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Compa_Mighty
Tol Eressea
Dec 2 2007, 6:37pm
Post #1 of 10
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Just for fun: The Hobbit with alternate film-makers
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Ridley Scott
Thorin would be Russell Crowe. In a scene he comes before Smaug: "My name is Thorin. Son to murdered father, grandson to a murdered grandfather, and I shall have my revenge."
Martin Scorcese
Thorin would be either Irish or Italian. He lost Erebor due to a dispute with a rival mob.
Happy Madison Films
Adam Sandler is an ill-tempered Bilbo. Rob Schneider is Gandalf.
The Frat Pack
Jack Black is an excentric Bilbo. Will Ferrell is a clueless Gandalf. The Wilson brothers are Fili and Kili. Steve Carrell is a not so heroic Thorin, and Vince Vaughn is the (I don't know why) reverred Thranduil.
Let it be heard! We want Jackson for The Hobbit!
[url"http://newboards.theonering.net/forum/gforum/perl/gforum.cgi?post=44439#44439"]Essay winner of the Show us your Hobbit Pride Giveway!
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Compa_Mighty
Tol Eressea
Dec 2 2007, 6:55pm
Post #2 of 10
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With Martin Scorcese, Leonardo Dicaprio would be Bilbo.
Let it be heard! We want Jackson for The Hobbit!
[url"http://newboards.theonering.net/forum/gforum/perl/gforum.cgi?post=44439#44439"]Essay winner of the Show us your Hobbit Pride Giveway!
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Loresilme
Valinor
Dec 3 2007, 3:58am
Post #3 of 10
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How about
Francis Ford Coppola
Martin Sheen as Bilbo. The film opens with ... "Bag End.... I'm still in *!#$% Bag End."
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Ataahua
Forum Admin
/ Moderator
Dec 3 2007, 6:46am
Post #4 of 10
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A cast packed with stars, all sending themselves up - and for the grand finale, Smaug isn't so much shot down as he is obliterated to smithereens by a low-flying alien spacecraft.
Celebrimbor: "Pretty rings..."
Dwarves: "Pretty rings..."
Men: "Pretty rings..."
Sauron: "Mine's better."
"Ah, how ironic, the addictive qualities of Sauron’s master weapon led to its own destruction. Which just goes to show, kids - if you want two small and noble souls to succeed on a mission of dire importance... send an evil-minded b*****d with them too." - Gandalf's Diaries, final par, by Ufthak.
Ataahua's stories
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stormcrow20
Gondor
Dec 3 2007, 8:56am
Post #5 of 10
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If Tim Burton directed The Hobbit….
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The cast would probably be as follows:
Johnny Depp as Bilbo; Michael Keaton as Elrond; Christopher Lee as Gandalf; Helena Bonham Carter as Lobelia Sackville-Baggins; Albert Finney as the voice of Smaug; Christopher Walken as the voice of Gollum; Winona Ryder as Arwen; Danny Elfman as the Elvenking (and composer); Deep Roy as Thorin; Michael Clarke Duncan as Beorn; and Jeffrey Jones as Bard
And this would be the theme song, to the tune of "This is Halloween" from the Nightmare Before Christmas:
Hobbit kids of every age,
None o’ them’ve ever seen anything strange
Sing with us it’s lots of fun,
In our town of Hobbiton
This is Hobbiton, this is Hobbiton,
It is far away, from the edge of night
This is Hobbiton, Bilbo finds the Ruling One,
Orcs and dragons, oh! The hobbit’s gonna die of fright!
In this town, adventure’s shunned,
In this town of Hobbiton
Smaug is the one hoarding all of their gold,
Dwarves need help and one burglar bold!
Bilbo is the one Gandalf hired for this feat,
But all he wants to do, is stay at home and eat!
This is Hobbiton, this is Hobbiton,
Hobbiton! Hobbiton! Hobbiton! Hobbiton!
~
Hey, it could happen. In an alternate universe, maybe. 
"Expect me when you see me."
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Idril Celebrindal
Tol Eressea
Dec 4 2007, 5:19pm
Post #6 of 10
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If Stanley Kubrick did The Hobbit ...
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The goblins torture the dwarves by holding their eyes open and forcing them to watch the Rankin-Bass animated "Return of the King" over and over ...
"Heeeeeeeeeere's Precious!!!!"
Thorin is obsessed with the purity of his bodily fluids.
Bard and his droogs hang out at the Laketown milk bar looking for a bit of the old ultra-violence.
When they try to open the dwarf door, a voice says, "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that ..."
Bilbo: "How can you flame innocent women and children?"
Smaug: "Easy -- you don't lead them as much!"
With caffeine, all things are possible.
The pity of Bilbo will screw up the fate of many.
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BuckyUnderbelly
Lorien
Dec 10 2007, 9:01pm
Post #7 of 10
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Michael Bay's The Hobbit: Bilbo, all the dwarves, Smaug, Bard, etc. all played by very loud explosions. Shia LeBoeuf cameos as yet another nervous, annoying kid for some reason.
Tony Scott's The Hobbit: Due to the hyperkinetic, A.D.D.-inducing, swish-pan editing ... it's impossible to tell just who precisely is actually in the cast.
George Lucas' The Hobbit: Jake Lloyd plays Bilbo (woodenly), Natalie Portman plays Thranduil (woodenly), Ewan McGregor plays Bard (woodenly). Entire movie is a series of plodding, digitally-rendered board meetings. Punctuated by regular hand or arm amputations.
Ron Howard's The Hobbit: (Scripted (poorly) by Akiva Goldsman) Tom Cruise plays Bilbo with his Lucky Charms Irish accent from Far and Away still intact. Tom spends whole second half of the film bickering with Smaug ... "Can't ya say ya like me hat!!?"
"In Hollywood the screenplay is a fire hydrant. And there's a line of dogs around the block." -- Frank Miller
(This post was edited by BuckyUnderbelly on Dec 10 2007, 9:01pm)
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Compa_Mighty
Tol Eressea
Dec 10 2007, 9:41pm
Post #8 of 10
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Walt Disney: Smaug is a hand-drawn cartoon and interacts with a dancing Bilbo in a musical number composed by Alan Menken.
Yimou Zhang: The movie is a color feast. The 13 dwarves are highly trained martial arts specialists who kill orcs by throwing axes with astounding accuracy. Bilbo, as every good hero, has to die in the end. With his honor intact, of course.
BTW, loved George Lucas 
Let it be heard! We want Jackson for The Hobbit!
Essay winner of the Show us your Hobbit Pride Giveway!
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CathrineB
Rohan
Feb 21 2013, 12:53pm
Post #9 of 10
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A Tim Burton Hobbit would have been a disaster. Michael Bay would blow everything up... uhm... yeah I'm glad PJ's directing it haha
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