11 of 16
(195 views)
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What a beautiful and inspiring story. I can only hope I am as lucky.
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Elizabeth
Half-elven
Apr 3 2014, 11:07pm
Post #12 of 16
(188 views)
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Both partners have to work to make a marriage (or long-term relationship) successful.
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silneldor
Half-elven
Apr 4 2014, 3:59pm
Post #13 of 16
(177 views)
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Hugging, talking, spooning each night, Play fighting (reciprocal whacking and tickling etc), cooking together, back rubs/foot massages , work as a team in all aspects. Share the 'L' word', finding things to laugh about.
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grammaboodawg
Immortal
Apr 6 2014, 2:04pm
Post #14 of 16
(154 views)
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Both people have to commit to being and staying best friends and cherish the differences as much as the similarities. :)
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dernwyn
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Apr 6 2014, 10:25pm
Post #15 of 16
(186 views)
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You are a sweetheart. And you know well that she is one very lucky lady! 
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sauget.diblosio
Tol Eressea
May 4 2014, 3:40pm
Post #16 of 16
(135 views)
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I've been in love dozens of times!
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