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Aunt Dora Baggins
Half-elven
Feb 7, 4:34pm
Views: 76
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Weekly poetry thread
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This week I'm going with Ogden Nash again. I've always thought the first two stanzas of this poem were perfect, and the second two didn't really add anything. But I'm putting them all here because I couldn't find this poem anywhere on the Internet, and I thought it should be somewhere.
For some reason, Jonathan Jukes reminds me a bit of Silneldor ;-)
Tell it to the Esquimaux
By Ogden Nash
Jonathan Jukes if full of health,
And he doesn’t care who knows it.
Others may exercise by stealth,
But he with a cry of Prosit!
Others put up with coated tongues,
And shoulders narrow and droopy;
Jonathan overinflates his lungs
With a thundering shout of Whoopee!
Jonathan’s noise is healthy noise,
Jonathan’s joys are healthy joys,
Jonathan shuns the primrose path,
And starts the day with an icy bath.
I might forgive the super-physique
Contained in the Jukes apparel;
The apple glowing in either check;
The chest like an oyster barrel;
The muscles that flow like a mountain stream,
The result of applied eugenics;
The rigorous diet, the stern regime
Of arduous calisthenics;
I can pardon most of the healthy joys,
I can pardon most of the healthy noise,
But Heaven itself no pardon hath
For the man who boasts of an icy bath.
If the Missing Links were vigorous chaps
And their manly deeds were myriad,
Must civilization then relapse
Back to the glacial period?
Humanity learns at a fearful price;
Must the lessons all be lost?
Does the locomotive feed on ice?
Is the liner propelled by frost?
One constant truth mankind has found
Through fire and flood and slaughter:
The thing that makes the wheels go round
Is plenty of good hot water.
And therefore, therefore, Jonathan Jukes,
You deserve the harshest of harsh rebukes;
You and your frigid daily bath
Are blocking civilization’s path.
You think of yourself as Spartan and spunky?
So, Jonathan, is the old brass monkey.
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"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
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"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories
leleni at hotmail dot com
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Weekly poetry thread
