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stoutfiles
Nargothrond
Feb 8 2013, 4:25pm
Post #1 of 46
(2688 views)
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Hobbit: 10 times shorter, 100 times more honest
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Funny screenplay on Cracked, worth a read.
http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html
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bborchar
Nargothrond
Feb 8 2013, 5:18pm
Post #2 of 46
(1724 views)
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...and I'm only done with the narrative. Thanks :)
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Aragalen the Green
Mithlond
Feb 8 2013, 5:59pm
Post #3 of 46
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Thanks a lot, now I'm scarred for life.
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Pretty funny actually. 
Just a heads-up for those of us with delicate sensibilities, there is some LANGUAGE.
'"Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!" he said to himself, and it became a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb.'
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SirDennisC
Gondolin
Feb 8 2013, 5:59pm
Post #4 of 46
(1725 views)
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(hesitates, frowns) Language Warning!!!!!
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even for Cracked it is over the top... but it is also just about the funniest and insightful thing I've read about the movie. (Insightful in that they hardly missed a beat... it's like they've read everything ever written at TORn or something.)
Some stand-out moments:
Martin Freeman: (hesitates, frowns)
"That is the worst chase sequence I've ever seen. How is it possible for special effects to look less convincing than they did 10 years ago?"
IAN MCKELLEN: (gravely)
I have disturbing news. There is a shadowy threat that is manipulating events while remaining unseen.
CHRISTOPHER LEE:
So you mean to tell me we're facing some kind of phantom mena-
(pause)
Oh crap. Not again.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/...t.html#ixzz2KKcY6n86
Kind of makes a recently expressed opinion seem rather more charitable, no?
(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Feb 8 2013, 6:03pm)
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Brethil
Gondolin
Feb 8 2013, 7:45pm
Post #6 of 46
(1621 views)
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language warning, but this is a scream
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RA's speech about "walking" made me laugh out loud!!!!!!!
Thorin and Bilbo are actually treated rather kindly here.
Phantom Menace....! hah
Re: our recent poster; clever parody is entertainment even if it mocks what we love, while venom is just uncomfortable.
Thanks for the link!
...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.
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Macfeast
Nargothrond
Feb 8 2013, 8:04pm
Post #7 of 46
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The majority of the points they raised, I remember being covered quite extensively here on TORN. Bird-poop Radagast? Check. Embellished stone-giants sequence? Check. Dwarves surviving ridiculous falls? Check ("Oh no, he's threatening us with falling. Has he not been paying attention?" ). Frodo's inclusion? Check.
Loved the movie, but I have to admit that the article was hysterical.
(This post was edited by Macfeast on Feb 8 2013, 8:09pm)
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SirDennisC
Gondolin
Feb 8 2013, 8:09pm
Post #8 of 46
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knowing Sir Lee was shot in London, that Sir Ian complained of acting against green screen and tennis balls, and that 48fps was not always an improvement.
Yes quite the comprehensive piece. I wonder if the author is a member of TORn? If not, they ought to be.
(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Feb 8 2013, 8:10pm)
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JWPlatt
Hithlum
Feb 8 2013, 8:10pm
Post #9 of 46
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Very funny, except I'm disappointed there was no mention of Armitage's schizophrenic anger hug.
The Radagast bird poop scenes were a pleasure to read. That decision to "soil" the dignity of the Maiar/Istari deserves all the negative attention it gets.
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Brandybuckled
Menegroth
Feb 8 2013, 8:34pm
Post #10 of 46
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That was nicely done.
NAArP: Not An Ardent purist since Arda was dented
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Mahtion
Ossiriand
Feb 8 2013, 8:52pm
Post #11 of 46
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This parody had its moments but fell apart when it ridiculed the movie for parts that happen exactly the same in the book! Consider the parts where they mention Gandalf rescuing the company or that Elrond has the circumstances to read the moon runes at the exact fated moment. Or what about when Gandalf sets fire to the pine cones and inconsistently uses magic? All these are the same in the book as written by Tolkien so the site is at times critical of Tolkien equally. Worst part in the article is when they complain that Bilbo finds the way out without Gollum but the movie clearly shows that Bilbo was following Gollum as he even had to jump over him to exit the Misty Mountains. There is no reason to be critical of the movie without giving proper criticism to the source material. Seems like the site was reaching a bit for the sake of comedy.
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Kassandros
Nargothrond
Feb 9 2013, 1:43am
Post #12 of 46
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They didn't say they were going after the adaptation only, did they? The movie includes the source material. Tolkien had his own sillinesses.
To be honest, one of my least favorite scenes in the movie is when Gandalf shows up to save the day against The Goblin King. It seems so unsatisfying to have him come out of nowhere and save the day for the poor helpless Dwarves. Can't blame PJ, though.
all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us...
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JWPlatt
Hithlum
Feb 9 2013, 2:07am
Post #13 of 46
(1509 views)
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Another post here praised the very same scene for finally allowing Gandalf to display his power, something Jackson seems to have been loathe to do.
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KilroyMcFadden
Registered User
Feb 9 2013, 3:55am
Post #14 of 46
(1474 views)
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Funny screenplay on Cracked, worth a read.
http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html
Brilliant... just spot on. Nearly passed out laughing.
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Kimtc
Nargothrond
Feb 9 2013, 4:29am
Post #15 of 46
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The part where RA says they arent going to walk like in the other films, but will travel awesomely and majestically...on ponies. I loved that line in the movie ("Give him a pony"), but now this is all I can think of. Still, very funny.
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Súlimë
Ossiriand
Feb 9 2013, 6:22am
Post #16 of 46
(1435 views)
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Thorin and Bilbo are actually treated rather kindly here. Yep.
I love this part:
Thorin: Is somebody about to relate my epic backstory? I'll go stare nobly into the distance while you do that, don't want to intrude.
This is exactly my thoughts every time I watch the scene :P
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namarie
Nargothrond
Feb 9 2013, 9:36am
Post #17 of 46
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This should be filmed as a Hobbit parody and the actors from the movie should be in it
Would be fun to watch.
“The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there!”
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Arannir
Doriath
Feb 9 2013, 12:22pm
Post #18 of 46
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For a dramaturgic adaption of the Hobbit, Tolkien provided for quite some issues himself. Same was the case with LotR. But one has to be careful to say that out loud :D
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imin
Doriath
Feb 9 2013, 1:02pm
Post #19 of 46
(1370 views)
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Well one could argue that it's PJ's fault :P
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seeing how he kept it in and was happy to change around loads of stuff from the book. I think he was using it as an example that Gandalf has some serious power which he only uses when he absolutely has no other choice.
For me personally i like how it showed Gandalf actually had some power and wasn't simply an old man. I was like 'yes finally Gandalf gets to show he is awesome!' but i can see what you are saying.
But yeah Tolkien isn't perfect and one can pick plot holes in his stories just as i imagine you could for almost all stories.
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Brethil
Gondolin
Feb 9 2013, 3:38pm
Post #20 of 46
(1332 views)
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as much as I did!. As Imin posts you can certainly poke some holes in the source material, even as a diehard.
Besides we just parodied ourselves with about 437 bad pants jokes.
...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.
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SirDennisC
Gondolin
Feb 9 2013, 3:38pm
Post #21 of 46
(1378 views)
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Didn't mention the hug, but interpreted it here:
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RICHARD ARMITAGE
Martin, you showed great courage, and I now respect you.
MARTIN FREEMAN
(hesitates, frowns)
Meaning both of our character arcs have been compressed into one film. You would think, with TWO MORE TO GO, they could've given that a little more time to develop.
RICHARD ARMITAGE
Well, we still have to get all the way to the Lonely Mountain ...
KEN STOTT
Hey, there it is.
RICHARD ARMITAGE
Aw [crud].
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html#ixzz2KPrwk2ZE
Incidentally, I remember thinking something similar to this while everyone was all huggy and stuff:
The COMPANY is flown out of DANGER and left at the TOP of a TALL, NARROW PEAK, instead of at, oh let's say, the BOTTOM, because EAGLES ARE [jerks].
Actually it's a no win situation: If the eagles had flown them to a more easily traversed spot, people would complain about the D-X-M and/or lack of faithfulness to the book. Also, the party wouldn't have been able to see the Lonely Mountain from that distance if they were on the ground.
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SirDennisC
Gondolin
Feb 9 2013, 3:49pm
Post #22 of 46
(1340 views)
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Personally, I can handle colourful language
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but I prefer the subversive voice to the overt.
However, similar to announcing "spoiler" in subject lines where appropriate, it is our custom here to announce "language warning" or "content warning" when linking to a text or a site that may not be widely considered to be family or work place friendly.
That aside, the piece still has me laughing out loud.
(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Feb 9 2013, 3:50pm)
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Ham_Sammy
Dor-Lomin
Feb 9 2013, 6:28pm
Post #23 of 46
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Haha I enjoyed it. I loved the Martin Freeman (Hesitates, Frowns) each time. Very funny. Overall very well done and it was a fun read. I just loved the overall sarcasm and wit. Cracked has always been fun. This is no exception.
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Kassandros
Nargothrond
Feb 9 2013, 8:58pm
Post #24 of 46
(1286 views)
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I think most people like that scene. And I'm not sure it should have been done differently, but I don't enjoy it a lot. But it's just one part, so it's ok. I did finally enjoy the action scenes in the goblin tunnels more the last time I saw it, once I was aclimated to 48 fps.
all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us...
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AinurOlorin
Gondolin
Feb 10 2013, 4:09am
Post #25 of 46
(1256 views)
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Not always accurate or fair, but VERY funny.
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There are a lot of jabs in this that aren't as well thought out as the comic thinks they are, and that have good answers/explanations for why they are as they are. Also, some of the things here mocked or complained about are exactly some of the things that make the movie great, and some of them are entirely and appropriately true to the cannon. A few things are spot on. All the same. . . some of this is damned hilarious! Funny screenplay on Cracked, worth a read.
http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html
"Hear me, hounds of Sauron, Gandalf is here! Fly if you value your foul skins, I will shrivel you from tail to snout if you step within this circle!"
"Do not be to eager to deal out death in judgement. Even the very wise cannot see all ends."
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Thank you for posting this.
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