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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories
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Ataahua
Superuser / Moderator


Mar 2 2013, 9:20pm

Post #1 of 30 (424 views)
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Middle-earth Conspiracy Theories Can't Post

Just why did the Valar ban humans from visiting them in Valinor?

Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."

"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded beggar with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.


Ataahua's stories


DanielLB
Immortal


Mar 2 2013, 9:44pm

Post #2 of 30 (204 views)
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Justin Bieber's singing was the real reason that the Two Trees withered and died. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Otaku-sempai
Half-elven


Mar 2 2013, 9:48pm

Post #3 of 30 (199 views)
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They grew tired of turning away solicitors. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

'There are older and fouler things than Orcs in the deep places of the world.' - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Mar 2 2013, 9:49pm

Post #4 of 30 (223 views)
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Because humans were deemed unworthy, being unable to Jedi mind-meld [In reply to] Can't Post

without first taking the Spice. Poor Muggles....

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;


Ardamírë
Valinor


Mar 2 2013, 9:52pm

Post #5 of 30 (208 views)
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Have you seen Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj? [In reply to] Can't Post

I'd ban us, too. Crazy

There's a sad sort of clanging from the clock in the hall and the bells in the steeple, too.
And up in the nursery an absurd little bird is popping out to say coo-coo (coo-coo, coo-coo).


DanielLB
Immortal


Mar 3 2013, 12:11am

Post #6 of 30 (205 views)
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Tourism declined tenfold once humans found out that there was no tuna at Túna. / [In reply to] Can't Post

 


ryouko
Lorien

Mar 3 2013, 12:26am

Post #7 of 30 (197 views)
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lawsuit [In reply to] Can't Post

They once allowed a Man there. But as he stepped off the boat, he fell and twisted his ankle. There were no "Watch Your Step" signs, so he promptly sued them. They settled out of court, but the Man was sent back to Middle Earth and no other Men were ever allowed in.


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Mar 3 2013, 3:29am

Post #8 of 30 (181 views)
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Jedi mind-meld [In reply to] Can't Post

Obama's never gonna live that one down Laugh


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Mar 3 2013, 3:31am

Post #9 of 30 (172 views)
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They kept cleaning their boots on their side boards. [In reply to] Can't Post

or is it just dwarves who do that?


NottaSackville
Tol Eressea

Mar 3 2013, 3:44am

Post #10 of 30 (163 views)
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That's it. I'm not even going to try to top this one. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 

Happiness: money matters, but less than we think and not in the way that we think. Family is important and so are friends, while envy is toxic -- and so is excessive thinking. Beaches are optional. Trust is not. Neither is gratitude. - The Geography of Bliss by Eric Weiner as summarized by Lily Fairbairn. And a bit of the Hobbit reading thrown in never hurts. - NottaSackville


batik
Tol Eressea


Mar 3 2013, 4:18am

Post #11 of 30 (163 views)
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Hmm---they were out of tun-a?// [In reply to] Can't Post

 


batik
Tol Eressea


Mar 3 2013, 4:29am

Post #12 of 30 (156 views)
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They feared Geeks bearing gifts?// [In reply to] Can't Post

 


grammaboodawg
Immortal


Mar 3 2013, 5:23am

Post #13 of 30 (152 views)
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Human take over the neighbourhood, and their dogs bark too much // [In reply to] Can't Post

 



Second draft of TH:AUJ Geeky Observation List - updated list coming soon



sample

I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!



TIME Google Calendar
TORn's Geeky Observations Lists (updated soon)


sador
Half-elven


Mar 3 2013, 7:35am

Post #14 of 30 (165 views)
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You beat me to it! [In reply to] Can't Post

Oh, those frail mortals...


elaen32
Gondor

Mar 3 2013, 8:40am

Post #15 of 30 (147 views)
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The Valar got fed up with requests to pose for photographs [In reply to] Can't Post

with Men (& Women) at sites made famous in the Silmarillion
" Varda, could you just stand with my friend, that would be great- a star just above you would be even better"
"Yavanna, could you just stand with us between the Two Trees whilst Aule crafts a picture" the list goes on......

"Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves the dreams of trees unfold"


CuriousG
Valinor


Mar 3 2013, 2:36pm

Post #16 of 30 (135 views)
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Elves are potty-trained, and humans are not.// [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Ruxendil_Thoorg
Grey Havens


Mar 3 2013, 8:39pm

Post #17 of 30 (145 views)
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It all started with a Chinese restaurant.... [In reply to] Can't Post

that specialized in the cuisine a specific province. Unfortunately Manwe spotted a kitchen staff leave the bathroom without washing hands. As he left in a jiffy he glanced back to check the sign, swearing to bar that establishment, and everyone from its represented Chinese province, from Valinor forever. Regrettably in his hurry he misread the sign and consequently everyone from the "HUMAN" province was banned.

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.

http://newboards.theonering.net/...forum_view_expanded;


Ethel Duath
Valinor


Mar 4 2013, 12:48am

Post #18 of 30 (107 views)
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And didn't know what "Long Live Prospero" meant. // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


Ethel Duath
Valinor


Mar 4 2013, 12:50am

Post #19 of 30 (106 views)
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But . . . but . . . there isn't? :( (Mods up! :D) // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


ryouko
Lorien

Mar 4 2013, 1:40am

Post #20 of 30 (106 views)
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another theory [In reply to] Can't Post

They got tired of the humans constantly sending them gift requests for games on Facebook.

Plus the endless Meme posts and the occasional "Elves R Stoopid. LOL!!1!!" tried even their patience.


arithmancer
Grey Havens

Mar 4 2013, 2:46am

Post #21 of 30 (125 views)
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Absent-minded. [In reply to] Can't Post

The Valar are not very good at matching names to faces. Often, a Vala would finally learn to associate the right name to the face of some mortal of their acqaintance, only to discover the mortal had passed away. Worse, the Vala often discovered this when addressing a bereaved son or daughter by the name of their deceased parent. The Valar decided they did not want to deal with this source of frustration and embarassment.


CuriousG
Valinor


Mar 4 2013, 1:20pm

Post #22 of 30 (87 views)
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Thinking of those behaviors [In reply to] Can't Post

Makes me want to ban humans too. :)


Loresilme
Valinor


Mar 4 2013, 1:48pm

Post #23 of 30 (88 views)
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lol - aka 'when fantasy worlds collide' :) // [In reply to] Can't Post

 


(This post was edited by Loresilme on Mar 4 2013, 1:50pm)


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


Mar 4 2013, 7:23pm

Post #24 of 30 (68 views)
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They got tired of being asked "You-ë speak-ë Westron-ë?" in really loud voices.// [In reply to] Can't Post

 



"123456!... password!... password1!... password2!... Gimli, do you know Durin's date of birth? Thanks. 140457!... mithril@!... mithril#!... maltbeer!... qwerty!... Legolas, do your elf eyes see any post-its lying around the base of the cliff?"


L. Ron Halfelven
Grey Havens


Mar 4 2013, 7:30pm

Post #25 of 30 (80 views)
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After which they went to try and find Na'vi in Avathar.// [In reply to] Can't Post

 



"123456!... password!... password1!... password2!... Gimli, do you know Durin's date of birth? Thanks. 140457!... mithril@!... mithril#!... maltbeer!... qwerty!... Legolas, do your elf eyes see any post-its lying around the base of the cliff?"

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