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It's a Desolation of Smaug PANTS thread!
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Riven Delve
Grey Havens


Feb 5 2014, 11:58am

Post #1 of 51 (1048 views)
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It's a Desolation of Smaug PANTS thread! Can't Post

We're in the midst of an ice storm here, and since my kids are home from school making merry like a couple of Hobbit book Elves and I won't get any work done, I say let's have some fun! (As long as the power holds out, anyway...)


In case you're wondering, a pants thread is where we pick a line from the movie and substitute the word pants for a key noun, like so:

His pants were running low when Girion made his last stand.



You might need to add a couple of lines for context:

I found something in the Goblin tunnels.

Found what? What did you find?

My pants.

Good. You'll need them.


If you need some help with lines from the movie, check out this transcript kindly provided by a TORn member. (Sorry, can't remember who, but thank you!)


Here are a few more to start us out:




If you speak of this to anyone, I'll rip your pants off.


You would take nothing from me, Dwarf. I laid low your pants of old. I instilled terror in the trousers of men.


Have fun!


"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"



Mr. Arkenstone (isaac)
Grey Havens


Feb 5 2014, 12:17pm

Post #2 of 51 (533 views)
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LOLíssimo! [In reply to] Can't Post

Thorin at Bree: Payment for what?

Gandalf: Your pants...someone wants you naked...

The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true!


DwellerInDale
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 1:50pm

Post #3 of 51 (512 views)
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If your father has his way, we will do nothing. [In reply to] Can't Post

We will hide within our walls,
Live our lives away from the light,
And let our pants descend.

Don't mess with my favorite female elf.











dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 5 2014, 1:53pm

Post #4 of 51 (489 views)
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"It is memory, precious and pure. Like your pants." [In reply to] Can't Post

Thanks, Riven Delve, this is perfect for a snowy/icy day!

(Remember to keep responses to the subject line if possible, folks! Wink)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"






(This post was edited by dernwyn on Feb 5 2014, 1:55pm)


elf-lady
Rivendell

Feb 5 2014, 2:04pm

Post #5 of 51 (483 views)
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Funny! [In reply to] Can't Post

Ah I remember the wonderful "Gondor has no pants. Gondor needs no pants".

How about:

Truly, the tales and songs fall utterly short of your pants, O Smaug the Stupendous


Dame Ioreth
Grey Havens


Feb 5 2014, 2:16pm

Post #6 of 51 (511 views)
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Just to be clear for our non-American folks... [In reply to] Can't Post

Pants = Trousers, correct? Blush Laugh

Necromancer In the voice of Tim Gunn, Project Runway) : We grow in number. We grow in strength. You will lead my designers.
Azog: What of Oakenshield?
Necromancer: Fashion Week is coming.
Azog: You promised me his pants!
Necromancer: Skirts will come to all.
[The darkness disappears with a flourish.]

Where there's life there's hope, and need of vittles.
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings







Óintment
The Shire

Feb 5 2014, 2:22pm

Post #7 of 51 (484 views)
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a balrog [In reply to] Can't Post

Gandalf: its a balrog with the pants of morgoth, a demon of the ancient world

Pick up line: Are you an Ork, cause you make my sting Glow!


DanielLB
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 2:52pm

Post #8 of 51 (448 views)
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"The Lord of Silver Pants, the King of Carven Knickers, the King Beneath the Trousers, shall come into his own. And the jodhpurs shall ring in gladness, at the Trouser Legs return, But all shall fail in sadness, and the pants will shine and burn." / [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Elarie
Gondor

Feb 5 2014, 2:55pm

Post #9 of 51 (474 views)
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I offer you my pants [In reply to] Can't Post

Thranduil: I offer you my pants
Thorin (slight smile): I am listening

……and later

Elf guard: Say what you like about our ill-tempered king, but he has excellent taste in pants. Come Elros, try them.

….and later still

Bard: I know where these pants came from.
Thorin: What of it?
Bard: I don't know what business you had with the elves, but I don't think it ended well.

oh dear, we've got six inches of snow with ice on top - this could go on all day Smile


(This post was edited by Elarie on Feb 5 2014, 2:59pm)


Annatar598
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 2:56pm

Post #10 of 51 (458 views)
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Beorn and his distaste for pants [In reply to] Can't Post

"These lands are crawling with Orcs, their numbers are growing and you are on foot. You will never reach the forest alive. I don't like dwarves, they're greedy and blind, blind to the lives of those they deem less than their own.

But pants I hate more."


Who can blame the guy?


Annatar598
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 2:59pm

Post #11 of 51 (470 views)
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Greenwood the Great and Bilbo the naive [In reply to] Can't Post

Gandalf: This is not the Greenwood of old, the very air of the forest is heavy with illusion that will seek to enter your pants and lead you astray.

Bilbo: Lead us astray? What does that mean?

Oh Bilbo :/


Bumblingidiot
Rohan

Feb 5 2014, 3:05pm

Post #12 of 51 (474 views)
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Silly childish game. [In reply to] Can't Post

And pants = underwear. Always has. Always will. As the Goblin King said: "I feel a thong coming on".

"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear."


Dame Ioreth
Grey Havens


Feb 5 2014, 3:20pm

Post #13 of 51 (450 views)
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Pardon my ignorance [In reply to] Can't Post

merely clarifying for the sake of the game and the PG nature of these boards. Blush

Where there's life there's hope, and need of vittles.
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings







dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Feb 5 2014, 3:25pm

Post #14 of 51 (442 views)
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*spits out tea* [In reply to] Can't Post

Ack! The image of that! Shocked LOL!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"






Ethel Duath
Valinor


Feb 5 2014, 3:28pm

Post #15 of 51 (424 views)
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!!!!!!!!!!!!Mods Up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

Hahahahahahahahaha!Cool


Old Toby
Gondor


Feb 5 2014, 3:44pm

Post #16 of 51 (438 views)
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Thranduil: You have found a way in.... [In reply to] Can't Post


You seek that which would bestow upon you the right to rule: the King's Trousers, the Arkenpants. It is precious to you beyond measure. I understand that. There are pants in the mountains that I too desire. White pants of pure cotton. I offer you my help.

Tongue

"Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good." Harry Dresden (Jim Butcher)

(This post was edited by Old Toby on Feb 5 2014, 3:48pm)


Darkstone
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 3:59pm

Post #17 of 51 (413 views)
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"These are dark pants, Gandalf. Old, and full of..." / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************


May 1910: The Nine Kings assembled at Buckingham Palace for the funeral of Edward VII.
(From left to right, back row: Haakon VII of Norway, Ferdinand I of Bulgaria, Manuel II of Portugal, Wilhelm II of Germany, George I of Greece, and Albert I of Belgium. Front row: Alphonso XIII of Spain, George V of England, and Frederick VIII of Denmark.)


Darkstone
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 4:02pm

Post #18 of 51 (400 views)
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"It never ceases to amaze me, the pants of Hobbits.." /. [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************


May 1910: The Nine Kings assembled at Buckingham Palace for the funeral of Edward VII.
(From left to right, back row: Haakon VII of Norway, Ferdinand I of Bulgaria, Manuel II of Portugal, Wilhelm II of Germany, George I of Greece, and Albert I of Belgium. Front row: Alphonso XIII of Spain, George V of England, and Frederick VIII of Denmark.)


Riven Delve
Grey Havens


Feb 5 2014, 4:06pm

Post #19 of 51 (410 views)
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Gandalf: No matter what may come, stay in the pants! [In reply to] Can't Post

 If you don't, you will never find them again...


"I did shatter his lantern, and that would have been pretty fair shooting, I can tell you, if I had been aiming at it!"



(This post was edited by Riven Delve on Feb 5 2014, 4:12pm)


FaramirAndEowynMorningStar
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 4:06pm

Post #20 of 51 (428 views)
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Two can play at this game! *chuckles wickedly* [In reply to] Can't Post

GANDALF: "And I would say the same to you. Take back your pants."

GANDALF: "One of them was carrying a message. It is Black Speech. Promise of Payment."
THORIN: "For what?"
GANDALF: "Your pants."

BILBO: "There is something else out there."
GANDALF: "What pants did it take? Like poka dots?"
BILBO: "Ye.... y-yes. But the spots were bigger, much bigger!"
(.....*standing twiddling thumbs* sorry Mister Gandalf...)

AZOG: [subtitle: "You promised me his pants!"]

OIN: "We've lost the pants!"

THORIN: "I would not trust Thranduil, the great king, to honor his word should the end of all days be upon us! You lack all underwear! I have seen the way you treat your pants...!

BARD: "You have no right, no right to own those pants."
THORIN: "I have the only right."

BILBO: "I merely wanted to gaze upon your pants, to see if they really were as great as the old tales say. I did not believe them."
SMAUG: "And do you now?!!!"
BILBO: "Truly, the tales and songs fall utterly short of your underwear, O Smaug the Stupendous."


Whoa, I think I overdid the game! Laugh I'm just gonna stop there.

..The Lord of Silver Fountains
.....The King of Carven Stone
..The King Under the Mountain
.......Shall come into his own

..And the bells will ring in gladness
......At the Mountain King's return
..But all shall fail in sadness
....And the lake will shine and burn

(This post was edited by FaramirAndEowynMorningStar on Feb 5 2014, 4:07pm)


Darkstone
Immortal


Feb 5 2014, 4:06pm

Post #21 of 51 (393 views)
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"My teeth are swords! My claws are spears! My pants are a hurricane!" / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************


May 1910: The Nine Kings assembled at Buckingham Palace for the funeral of Edward VII.
(From left to right, back row: Haakon VII of Norway, Ferdinand I of Bulgaria, Manuel II of Portugal, Wilhelm II of Germany, George I of Greece, and Albert I of Belgium. Front row: Alphonso XIII of Spain, George V of England, and Frederick VIII of Denmark.)


Bishop
Rohan


Feb 5 2014, 4:19pm

Post #22 of 51 (401 views)
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Excellent [In reply to] Can't Post

Bard: You didn't see them, they were never here. The pants you can have for nothing.


Arandir
Gondor


Feb 5 2014, 4:23pm

Post #23 of 51 (407 views)
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"You have no pants. No pants to enter that Mountain" [In reply to] Can't Post

... "I have the only pants" Laugh

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Why we Love 'Sherlock'
'How Peter Jackson inches closer to making 'The Silmarillion'


Meneldor
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 4:27pm

Post #24 of 51 (396 views)
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Gandalf, this not a nice place to wear pants! [In reply to] Can't Post

 


They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; These see the works of the Lord, and His wonders in the deep.


Eruvandi
Tol Eressea


Feb 5 2014, 4:54pm

Post #25 of 51 (384 views)
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Thorin: You lack all trousers!...I have seen how you treat your pants! [In reply to] Can't Post

We came to you once. Starving, pants-less, seeking your help. But you turned your back! You turned away from the suffering of my people, and the inferno that destroyed our pants!

"And we find what we're made of
Through the open door
Is it fear you're afraid of?
What are you waiting for?
Love alone is worth the fight."
-Switchfoot

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