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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Main:
LOTR and Hobbit Theme Jokes,
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star
Rivendell


Nov 8 2013, 11:45pm

Post #1 of 40 (481 views)
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LOTR and Hobbit Theme Jokes, Can't Post

I thought it might be a lot of fun, if anyone is interested, to have a thread dedicated to humorous jokes with a LOTR and Hobbit theme. I know there are quite a few funny ones out there.

So if you know of a good one, or if you can create a joke yourself please post it here. Smile
( It does not matter how lame or silly you think the joke is, it will be appreciated here just for the fun of it, just as long as it is not offensive or rude. ) Smile

I have a few really silly ones I made up myself, I'd like to share to start the thread off:

1) What do you call a really bored Dragon?
Answer: Smaug-is-bored.

2) How does a Dragon get his gold past customs?
Answer: He Smauggles it in.

3) What is Smaugs favorite biscult to have with cheese?
Answer: Firecrackers.

4) What do you say when a dragon ages?
Answer: He's getting - Smolder.

Like I said they are really silly Crazy I'm sure you lot could do better.


Lissuin
Tol Eressea


Nov 9 2013, 12:01am

Post #2 of 40 (229 views)
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Darkstone! (no pressure) [In reply to] Can't Post

Good idea, star, and nice start. If you don't mind, I'll sit back, enjoy and leave it to you, the melon-headed cat, and the many clever folk around here.Wink This should be good.

NB: You are not a melon-headed cat, star.


(This post was edited by Lissuin on Nov 9 2013, 12:03am)


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 12:17am

Post #3 of 40 (210 views)
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Thanks Lissiun for your kind words : 0) [In reply to] Can't Post

I just thought of another one!

Why did Smaug blush?
Answer: He saw an old flame!


(This post was edited by star on Nov 9 2013, 12:24am)


acheron
Gondor


Nov 9 2013, 1:50am

Post #4 of 40 (208 views)
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lol [In reply to] Can't Post

I laughed out loud at "Smauggles". Cool

For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much -- the wheel, New York, wars, and so on -- while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man, for precisely the same reasons. -- Douglas Adams


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 2:00am

Post #5 of 40 (195 views)
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Thats a Fishy Tail !!! [In reply to] Can't Post

I nearly Flippered over when I saw that one Wink


AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Nov 9 2013, 2:12am

Post #6 of 40 (200 views)
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What did Gollum say when he escaped from the Elves of Mirkwood? [In reply to] Can't Post

Call me mint jelly, 'cause I'm on the lam!


(lamb) *cough*


That's my favorite ME joke of all time! Laugh



I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG!
My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears!
The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death!


AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Nov 9 2013, 2:19am

Post #7 of 40 (230 views)
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Jokes from message boards past... [In reply to] Can't Post

How many Dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?
Never mind, they'll drink in the dark.


How many TORnadoes does it take to change a light bulb?
Eleven. An admin to change the bulb, nine forum members to post "Mods up!!!", and a newbie to post a message asking for the instructions on how to view a light bulb.


How many Tolkien purists does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to argue whether the change was in the spirit of the original.

How many TORn First Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to change it and two to write the nostalgic mathom for the first one.



I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG!
My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears!
The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death!


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


Nov 9 2013, 2:47am

Post #8 of 40 (200 views)
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What was Lassie to Timmy? [In reply to] Can't Post

His mellon-collie.



What business does a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, and a hobbit have in the Rivenmark?


dernwyn
Forum Admin / Moderator


Nov 9 2013, 2:53am

Post #9 of 40 (182 views)
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*doubles over with laughter* [In reply to] Can't Post

"How many Tolkien purists..."

Oh, that is such a classic, and so, so true! Laugh


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I desired dragons with a profound desire"






star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 2:54am

Post #10 of 40 (181 views)
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That gets a good Star Energy Rating from me!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

How many Gollums does it take to change a light Bulb?
Answer: Not sure yet , gollum carn't decide, he is too busy arguing with himself. Unsure


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 3:00am

Post #11 of 40 (182 views)
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Thats a bit Ruff, Ruff : 0 ) [In reply to] Can't Post

Love it!!! LaughSmileLaugh


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 3:16am

Post #12 of 40 (181 views)
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Troll joke alert!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

What does an Orc use when he goes shopping?

A: A Trolly


Lissuin
Tol Eressea


Nov 9 2013, 4:28am

Post #13 of 40 (196 views)
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What stirring orders did Thorin give his dwarves before battle? [In reply to] Can't Post




(This post was edited by Lissuin on Nov 9 2013, 4:29am)


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 5:15am

Post #14 of 40 (167 views)
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Good One! [In reply to] Can't Post

What do you call a group of Dwarves? This is for the upcoming DOS film.

A: A barrel of laughs.


Lissuin
Tol Eressea


Nov 9 2013, 5:23am

Post #15 of 40 (169 views)
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How did Gollum survive under the mountain all those years? [In reply to] Can't Post

By gobblin' meals.

Tongue Eeeeeeew!


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


Nov 9 2013, 5:35am

Post #16 of 40 (177 views)
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A lot more popular than his previous order: [In reply to] Can't Post

Keep Calm and Carry Bombur.



What business does a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, and a hobbit have in the Rivenmark?


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


Nov 9 2013, 5:38am

Post #17 of 40 (170 views)
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"Hasta Luegolas!"// [In reply to] Can't Post

 



What business does a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, a dwarf, and a hobbit have in the Rivenmark?


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 5:50am

Post #18 of 40 (151 views)
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Love that one!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

and he used a Troll ( not a trowel ) to spread the gobblins on his toast. Crazy


Lissuin
Tol Eressea


Nov 9 2013, 5:53am

Post #19 of 40 (166 views)
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But it became a meme, and passed into legend: [In reply to] Can't Post




star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 6:07am

Post #20 of 40 (165 views)
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Gandalf said to Merry and Pippin, "Take this to the King" [In reply to] Can't Post

Pippin said, " Witch-King "


Magpie
Immortal


Nov 9 2013, 6:32am

Post #21 of 40 (159 views)
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What do you call a Hobbit mother? [In reply to] Can't Post

A minimum.

My son wrote that on my mother's day card this year. I don't know if he made it up or not. (he's thirty... before you imagine a precocious nine year old or something)


LOTR soundtrack website ~ magpie avatar gallery
TORn History Mathom-house ~ Torn Image Posting Guide


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 6:49am

Post #22 of 40 (163 views)
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What do you call a mother Dwarves young son? [In reply to] Can't Post

A miner ( minor ) get it? Smile


FaramirAndEowynMorningStar
Rohan


Nov 9 2013, 8:39am

Post #23 of 40 (144 views)
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Haha, that was a good one! [In reply to] Can't Post

Especially sine I watched Galaxy Quest the other day (they talk about that in it). Laugh

..The Lord of Silver Fountains
.....The King of Carven Stone
..The King Under the Mountain
.......Shall come into his own

..And the bells will ring in gladness
......At the Mountain King's return
..But all shall fail in sadness
....And the lake will shine and burn


star
Rivendell


Nov 9 2013, 9:11am

Post #24 of 40 (160 views)
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That movie is so funny !!! [In reply to] Can't Post

Here are a few LOTR jokes that are rated the best on www.top10-best.com Laugh

How did the Hobbit ruin the boxing match?
A: He tried to destroy the ring.

What did the drunken Hobbit say when he bumped into the wizard?
A: Saruman, I didn't see you there.

Why did Frodo read the LOTR 50 times?
A: Because it was Hobbit forming.

How many quarters does it take to play the new LOTR pinball game?
A: None, it only takes Tolkiens.

What is Gollum's favorite bird?
A: a Smea-gull.

Why was it so hard to storm Sauron's lair?
A: Because no matter how many you opened, there were always Mor dor

What did frodo say when he saw the trees dancing?
A: Thats ENT-ertainment.


AlassŽa Eruvande
Valinor


Nov 9 2013, 1:44pm

Post #25 of 40 (131 views)
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*groan* [In reply to] Can't Post

Good one! Laugh



I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG!
My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears!
The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death!

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