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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories
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Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Jun 22 2013, 11:11pm

Post #1 of 51 (558 views)
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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories Can't Post

So why did the Elves of Mirkwood do nothing about Dol Guldur in their forest?

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


Ziggy Stardust
Gondor


Jun 23 2013, 12:09am

Post #2 of 51 (322 views)
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That is because [In reply to] Can't Post

Thranduil was too busy doing a David Bowie impersonation to bother.


(This post was edited by Ziggy Stardust on Jun 23 2013, 12:09am)


Otaku-sempai
Half-elven


Jun 23 2013, 12:47am

Post #3 of 51 (317 views)
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Thranduil adopted a strict 'Do Not Meddle" policy [In reply to] Can't Post

For wizards are subtle and quick to anger. Or so it is said.

'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring


Kelvarhin
Half-elven


Jun 23 2013, 2:32am

Post #4 of 51 (304 views)
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Thranduil: "No, on second thought, let's not go to Dol Guldur. 'Tis a silly place."// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Bag ENZ Home of the Hobbit *with thanks to cameragod ;D*


One by one they faded, and fell into shadow...

One book to rule them all
One book to find them
One book to bring them all
And in TORn bind them
In the land of TORnadoes...where the brilliant play



Maciliel
Tol Eressea


Jun 23 2013, 2:41am

Post #5 of 51 (306 views)
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the why [In reply to] Can't Post

 
1. they were +very+ focused on trying to find a decent rhyme for "tra-la-lalley"

2. thranduil was too busy responding to elves outside his realm who called him the "king of smirkwood."

3. if you're immortal, you can always put off today what you can do three thousand years from now



cheers --

.


aka. fili orc-enshield
+++++++++++++++++++
the scene, as i understand it, is exceptionally well-written. fili (in sort of a callback to the scene with the eagles), calls out "thorRIIIIIIN!!!" just as he sees the pale orc veer in for the kill. he picks up the severed arm of an orc which is lying on the ground, swings it up in desperation, effectively blocking the pale orc's blow. and thus, forever after, fili is known as "fili orc-enshield."

this earns him deep respect from his hard-to-please uncle. as well as a hug. kili wipes his boots on the pale orc's glory box. -- maciliel telpemairo


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Jun 23 2013, 3:42am

Post #6 of 51 (287 views)
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Necro-guy convinced Thranduil it was under construction for use as a nightclub, and Thursdays would be WoodElves-get-in-free Night (free drinks for Elvenkings all week).// [In reply to] Can't Post

 

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;


Eruwestial37
Lorien

Jun 23 2013, 5:58am

Post #7 of 51 (287 views)
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It was a [In reply to] Can't Post

Perfect spot for Halloween parties.


DanielLB
Immortal


Jun 23 2013, 7:38am

Post #8 of 51 (268 views)
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It was all because of a typo - they couldn't find Dol Guldor on a map! / [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Yngwulff
Gondor


Jun 23 2013, 8:16am

Post #9 of 51 (336 views)
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because [In reply to] Can't Post

They were afraid Oliver Stone would make a movie about it ...


“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Jun 23 2013, 1:18pm

Post #10 of 51 (255 views)
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They were hoping it would be used as a (Dol) Gulden's mustard factory. [In reply to] Can't Post

...even though they preferred Grey Poupon (Pouponil Mithrin).

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;


DwellerInDale
Rohan


Jun 23 2013, 2:23pm

Post #11 of 51 (291 views)
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Tauriel wasn't around yet. [In reply to] Can't Post

The recent DOS trailer showed that all the male elves of Mirkwood are total couch potatoes. Then one day she nagged Legolas to take the garbage out, and he finally noticed Dol Guldur.

Don't mess with my favorite female elf.







cats16
Tol Eressea

Jun 23 2013, 3:26pm

Post #12 of 51 (315 views)
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Thranduil could never get there... [In reply to] Can't Post

because Legolas would keep climbing his elk-ride and shoot it down, then slide down it's antlers to the ground. He wanted to practice in case he ever needed to climb a big animal in battle.


CuriousG
Valinor


Jun 23 2013, 8:31pm

Post #13 of 51 (230 views)
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What I want to know is [In reply to] Can't Post

Why didn't Dol Guldur do something about them??


Maciliel
Tol Eressea


Jun 23 2013, 8:34pm

Post #14 of 51 (226 views)
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oh, curiousg! [In reply to] Can't Post

 
thou art on +fire+ today! (and not in a balrog way....)


cheers --

.


aka. fili orc-enshield
+++++++++++++++++++
the scene, as i understand it, is exceptionally well-written. fili (in sort of a callback to the scene with the eagles), calls out "thorRIIIIIIN!!!" just as he sees the pale orc veer in for the kill. he picks up the severed arm of an orc which is lying on the ground, swings it up in desperation, effectively blocking the pale orc's blow. and thus, forever after, fili is known as "fili orc-enshield."

this earns him deep respect from his hard-to-please uncle. as well as a hug. kili wipes his boots on the pale orc's glory box. -- maciliel telpemairo


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Jun 23 2013, 9:54pm

Post #15 of 51 (196 views)
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Well... there was this piece of tape on the ground in the South from here to there. "We do not cross the tape!" // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



4th draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observation List - May 1, 2013



sample

"There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West."

I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!



TIME Google Calendar
TORn's Geeky Observations Lists (updated soon)


elaen32
Gondor


Jun 23 2013, 10:56pm

Post #16 of 51 (199 views)
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The Necro had his guys put a "Maximum width limit" sign [In reply to] Can't Post

on on the road to Dol Guldur- Thranduil realised that his steed's antlers might get stuck- and that would just be embarrassing!Blush

"Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees unfold"


glor
Rohan

Jun 23 2013, 11:50pm

Post #17 of 51 (206 views)
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Easy [In reply to] Can't Post

Mirkwood is the Switzerland of Middle-earth (without the banking, don't want to draw the attention of any dragons, they saw what happened to those Dwarves).

Alternatively, they can't see further than 50 yards away thanks to all those spiderwebs..hasn't anyone in Mirkwood got a feather duster, seriously...


Scalpy
Bree

Jun 24 2013, 12:26am

Post #18 of 51 (208 views)
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Manpower! [In reply to] Can't Post

Thranduil's Palace is to the north of Mirkwood. Dol Guldur is to the south (about the same distance that Hobbiton is from Rivendell).


Yngwulff
Gondor


Jun 24 2013, 3:05am

Post #19 of 51 (184 views)
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It was ... [In reply to] Can't Post

in fact Sauron's Elsinore Brewery and Elves don't do beer ...


“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”


sador
Half-elven


Jun 24 2013, 6:08am

Post #20 of 51 (157 views)
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Not necessarily a typo [In reply to] Can't Post

They probably gave the map to Legolas.

'But my father loves them,' said Túrin, 'and he is not happy without them. He says that we have learned all that we know from them, and have been made a nobler people; and he says that the Men that have lately come over the Mountains are little better than Orcs.'
'That is true,' answered Sador; 'true at least of some of us. But the up-climbing is painful, and from high places it is easy to fall low.'

Who was right?
Join us in the Reading Room, for the discussion of Of the Coming of Men into the West, beginning on June 9!


zarabia
Grey Havens


Jun 24 2013, 6:42am

Post #21 of 51 (145 views)
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You know what they say, denial ain't just a river in Africa. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


zarabia
Grey Havens


Jun 24 2013, 6:44am

Post #22 of 51 (153 views)
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LOL x 3 :D // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


Jun 24 2013, 1:22pm

Post #23 of 51 (188 views)
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Remember what Legolas showed us regarding Elves' sense of direction... [In reply to] Can't Post

The siege train was last seen passing the Iron Hills, still heading east.



"123456!... password!... password1!... password2!... Gimli, do you know Durin's date of birth? Thanks. 140457!... mithril@!... mithril#!... maltbeer!... qwerty!... Legolas, do your elf eyes see any post-its lying around the base of the cliff?"


noWizardme
Grey Havens


Jun 24 2013, 3:07pm

Post #24 of 51 (140 views)
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"Free drinks for the Elven Kings under the sky..." // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Disclaimers: The words of noWizardme may stand on their heads! I'm often wrong about things, and its fun to be taught more....

"nowimë I am in the West, Furincurunir to the Dwarves (or at least, to their best friend) and by other names in other lands. Mostly they just say 'Oh no it's him - look busy!' "
Or "Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!"


Darkstone
Immortal


Jun 24 2013, 3:54pm

Post #25 of 51 (127 views)
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The promise of new jobs and increased tax revenue overcame any namby-pamby NIMBY concerns. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 

******************************************
Pippin: "When you guys fall in the forest, does it make a sound?"
Bregalad: "Are you kidding? Scott fell last week and he hasn't shut up about it since!"

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