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Something I haven't done in a while: From the depths of my Hard Drive

Superuser / Moderator

Jan 8 2013, 5:41am

Post #1 of 18 (562 views)
Something I haven't done in a while: From the depths of my Hard Drive Can't Post

So between myself, Kyriel, and a few others from back in Ye Olde Days (also known as the First Age of tOR.N), we managed to salvage some of the threads we thought particularly worthwhile. I've got some humorous things, a number of old reading room discussions, and a bunch of song parodies all floating around in the depths of my hard drive. So I occasionally pull one of them out and share it again. I've been swamped with RL lately until a couple weeks ago so I haven't been around much to do this, and it seemed like it might be time. =)

So I give you: If LotR had been written by somebody else…

(thread initiated by Magrat)

One Ringy-Dingy", Lily Tomlin
"Fellowship of the Redhooded Sweatshirt", Adam Sandler
"One Ring, Two Ring, Red Ring, True Ring", Dr. Seuss
"The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Hobbits", Stephen Covey
"Moby Ring", Herman Melville
"A Tale of Three Hobbits", Charles Dickens

“MacBaggins” by William Shakespeare
--Eomund’s Daughter

Battlefield Middle-Earth-- L. Ron Hubbard.
Ring Wars -- George Lucas
Of Elves and Men -- John Steinbeck
A Shire Hobbit in King Elessar's Court -- Mark Twain
Nazgul in the Rye -- JD Salinger.
All I really need to know I learned in Rivendell -- Robert Fulghum

The Hobbit who came in from the Cold - John Le Carré
Interview with the Nazgul - Anne Rice
Frodo Baggins and the Ring of Sauron - J.K. Rowling
The Hobbiton Tales - Geoffrey Chaucer
A la Recherche de la Bague Perdue - Marcel Proust (In Search of the Lost Ring)
Waiting for Gollum - Samuel Beckett
Lake Evendim Days - Garrison Keillor

Valley of the Rings - Jacqueline Susann
Mordor Chronicles - Ray Bradbury
East of Valinor - John Steinbeck
--Daisy Took

Breakfast of Ringwraiths -- Kurt Vonnegut
The Ringbearer's Guide to the Galaxy -- Douglas Adams
Watership Barrow Down -- Richard Adams
Death on the Anduin -- Agatha Christie

The Once and Future Ring – T. H. White
WutheRing Heights, Emily Bronte
David CopperRing, Charles Dickens
A Ring for Emily, William Faulkner
The Decline and Fall of the Ring Empire, Edward Gibbon
Brothers Ringamazov, Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky

Long Day’s Journey into Mordor – Eugene O’Neil
A Horse Named Shadowfax – Tennessee Williams

Samlet by William Shakespeare
"All Quiet on the Eastern Front" by Erich Maria Remarque
"A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Hobbit" by James Joyce
"Bagshot Row" by John Steinbeck
"The Beorn" by William Faulkner
"Invisible Hobbit" by Ralph Ellison
"Numenor Lost" by John Milton
"The Warg, The Witch-King, and the Jewelry Box" by C.S. Lewis
"Interview With a Barrow Wight" by Anne Rice
"The Inferno (of Orodruin)" by Dante
"Frodon't Look Now" by Daphne DuMaurier
"Buckleberry Ferry" by Mark Twain

Gone with the Ring – Margaret Mitchell
The Hunt for Rings of Power – Tom Clancy
All Quiet on the Ithilien Front – Erich Maria Remarque

"Tuesdays with Sauron", Mitch Albom
"On the Road", Jack Kerouac
"The Cathedral and the Bazaar: Musings on Wizards and Rings of Power by an Accidental RingBearer", Eric Raymond

A Pelennor's Nights Dream, by Shakespeare
Much Ado about OneRing, by Shakespeare

Real Men Don't Eat Lembas
The Accidental Ringbearer, by Anne Tyler
The Call of the Wraith, by Jack London
Midnight in the Garden of Manwe and Melkor, by John Berendt

Ring – James Michener or Frank Herbert
--Mr. Kimi

A Ring's House - Henrik Ibsen
My Fair Elf Queen - ???
The Name of the Ring - Umberto Eco
The Nazgul of the Opera - ???
The Origin of Hobbits - Charles Darwin
King Ar-Pharazon - William Shakespeare

Uncle Tom Bombadil’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
"Beorn Free" by Joy Adamson
"The Elfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins
"The Ascent of Manwe" by Jacob Bronowski
"Brave New Warg" by Aldous Huxley

Shelob Is A Harsh Misstress by Robert A. Heinlein
--Ron Austin

'The Ring Age' by Neal Stephenson (1,100 pages long and all the action takes place in the last 20 pages)

A Brief History of Middle-Earth (Stephen Hawking)
Frodo's Travels (Jonathan Swift)
The Wizard in White (Wilkie Collins)
The Lord of Small Rings (? Roy)
Delta of Anduin (Anais Nin)
Legolas (Vladimir Nabokov)
The Great Gamgee (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
Elessar Rex (Sophocles)
Middle-Earth Psycho (Bret Easton Ellis)
Boromir and Gandalf are Dead (Tom Stoppard)
The Power of the One (Bryce Courtneay)
--Cat of Queen Berúthiel

Feel free to add to the list, if you like.


Good night, tOR.Nados. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely delete you in the morning.


Jan 8 2013, 5:51am

Post #2 of 18 (389 views)
These are brilliant! [In reply to] Can't Post

The best, and most predictable, I can come up with is:

50 Shades of Gandalf - E.L James

And what about:

The Fellowship Vacancy - J.K Rowling



Jan 8 2013, 8:17am

Post #3 of 18 (393 views)
Evil cat! [In reply to] Can't Post

In Reply To
Legolas (Vladimir Nabokov)
The Great Gamgee (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
Elessar Rex (Sophocles)

Shocked Sly Blush

What can I add to this list?

The Ring in the Willows (Kenneth Graham), adapted to Toad of the Golden Hall (A.A. Milne)
The Life and Opinions of Bilbo Baggins (Lawrence Sterne)
The Gorgoroth Archipelago (Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)
The Grey Pilgrim's Progress (John Bunyan), and The Grey Pilgrim's Regress (C.S. Lewis)
The War of the Ring (H.G. Wells)
The Book of Numenoreans (W.M. Thackeray)
Orthanc de Isengard (Victor Hugo)
Tender is the Knight (Scott Fitzgerald)
and, of course
Lord of the Rings (William Golding)


Jan 8 2013, 10:23am

Post #4 of 18 (399 views)
*wild applause* Oh... the names! The games! [In reply to] Can't Post

What a great time capsule of sibbie-genius! I love it when you clean out the closet, Inferno! Thank you so much!!

*still laughing*

gramma's The Hobbit: Unexpected Journey Line Party Report & Review


I'm SO HAPPY these new films take me back to that magical world!!

TORn's Observations Lists
Unused Scenes


Jan 8 2013, 1:41pm

Post #5 of 18 (353 views)
Truly [In reply to] Can't Post

Rolling on the floor laughing (ok, not literally), thanks!

Now for my sad attempt at Suzanne Collins' series . . .

The Fellowship Games -- Suzanne Collins
Catching Smeagol -- Suzanne Collins
MockingSauron -- Suzanne Collins

Don't be hasty.


Jan 8 2013, 6:01pm

Post #6 of 18 (337 views)
When I read "Fellowship Vacancy" in your post [In reply to] Can't Post

The end fight with Boromir and Merry and Pippin popped into my mind. I guess because his spot is the vacant one.


Jan 8 2013, 6:20pm

Post #7 of 18 (338 views)
Good stuff [In reply to] Can't Post

"The Redbook" by Nicholas Sparks


Jan 8 2013, 6:40pm

Post #8 of 18 (340 views)
Some more: [In reply to] Can't Post

"A Day in the life of Bilbo Bagginsovich" - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
"Le Morte de Boromir" - Sir Thomas Malory
"On the Dimholt Road" - Jack Kerouac
"Fear and Loathing in Dol Guldur" - Hunter S. Thompson
"The Gray Pilgrim's Progress" - John Bunyan
"Keep the Athelas Flying" - George Orwell

(This post was edited by SirDennisC on Jan 8 2013, 6:42pm)

Tol Eressea

Jan 8 2013, 8:05pm

Post #9 of 18 (364 views)
Darkstone! [In reply to] Can't Post

The Beorn Identity, The Beorn Supremecy, The Beorn Ultimatum: a Trilogy- - Robert Ludlum
The Pillars of Middle-earth - - Ken Follett
A Tower Room with a View - - E.M. Forster
Hobbit, Run - - John Updike
Aule Shrugged - - Ayn Rand

The Gold Delusion - - Richard Dawkins
The Audacity of Hobbits - - Barack Obama

Tol Eressea

Jan 8 2013, 11:31pm

Post #10 of 18 (316 views)
Bakshi, Rankin/Bass,...Bill Watterson(?) [In reply to] Can't Post

The Essential Calvin and Hobbits, The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbits, The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbits: A Trilogy
Book I, Mordor Ho!
Book II, The Days Are Just Packed, Mr. Frodo
Book III, Homicidal Psycho Isengard Chap
Book IV, Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Smeagol Gollum, or Something Under the Web is Drooling
Book V, Weirdos from Another Realm
Book VI, Scientific Maia Goes "Boink"

And concerning The Hobbit:
Film I, It's a Magical World
Film II, Revenge of the Dragon-Sat
Film III, There's Treasure Everywhere

http://www.flickr.com/...16364/in/photostream -- Johnny Cool

Aunt Dora Baggins

Jan 8 2013, 11:49pm

Post #11 of 18 (328 views)
*Mods waaaay up!* // [In reply to] Can't Post


"For DORA BAGGINS in memory of a LONG correspondence, with love from Bilbo; on a large wastebasket. Dora was Drogo's sister, and the eldest surviving female relative of Bilbo and Frodo; she was ninety-nine, and had written reams of good advice for more than half a century."
"A Chance Meeting at Rivendell" and other stories

leleni at hotmail dot com

Tol Eressea

Jan 9 2013, 5:27am

Post #12 of 18 (426 views)
Some, just a few [In reply to] Can't Post

Zen and the Art of Bunny-Sled Maintenance-Robert Pirsig

The Silmarils of Style- Strunk & White

Shelob's Web- E.B. White

The Gripe of Wraiths - John Steinbeck

Nazgula- Bram Stoker

Mordor on the Easterling Express- Agatha Christie

Tom Bombadil- Mark Twain

Aragorn- Christopher Paolini

Rings and Ringwraiths - Jane Austen

Jane Eye- Sauronlette Bronte

The Three Hunters- Alexander Dumas

Smeagol's Game- Orson Scott Card


The Bridge Over Khazad-Dum- Pierre Boule

A bag is like a hole that you can carry with you.



Jan 9 2013, 9:51am

Post #13 of 18 (299 views)
just a quick one for The Hobbit [In reply to] Can't Post

Treasure Mountain - R.L. Stevenson

Alassëa Eruvande

Jan 9 2013, 2:53pm

Post #14 of 18 (312 views)
Very funny! [In reply to] Can't Post

How about a few more?

Manflesh Park by Jane Austen

Much Ado About String...Or Nothing! by Shakespeare

The Adventures of Buckleberry Ferry, by Twain

The Last of the Line of Durin, by Cooper

The Masque of the Black Breath, by Poe

Wuthering Wights, by Brontë

I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG!
My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears!
The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death!

Tol Eressea

Jan 9 2013, 5:24pm

Post #15 of 18 (307 views)
Oh that's hilarious [In reply to] Can't Post

based on selections from my most recent Amazon orders:

The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Ringbearer Like Me by Robert Bonazzi
An Introduction to the Thermal Physics of Mt Doom by Daniel V. Schroeder
The Elvish Lembas Ringbearing Test by Tom Wolfe

..The land of long-forgotten name:
......no man may ever anchor near;
..No steering star his hope may aim,
......for nether Night its marches drear,
..And waters wide no sail may tame,
......with shores encircled dark and sheer.

..O! Haven where my heart would be!
......the waves beat upon thy bar
..For ever echo endlessly,
......when longing leads thy thought afar

Forum Admin / Moderator

Jan 10 2013, 2:50am

Post #16 of 18 (278 views)
These are great! [In reply to] Can't Post

Thank you for helping them "resurface" - there are indeed classics in here! Laugh


"I desired dragons with a profound desire"


Jan 10 2013, 3:14am

Post #17 of 18 (264 views)
Probably doesn't fit here [In reply to] Can't Post

But reading these posts has given me a very bizarre image.

A comic book (or GN is you prefer) and shows Gollum wearing a green suit with question marks on it.

"The Riddler".

Tol Eressea

Jan 10 2013, 7:45am

Post #18 of 18 (291 views)
All of these - old and new - are wonderful! Here are my humble submissions [In reply to] Can't Post

North Farthing and South Farthing, Elizabeth Gaskell
Baggins End, E.M. Forster
About a Hobbit, Nick Hornby
A Hobbit Hole of One's Own, Virginia Woolfe

"The question isn't where, Constable, but when." - Inspector Spacetime


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