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a.s.
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 12:28pm
Post #1 of 41
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Words of Wisdom: Never lick a steak knife
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I feel in need of some words of wisdom. Preferably of the humorous (is that "humourous" in English-English?) kind. Humor being the best weapon against anger and against acting out in an immature manner (God help me), I sort of need a jolt of humorous wisdom. Maybe there are other sibs who are having trouble maintaining dignity and calm at this moment, for reasons known or unknown?
Surely I can't be the only one struggling to keep my temper about certain issues?
I found this gem: "Never lick a steak knife", which is great advice!!! Plus, as words of wisdom go, it's off its high horse, metaphorically speaking. Which I'm struggling to do (dismount from my own, as it were).
So, you have any more?
a.s. (the humor-depleted)
"an seileachan"
"And we must all bring Provisions."
"Bring what ?"
"Things to eat."
"Oh!" said Pooh happily. "I thought you said Provisions.
I'll go and tell them." And he stumped off.
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a.s.
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 12:37pm
Post #2 of 41
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Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Very wise advice!!
a.s.
"an seileachan"
"And we must all bring Provisions."
"Bring what ?"
"Things to eat."
"Oh!" said Pooh happily. "I thought you said Provisions.
I'll go and tell them." And he stumped off.
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Draupne
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Feb 1 2008, 12:59pm
Post #3 of 41
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but if you're struggling to dismount your horse, it's too high. Get a smaller one next time. Or, if Trym hadn't been dead, you got have borrowed him. Trym was a Norwegian fjord that a friend of mine had for some years, at some point he had been tried out as a riding school horse. Dismounting would have been no problem at all, since he wasn't very tall and when they put random kids on his back he'd galopp full speed straight at the wall and throw the kid off so it hit the wall, then buck around the house and look very pleased with himself.
I usually act out on most of my immature whims. The teen-agers in the stable find this very confusing, they seem to think that I should react like their parents. I do look down at them from my high horse though, as most of them have ponies ;-)
I can only come up with really stupid words of wisdom today though, like don't fill your wheelbarrow with sawdust when it's blowing in the wrong direction.
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Magpie
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 2:34pm
Post #4 of 41
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I was very reluctant to open this thread because I thought these words of wisdom had been personally earned.
But I did peek in and am very relieved to find a regular old discussion thread.
whew.
I wonder if you're trouble maintaining dignity is similar to mine at the moment. (I deleted one of my posts last night)
I have no humor to offer. As confessed elsewhere, I love humor but possess little skill for myself. I plan on reading most of the day (as I am not working this week) to keep from 'going there'.
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a.s.
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 2:41pm
Post #5 of 41
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yes, I'm sure it's the same trouble :-)
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I wonder if you're trouble maintaining dignity is similar to mine at the moment. (I deleted one of my posts last night)
Almost positively sure of it, Magpie.
And I haven't licked any steak knives. Yet. I think it's a good idea for me to be staying away from all knives at the moment, even virtual ones. I might throw one.
LOL
a.s.
"an seileachan"
"And we must all bring Provisions."
"Bring what ?"
"Things to eat."
"Oh!" said Pooh happily. "I thought you said Provisions.
I'll go and tell them." And he stumped off.
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Elven
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 3:01pm
Post #6 of 41
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but I certainly admire the problem - Ashleigh Brilliant. 
Well they're not exactly words of wisdom - but I suppose that depends on what you're doing right now ... A few I have stored for later ... 
Room service? Send up a larger room - Groucho Marx.
All The News That Fit To Print .... motto of the New York Times 1896.
The weak shall inherit the earth ... but not the mineral rights ~ J. Paul Getty.
You can't have everything! Where would you put it! - Steven Wright.
Stupid TV! Be more funny! - Homer Simpson
Not one shred of evidence supports the theory that life is a serious business - annon.
I couldn't repair your brakes - so I made your horn louder - annon.
Interestingly, according to astronomers, space is infinite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. - Woody Allen.
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis - Ashley Brilliant.
Bumper Sticker: Its been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Ever noticed that Soup For One, is eight aisles away from the party mix? - Elayne Booster
I have not failed! I've just found 10,000 ways that wont work! - Thomas Alva Edison
I get enough excersise by pushing my luck - annon
Life is a roller coaster - try to eat a light lunch. - David A Schmaltz
Be true to your teeth, and they wont be false to you - Soupy Sales.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. - Phyllis Diller
Name the greatest of all the inventors ... Accident! - Mark Twain.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank. - Erma Bombeck.
We are going to have peace - even if we have to fight for it! - Dwight D Eisenhower.
And some to ponder upon ....
Let there be spaces in your togetherness - Kahlil Gibran
You cant shake hands with a clenched fist - Indira Gandhi.
I feel sorry for someone who has to win at everything. - Snoopy.
Life begins when you get out of the grandstand and into the game - P. L. Debevoise
With true Friends, even water drunk together is sweet enough - Chinese Proverb
Except your genius and say what you think. - Ralph Walso Emerson.
If you destroy a bridge, Make sure you can swim. - Swahili Proverb.
I have a thing with the camera, The lense is unconditional, it doesn't judge you. - Debra Winger.
No one ever won a chees game by betting on each move. Sometimes you have to move backwards to get a step forward.- Amar Gopal Bose
and last but not least ...
See everything, overlook a great deal, correct a little. -Pope John Paul XXIII
The Shire was never the same after
Barbra Cartland moved into Bagshot Row.
Tolkien was a Capricorn!
The Hobbit!!
Its a Happening Thing!!
Russell Crowe for Beorn
Sauruman: "Do know how the fan girls/boys first came into being? ... they were Tolkien scholars once ... Taken by the Dark Director, tempted to hold moots & dress up like Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves and Wizards ... A ruined & terrible form of life, not to mentions bad grades ... and now perfected at TORN ...
Whom do you serve!"
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a.s.
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 3:08pm
Post #7 of 41
(1076 views)
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oooo. That Phyllis Diller one is
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strangely fitting.
I say no more.
Except that I like the roller coaster/light lunch suggestion. Good words to live by!
a.s.
"an seileachan"
"And we must all bring Provisions."
"Bring what ?"
"Things to eat."
"Oh!" said Pooh happily. "I thought you said Provisions.
I'll go and tell them." And he stumped off.
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Magpie
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 3:36pm
Post #8 of 41
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I just 'went there'.
sigh... I have so little self control sometimes. I knew last night that I was going to have to never turn my computer on for me not to 'go there'. So, I'll go find my second cup of coffee and my copy of Anansi Boys and a soft place to land for a few hours.
m wimpers: I want my old boards back
I'm such a baby sometimes!
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 3:47pm
Post #10 of 41
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[I think it's a good idea for me to be staying away from all knives at the moment, even virtual ones. I might throw one.
I did that once, decades ago. I was at the end of my rope and I threw a steak knife and it punctured the aluminum lid of a frying pan. I was all alone in my kitchen or I wouldn't have done it. The backstory is that I'd always wanted to nurse my babies, and it turned out not to be in the cards. It was the only thing I'd ever failed at (I was still pretty young) and I was really mad that I had to be dealing with baby bottles. I had just had one of the plastic bottle liners explode on me and there was formula all over the floor, and I picked up a steak knife and threw it at the stove and punctured the pan lid. In later years that hole in the lid was a good reminder to me about keeping my temper.
The other time I lost my temper with a knife in my hand was a few years later. I don't remember what set me off, but I hacked a watermelon into little, teeny tiny pieces. My kids were watching and clapping and laughing and saying "Do it again, Mom!" so I guess nobody was traumatized. We ate the teeny tiny watermelon pieces and I felt much better.
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
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"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 3:48pm
Post #11 of 41
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"Don't take life so serious, son. It ain't nohow permanent."
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 4:00pm
Post #12 of 41
(1063 views)
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A wrestling coach got shanghied into teaching a ballroom dance class, and began the class with the instructions "Take your opponent in closed dance position."
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Elven
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 4:11pm
Post #13 of 41
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I'd love to see it! It would make a great postcard with the quote on it! //
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The Shire was never the same after
Barbra Cartland moved into Bagshot Row.
Tolkien was a Capricorn!
The Hobbit!!
Its a Happening Thing!!
Russell Crowe for Beorn
Sauruman: "Do know how the fan girls/boys first came into being? ... they were Tolkien scholars once ... Taken by the Dark Director, tempted to hold moots & dress up like Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves and Wizards ... A ruined & terrible form of life, not to mentions bad grades ... and now perfected at TORN ...
Whom do you serve!"
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Darkstone
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 4:26pm
Post #14 of 41
(1093 views)
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Don't just do the right thing; do the right thing at the right time.
Never argue with an idiot. He’ll just drag you down to his level and then beat you to death with experience.
Never ask two questions in a discussion board post. The reply will discuss at length the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.
A conclusion is the just place where you got tired of thinking.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or when she's rested.
Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
Picasso’s paintings are better than they look.
Zero Tolerance means Zero Thinking.
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
Sex on the TV can't hurt you unless you fall off.
The important things are always simple; the simple things are always hard.
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
It's not the one with your name on it. It's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to worry about.
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.
If enough data is collected a board of inquiry can prove anything.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Never volunteer. If you don’t know the reason why, ask someone who has. If you can’t find anyone who has, then you know the reason why.
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
Success occurs when no one is looking; failure occurs when the Boss is watching over your shoulder.
Never tell the Boss you have nothing to do.
If only one solution can be found, then it is usually a stupid solution.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
If you really need to see the Boss in a hurry, take a nap.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.
Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.
Happiness is a belt fed weapon.
Thousands of our soldiers earn medals for bravery every day. A few are even awarded.
War doesn’t determine who’s right, it only determines who’s left.
Always make sure someone has a can opener.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall. They punch and kick harder too.
If you drop a guy in the middle of a desert with a rock, a hammer, and an anvil, and tell him not to touch any of it, and come back two hours later, the anvil will be broken. Because guys gotta mess with stuff.
The further from civilization you drive, the louder the strange engine noises become.
******************************************
The audacious proposal stirred his heart. And the stirring became a song, and it mingled with the songs of Gil-galad and Celebrian, and with those of Feanor and Fingon. The song-weaving created a larger song, and then another, until suddenly it was as if a long forgotten memory woke and for one breathtaking moment the Music of the Ainur revealed itself in all glory. He opened his lips to sing and share this song. Then he realized that the others would not understand. Not even Mithrandir given his current state of mind. So he smiled and simply said "A diversion.”
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Aunt Dora Baggins
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 5:05pm
Post #15 of 41
(1046 views)
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Peredhil lover
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 5:08pm
Post #16 of 41
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How am I supposed to think about wise advice when every time I look at your subject line I see Lurtz licking his bloody weapon at Amon Hen? Terribly distracting!
Most of my collection of these things is not in English, but I'll try to translate a few:
Time heals all wounds. That's why one has to wait so long at the doctor's.
The human has one mouth and two ears so that he's listening more and talking less.
The inability to laugh about yourself is the worst misfortune that can happen to you.
I do not suffer from LotR obsession - I enjoy every minute of it.
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Magpie
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 5:33pm
Post #18 of 41
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got the tshirt slogan slighty wrong...
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but it still works.
I think it's the stance that makes this photo work.
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Magpie
Immortal
Feb 1 2008, 5:37pm
Post #19 of 41
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It reminds me of a story I read
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...that I think was presented as factual but was surely a fictional 'anecdote'.
A man kept losing his umbrella so he finally put a label on his current one that said, "If you find this umbrella feel free to keep it. But maybe you could mail me a dollar." and he gave his address. He did lose it and he was surprised when someone actually mailed him a dollar. And then he got another... and another.. and another...
and the money kept coming.
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Peredhil lover
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 5:56pm
Post #20 of 41
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It works even better! The combination of text and gun is priceless!
Thanks for sharing!
I do not suffer from LotR obsession - I enjoy every minute of it.
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stormcrow20
Gondor
Feb 1 2008, 6:05pm
Post #21 of 41
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"Never sneeze while lying on your back"
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-stormcrow20
"Love many, trust few, harm no one."
-Yauman, Survivor: Fiji
Be careful not to get your foot caught in the stirrups as you dismount: having your face rooting up the soil can't be good for your temper, much less your dignity!
I hope things turn out better for you soon!
"Good Morning!"
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Elven
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 6:28pm
Post #22 of 41
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That is a really thought provoking photo! ...
A cover for National Geographic,Time or Mad?
I had a vinyl holster with 2 plastic silver hand guns when I was little ... and an Annie Oakley hat, and little skirt, a badge, a vest and boots ... what I really wanted though, was the pony that went with the outfit!!  
Cheers Magpie
Elven
The Shire was never the same after
Barbra Cartland moved into Bagshot Row.
Tolkien was a Capricorn!
The Hobbit!!
Its a Happening Thing!!
Russell Crowe for Beorn
Sauruman: "Do know how the fan girls/boys first came into being? ... they were Tolkien scholars once ... Taken by the Dark Director, tempted to hold moots & dress up like Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves and Wizards ... A ruined & terrible form of life, not to mentions bad grades ... and now perfected at TORN ...
Whom do you serve!"
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Eowyn of Penns Woods
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 6:35pm
Post #23 of 41
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Fatty Lumpkin is gone? Awww, I don't remember reading about *that*, but perhaps I was asleep at the keyboard and dreaming of coconuts...
************************************
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Elberbeth
Tol Eressea
Feb 1 2008, 6:37pm
Post #24 of 41
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of how we once sent away box tops (shredded wheat, I think) and got little plastic guns in return. My sister and I played cowboys and Indians for ages with them. (and no, I'm not going to tell you how long ago that was!)
"There are some things that it is better to begin than to refuse, even though the end may be dark."
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Peredhil lover
Valinor
Feb 1 2008, 6:49pm
Post #25 of 41
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I could have done without the outfit
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IF I'd only got the pony! Wanted to keep it on the balcony
I do not suffer from LotR obsession - I enjoy every minute of it.
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