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Felagund
Rivendell
Feb 16, 1:57pm
Views: 177
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Fredegar 'Fatty' Bolger vs Morgoth
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This is a tough one to call. Morgoth was the most powerful of the Valar but he nearly got eaten by Ungoliant - he's weak when it comes to stomach-based issues. I reckon 'Fatty' Bolger has a real chance and here's why:
Fatty would turn up at Angband and challenge Morgoth to a pie-eating contest. Morgoth would have to accept, just like he accepted Fingolfin's challenge, because otherwise his servants would lose respect for him. So they'd sit down, and go for it, pie-for-pie. Morgoth would be okay for the first few hundred pies, as he has taken the form of a giant ogre but Fatty, bloated by years of overeating in The Shire, would hang in there like the pro he is. Eventually, Morgoth would get sleepy from all the pies, allowing Fatty to go one pie up on him, and therefore claim victory. But rather than loudly revel in his triumph, Fatty would then sneak up to the sleeping Vala and steal another Silmaril from his Iron Crown.
So there you have it. Fredegar 'Fatty' Bolger would become a legend - defeating Morgoth in a duel and matching the deeds of Beren and Lúthien by taking a Silmaril. Unfortunately for Fatty, the Sons of Fëanor then hunt him down to reclaim their legacy. But that's an Arena story for another day...
Welcome to the Mordorfone network, where we put the 'hai' back into Uruk
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Fredegar 'Fatty' Bolger vs Morgoth
