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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
Apr 30 2013, 1:31am
Post #1 of 21
(2215 views)
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A LotR inspired book I'm writing
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Hey so after I read The Hobbit and some of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring I picked up a bit of experience. So I decided to write a novel of my own.
Now normally I'm the type of guy who can look back at his stuff and say 'Dear lord did I do that?!' and I can honestly say that this is turning out to be a good book.
I'd really like someone to read it and give me some feedback from a neutral perspective. So far I have a forward, a prolougue, and chapter I. The prolougue and chapter I have the story, the forward is all of the lore I've created.
The forward is still being added to, but the others are pretty much done. Thanks so much if you check it out!
Forward: http://www.mediafire.com/view/?81oh4qawsre3hs2
Prolougue: http://www.mediafire.com/view/?81ucjbf2stm5d10
Chapter I: http://www.mediafire.com/view/?09g4bqdm8nta99a
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
(This post was edited by FlamingDovahkiin on Apr 30 2013, 1:33am)
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
Apr 30 2013, 11:59pm
Post #2 of 21
(1645 views)
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Also tell me if any lore is conflicting, it's really hard keeping this junk straight in my head and on paper.
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 1 2013, 2:25am
Post #3 of 21
(1642 views)
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Not much activity in this section here is there? Or does the book just suck 
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
May 1 2013, 6:04am
Post #4 of 21
(1671 views)
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I just try to stay away from other people's uncompleted manuscripts.
'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring
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DwellerInDale
Rohan
May 1 2013, 1:04pm
Post #5 of 21
(1644 views)
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...you might consider learning how to spell correctly before trying to write a novel. Words like "inhabbit" , "north poll", "philosifers", and "counsil" won't exactly impress your readers.
Don't mess with my favorite female elf.
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 1 2013, 1:05pm
Post #6 of 21
(1630 views)
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Erm, okay?
Then why are you here?
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 1 2013, 1:20pm
Post #7 of 21
(1625 views)
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I'm sure they wouldn't impress my readers, but misspelling a few words because I was typing a book hastily certainly doesn't impede the story.
Besides I'll get some dorks to do that when my book becomes a hit novel 
Now seriously though what did you think of it?
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
May 1 2013, 2:54pm
Post #8 of 21
(1617 views)
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You were complaining that you were not getting any resoponses
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So, I gave you a reason why I wasn't responding. Now you complain about that.
'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
May 1 2013, 3:33pm
Post #9 of 21
(1605 views)
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Spelling matters (sorry, too late to edit my last post)
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Okay. I broke down and checked out your links.
Spelling does matter. Poor spelling looks unprofessional and makes you look semi-literate--not a good way to impress an editor. And between a good dictionary and thesaurus and the existance of Spell Check there are no good excuses for it.
Fix the mixed fonts in your text. They are annoying and make your manuscript a chore to slog through. Not at all reader-friendly.
Your writing style needs work. There is nothing wrong with the 'everyday language' approach, but I think that you take it a bit too far. Also, asides such as '(The names of the other ten are unimportant.)' are largely unnecessary and needlessly telegraph that these additional characters are nothing more than cannon-fodder. Often, less is more. Writers need to be ruthless in their need to self-edit (a well-known author once wrote that writers have to be prepared to kill their children).
'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 1 2013, 4:54pm
Post #10 of 21
(1597 views)
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I went and corrected most of the spelling errors. I do agree my writing could use a bit of work, but still, what do you think of it? Just on a 1-10 or 1-5 scale?
Also I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'everyday language approach'. I'm also not at all sure what you mean by mixed fonts, do you just mean the bold and italic titles? If so those were meant to be there.
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
May 1 2013, 5:15pm
Post #11 of 21
(1588 views)
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Yes, I meant your mixture of italics and bold lettering...
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Frankly, it is a stupid idea and adds nothing except annoyance and confusion for the reader. Stop it.
FYI: It's prologue (or prolog), not prolougue.
In retrospect, my "everyday language" comment doesn't make much sense to myself either. Let's just say that your writing doesn't yet sing, but falls a bit flat in its tone. I hate to use a numeric rating but since you asked, I might give what I've read a 2 out of 5 (3 out of 10?).
'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 1 2013, 5:38pm
Post #12 of 21
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Darn, 3 of 10? I must suck.
But I still don't get that mixed fonts thing, no matter what angle I look at it from, I don't see 'annoyance and confusion'.
Thanks for your feedback, I think what it's missing are those purely descriptive paragraphs; for some reason my brain just can't seem to think of a way to make ten paragraphs out of two hobbits standing motionless. I guess I won't be the next J.R.R Tolkien
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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Otaku-sempai
Immortal
May 1 2013, 5:44pm
Post #13 of 21
(1593 views)
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I don't suggest that you give up on your novel. However, while you work on it, you might want to try honing your skills on shorter works. There are still some markets for short fiction and editors can provide valuable feedback.
'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 1 2013, 5:48pm
Post #14 of 21
(1591 views)
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Thanks, but I don't give up so easy...
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Thanks for your constructive criticisms.
But you don't have to worry about me giving up just yet, I plan to sit down with my laptop and The Fellowship of the Ring and (try to) improve it.
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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Mr. Arkenstone (isaac)
Tol Eressea
May 7 2013, 9:16pm
Post #16 of 21
(1759 views)
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I have been reading the prologue, and it starts with so many data, names of plasces mainly, so many
If you allow me, I would start with a shocking phrase, one that hooks the audience and then I would start with some character (not necesarry the main) but people usually dont feel conection with a mountain, (not in the first paragraph at least, well I odnt know, hehe)
And then imagine the wildest situation (or ridiculous one) that comes to your mind, dont judge it, just start building from that, you will be surprised how the story leads you to unknown places
Oh and try something new, Tolkien had his time, you will probably have your own shining far away of good“s professor“s shadow
Well sorry for the spelling I“m spanish and it is not my tongue, I hope this will help you because once it helped me
Thanks good Otaku for reading your stuff
IMO
best luck
The flagon with the dragon has the brew that is true!
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 9 2013, 12:12pm
Post #17 of 21
(1551 views)
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I hope you enjoyed that, I'll consider what you've said.
And there's really no need to apologize for your spelling, you already learned the hardest language in the world!
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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LordGawain
Rivendell
May 21 2013, 12:55am
Post #18 of 21
(1492 views)
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I love that you are trying to write a novel, it's quite the undertaking!
I myself am not a great writer, I do not have the patience. I am a great reader, though, I study English literature at the university at the moment, so I guess I do know what it takes to write a good book, although I don't think I would be able to do it myself. Anyway, some tips:
1) Do not start writing with the FotR next to you. Read it, for sure, because it's great, but it wouldn't help to just copy Tolkien's style, just because you like it. Since the 60s, most fantasy authors have tried to compete with LotR, but the successful, and in my opinion best works of fantasy are those trying to do something unique, something fresh, something new. Your whole back-story is quite alright, but it could be truly great if it wasn't so clearly derived from Tolkien's work, and similar to other fantasy novels.
2) what makes good fantasy great, is the thematic structure of the book. what is your book really about? LotR is about death and the desire for deathlessness, corruption, weakness that comes from trying to do good, and the finding of bravery, among other things. The Hobbit is about egocentricity vs selflessness, greed, the search for adventure, ... These themes give the story a heart, which makes all the difference. It's about so much more than epic battles, where the guys in white beat the guys in black.
3) you said: 'I'm sure they wouldn't impress my readers, but misspelling a few words because I was typing a book hastily certainly doesn't impede the story.'
I can only tell you my discovery, that in true Literature (and I've read a lot of great English authors, from Malory to Beckett) the form is more important than the content. In the end, it are the words that tell the story and that decide whether it is enjoyable or not. That is why published authors often spend hours on getting that one sentence to sound just right. Always remember: the process of writing is not just a means to tell a story, it is a end-goal on its own, just as important as your plot. To learn more, I would suggest reading some poetry from the Romantic Period, like some verses of Lyrical Ballads by Wordsworth and Coleridge (check out the latter's Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner especially, it's beautiful) and Songs of Innocence and Experience by Blake. These authors all tell relatively simple (and often in essence even dull) stories, Wordsworth is especially keen on simply describing nature, but it is their selection of words that make these poems some of the finest ever written. The period's fashion was to write for all classes in civilization, so the vocabulary used is relatively simple and very readable for a modern audience. Pay attention to their use of sounds, and how every sentence is like a song on its own, that would be beautiful even if you would not understand English. The vocabulary and syntax carries a meaning on its own, that complements the actual content of the writing, therefore adding more depth. Try to implement that in your work, and you might become a great author one day.
Keep on writing, and keep us posted! :D
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Escapist
Gondor
May 21 2013, 1:42am
Post #19 of 21
(1537 views)
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I think you should think about a few things like:
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What is your main reason for writing this piece? What are you trying to capture from your imagination and communicate to someone? What drives you to do it? What are you gaining from it?
My answers to these questions have kept me going in spite of some strong criticism.
Who is your target audience? What is their entry into this story? How is it relevant to lived experience? What does it mean to someone reading it? If it is just entertainment then what makes a person desire it?
etc. etc. etc.
Perhaps it is only wishful thinking on my part, but I am willing to bet that a lot of early stage stuff is met with quite a lot of criticism and early drafts tend to rate much lower than final polished versions of anything.
I should also add that it is my impression that the standards of competitiveness for fantastic / imaginative fiction are quite high and the number of books out there has exploded in recent years. I have come across dozens of books that seem to have been written fairly recently. The existence and circulation of them is both daunting and encouraging, but it isn't exactly a small "niche" any more and I am willing to bet the level of competition is becoming pretty heavy. All of this may matter more or less all depending on your goals with your writing.
It's interesting that we are living in a world of increasing specialization. There may be a tendency to have one set of people generate creative ideas and another hone skills to develop those ideas without any cooperation or overlap. I think a great deal of important stuff gets lost in this compartmentalization and I utterly refuse to cooperate in the slightest. I guess this is why I am becoming more and more familiar with words like "posthumous". But that's just me. This attitude of mine shields me against criticism and keeps that core engine of creativity hot, which is important to me for many reasons. I don't know where you are on the map of creativity and marketability and the like but that position is likely to be important for how you take things and what you do with your story.
Finally, in my personal opinion, I don't want to live in a world where only the best and most favored do all the singing and writing for everyone else. So I plan to keep up with all of it for my own happiness. If that's all that comes of it than that's fine with me.
(This post was edited by Escapist on May 21 2013, 1:43am)
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 22 2013, 1:54pm
Post #20 of 21
(1475 views)
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I apologize for the long reply, I'm getting a little bit evicted lol.
First off, you sure as heck could write a novel! Just make that post your forward 
1.) I see your points and agree, but I'm not simply 'copying' him, I'm learning at the feet of the master!
My back-story wasn't supposed to be clearly derived from Tolkien's work... Darn that Tolkien! He stole my idea.
But I agree, and I'm planning to rewrite the whole thing without the bad style and bland landscapes.
2.) Maybe it's just me, but to tell the truth, I've never really noticed the chunks of the writer's soul woven into books and movies. All I see is the guys in white beating the guys in black, and I enjoy every second of it.
It was actually going to be Sykes' discovery of himself (not sure if he's named Sykes in what you read), and him finding the meaning of true friendship and, in the end, finding the peace he's sought his whole life.
3.) I agree there, but if my novel were to ever be published, I'm sure it would be spell checked. The more I read FotR (which I'm like 3 pages from completing), the more I hear the beauty of Tolkien's words, how every sentence is like a poem in itself.
The book is on hold at the moment, due to the reason stated at the beginning, I've not had much time.
I thanks you for your awe inspiring post, and the helpful hints and constructive criticism you've given me.
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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FlamingDovahkiin
The Shire
May 22 2013, 2:11pm
Post #21 of 21
(1813 views)
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What is your main reason for writing this piece? What are you trying to capture from your imagination and communicate to someone? What drives you to do it? What are you gaining from it?
My answers to these questions have kept me going in spite of some strong criticism. I'm a man, I'm just too shallow for all of that poring my emotions into the book.
I'm writing it so I don't have to go by the rules of Tolkien or Todd Howard (Elder Scrolls game series), so I can have my fantasy world, with my rules, and [i[my lore. I want my own elves and orcs, with a history that I enjoy.
Who is your target audience? What is their entry into this story? How is it relevant to lived experience? What does it mean to someone reading it? If it is just entertainment then what makes a person desire it? Once again, not that far into it. The target audience is people like me, people who want to see background, story, and bloody battles.
It's not relevant to lived experience because I live on earth! Not Middle-Earth!
What it means to people reading it is what they make of it, what they enjoy of it. What makes a person desire it is the content, if someone desires a good story, then let them have at it! If they desire action, be my guest!
Perhaps it is only wishful thinking on my part, but I am willing to bet that a lot of early stage stuff is met with quite a lot of criticism and early drafts tend to rate much lower than final polished versions of anything. I do agree there, by the time I'm through with it, you wouldn't know what you just read was an early version.
This was a very nice post, but I've never understood people trying to 'get a message across'. The ONLY thing that I don't like about LotR are the messages in it. The whole friendship-dudes-crying-win-against-darkness is what I don't enjoy!
If I wanted to convey a message, and my philosifies to the reader, it would be; "No matter how hard it gets, get through it, by any means necessary short of abandoning those you love."
WAIT A MINUTE! My mom left me and my father a year or two ago (I'm 14, live with it), so maybe I'm unconsiously pouring my soul into it!
I just really have to thank you for letting me realize that just now, and I apologize profusely if I was impolite.
One Ring to rule them all.
One Ring to find them.
One Ring to bring them all and i the darkness bind them.
A pretty original signature, eh? eh?
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I wish you luck!
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