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The One Ring Forums: Tolkien Topics: Movie Discussion: The Hobbit:
Hobbit: 10 times shorter, 100 times more honest
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stoutfiles
Rohan


Feb 8 2013, 4:25pm

Post #1 of 46 (1688 views)
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Hobbit: 10 times shorter, 100 times more honest Can't Post

Funny screenplay on Cracked, worth a read.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html


bborchar
Rohan


Feb 8 2013, 5:18pm

Post #2 of 46 (724 views)
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Already laughing... [In reply to] Can't Post

...and I'm only done with the narrative. Thanks :)


Aragalen the Green
Gondor


Feb 8 2013, 5:59pm

Post #3 of 46 (711 views)
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Thanks a lot, now I'm scarred for life. [In reply to] Can't Post

Pretty funny actually. Laugh

Just a heads-up for those of us with delicate sensibilities, there is some LANGUAGE.

'"Never laugh at live dragons, Bilbo you fool!" he said to himself, and it became a favourite saying of his later, and passed into a proverb.'


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 8 2013, 5:59pm

Post #4 of 46 (725 views)
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(hesitates, frowns) Language Warning!!!!! [In reply to] Can't Post

even for Cracked it is over the top... but it is also just about the funniest and insightful thing I've read about the movie. (Insightful in that they hardly missed a beat... it's like they've read everything ever written at TORn or something.)

Some stand-out moments:


Quote
Martin Freeman: (hesitates, frowns)
"That is the worst chase sequence I've ever seen. How is it possible for special effects to look less convincing than they did 10 years ago?"



Quote
IAN MCKELLEN: (gravely)
I have disturbing news. There is a shadowy threat that is manipulating events while remaining unseen.

CHRISTOPHER LEE:
So you mean to tell me we're facing some kind of phantom mena-
(pause)
Oh crap. Not again.


Read more: http://www.cracked.com/...t.html#ixzz2KKcY6n86

Kind of makes a recently expressed opinion seem rather more charitable, no?


(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Feb 8 2013, 6:03pm)


Tintallë
Gondor


Feb 8 2013, 6:24pm

Post #5 of 46 (658 views)
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That reminds me of LOTR Breadbox Edition! [In reply to] Can't Post

Fellowship Breadbox: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=534018
The Two Towers Breadbox: http://www.fanfiction.net/....php?storyid=1161912
There's a ROTK edition as well, but you get the idea.


Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 8 2013, 7:45pm

Post #6 of 46 (621 views)
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language warning, but this is a scream [In reply to] Can't Post

RA's speech about "walking" made me laugh out loud!!!!!!!Evil
Thorin and Bilbo are actually treated rather kindly here.
Phantom Menace....! hah
Re: our recent poster; clever parody is entertainment even if it mocks what we love, while venom is just uncomfortable.

Thanks for the link!

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.


Macfeast
Rohan


Feb 8 2013, 8:04pm

Post #7 of 46 (612 views)
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Heh, noticed the same thing. [In reply to] Can't Post

The majority of the points they raised, I remember being covered quite extensively here on TORN. Bird-poop Radagast? Check. Embellished stone-giants sequence? Check. Dwarves surviving ridiculous falls? Check ("Oh no, he's threatening us with falling. Has he not been paying attention?" Laugh). Frodo's inclusion? Check.

Loved the movie, but I have to admit that the article was hysterical.


(This post was edited by Macfeast on Feb 8 2013, 8:09pm)


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 8 2013, 8:09pm

Post #8 of 46 (613 views)
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But even minutia such as [In reply to] Can't Post

knowing Sir Lee was shot in London, that Sir Ian complained of acting against green screen and tennis balls, and that 48fps was not always an improvement.

Yes quite the comprehensive piece. I wonder if the author is a member of TORn? If not, they ought to be.


(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Feb 8 2013, 8:10pm)


JWPlatt
Grey Havens


Feb 8 2013, 8:10pm

Post #9 of 46 (627 views)
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Schizoid Thorin Forgotten [In reply to] Can't Post

Very funny, except I'm disappointed there was no mention of Armitage's schizophrenic anger hug.

The Radagast bird poop scenes were a pleasure to read. That decision to "soil" the dignity of the Maiar/Istari deserves all the negative attention it gets.


Brandybuckled
Lorien


Feb 8 2013, 8:34pm

Post #10 of 46 (587 views)
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Thank you for posting this. [In reply to] Can't Post

That was nicely done.

NAArP: Not An Ardent purist since Arda was dented



Mahtion
Rivendell

Feb 8 2013, 8:52pm

Post #11 of 46 (612 views)
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Hit and Miss [In reply to] Can't Post

This parody had its moments but fell apart when it ridiculed the movie for parts that happen exactly the same in the book! Consider the parts where they mention Gandalf rescuing the company or that Elrond has the circumstances to read the moon runes at the exact fated moment. Or what about when Gandalf sets fire to the pine cones and inconsistently uses magic? All these are the same in the book as written by Tolkien so the site is at times critical of Tolkien equally. Worst part in the article is when they complain that Bilbo finds the way out without Gollum but the movie clearly shows that Bilbo was following Gollum as he even had to jump over him to exit the Misty Mountains. There is no reason to be critical of the movie without giving proper criticism to the source material. Seems like the site was reaching a bit for the sake of comedy.


Kassandros
Rohan


Feb 9 2013, 1:43am

Post #12 of 46 (498 views)
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Tolkien wasn't perfect... [In reply to] Can't Post

They didn't say they were going after the adaptation only, did they? The movie includes the source material. Tolkien had his own sillinesses.

To be honest, one of my least favorite scenes in the movie is when Gandalf shows up to save the day against The Goblin King. It seems so unsatisfying to have him come out of nowhere and save the day for the poor helpless Dwarves. Can't blame PJ, though.

all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us...


JWPlatt
Grey Havens


Feb 9 2013, 2:07am

Post #13 of 46 (509 views)
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POV [In reply to] Can't Post

Another post here praised the very same scene for finally allowing Gandalf to display his power, something Jackson seems to have been loathe to do.


KilroyMcFadden
Registered User

Feb 9 2013, 3:55am

Post #14 of 46 (474 views)
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:) [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
Funny screenplay on Cracked, worth a read.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html


Brilliant... just spot on. Nearly passed out laughing.


Kimtc
Rohan


Feb 9 2013, 4:29am

Post #15 of 46 (456 views)
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Lord, I lost it! [In reply to] Can't Post

The part where RA says they arent going to walk like in the other films, but will travel awesomely and majestically...on ponies. I loved that line in the movie ("Give him a pony"), but now this is all I can think of. Still, very funny.


Súlimë
Rivendell


Feb 9 2013, 6:22am

Post #16 of 46 (435 views)
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My thoughts too [In reply to] Can't Post


In Reply To
Thorin and Bilbo are actually treated rather kindly here.

Yep.

I love this part:
Thorin: Is somebody about to relate my epic backstory? I'll go stare nobly into the distance while you do that, don't want to intrude.

This is exactly my thoughts every time I watch the scene :P


namarie
Rohan


Feb 9 2013, 9:36am

Post #17 of 46 (396 views)
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haha [In reply to] Can't Post

This should be filmed as a Hobbit parody and the actors from the movie should be in it Laugh

Would be fun to watch.


“The world is not in your books and maps. It's out there!”


Arannir
Valinor

Feb 9 2013, 12:22pm

Post #18 of 46 (382 views)
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100% agreed. [In reply to] Can't Post

For a dramaturgic adaption of the Hobbit, Tolkien provided for quite some issues himself. Same was the case with LotR. But one has to be careful to say that out loud :D


imin
Valinor


Feb 9 2013, 1:02pm

Post #19 of 46 (369 views)
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Well one could argue that it's PJ's fault :P [In reply to] Can't Post

seeing how he kept it in and was happy to change around loads of stuff from the book. I think he was using it as an example that Gandalf has some serious power which he only uses when he absolutely has no other choice.

For me personally i like how it showed Gandalf actually had some power and wasn't simply an old man. I was like 'yes finally Gandalf gets to show he is awesome!' but i can see what you are saying.

But yeah Tolkien isn't perfect and one can pick plot holes in his stories just as i imagine you could for almost all stories.


Brethil
Half-elven


Feb 9 2013, 3:38pm

Post #20 of 46 (332 views)
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That's why I laughed [In reply to] Can't Post

as much as I did!. As Imin posts you can certainly poke some holes in the source material, even as a diehard.

Besides we just parodied ourselves with about 437 bad pants jokes.

...she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons.


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 9 2013, 3:38pm

Post #21 of 46 (378 views)
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Didn't mention the hug, but interpreted it here: [In reply to] Can't Post


Quote
RICHARD ARMITAGE
Martin, you showed great courage, and I now respect you.

MARTIN FREEMAN
(hesitates, frowns)
Meaning both of our character arcs have been compressed into one film. You would think, with TWO MORE TO GO, they could've given that a little more time to develop.

RICHARD ARMITAGE
Well, we still have to get all the way to the Lonely Mountain ...

KEN STOTT
Hey, there it is.

RICHARD ARMITAGE
Aw [crud].


Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html#ixzz2KPrwk2ZE


Incidentally, I remember thinking something similar to this while everyone was all huggy and stuff:


Quote
The COMPANY is flown out of DANGER and left at the TOP of a TALL, NARROW PEAK, instead of at, oh let's say, the BOTTOM, because EAGLES ARE [jerks].


Actually it's a no win situation: If the eagles had flown them to a more easily traversed spot, people would complain about the D-X-M and/or lack of faithfulness to the book. Also, the party wouldn't have been able to see the Lonely Mountain from that distance if they were on the ground.


SirDennisC
Half-elven


Feb 9 2013, 3:49pm

Post #22 of 46 (340 views)
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Personally, I can handle colourful language [In reply to] Can't Post

but I prefer the subversive voice to the overt.

However, similar to announcing "spoiler" in subject lines where appropriate, it is our custom here to announce "language warning" or "content warning" when linking to a text or a site that may not be widely considered to be family or work place friendly.

That aside, the piece still has me laughing out loud.


(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Feb 9 2013, 3:50pm)


Ham_Sammy
Tol Eressea

Feb 9 2013, 6:28pm

Post #23 of 46 (302 views)
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Loved it! [In reply to] Can't Post

Haha I enjoyed it. I loved the Martin Freeman (Hesitates, Frowns) each time. Very funny. Overall very well done and it was a fun read. I just loved the overall sarcasm and wit. Cracked has always been fun. This is no exception.


Kassandros
Rohan


Feb 9 2013, 8:58pm

Post #24 of 46 (285 views)
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I know. [In reply to] Can't Post

I think most people like that scene. And I'm not sure it should have been done differently, but I don't enjoy it a lot. But it's just one part, so it's ok. I did finally enjoy the action scenes in the goblin tunnels more the last time I saw it, once I was aclimated to 48 fps.

all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us...


AinurOlorin
Half-elven


Feb 10 2013, 4:09am

Post #25 of 46 (256 views)
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Not always accurate or fair, but VERY funny. [In reply to] Can't Post

There are a lot of jabs in this that aren't as well thought out as the comic thinks they are, and that have good answers/explanations for why they are as they are. Also, some of the things here mocked or complained about are exactly some of the things that make the movie great, and some of them are entirely and appropriately true to the cannon. A few things are spot on. All the same. . . some of this is damned hilarious!

In Reply To
Funny screenplay on Cracked, worth a read.

http://www.cracked.com/article_20315_if-hobbit-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html


"Hear me, hounds of Sauron, Gandalf is here! Fly if you value your foul skins, I will shrivel you from tail to snout if you step within this circle!"

"Do not be to eager to deal out death in judgement. Even the very wise cannot see all ends."

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