Jan 9, 7:33pm
or... The Rumors of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated
You're Kili-ing Me...
Brainburps on Fanfiction Involving Those Hot Dwarves and How MarySue Changed the World
If you are reading this, I assume you've seen The Hobbit film (at least, the first one). If you're writing fanfiction, I assume you've read
The Hobbit book... all of it. Therefore nothing I say here will be a SPOILER, right?
This is not a fanfic, it is more of an essay, a bit of brainburping, a few brainfarts, maybe you'll get to thinking and come up with some stories. My own characters are dragging me off kicking and screaming into their tales.
“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”(sometimes quoted as “rumors of my death”) Mark Twain said this after hearing that his obituary had been published in the New York Journal. According to my Tumblr feed, the entire female fangirl world has fallen in love with Thorin Oakenshield and his nephews, Fili and Kili. I read The Lord of the Rings somewhere back in the Dark Ages of 1978, I think I read The Hobbit right after that. I always preferred LOTR, it had Elves, lots of Elves, and one in particular (you know...). Reading The Hobbit, I felt that the Dwarves were mostly a list of semi-rhyming names. Except for Thorin, who was “very haughty”, and Bombur, ever the butt of fat jokes, and if you wanted something risky or difficult done, you got FiliandKili to do it. Now we have personalities and faces to go with those names. Some nice faces. Some very very nice faces. And hair. And boots. Very nice, um, boots. Wait, seriously, those are Dwarves? (I have inferred that it's not till they get older that they get those gnarly noses and such... or maybe it's just these guys are the Princely Line). I may have to turn in my membership in the MirkWood Elf Party Club.
Oh, yes, where was I … fangirls. Writing fanfics about Majestic smoulderingly hot short guys with braids and Serious Eyebrows. Have you noticed that by the end of The Hobbit those three are totally, finally, irrevocably, honorably, heroically, unexaggeratedly quite dead? Of course you have, you've read the book.
In this short essay I brainfart about MarySue and fangirls and how are you going to write tales about a bunch of guys who die in chapter XVIII... read on, if you dare...
Go outside and play...