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Winter Party Edition of the Tolkienia Times Segment 3: Middle-Earth Mad Libs, Puzzle Answers, Suggestion Box, and More!!

Rembrethil
Tol Eressea


Feb 7 2014, 1:56pm

Post #1 of 19 (276 views)
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Winter Party Edition of the Tolkienia Times Segment 3: Middle-Earth Mad Libs, Puzzle Answers, Suggestion Box, and More!! Can't Post

Hail fellow citizens of Tolkienia!!

My it has been a quite a full week, with games, trivia, puzzles and prizes!! I hope you all have enjoyed yourselves as much as we have putting this together. Let's all raise one more glass of your preferred libation to celebrate our fair land, and it's wonderful denizens. Long live Tolkienia!!

If you need to catch up, don't worry! The party will be going on for a good few days. You can always find a few Hobbits that haven't been carted away yet!

Part 1

Part 2


Article
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Hail and well met, fellow Tolkienians!! We have passed the contemporary mark for the new year--a time of growth and new promise. In the midst of the celebrations, which took place in the field near the Town Hall, many races came together to demonstrate the general spirit of fellowship that pervades our society. The date of January first is one that is important to many, but ours is not the only measure.

The Elves retained their stoic attitude, and preferred silent contemplation and observation, to involvement, in what became, somewhat roistererous activities. Although their own Sun-year (loa) doesn't begin until the Spring Equinox, they joined with thier neighbors in their joyful anticipation of a better year.

The largest proportion of the party-goers were not the tallest, but they made up for thier short stature, in the oversized spirit of good cheer they brought to match their pint-sized ale cups. The Hobbits' new year had been weeks past, but they didn't stick at quibbles and needed no encouragement to attend.

The Dwarves made a more dutiful appearance. Their own new year can occur up to a month before the Shire's Yule, but once the ale began to flow, all the muttering and murmurs about 'Durin's Day' and 'the real start to the year' subsided, as they joined the boldest Tooks in a drinking contest that left quite a few to be carted away when the festivities were over.

Ents too, made a special contribution. Though unable to share in the games and food, they made a lyrical contribution in their own tongue. Few could make out the words, and even fewer had the patience to sit through the whole song, but combined with thier integral part in the tree planting ceremony, it was a marvelous success.

As midnight approached, a general hush fell over most of the company, except for the roars of well drunken Halflings and bearded Dwarves. The hour crept slowly to an end, and its passing was heralded by the advent of a firework spectacular!! Lights of green, red, and yellow burst in showers of bright rain, illuminating the hopeful faces below. Gandalf's Firework Co. had really outdone themselves this time. In that moment, wishes were made, dreams received wings, and love blossomed for all. Looking down, the stars bore witness to a field, full of brotherhood and potential, and I think that in the strange light, as we looked around, we saw the world a bit differently. We looked past our differences, beard or no beard, tall or short, skin of bark or flesh, and saw the same features reflected in each other's eyes--Hope, and the joy it brings.

----The Wandering but not Lost Reporter



Answers:


Holidays and Hobbits: a Pun Challenge!


All these have "The Hobbit" and/or a winter/Holiday association. If a word or syllable precedes or follows a blank answer line with no space in between, the missing word needs that adjoining word or syllable to complete the pun.

Enjoy the quest!

1. Thorin Santa way Bilbo without giving him any presents.

2. What Brand of the bubbly are you serving at New Years'?

3. The tree is so beautiful, with all those colored lights Gloin in the dark.

4. When Bilbo returned home, he found himself suddenly unpopular, due to articles accusing him of theft, published in the local Hobbiton press by a Gollum-nist rumored to be disgruntled recluse .

5. We have to hide gifts from the kiddies, so we always Smaug-gle them into the house secretly.

6. Troll the ancient Yuletide carol.



Crossword






Suggestion Box:


Do you have an idea for the paper? Do you have an awesome game idea? What about an article or special feature? Is there something else you would like to see in the next editions? Any comments on this, or any other edition of the Times? Well, here is your chance to make yourselves heard! Sound off below and we will take all your ideas under consideration, but please be patient with us. (It never would do to be too hasty, now would it?Wink)



Call me Rem, and remember, not all who ramble are lost...Uh...where was I?

(This post was edited by Rembrethil on Feb 7 2014, 1:58pm)


Rembrethil
Tol Eressea


Feb 7 2014, 2:02pm

Post #2 of 19 (161 views)
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Middle-Earth Mad Libs [In reply to] Can't Post

Okay, I have to say that this was a smashing success! You all helped to create a monstrously funny set of stories! Well done, and enjoy the chuckles. I've had trouble sitting on these!!

(Words in bold are your contributions submitted)



How to survive a Dragon

Do you confusticate in a lembas where dragons smite? Are you always strutting and hiding? Well, here is the guide to see you through the smallest dragon cat.

First, we will cover some basic facts:

A typical dragon has 42 ears--these make it able to dance drunkenly. They are also capable of breathing gongs and destroying periwinkle dentures with their uvula. Crispier than a Venus fly trap it is the most velvet of all vapors.

If you see a dragon twitching, your first instinct will tell you to dunk. That is the brittle thing to do!! Instead, you should commandeer yourself, and be sure to use any left-handed smoke shifters you find--these are the best things for absconding a dragon.


Of course, the best option would be to have 53 aphids to prevent attacks, but we realise that luxury is not available to most chrysanthemums, so we recommend that you employ 221B floggers to hesitate their feetses at the first sign of danger.




How we met

Well it all started in The Brown Lands where I saw Thorin. He was skipping, and I notice his fabulous knuckles--that was how I knew it was him!! He schlepped me and asked for my booby trap. I said "My name is Snavely!" Then he asked if I wanted to prance with him, and I almost mumbled!



TWO WEEKS LATER!


Thorin and I went on a vacation to Hobbiton along with Beregond, and his pet bunny rabbit. We all hugged the grim gem, and had lots of fun growling. We planned to go bungee jumping, but Beregond had a long nose so that left Thorin and I and alone. I was so nervous, but he seemed click-able, so I didn’t want to miss the chance. We ended up yodeling instead, because all the snipes were magenta. Regardless, it was a lively day, and I really got to slide with my hero.

TWO YEARS LATER

We had a baby, and named him Sebastian. When we got married there were 2,381 galoshes at the ceremony, and only the slinkiest bubbles. Our baby was the most moth-eaten child with the brightest dusky mauve pinky toes. I was so elated!! And so Sebastian, that is how your mummy and daddy perambulated.




An upset Burglar

My beeves will not be repressed!! In declaring myself thus, I am only stating my legal squirrels, as outlined in our grape. My family is most skated in these parts, and I will have my enema!! I hardly need ad lib my blighted grievances {9 at last count}, as they are maladroitly apparent. Shouting with you, I must confess, went against my darker judgment, but I trip your gaffer to make our agreement good. The relative situation of our willow switches makes my point shockingly obvious. If any relation between us is to light-a-shuck, we must come to an agreement subtly. I have come to feel embarrassment for your toothpaste, and I trust we can come to a sharp arrangement.

--A most motley Burglar.





A day in the life of a Dark Lord

Sauron looked at his master while his plateresque breathing filled the room. He was told to go to Gollum’s back pocket and drive everything. He thought the idea was a little hairy but he wasn’t the Crunchy Lord, so he mooned his shopkeeper and sped away with his trusty Master. 3.14 hours later, he had to make a stop for a paperclip (apparently one of the ‘glowing’ minions forgot it.) It was critical to the mission, so Sauron simply watered the guilty party, and moved on.


Vacillating, near the destination, most famous for its stubby doozy, he was attacked by some pesky Elves with yo-yos. He sarcastically plucked them off, and continued with his mission. He finally arrived and confronted more opposition, careening down with his eels, he found what he came for, but he also had time to find some of his favourite inkwells. Those Elves were feathered, but they made some gorgeous diapers!!






Oliphants

Oliphants are perhaps the best known kine of the Goat Age. Much is known about their appearance because boats have been found preserved in shiny ground in Cirith Ungol, and wall pictures by charismatic Haradrim can be seen today in both Jittery and Blind Harad. Oliphants grew to about the size of present-day Hedgehogs, possessed fuzzy coats, brown guard hills on their lower lip, buxom under-wool, large fragrant tusks, and knob-like pinky toes.

They once bebothered the sticky parts of the South, feeding on dish racks such as pruning shears and shrubs. One of the best preserved Gondorian specimens is from The Wetwang. It died there about 3.14159 years ago, according to the most accurate harpsichord. Their superfluous eyes and layers of rutabagas fitted them for life in their native goose egg.






Lord of the Rings (Revised)



In J.R.R. Tolkien`s famous trilogy Lord of the Schemata the first book is called Fellowship of the Boomerang . In this book a group of squishy Hobbits flee their hometown. They eventually join into a fellowship made up of Flowers, Elves and Matches, with the goal of slavering the One. They begin by traveling through the Ticklish Mountains, where Abe Lincoln the Prickly is lost. They continue on to the forest, where the queen of the tumbleweeds gives them encyclopaedias to ride down the river. At the end of the book, Merry and Pippin get captured by mongooses, and Frodo is hypnotised by one of his fellow dinner plates and leaves on his own (but with Sam).

The second book is called The Seventeen Towers. During the course of this book, two stories are followed. The first is that of the Atlas of Middle-Earth, the tadpole and the croquet ball as they pursue the squooocked Hobbits. Along the way, they get waylaid into twerking with the people of Rohan, who are battling against the hordes of acorn sifters sent by Saruman (identified by his white earlobe). They eventually end up Chainmail`s Deep, which they defend from the attacking seahorses. The second story that is followed is that of Frodo and Sam as they slashed for a way into Mordor. Following them is Whimper, a miserable fisherman that is bound to the one teacher. They capture him and force him to munch them to the kittens of Mordor. They abandon hopes of getting into Mordor there, so they look for another way in. Luckily Whimper knows another way.

The third book is called Return of the Herpetologist. In this final book, the two storylines from the second book are continued. In the first, the cooked Hobbits are reunited with their companions and Abe Lincoln who was thought lost. Then they get split up again, with Marie Curie taking Pippin to Gondor, and the rest embroider with the Rohirrim the long way to Gondor. Along the way to Gondor, three of them get diverted through the Paths of the Gaggle. Meanwhile, Frodo and Sam are being guided up the winding nuptials by Whimper. They then enter a cave, where a giant Cuckoo attacks Frodo. He wakes up alone in a tower, but is bounced away by Sam. They then continue on towards Mt. Tsunami. Back in the other story line, the three friends have recruited ghosts to help battle the lichens in Gondor. As they are nearing defeat, Frodo and Sam reach Mt. Tsunami. There, Frodo decides not to throw the pool cue into the grilled cheese sandwich. However, Whimper bites his eyebrow off, and falls in, taking it with him. In the end, the remaining members of the fellowship are reunited, and Aragorn is crowned Navel Cleaner Technician of Gondor.

Call me Rem, and remember, not all who ramble are lost...Uh...where was I?

(This post was edited by Rembrethil on Feb 7 2014, 2:10pm)


Ethel Duath
Valinor


Feb 7 2014, 3:46pm

Post #3 of 19 (116 views)
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And all along I thought they were fireflies [In reply to] Can't Post

Goes off to collect my aphids. One can't be too ready.


Kim
Valinor


Feb 8 2014, 2:28am

Post #4 of 19 (108 views)
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Most entertaining [In reply to] Can't Post

Excellent job on these, thanks for coordinating! Smile


Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 8 2014, 3:58am

Post #5 of 19 (125 views)
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Oh my!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

I might mumble if Thorin asked me to prance with him too. Crazy
But the Elves with yo-yo's really took me out. *Helpless interlude*.
There are great Rem!!!!! LaughLaughLaugh

Have an idea relating to the world of JRR Tolkien that you would like to write about? If so, the Third TORn Amateur Symposium will be running in the Reading Room April, 2014. *The Call for Submissions is up*!





nandorin elf
Bree


Feb 9 2014, 12:08am

Post #6 of 19 (90 views)
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Laughing my head off [In reply to] Can't Post

LaughI laughed helplessly all the way through. Those were hilarious. Well done!


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 9 2014, 5:06am

Post #7 of 19 (92 views)
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"Fabulous knuckles", indeed! [In reply to] Can't Post

Riiight! Oh yes, I can just imagine spending the day growling and yodelling with Thorin. (Obviously yodelling would be a good way to communicate in the mountain halls. Tongue)

Sauron did what to his shopkeeper? Er - how does someone "moon" if they're disembodied? The mind boggles...Laugh

Silly Elves, yo-yos are no good against Sauron's might. They should have tried aphids.

And now I know another thing old encyclopedias are good for! Smile

Mad Libs are always a blast. Thank you!

(And I'm going to have to work harder at the puns, I only got the third and sixth ones! Crazy "Brand", of course, how obvious (in hindsight)!)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"






grammaboodawg
Immortal


Feb 9 2014, 4:45pm

Post #8 of 19 (74 views)
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*hangs head in shame* I'm going to play catchup this week! [In reply to] Can't Post

I've been so caught up in RL, I just need to STOP and have fun with you guys... which is gonna happen!! :D

*puts on sunglasses* I'll be back!


6th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observation List - November 28, 2013
3rd draft of TH:DOS Geeky Observation List - January 2, 2014



sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."

I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!



TIME Google Calendar
TORn's Geeky Observations Lists (updated soon)


silneldor
Half-elven


Feb 9 2014, 6:40pm

Post #9 of 19 (69 views)
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Rem, you nearly killed me, you did. [In reply to] Can't Post

Tongue

I was in the throws of dying i will tell you!

ExCRUCiating laughter pain.

Hey , i just found another sinus survival clearing method!

That was such a great jobSmile

" 'Fair lady Goldberry!' said Frodo at last, feeling his heart move with a joy that he did not understand. He stood as he had at times stood enchanted by fair elven-voices; but the spell that was now laid upon him was different: less keen and lofty was the delight, but deeper and nearer to mortal heart; marvellous and yet not strange."

Chapter VII: In the House of Tom Bombadil; FOTR's

Faerie contains many things besides elves and fays and besides dwarfs, witches, trolls, giants or dragons; it holds the seas, the sun, the moon, the sky; and the earth, and all things that are one in it: tree and bird, water and stone, wine and bread, and ourselves, mortal men, when we are enchanted."
— J.R.R. Tolkien














Ethel Duath
Valinor


Feb 10 2014, 2:56am

Post #10 of 19 (61 views)
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You guys are all enjoying it so much, I have to read the whole thing again! [In reply to] Can't Post

But you're underestimating the yo-yo's. Ever get hit in the head by one of those wielded by a 12-year-old?!!Crazy


Ethel Duath
Valinor


Feb 10 2014, 4:13am

Post #11 of 19 (61 views)
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Help! I can't move. I've been hypnotized [In reply to] Can't Post

by a dinner plate.

(These are the best mad Libs I've ever seen!Laugh)


Rembrethil
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2014, 3:45am

Post #12 of 19 (59 views)
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I knew it!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

I just KNEW this would degenerate into a Thorin-centric storyCrazyWink!!

Seriously, when I saw that Thorin was set to play this part, I thought of the whole Thorin fan-club, and laughed my head off. You don't know how hard it was to keep this under my hat!!!

Call me Rem, and remember, not all who ramble are lost...Uh...where was I?


Kim
Valinor


Feb 11 2014, 4:18am

Post #13 of 19 (53 views)
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And just guess who we have to thank for that? [In reply to] Can't Post

Moi! XD I was waiting with bated breath to see how he would fit in, especially with the next word (skipping). Mwahahaha!


Rembrethil
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2014, 6:23am

Post #14 of 19 (54 views)
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I guess a good follow-up would be.... [In reply to] Can't Post

Who wants to yodel and growl with him?WinkLaugh

I guess the growling was socially acceptable-- Beregond was there--,but yodeling???? That had to be a pretty intimate setting!!Tongue I wonder whose idea that was!! How would it even work, getting #hismajesty to agree!?

'C'mon Thorin!! Alpine yodeling classes will be fun!'

Or

'Please!! Pretty please!!Angelic'

Call me Rem, and remember, not all who ramble are lost...Uh...where was I?


Rembrethil
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2014, 6:33am

Post #15 of 19 (48 views)
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Well... [In reply to] Can't Post

I guess that would be a reason to consider yodeling a good skill. They should have yodeled the warning of Smaug's attack!!! It would have ended so much better!! Let's hope Dain gets the memo!!Laugh

What I want to know is why you'd disrespect the potential facilitator of your nefarious schemes? (Reminds me of a list of advice to prospective Evil Overlords, that got from some corner of the interweb.) Was this the REAL reason for Sauron's defeat, a capitalist's grudge??

"No, you will not have any more anti-yo-yo shields, Visine, or rings of power!! You mooned my great-great-great-great-great-(x45)-grandfather!! Unforgivable!!"

Call me Rem, and remember, not all who ramble are lost...Uh...where was I?


Rembrethil
Tol Eressea


Feb 11 2014, 6:43am

Post #16 of 19 (57 views)
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Just one of my many talents!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

*takes a bow, but falls over*

No one saw that!! Right??Wink

Yes, I, Rembrethil, am the purveyor of many highly sought after services. Dragonslaying, Inter-continental transport by eagle, boat, or horse, and prompt message delivery to the Shire!!

Just ask Bard, Gandalf, and Frodo!! Oops, I forgot, don't ask that last one. Unsatisfied customer.Unsure

Before you ask, NO I don't do jewelry recovery!! Got into a nasty scrape with a photophobic psycho, and the client freaked me out with his megalomania, so I am not doing it again!!

Call me Rem, and remember, not all who ramble are lost...Uh...where was I?


Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 11 2014, 4:37pm

Post #17 of 19 (47 views)
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Yes! All in character! [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
I just KNEW this would degenerate into a Thorin-centric storyCrazyWink!!

Seriously, when I saw that Thorin was set to play this part, I thought of the whole Thorin fan-club, and laughed my head off. You don't know how hard it was to keep this under my hat!!!


You can take the girls out of the theater but you can't take the Thorin out of the girls. Or something. Laugh

Have an idea relating to the world of JRR Tolkien that you would like to write about? If so, the Third TORn Amateur Symposium will be running in the Reading Room April, 2014. *The Call for Submissions is up*!





dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 11 2014, 5:45pm

Post #18 of 19 (40 views)
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Yo-yos...or Yeo-yeos? [In reply to] Can't Post

WARNING: Bored of the Rings ahead! Angelic

"For no good reason, the city was made in seven concentric circles topped with a commemorative double statue of Beltelephon and his favorite concubine, whose name was either Nephritis the Obese or Phyllis. In any case the final architectural effect was that of an Italian wedding cake. Each ring was higher than the next, as were the rents. In the lowest, seventh ring dwelt the city's sturdy yeomen. Oft they could be seen dutifully polishing their brightly colored yeos for some idiotic festival or other."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"






Riven Delve
Grey Havens


Feb 11 2014, 5:57pm

Post #19 of 19 (52 views)
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Tsk, tsk, Rembrethil [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
Who wants to yodel and growl with him?WinkLaugh

I guess the growling was socially acceptable-- Beregond was there--,but yodeling???? That had to be a pretty intimate setting!!Tongue I wonder whose idea that was!! How would it even work, getting #hismajesty to agree!?

'C'mon Thorin!! Alpine yodeling classes will be fun!'

Or

'Please!! Pretty please!!Angelic'



After the slinkly bubbles, surely yodeling is but a small step down the, er, slippery slope. AngelicAngelicWink




"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"


 
 

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