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A Long Expected Party, a selection from LesMORDORserables in honor of BB & FB's birthday

Grey Havens

Sep 22 2013, 9:09pm

Views: 132
A Long Expected Party, a selection from LesMORDORserables in honor of BB & FB's birthday Can't Post


In honor of Hobbit Day and the birthday of Bilbo and Frodo, here is part of a script I have been working on for Les MORDORserables, a musical re-adaptation of LOTR, performed to the music of Les Misérables. This selection retells the beginning chapter of FOTR to the tune of ABC Café/Red and Black from said musical . If the song is not already a familiar then I recommend that it be listened to before, or while, reading further.

The sections in which the modified lyrics to “The Road Goes Ever On and On” appear are to be sung a cappella to the tune of Do You Hear the People Sing? From the same musical.


(Ext. Day. Hobbiton, Bag End’s front gate at stage left, and the Party Tree at stage right. At the Bag End’s front gate set, FRODO and SAM enter, FRODO with a box of tools and a sign shingle, and SAM with a scroll of parchment in hand. At the Party Tree set, PIPPIN and MERRY and other HOBBITS finish putting up a banner reading ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILBO BAGGINS’ and setting up for a party.)

(Cue music: Red and Black / the ABC Café )

PIPPIN (Combufree's line: "At Notre Dame
The sections are prepared....")

At Party Tree the banner's quite prepared!

MERRY (Fuelly's line: "At rue de Bac
They're straining at the leash...!")

From every Farthing, big ado affair!

SAM (Combufree's line: "Students, workers, everyone...")

'Scuse me, Mister Frodo sir,
Guest list brimming, time is tight,
Need more pastries for dessert,
You know Hobbit appetites!

FRODO (Enjolras' part "The time is near....")

The time is near
So near, and Bilbo's still hiding away,
He says beware,
Keep every Sackville Baggins at bay!

(Sound of clopping of hooves of a wagon approaching)

But it is his birthday ....


...and yours, to be fair....


...so let's give him space, let us give him his way,
The truth is your feeling is something I share--
There's someone who's missing, should be here today,

I'll post a sign....


To keep out distractions,
To shut out the noises,
To keep them in line!

(He poises to post the shingle with hammer and nails but SAM insists on doing it for him. FRODO takes the list from SAM and relinquishes to SAM the tools and the sign. FRODO pantomimes farewell and heads down the road.)

(Enter GANDALF on his horse-drawn cart, followed by HOBBIT children begging for a fireworks "preview")

(Music rests)

GANDALF (to the tune of Do You Hear the People Sing, a cappella)

How the Road goes ever on
Out from the door where it began!
Now far ahead the road has gone and I
Must follow if I can....

(FRODO intercepts GANDALF along the road.)

FRODO (continuing Enjolras' line (spoken: “Marius, you’re late”) from Red and Black)

Gandalf, you're late!

(Jumps into the wizard's arms in fond embrace)

(Cue: music to Red and Black resumes where left off)

(Continues with Joly's line:)

…. How wonderful you've come! (sits in passenger side.)
I daresay not a tick too soon.
(Continues Grantaire's line “Some wine and say, what’s going on?”)
What news? Do say what's going on?

GANDALF (Marius' line “A ghost you say…?”)

Come late you say? It cannot be.
A wizard's never late, you see,
Nor early--when he means, he comes!

(Enter: BILBO, emerging from Bag End's round, green front door, beaming at Gandalf)

GANDALF (Grantaire's line "I am agog, I am aghast....")

I am agog, amazed I'd say,
you haven't even aged a day!
One hundred and eleven years?

BILBO (continuing Grantaire's line "We talk of battles to be won....")

You've brought me journeying beyond,
Now here you come, the teapot's on,
Or some Old Winyard for our cheers!

(BILBO beckons GANDALF into Bag End. They EXIT through the front door.)

Scene 2 (but the song and music continues without interruption)

(INT. Day, Bag End)

(BILBO scurries about setting various foods out on the table to be served, and pours tea)

GANDALF (Enjolras' line "It is time for us all to decide who we are....")

So you mean to go through with your plan after all? (Sips tea)

BILBO (continuing Enjolras’ part "Do we fight for the right to a night at the Opera now....")

Its all in hand, arrangements all made now,
Now's the time to decide on the path I might take.
I've been feeling so spread,
Like butter on too much bread.
The oldness of my years, I feel it day by day,

(Slips hand into pocket)

(Continues Enjolras' line, the Chorus "RED, the blood of angry men....")

Then, my journey 'cross the land,
Now, my spirit tires so fast.
Then, a tale about to dawn,
Now, some rest to find at last.

GANDALF (Marius' part "Had you been there tonight....")

What you're planning tonight, Frodo knows what is up?

BILBO (continues Marius' part "To be struck to the bone....")

If I ask him to come, I might think he'd come happily along....
If I ask him tonight, Frodo knows in his heart,
He's in love with the Shire, fields, woods and riversides,
His life is bright and young, my time to go is nigh.


Here, I'll leave the boy Bag End,
There, a holiday, and fast.
Here, you'll watch him, my dear friend?
There, the mountains, there at last!

GANDALF (Enjolras' part "Marius, you're no longer a child....")

Bilbo Baggins, I'll watch him with both eyes,
You will leave him the Ring as well?

BILBO (continuing Enjolras' part: "...but now there is a higher cause....")

Er, yes, with that I've meant to part....

GANDALF (Enjolras' line: "Who cares about your lonely soul...")

You'll do well to let it go,
You won't need it any more,
That thing won't help you out at all!



My journey 'cross the land.. .




My spirit tires so fast....




A tale about to dawn....




Some rest to find at last!

Scene 3

(cue: music from Master of the House )

(Ext. Night. The Party Tree near Bag End. BILBO, the FOUR HOBBITS, GANDALF, ROSIE COTTON, LOBELIA and OTHO SACKVILLE-BAGGINS, and the entire SHIRE have gathered to celebrate Bilbo's and Frodo's birthday. A band is playing. Dazzling fireworks by GANDALF, the guests ooh and aah. Many Hobbits, adults and children alike, are dancing gaily. SAM gazes at ROSIE dancing, but remains seated, nursing his ale. FRODO playfully shoves him toward the dance floor in ROSIE’s path. SAM gets swept up in ROSIE’s arms to join the dance, FRODO laughs cheerfully, then gets up to dance with some Hobbit children. BILBO tells a story to some Hobbit children. The SACKVILLE-BAGGINSES sneak around examining the silverware and looking for BILBO. BILBO hurriedly finishes his story and dashes off to hide, recruits FRODO to help him hide. MERRY and PIPPIN play around surreptitiously in GANDALF’s supply of rockets, but eventually get caught by GANDALF and must scrub dishes. A large birthday cake is brought in and set down in a prominent place. A second birthday cake, with fewer candles, follows, and is placed next to it.)

FRODO: (spoken) Speech!

HOBBIT CHORUS: (ad lib: Speech! Bilbo! Speech! Etc.)

(BILBO moves to the Party Tree and stands facing the throng)

(Cue music change: Red and Black, reprised from its beginning.)

BILBO (Sings to the tune of Red and Black, from the beginning. Colmbufree's line: "At Notre Dame
The sections are prepared....")

Bagginses, Boffins, Brandybucks and Grubbs!
Bracegirdles, Tooks, Proudfoots, Bolgers and Chubbs!
Birthday Hundred Ten and One,
Or say "Eleventy One"
That's too short for living time
‘mong you Hobbits jolly fine!


(Shouts and applause)


(Aside, to Enjolras' line "The time is near...")

The time is near
So near, I'm gone from this place in a blink,
And yet beware
Don't let them know or guess what to think!

(To his audience of HOBBITS)

i don't know the half of you half as I'd like
And like less than half of you half as deserved....

(HOBBITS ad lib, perplexed, suspicious head-scratching and chin-stroking)

BILBO (continuing Enjolras' line: "Though we could sit here and swat 'em like flies...")

...There are things I'll be doing I've put off too long,
And places to go that have long been deferred,
This is THE END,

(Behind his back, slips on the Ring. GANDALF, on cue, casts a spell that masks Bilbo's sudden disappearance with a flash of showy light and smoke. Exit BILBO. When the smoke clears, BILBO is gone)

(The guests sit in slackjawed silence, except FRODO who merely smiles, and GANDALF who slips away unnoticed and exits)

Scene 4

(Int. Night Bag End. Enter BILBO, who magically appears at the mantelpiece, as he removes the Ring from his finger, pleased with himself. Knock at door. BILBO lets GANDALF in.)

BILBO (Enjorlas’ line “Marius you’re late”)

Gandalf, you’re here!

GANDALF (enters glowering, which Bilbo notices, shuts the door.)

(continues Joly’s line “Marius, what’s wrong today…” etc.)

…. what’s wrong, pray tell?
You look as if you disapprove.
A pipe? Do say what’s going on?

GANDALF (Marius’ line “A ghost you say….” etc., as he takes his pipe out)

A joke you’ve played, your joke maybe,
A clever play, a sight to see,
One minute there, then you were gone!

BILBO (Grantaire’s line, lighting Gandalf’s pipe, then his own)

They were agog, taken aback,
Old friend, you saw their jaws go slack?
Too stunned to even Ooh or Ahh!

GANDALF (continuing Grantaire’s line “You talk of battles to be won….” etc.)

You play with trinkets you have won,
But magic rings are not for fun.
‘Tis better put aside for now.

BILBO (Enjolras’ part “It is time for us all….” etc.)

It is time to depart, for my Road to be on.

GANDALF (continuing the part "Do we fight for the right....")

It is time, you are right, and the Ring? It will stay with Frodo?

BILBO (continuing Enjolras’ part)

It is there, on the mantelpiece if you must know.
(Suddenly reaches into his pocket, takes it out, gazing at it)
No wait, that is strange, it’s stayed, like it wants to stay,
And why not, after all, should I not keep it from this day?

(Chorus: "RED, the blood angry men....")


Yet—is leaving it so bad?


No…. and yes, it’s mine, you see.


Yet—there’s no need to get mad.


No? My precious stays with me!

GANDALF (Marius’ part “Had you been there tonight….” etc.)

The Ring has been called that, the precious, but not so by you.


What business of yours what I call things that to me belong?


The Ring? That is something I think you’ve had quite long enough.

BILBO (“that the world could be changed….”)

You want it for your own!

(GANDALF rises to his full height)

(BILBO shrinks back in fright)

GANDALF (continues the line “in just one burst of light”)

I’m not some thief at night.
You think I wish to rob?
I am your friend, all right?

(BILBO, relieved, runs to GANDALF, hugs him, sobbing)

GANDALF (continues)

There…. So long I’ve been your friend.


Yes… to Frodo it must pass.

(Sighs, heads to the door, grabs his rucksack to finally depart)


There…. Your pocket, don’t forget?


Yes… you’re right. It stays at last!

(Takes ring out of his pocket and stares at it hard. Slowly allows it to slide out of his palm to fall to the floor near the door.)

Scene 5

(EXT. BAG END – NIGHT. BILBO emerges from within, followed by GANDALF)

BILBO (Enjolras’ part “Marius, you’re no longer a child….” etc.)

Gandalf, I’ve just been inspired
For a way to end it well,
A book that I’ve been working on,
“Ever after to the end of his days
Did he live in happy ways.”


I’m sure you will, from here and yon!



Here… this is, at last, goodbye!


There… your path that lies ahead!


Here… I leave it all behind.

(turns to depart, heads down the road)


There… our paths will meet again!

(the music to Red and Black ends.)

BILBO (a cappella, to the tune of Do you Hear the People Sing , can be heard from off stage after he Exits, fading)

How the Road goes ever on
Out from the door where it began!
Now far ahead the Road has gone
And I must follow if I can
I pursue with weary feet
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet
Whither cannot say!


lyrics to ABC Café/Red and Black from Les Misérables are here.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.


Subject User Time
A Long Expected Party, a selection from LesMORDORserables in honor of BB & FB's birthday Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Sep 22 2013, 9:09pm
    *applause* awesome! // Kim Send a private message to Kim Sep 22 2013, 10:23pm
        *bow* thanks so much Kim!// Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Sep 24 2013, 3:30am
    Wow - I agree with Kim - AWESOME!!! Brethil Send a private message to Brethil Sep 23 2013, 4:34am
        Great thanks Brethil! Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Sep 24 2013, 3:33am
            I definitely think you have a gift! Brethil Send a private message to Brethil Sep 24 2013, 4:24pm
                Oh-h-h! :-D Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Sep 25 2013, 3:13am
    OH... I think you've got something there! Well Done! // grammaboodawg Send a private message to grammaboodawg Sep 23 2013, 9:46am
        I'm so glad you think so gramma! Thank you!// Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Sep 24 2013, 3:34am
    VERY nice!! // cats16 Send a private message to cats16 Sep 23 2013, 7:35pm
        Thank you so much, cats16 :-) // Ruxendil_Thoorg Send a private message to Ruxendil_Thoorg Sep 24 2013, 3:35am


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