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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: The Arena:
Kili v. Legolas v. Bilbo v. Bard v. Thorin v. Thranduil: The Dating Game (Contestant: Tauriel)

Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Oct 4 2013, 3:39am

Post #1 of 14 (1306 views)
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Kili v. Legolas v. Bilbo v. Bard v. Thorin v. Thranduil: The Dating Game (Contestant: Tauriel) Can't Post

Thank you, good evening, much love to you all! In this special episode of the Dating Game our lovely contestant, whom we will introduce in a moment, will be faced with a choice among not only the usual three eligible bachelors, but six! What single female member of a race of Free Peoples out there wouldn't like to have that kind of problem?

So without further ado, let's introduce our bachelors.

Bachelor number 1 is a strapping, fun-loving Dwarf in his prime, handy with the bow as well as the sword but even handier with his winning smile. Also the nephew of the heir to the throne of the Kingdom Under the Mountain, meet Kili son of Dis!

Bachelor number 2 is a smoldering Elf with keen eyes and hordes of swooning fans. Talk about your sensitive and understanding guy, this one has a sixth sense for danger and likes to be on the move. Archer and knife-wielder extraordinaire, his moves have moves, with nary a strand of hair out of place in the process. The son of the king of the Mirkwood Realm of Elves, this is Legolas Greenleaf!

Bachelor number 3 knows how to party, even under the least expected occasions. He's got refined taste in fine foods and wines, cunning with the riddles, and knows his Old Toby from his Longbottom Leaf, but when push comes to shove, this Hobbit is ready to put aside the comforts of home and risk everything to aid his friends in need. A descendant of the orc-slaying, golf-inventing Bullroarer, he's Bilbo Baggins of the Shire!

Bachelor number 4 is so manly, he's the only actual Man participating in this episode. The direct descendant of the royal line from the old kingdom of Dale, he's grim, brawny, and ready to fight for what he protects, even against a seemingly invincible problem. But don't worry that he might be too rough and rugged--he's also a daddy of three darling children so you know he won't shy away from using the word "poopy". It's Bard the Bowman!

Bachelor number 5 is tall, dark, and handsome, except replace “tall” with brooding, charismatic, and majestic, with a resounding voice rich with gravitas. He may be between homes at the moment, but the drive and determination behind his eyes is palpable. The Dwarf who would be King, son of Thrain and grandson of Thror, introducing Thorin O-o-o-o-oakenshield!

Bachelor number 6 is the only participant in this episode who is an actual King, over an actual Kingdom. Don’t mistake him for a slouch—his Kingdom keeps constant vigilance due to the nasties that inhabit his woodland neighborhood, including a certain haunted tower nearby and tons of gigantic spiders. He keeps himself lithe and spry especially when riding his megaloceros into –or strategically away from--battle, this is Thranduil son of Thingol, King of the Mirkwood Realm of Elves!

Now, during these introductions we’ve been keeping our lovely contestant in a sound-proof room, I’d like to ask her to come out now. She’s a genuine Silvan Elf of the Mirkwood Realm, Chief Guard, her interests are archery, tree-climbing, and herbal medicine. Whether she might also be ready to take interest in Dwarves, Lake Men, or Shirefolk, or would prefer to remain within her Realm, yet remains to be seen, her name is TAURIEL! Daughter of the forest!

Now remember, Lady Tauriel, there are six Bachelors hidden behind the screen, each one vying for a date with you. You are going to ask them questions and then choose one. Please take a seat, relax, and do go ahead with your questions.

(TAURIEL then proceeds to ask each bachelor the following questions:)

1. Keeping our respective back-stories and (known) circumstances in mind, where would we go on our first date?
2. Compare me to three of your favorite things in Middle-earth.
3. If we were speed dating and you had 14 words to win me over, what would you say?
4. What would you like to tell me about the Bachelor with the number after yours (or about Bachelor number 1, if you’re Bachelor number 6)?
5. What do you consider the three things that are most worth fighting for?
6. (role-play for Tauriel, make up a question she might ask)

(To play this game, pick the Bachelor you would root for--or more than one Bachelor if you like--and role-play his answers to each of the questions, and then role-play for Tauriel, by choosing a Bachelor for her and say why him over the others.)

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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Ziggy Stardust
Gondor


Oct 5 2013, 12:13am

Post #2 of 14 (993 views)
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Hmm.... [In reply to] Can't Post

Well, since I think a romance between Legolas and Tauriel is bourgois, I'd have to go with Kili, Thorin or even Bilbo for their unusualness.


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Oct 5 2013, 8:30pm

Post #3 of 14 (906 views)
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Bilbo's answers [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Well, perhaps my Lady might fancy attending a poetry reading? I imagine there might be some held in your neck of the woods. Somewhere that serves tea preferably.

2. My three favorite things? Well, home at Bag End, on my armchair with a book and my pipe, those come to mind... I suppose you don't really remind me of those things specifically but if I had to compare, I'd say the color of your hair reminds me of the color of some of the wood timbers of the interior framing and some of the furniture. Your spark and passion for helping other Free Peoples in need are a bit like the flame that I'd use to light my pipe, perhaps. And the your kindness and sympathy that I detect in your eyes, somewhat hidden beneath your woodland-guard's uniform and demeanor, might remind me a bit of the comforting softness of my armchair.

3. Fourteen words? Ah...er... here's something that's been in my notes, it's rather rough...just the first two lines of something I might finish at some point:

All that have steel do not soldier,
Not all those with courage walk tall.


4. Bard the Bowman seems to me a good man, quite an archer, probably a worthy warleader and future king. I sense, and hope, he is trustworthy in his heart.

5. I haven't in my life had much to do with the business of fighting, really, but along the way I've discovered that I believe in having a home, a place to call one's own. To journey far, and yes, even to fight, to reclaim one's home is a worthy cause indeed. Also if my friends need my help, desperate need of help...*shudder*...I might expect fighting to be involved, certainly. A third thing.... third thing... I suppose it goes beyond who my friends are, those who are my immediate companions, and immediate danger. It's also about danger that threatens everyone. In times when everyone is in danger, folks should put quarrels aside and stick together, stand and fight together.

6. (Tauriel asks: "I sense something familiar about you, Bilbo Baggins of the Shire. I seem to recall feeling a presence, in the dungeons especially but also throughout the halls and corridors of the palace. Have you ever visited?") Me, visit ....? I don't, I don't believe...that is, I don't recall ... *slowly reaches into his pocket....*

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

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DanielLB
Immortal


Oct 5 2013, 8:56pm

Post #4 of 14 (912 views)
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Bilbo Baggins, you're up! [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Keeping our respective back-stories and (known) circumstances in mind, where would we go on our first date?

My Mother and Father brought me up well - our first date would be comfortable and homely. We would go to my cosy, oozy, wet and sandy hole. My Hobbit hole, that is.

2. Compare me to three of your favorite things in Middle-earth.

You keep the rain away from me like my favourite umbrella. You're as stunning as my freshly polished silver spoons. And my love for you is stronger than my mithril vest.

3. If we were speed dating and you had 14 words to win me over, what would you say?

What have I got in my pocket?

4. What would you like to tell me about the Bachelor with the number after yours?

With your flame red hair, he's likely to mistake you for a dragon! I, on the other hand, love hair. *Points at feet*.

5. What do you consider the three things that are most worth fighting for?

There's only one thing, and that's you, Tauriel. Nothing else matters in this World.

6. What three words would your best describe you as?

Bodacious, cattywampus, and spunky.



(This post was edited by DanielLB on Oct 5 2013, 8:57pm)


Brethil
Half-elven


Oct 5 2013, 11:20pm

Post #5 of 14 (936 views)
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Oh fun!!! WHO will she pick...???? [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
Thank you, good evening, much love to you all! In this special episode of the Dating Game our lovely contestant, whom we will introduce in a moment, will be faced with a choice among not only the usual three eligible bachelors, but six! What single female member of a race of Free Peoples out there wouldn't like to have that kind of problem?
Now, during these introductions we’ve been keeping our lovely contestant in a sound-proof room, I’d like to ask her to come out now. She’s a genuine Silvan Elf of the Mirkwood Realm, Chief Guard, her interests are archery, tree-climbing, and herbal medicine. Whether she might also be ready to take interest in Dwarves, Lake Men, or Shirefolk, or would prefer to remain within her Realm, yet remains to be seen, her name is TAURIEL! Daughter of the forest!
"Now remember, Lady Tauriel, there are six Bachelors hidden behind the screen, each one vying for a date with you. You are going to ask them questions and then choose one. Please take a seat, relax, and do go ahead with your questions."

TAURIEL: Keeping our respective back-stories and (known) circumstances in mind, where would we go on our first date?
KILI: Hi. You're pretty. Um, I would like to go anywhere you like to go. Hi again. That's a neat bow...I have a bow. (blushes) Did I say how pretty you are?

TAURIEL: Compare me to three of your favorite things in Middle-earth.
LEGOLAS: Three favorite things. (Deep in thought.) Well, there is guyliner. I love that a lot, it brings out my eyes. I bet your hair would bring out my eyes. And then there is argan oil...its so smoothing and silky; your hair is silky too. Do you use it? And teeth whitener! Can you imagine how much Immortality would REEK skimping on the java? Am I right? I don't know how to compare that to you, except we could share it all, forever. (Pauses). Except the eyeliner. Alright I'm sorry, but if it touches my eyes I just can't share it, you'll have to bring your own.

TAURIEL: If we were speed dating and you had 14 words to win me over, what would you say?
BILBO: "There was a hill, a merry old hill. Sit with me in the moonlight." Bows.


TAURIEL: What would you like to tell me about the Bachelor with the number after yours?
BARD: (glares over at Thorin) Well I'd like to see how good HE looks after three kids. (tosses head).


(Thorin growls, smolders, hair ruffles slightly. Thumping noises heard around studio, calls for paramedics heard, "woman down!")

TAURIEL: What do you consider the three things that are most worth fighting for?
THORIN: There are three things worth fighting for, my lady. Honor, honor and honor. The rest is silence.

TAURIEL to THRANDUIL: (fans self.) Whew. Um ok. Hello Bachelor Number six. [Can I get a glass of water?] What is your feeling on the friendship between Elves and Dwarves...um, you know, just friendship. (coughs) Yes, just...friendship.

THRANDUIL: (mirror in hand, elegant crown perfectly placed.)

MODERATOR: (taps Thranduil on shoulder)

THRANDUIL: (jumps) Sorry. Did you say something?


Is there a Tolkien topic that you have wanted to look into more deeply, and write about your thoughts on it? If so, we'd like to hear from you for the next TORn Amateur Symposium- coming in November. Happy writing!

















(This post was edited by Brethil on Oct 5 2013, 11:23pm)


Kim
Valinor


Oct 7 2013, 3:40am

Post #6 of 14 (876 views)
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"Woman down!" [In reply to] Can't Post

yeah, that would be me Laugh


Fredeghar Wayfarer
Lorien


Oct 7 2013, 4:09am

Post #7 of 14 (870 views)
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Minor correction [In reply to] Can't Post

Thranduil is not the son of Thingol. His father was named Oropher. He was from Doriath though so I suppose it's possible he was a relative of Thingol. That would give some credence to him claiming the title Elvenking.


Fredeghar Wayfarer
Lorien


Oct 7 2013, 4:34am

Post #8 of 14 (882 views)
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Thorin's answers [In reply to] Can't Post

1. Keeping our respective back-stories and (known) circumstances in mind, where would we go on our first date?
My lady, I would take you to my halls in the Blue Mountains. There you would be treated like a queen. We would feast on salted meats prepared by the finest dwarf-cooks. Royal minstrels would serenade us. After supper, we would walk the banks of the majestic River Lhun and stroll through the rolling hills under the stars.

2. Compare me to three of your favorite things in Middle-earth.
You are strong like mithril, beautiful as gold, and tall and fair like my ancestral mountain home.

3. If we were speed dating and you had 14 words to win me over, what would you say?
A dragon stole my kingdom from me, but you have stolen my heart.

4. What would you like to tell me about the Bachelor with the number after yours (or about Bachelor number 1, if you’re Bachelor number 6)?
When my people were under attack by a fire-drake from the north, no aid came from Thranduil of Mirkwood. He has no honor and would be no proper match for a great lady like yourself.

5. What do you consider the three things that are most worth fighting for?
Family, home, and honor.

6. (role-play for Tauriel, make up a question she might ask) Bachelor #5, in the past, you've spoken ill of the Elven folk. What made you change your mind?
I speak ill of those who stand by idly when innocents suffer or lands and possessions are taken from their rightful owners. It's true that the Elves of Mirkwood did not come to my people's aid. Long have I harbored a grudge for this and for past slights to the Dwarven race. But I have seen your fiery spirit, Lady Tauriel. You do not seem the type to turn your back on those in need. You are a warrior and possess much honor. You'd make a fine dwarf, my lady...you just need a beard.



(This post was edited by Fredeghar Wayfarer on Oct 7 2013, 4:35am)


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Oct 7 2013, 11:48am

Post #9 of 14 (851 views)
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Right you are, thanks. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;


Kim
Valinor


Oct 7 2013, 6:13pm

Post #10 of 14 (834 views)
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Very nice! // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Brethil
Half-elven


Oct 8 2013, 12:45am

Post #11 of 14 (904 views)
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And me right next to you Kim! // [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
"Woman down!"yeah, that would be me Laugh


Is there a Tolkien topic that you have wanted to look into more deeply, and write about your thoughts on it? If so, we'd like to hear from you for the next TORn Amateur Symposium- coming in November. Happy writing!

















Lissuin
Tol Eressea


Oct 10 2013, 8:48am

Post #12 of 14 (865 views)
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Tauriel: I'll start with Bachelor Number 3. [In reply to] Can't Post

Tell me, sir, how would you compare me to three of your favorite things?

Bilbo Baggins: My lady, thou art...(sings in a lilting tenor voice)

"Swifter than ponies, oh, yes! you're the fleetest.
Elves are so tidy but, ma'am, you're the neatest,
With red hair more lovely than wild eagles' wings!
These are a few of my favorite things!"

And that, as they say, was that. The other bachelors completely forgotten, Tauriel tore aside the curtain, swept the little hobbit up into her strong arms and carried him off to the depths of Mirkwood, where they set up housekeeping in a cozy little bower, and she saw to it that he had everything that his heart desired.

And they lived happily ever after.


Maciliel
Tol Eressea


Oct 17 2013, 4:27am

Post #13 of 14 (954 views)
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bard takes his best shot [In reply to] Can't Post

 
1. Keeping our respective back-stories and (known) circumstances in mind, where would we go on our first date?

You're an Elf of action. So am I -- well, I am an Edain of action. We are both deadly archers and at home in the wild. I'll take you on a trek to the east. We'll slay fell beasts and drink clear water from pools that have seen neither Elf nor Man for centuries. At night we will camp under the stars, deciphering our fates in their vast brilliance overhead. You and I will be the best alliance of Elves and Men.


2. Compare me to three of your favorite things in Middle-earth.

Tauriel, as strong and swift as my bow,
Your eyes clear as the deep waters before Erebor
Your hair as brilliant as the autumn woods that shelter my home.
A thrush whispers in my ear, and I draw my bow tight
to send love's arrow to the chink in your armor.


3. If we were speed dating and you had 14 words to win me over, what would you say?

Beren and Luthien. Tuor and Idril. Aragorn and Arwen. Bard and Tauriel.


4. What would you like to tell me about the Bachelor with the number after yours (or about Bachelor number 1, if you’re Bachelor number 6)?

Thorin's life expectancy is as short as he is.


5. What do you consider the three things that are most worth fighting for?

Family. Home. Love.


6. (role-play for Tauriel, make up a question she might ask)
What would you say to a little target practice?


.


aka. fili orc-enshield
+++++++++++++++++++
the scene, as i understand it, is exceptionally well-written. fili (in sort of a callback to the scene with the eagles), calls out "thorRIIIIIIN!!!" just as he sees the pale orc veer in for the kill. he picks up the severed arm of an orc which is lying on the ground, swings it up in desperation, effectively blocking the pale orc's blow. and thus, forever after, fili is known as "fili orc-enshield."

this earns him deep respect from his hard-to-please uncle. as well as a hug. kili wipes his boots on the pale orc's glory box. -- maciliel telpemairo


Bard'sBlackArrow
Lorien

Dec 22 2013, 12:32am

Post #14 of 14 (918 views)
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LOLOLOL [In reply to] Can't Post

beautiful DanielLB

(buggers off to let you all finish this...)

Hilarious.

 
 

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