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The Trains of Tolkienia! Tolkienia Travel and Tourism Presents:

Ethel Duath

Feb 28, 3:16am

Views: 396
The Trains of Tolkienia! Tolkienia Travel and Tourism Presents: Can't Post

Tolkienia’s 2014 Tourist Guide!

Scroll down below and then on to page 2 (which is the first reply to this post). You’ll find train maps and tickets, a personal tour with some delightful scenes and descriptions, a tall tale involving some short characters by Rembrethil, and train poems by our very own Brethil and Dame Ioreth, GTT!


First read through our Tour and Travel literature, then hop on the train and sit back, view the tour sites, read the Special Travel Edition story by Rem, and join in the sing-along with your fellow tourists as you all belt out songs like the “Take the ’T’ train.”

Tolkienia Travel and Tourism presents the following brochure:

"Tours of Tolkienia"
featuring a combination railway and walking survey of the
most important and beloved locations in this both deeply
historic and vibrantly new nation.

Take the “T” Train
To: “Take the “A” train” melody

You must take the T Train
To go to Bags End way up in Hobbiton
If you miss the T Train
You’ll find you’ve missed the scenic way to Hobbiton.

Hurry, get on, it’s time
Adventure awaits that bell chime. All Aboard!
Get on that T Train
To get yourself to Bags End in time.

by Dame Ioreth

Tolkienia, a nation of and for all those enriched and entranced by Professor Tolkien’s works, is the newest independent country in the western hemisphere, and the only nation ever to exist that is based entirely on a literary and cinematic body of work. Nature, art, and literature intertwine to create a harmonious whole. Both landscape and people reflect the values inherent in the Professor’s writings.

Below is Tolkienia’s official guide to the social, architectural, and culinary highlights of our nation. Begin your tour at the Travel and Tourism booth, just to the left of our main entrance:

To the left of the booth is the Tolkienia Trolley Stop, where an air-conditioned bus will deliver you to the first of the three main tour-stop locations as you begin your visit:

  • The Prancing Pony Inn (an exact replica of the original, with a fine statue of B. Butterbur to the right of the entrance). Once you have unpacked and flung open the window over the Gamgee Memorial Gardens, you can venture down for light refreshments at the Full Pint Pantry, or proceed immediately to the next Official Tour location.

  • Hop on the Trolley and travel to the Bywater Union Train station (pictured below under "Your Tour Experience") for the beginning of the official tour.

  • And then end your day with the fine dining experience at Curlew’s Pub and Restaurant.

Your Tour Experience . . .

. . . begins with your arrival at the Bywater Station, Tolkienia’s first underground train system, home of the Relentlessly Tolkien Fascinated railway, known as the RTF Underground. Tolkienia’s trains were first envisioned by our own Ruxendil Thoorg. Engraved over the front door of the building is Ruxendil’s original poem:

These tracks go ever on and on, out from the platform RTF,
Now far ahead the rails have gone, I'll take my seat here on the left.
I will rest my weary feet, until my destination fair
Where many paths and errands meet, I'll seek my bold adventures there.

As you walk through the door, you will see bulletin boards and kiosks, all festooned with colorful ads and posters.

To the right, behind one of the pillars, is a small post office branch where you can purchase local post cards and commemorative stamps.

When you are ready to choose your tour, simply follow the instructions below:

First, study the 2 railway maps:

The above ground map shows the location of each underground line in relation to the town above.


The second map shows the actual underground lines, and the major stops.

(For full size map, click on the link) https://picasaweb.google.com/...wU_g?feat=directlink

Next, choose your tour from the brochures that are posted in the kiosk near the ticket windows.

There is a separate ticket window for each journey, facilitating your ability to choose your desired tour without any confusion.

Lastly, pick up your tickets at any of the four ticket destination windows, depending on the tour you have chosen. For the inaugural period of February 27 through March 7, all tour tickets are free!

Take your seat on the green bench near the entrance and wait for your tour guide to arrive and escort you to the correct train. Tour guides can be distinguished by their gold brocade weskits and feathered caps. You will proceed down the automatic stairway (nicknamed the Thorin Bucket) to reach the boarding area. https://picasaweb.google.com/...wU_g?feat=directlink

Here is a sample train ticket:

During the train portion of your tour, you will be treated to refreshments in our dining car, such as the delicate and creamy seedcake-and-strawberry shortcake, prepared by train originator, chef, and celebrated local bard, Ruxendil Thoorg.

As you travel between stations, you can read your complimentary copy of the adventure story by our local reporter, Rembrethil, posted on page 2 (the reply to this page), and sing along and tap your foot to Ioreth’s and Brethil's finest tunes.

Let the Trains begin!
Below, you can take one of our most popular tours, right here on the boards.

Tour No. 1 Tolkienia House and Garden Tour
This, and all other tours are clearly described in the station’s brochures, and of course on our website at www.TolkieniaTours.uk.rtf.edu

  • First, board the trolley, which will take you to the Bywater Union Station, located between Bywater Road and Woodham Ferrers Road.

  • For this particular tour pictured below, purchase a ticket for the Tolkienia House and Garden tour and take the Ruxendil Express, connecting to the Smaug and Dale line, back to the Ruxendil, and ending on the East branch of the Ring Circle.

  • As you step aboard, wander through each car and settle in to your favorite. Here are two of the many choices available:

The Hobbit Car, featuring Specialty Window Shades https://picasaweb.google.com/...wU_g?feat=directlink

The Hobbit Car, shades up. This photo shows the northeast Smials area out the windows. https://picasaweb.google.com/...wU_g?feat=directlink

The Smaug Car showing rows: https://picasaweb.google.com/...wU_g?feat=directlink

The Smaug car, seat detail: https://picasaweb.google.com/...wU_g?feat=directlink

Then sit back, relax and enjoy the tour!

On your left is Faramir House, named after the beloved and intrepid Lord of the Rings character. The house is presently owned by Ecthelion and Morwen Riverdale, but may be going on the market in the next month or so. Ec and Morrie host an afternoon tea every second Thursday at 4:00 P.M. in the sunroom off the back garden for up to 15 visitors at a time. Tickets are available at the Tolkienia Chamber of Commerce office located in City Hall (just south of Monument square, off Celeborn St.)

Speaking of City Hall, passengers will disembark at this point, and stroll across the lawn toward the front entrance. This fine old building was constructed in the earliest days of Tolkienia, and is one of the the finest examples of Dwarvish stonework to be seen in the entire country.

3. https://picasaweb.google.com/...wU_g?feat=directlink
Next, wander across to Tolkienia Monument Square, read the inscribed poetry, climb to the pinnacle of Orthanc, and take the Tolkien House Tour.

Hop back on the train as it travels through the mysterious regions of the Ents. A brief stop will be made at the Entwife museum, and then the train proceeds past the Edible Lamppost Dispensary, where you will disembark and proceed onto the Ruxendil Line Train, and then onto the Ring Circle line which runs around the outskirts of Eastfarthing.

5. During this stretch, sing along with Dme. Ioreth and her sisters, read your complementary copy of our Wandering Reporter’s exciting travel adventure, and venture over to the dining car for Ruxendil’s shortcake and Longbottom tea! Below is one of Ioreth’s most popular songs. More train shantys by Brethil and Ioreth are included on the second page along with Rembrethil’s adventure story.

Fanaticism Junction
(Petticoat Junction for those of you who may not know the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Jx2jEPvh88 )

Come ride the crowded train that is rolling down the track to the junction
Fanaticism Junction
Forget your cares, it is time to relax at that junction.
Fanaticism Junction

Lotsa books, you bet. More you read the more you get
At the Junction
Fanaticism Junction

There’s a cozy little place called the Green Dragon Pub at the Junction.
Fanaticism Junction
It’s run by TORn and we’re all their guests at the Junction
Fanaticism Junction.
While here we’re all the same, ‘cuz everyone will know your name at the Junction.
Fanaticism Junction

Next we will visit he E.I.P. (Ernil i Pheriannath) Memorial Library, a fine Victorian building full of quiet nooks and cozy back rooms. A favorite with literary locals, schoolchildren, scholars, and anyone who just wants to curl up with their preferred novel, mystery story, or the most recent Tolkienia Times.

7. The Bodelian Shuttle will then ferry you over to dinner at Curlews. Music and Dancing is available far into the evening at the Pub and at many other local establishments.

Relax for the rest of your evening as you settle in to your cosy, quiet room with it’s own fireplace and hanging teakettle.

Enjoy your stay, and please come again soon!

(This post was edited by dernwyn on Mar 3, 2:04am)

Subject User Time
The Trains of Tolkienia! Tolkienia Travel and Tourism Presents: Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Feb 28, 3:16am
    Page 2: Adventure Story and The Tolkienia Choo-Choo sing-along! Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Feb 28, 3:24am
        Official Tolkienia Times Special Report: This just in! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Feb 28, 10:33pm
            Many thanks to Daniel, not only for this story, but for the maps, stamp, poster, escalator Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Mar 1, 5:48am
                Thank you Mayor! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Mar 1, 7:39am
    Wow, this is incredible! Kim Send a private message to Kim Feb 28, 9:14pm
        Thank you! And as the first commenter, you get Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Feb 28, 10:11pm
            Sweet! Kim Send a private message to Kim Feb 28, 10:14pm
    Bonus points to anyone .... DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Feb 28, 9:49pm
        Heh. Heh heh. Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Feb 28, 10:20pm
    *squeeeeeee!* Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Mar 1, 2:46am
        You're the Father of the Railway, and your poem Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Mar 1, 2:58am
            *note to self: more shortcake for the Mayor....* Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Mar 1, 3:53am
                Yummmm!!! Ethel Duath Send a private message to Ethel Duath Mar 1, 5:26am
                I hope you traveled on the Ruxendil Express Line! DanielLB Send a private message to DanielLB Mar 1, 7:46am
                    still riding it :-D Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Mar 1, 3:24pm
    Good grief Ethel and all, you HAVE been buZy. silneldor Send a private message to silneldor Mar 1, 3:17am
    Ooh! Shiny! And lovely! dernwyn Send a private message to dernwyn Mar 1, 3:55am
    In my mind, this is all actually real somewhere. Werde Spinner Send a private message to Werde Spinner Mar 1, 7:05pm
        Well, if you use Tolkien's understanding of such things... dernwyn Send a private message to dernwyn Mar 2, 4:55am


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